Monday, June 27, 2011

Grace in the Details!

Sometimes in my life, trusting God with the big items is just quite a bit easier than trusting Him with the smaller details. Is this the control freak within me? Why do I , at times, fret & fret over the little things? Why can I so easily get frustrated with the Lord for His delay on working out the small issues? (Really when I look back, no such thing exists! He doesn't delay! He does care! He does work things out!) I just want Him to do it my way & work faster & more openly & orchastrate the way I would! How foolish can I be? Really? Nothing- if done my way- would work out well! God has showed me literally over & over & over that His grace is sufficient for me. He must just shake His head- at times- & with a lot of love, think- when is Sharon gonna get it? When will she completely follow & trust & know I've got it under control?

Oh, Lord! Please help me get through these small details of this life! Please plant on my mind & heart that your grace is sufficient, giving me what I need, exactly when I need it! Why, is this sometimes more easily done with cancer, than with the nit-picking day to day walk?

One of these days- one of these days- we're ALL going to get it! We're ALL going to bask in the full knowledge of the sufficiency of His grace! We're all going to be at utter peace because we'll know- not just say- but know He's got it under control & the pace in which He works is perfect & the timing is absolutely to the wire on His side everytime!

After writing about the sweetness of Heaven, I've received many, many requests to find loved ones who already live there & hug them. Explain some things to them & tell them of the surity of the love the people here on earth have for them. I can tell you for certain I will deliver these requests with my whole heart! I will communicate in a very clear way the love that's held for them! I will honor those people here as I hug those people there!

But, I can tell you here- with full assurance- that the people who already live in Heaven- completely get it! They live there with no regrets of the unfinished business done here on earth. They live in pure joy with no wasted time mourning what could have been. People we love who live in heaven, live in the Light, with THE Light & spend no time wishing time away! So, even though, I will convey every message you have for me to give (& I'm certain God allows all that loving communication), I also already know, it's okay between them & us! There's no miscommunication, no words spoken incorrectly or not spoken at all. There's perfect peace in the presence of our perfect Lord!

God supplies grace at every turn. He says His grace is sufficient- all we need- & in heaven we'll finally understand the worry & regret & control & guilt we carry here, was never needed! And, certainly not needed there! How great is that? Our loved ones there already live that way? They already know because the dim mirror that once was used is now clear as day!

So, Lord, thank you for your grace today! Thank you for so giving it to me so freely & holding nothing back from me in this life! Thank you for this grace as is proves your love over & over! Please help me see it in the details of our family today as we lay it all at your feet! We completely rely on Your grace! Your grace is sufficient! Your grace is all I need.

Blessings!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Staying or Going?

Recently in conversation in our family, there was talk of greater understanding of walking in each other's shoes, that made me realize some things I want to share.

Over the past 2.5 years, Tyrel has been the one leaving his family, his country & all he knows to be deployeed across the world. He's been exposed to other cultures, foods, holidays & climates. He had to learn new routines, come face to face with the enemy & train friendlies for the future success of countries abroad.

Taylor, on the other hand, was the spouse who stayed back & held down the homefront. She held her job at the hospital while being half a country away from family. She entered a quiet, lonely home each evening after work, ate every meal alone, kept up the maintenance of a home, yard & vehicles. She paid all the bills & kept the day to day routine running.

This routine is what they both knew until last February. When I was in California with them, saw a doctor & realized my cancer was back in full force, they got me on an emergency flight home to Texas & lots of things changed.

It was Taylor who left her home for 6 weeks to come minister to me in Texas. She was the one busy every day with a new baby, a mother who was facing cancer, again & a new routine. She was the one challenged each day with challenging surroundings & anything but routine.

Tyrel stayed behind in California for his work. He's the one with the day to day routine, holding down the homefront & taking care of car repairs. He's the one walking into the home after a full day of work, to a quiet & lonely home that's full of furniture but missing his precious wife & daughter. He misses their laughter & family routine.

So, both have now walked in the shoes of the other. They've both seen what it takes to face the day the way their spouse faces it. Neither way is easy. Neither is desireable because it's faced without the person/people that mean the most to you. Tyrel has said he never realized until this 6 weeks in February just how hard it is to be the one left behind. He thought the leaving for deployement was hard, but realizes staying at home is just as hard- it's just different.

This conversation has prompted me to put myself in the other's shoes on this whole cancer thing. I'm the one with the disease & I'm the one leaving for a while. I'm going to a place I want to go & will be busy praising a God I want to praise. Each moment & new routine with living in the Light will be joyful & there will be no more hurting or tears. My faith will be sight & I'll finally "get it!" So, with all this information that I believe to my core, I'm the one with the easy job!

The loved ones staying behind me here on earth are the ones with the difficult job. The people here who love me & have to maintain the day to day routine without me. The ones who have to get out of bed every day & face the bills, the troubles, the diseases & conflicts of life. The ones who wake to face the joy children bring knowing Sweets isn't here to face it with them. The ones here who still walk by faith every day of life here as we know it. These are the brave ones, the strong one & the faithful ones.

So, sorrow I feel now, will not be felt from me when I leave this place. It's not me that's of concern. It's people I love & who love me in return that Holy Spirit comforts. I have to believe with all my heart He has it all covered! He cares for all of us- not just me through this illness- but all of us! Mike & I know that no matter where we are spiritually, He takes care of us to our core. Our part is simply letting Him do what he does. For, He supplies strength, peace, comfort, joy & understanding. He gives it freely & I pray the people who love me & say good-bye to me, will accept everything He has to give & live life to the fullest IN HIM!

Whether staying or going is the order of the day, Holy Spirit has it covered, & I'm so thankful He does!

Blessings!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Medical Update

Just a quick medical status update. First, I must always, always, always thank you for praying for my family & me. We're still here, still walking this road & still need your encouragement & prayers.

I'm feeling really well, most of the time. I'm still not sickly like someone is when they have the flu. Nothing like that. No fever, vomiting, hurting... none of that, for which I'm thankful! I get up every day & get ready for the day. I run short errands & live each day like most everyone else does. Mike, Randi & friends are driving me to errands that require distance driving. I've asked them to do this since pain medications restrict some driving & I don't want to take any chances on Loop 820! Oh, wait! Everytime we get on 820, it's taking a chance!!! LOL!!!

I continue living with increased systems of the results of cancer growth like fatigue & restricted motion of my left arm & neuropathy (tingling & numbness of my left hand, especially 3 fingers for now.) I wouldn't say this is painful at all. It's really just annoying, at this point, with all the tingling. It also becomes increasingly difficult to hold an item tight, so I drop things from time to time with my left hand. This will continue to worsen as time goes, but for now, it's really no big deal. Hospice along with my Oncologist, address each side-effect, so my day-to-day living is pretty normal & a complete answer to prayer from God! He's giving me these "normal" days like we've asked, so I consider that a "YES!" from Him, even though there are a lot of "NO's!" mixed in there, too!

There are so many times I wish we could all just "walk away" from this road, but that's not the way this works. To be honest, it's sometimes my biggest struggle emotionally. The struggle I'm talking about is not ever being able to walk away from cancer. Living with the reality of cancer day in & day out can be a bit daunting. At the very same moment, I say that God has been with us every single step. We have not felt lonely or abandoned. We've not felt like victims. We've not carried "cancer" alone. He's done it for us! He doesn't walk away, either! He doesn't take a break from the day to day with us! He doesn't have to leave us to catch His breath or regain His composure.

It's sobering to realize we serve a God who isn't bound by time or a calendar or a watch. He doesn't have a start or stop mentality. He's not pressured by appointments & doesn't count minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. He simply doesn't count. That's so strange, when it seems, that's all I do. My calendar is ever before me with times penciled in to rule my day. I'm so bound by time that it's weird to think one of the very best things I love about God is His freedom from being bound by anything- much less a calendar! When I think of how great this is, my understanding of my life drastically changes & becomes more clear. Since He has no time & is not bound at all by the clock, then the number of my days- that I look so closely at- mean little. For Him, 54 years vs 94 years, is irrelevant. It means nothing, really. That doesn't make me sad, but makes me joyful. He's got my calendar! Got my days! Got my time!

So, when I hit the wall of emotions, I think about Him & it's all clear - again! Thank you, again, for your prayers! It's in this power I am reminded over & over & over of the God I serve. This no-bound-by-anything or anyone God. Praise be to Him!

Blessings!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Marine Corps Community

One person or event or circumstance invites new people to cross our paths every day. I think it's one way God creates community in His world. It may be a friend of a friend, a family member, the workplace, school, marriage, hospital, church or geographical setting. But, nonetheless, people are coming & going all the time in & out of our lives.

Of course, we all know hundreds of people who've been "brought in" through these varying circumstances & I guess that's one reason people intrigue me so much! When I cross paths in life with someone, I love knowing about their lives, where they grew up, what made them choose their current path in life, details about their families & their belief systems.

I want to write about one group of people who've literally been thrown into our lives these last 2 1/2 years because of Taylor & Tyrel. It's men & families of the Marine Corps. There's a group of young men (most single & a few who are married) who've entered our lives simply because they're in T&T's lives. We love these guys & pray for them constantly. We cooked a huge Thanksgiving dinner for 6 of them last year who weren't able to go "home" for the holiday. Mike fried 3 big turkeys & Taylor & I peeled stacks of potatoes, made a boatload of dressing & baked lots & lots of pies for this group of Troops. There aren't many occupations that can take your life when you show up for work, like the military, so it's a whole new world to Mike & me. We appreciate our son-in-law & daughter's sacrifice for this country & for this group of people we've met because of it.

This last month I was unable to discuss an event due to privacy & security until now. It's close to my heart & so I share it now so anyone who wants, can join me in prayer for all military but especially for this group of men.

One dear friend, TW, came by Tyrel & Taylor's house when I was there (Super Bowl Sunday) in February & watched the game. It was the next day the California doctor discovered my cancer was back in full force. I flew back to Texas that next day, so the group of guys have kept up with my health issues through T&T. Later that month, TW was deployed to Afghanistan. I've prayed for him every day since he left & am glad to say he is a strong believer & has prayed for me, too.

Several weeks ago, he & 3 other Troops were sweeping a building & as they were leaving, an IED exploded. TW suffered many injuries, but is alive. Punctured lung, lots of shrapnel, loss of feeling & function of limbs, etc, etc. This is not some made up person or story on the news. This is a friend & young man serving our country. He is a triplet with siblings & parents who love him. This is our friend.

Several surgeries needed asap in Afghanistan, moved to Germany for more surgery & as soon as he was stable, sent on to Bethesda. He'll be sent home to recover for a time. I pray for him every day as I take military names to our God. I'm thankful he will live & physical therapy will help aid his healing. I pray full function of his physical body & continued spiritual health always. I'm confident God is with him.

So, on a day that's not going that great, I think of TW. I think of TJ & TJ, SN, ZG, DP, BC & JC, ME & SE, LB & AB. I pray for this group, in particular, as they face an upcoming deployment. I pray for them because they're real people with real families. I pray for them because war doesn't make sense. I pray for God's protection & wisdom as they negotiate a very sobering lifestyle.

I think God threw this group of people into my life because their bravery encourages me. I can do a lot of hard things because they do hard things. My love & concern for them keeps me on my knees & that's a good thing!

So, TW, continue to get better. Continue to rest & take care. Continue to pray to our God who cares for you so!

I'll continue to be thankful for all the people thrown into my life. All the people God has put in my community. All the people He's chosen to cross paths with mine.

Blessings!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Heaven - How Sweet it Is!

If you've known Mike & me for 5 minutes or more, you probably know he was widowed at a very young age before meeting me. His precious first wife died of Osteogenic Sarcoma (bone cancer) 2 years before we met & married. They lived in Houston, Texas & had access to incredible medical staff & facilities & yet, the disease overtook her health & she passed from this world on to heaven.

What I didn't realize is that I would get two in-law families in marrying Mike. Since the very first day, no moment, that I met Mike, I've been the recipient of blessings upon blessings from her. Though I never met her face to face, her legacy long lives in the people who loved her. She loved the Lord & was strong. She was human & didn't want to die so young. She was from a large family who laughed & played hard & enjoyed life all together. She was - & is- one of the reasons heaven is just as sweet as can be to me now! The phrase in a song I know that "heaven gets sweeter & sweeter as the days go by" is so true to me!

Don't know if you've ever been in a position to be told or if anyone has ever shared with you that YOU are an answer to their prayer. Been told they had been praying for someone in their lives & when you entered the picture, it was clear God had sent you there. That's what Mike's parent's told me. After her death, they'd prayed for their son. That he would know love again & marry if that's what God wanted, since he was such a young man. The first thing each of them said when Mike took me home to meet his family, was just that. That I was the answer they'd been praying for. Humbling for sure! Wow! Think about that! Praying to Almighty God & His answer in a person, is you! So, right away, I heard God was in this family & working to restore joy & love again. What a blessing is that? I'm a young woman hearing these words from my soon-to-be in-laws who were thrilled to welcome me into their family! How could I have asked for more?

Then, there was the matter of meeting her family. This had potential to be a completely different story for they had said good-bye to a beloved daughter full of life in every way- except cancer. There were some tears shed upon meeting them. Sweet tears of happiness. You see, they were so incredibly happy for Mike to fall in love, again. They loved him like their own son, for he had loved their daughter. They wanted the very best for him as he continued living his life. So, the blessing of acceptance that her parents poured out for me - with NO hesitaiton- was one of the greates gifts I've ever received. An immediate love & joy came from them. An immediate acknowledgment that I was their answer to prayer for Mike whom they loved so dearly!

That has never changed. Not one time in these 35 years together have I felt they were sorry I came along. Not one time have they ever done anything but love Mike & me. How can we be more blessed? Besides phoning Mike's immediate family & my own to tell them a diagnosis of"breast cancer," was calling her family. You see, they are that close to our hearts & always will be since such a strong bond was built many years ago, a very hard journey was walked together & an unwavering faith shared through thick & thin!

Through all these years, many, many joys have been shared, but there's also been truck loads of tears through the hardships. When you walk with loved ones this long, they completely understand you, & you, them. So comforting to know the Lord's bond will never & could never weaken- can never be broken.

Not one day or minute have I felt jealous or begrudged Mike's deep love for this godly woman & wife. You see, I'm the benefactor in this relationship. His marriage & physical loss helped mold the man whom I met & married. That journey helped make him the man God intended for him to be. He's incredibly equipped to minister to me now because of previous experiences, & I'm grateful!

She makes heaven sweeter to me. I know there's thousands of people I want to find right away when I get to heaven so we can hug & talk. There's people I don't know, yet, but will know soon & we praise God together. But, she in particular, will be found straight-away. I look forward to loving a woman who loved Mike like she did. Who shared her life's journey with him & then had to leave. I can't wait for her to show me around heaven & witness her beauty in the Lord since nothing can hurt her anymore! She's got her new body & is who God meant for her to be. I'll be in the same position, so we'll do a lot of praising & laughing & loving together!

With all the physical beauty of heaven described in the Bible, the most attractive aspect of heaven to me are the people who live there! I'm going to be seeing & loving God, praising Him & sitting at His feet just soaking Him up! I'm gonna understand things I don't get right now. I'm going to be who He wants me to be without sin, sin & more sin getting in the way & messing up my beauty!

Yes, there are golden streets, gates of gigantic pearls & every gem through the city that we can imagine & maybe have never even seen! Beauty beyond what our minds can grasp! But, people, give me the people any day. I hope my mansion is the gathering place, maybe the place to hang out & enjoy, because I can't imagine my mansion empty of people!

Even as a little girl, I always wanted to hear sermons about heaven. Other subjects or issues could come & go, but heaven was always uplifting & encouraging. Heaven gave meaning to the here & now. Heaven has always been sweet but gets sweeter as the days go by! The picture of heaven with the river of life flowing right down the middle of the street is great to me! The fruit & healing of nations, the worship together & no need of light thrill my soul! He's the Light- no need of a lamp or even the sun- for He's the Light! Wow!

Revelation 22: 1-5, "Then the angel showed me the river of life. It was shining like crystal & flowing from the throne of God & of the Lamb down the middle of the street of the city. The tree of life was on each side of the river. It produces fruit twelve times a year, once each month. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of all the nations. Nothing that God judges guilty will be in that city. The throne of God & of the Lamb will be there, & God's servants will worship Him. They will see His face & his name will be written on their foreheads. There will never be night again. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, becasue the Lord God will give them light. And they will rule as Kings forever & ever."

Heaven is sweet to me for there are so many people I love who are already there. She, in particular, makes it's sweeter for me. Praising God together is the sweetest of all.

Blessings!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Moses- Face to Face; Friend to Friend

Right at 40 years ago is when I first fell in love with the Old Testament of the Bible. Before that, I enjoyed hearing the stories & then as I grew up, the people became real & the love story from God changed my life. By far, one of my favorite characters is Moses. Exodus through Deuteronomy are the books in the Old Testament that house his story & life, so re-reading it always touches my heart & sets me back in the direction I want to go whenever I get side-tracked in my life.

Moses was very, very close to God & got to spend time alone with Him up on the mountain. He led God's people through the wilderness & wanted to take them all the way into the Promised Land, but that was not to be. Moses' plan & God's plan didn't quite match up, so Moses submitted to God through all those many years, until his death in the wilderness. But, he was blessed beyond words in his relationship with his God!

Moses was leading the people through the desert & in one part of the story, God became so angry at their disobedience, He is just going to leave them to fend for themselves there. Moses begs God to stay with them, for he knew they were nothing without Him. In Exodus 33, there's the sweetest picture God gives of Himself & Moses that I go to a lot these days as I face my own death. Moses would pitch his tent outside the camp each night & the Lord would come to the door of his tent. "God would speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend." The people would stand at the doorways of their own tents in amazement & worship from afar but they knew of the love Moses & God share!

God showed Himself to His people & constantly provided for them. These books in the Bible are part of His love story for all of us who choose to be His children. His provision was sufficient for every day & He showed part of His glory to Moses (for he couldn't take knowing it all), that was compassion, grace, being slow to anger & abounding in lovingkindness & truth. God is all of these things toward me!

The story of Moses encourages my soul these days since Moses was pulled between here & there. He wanted to be with his people & lead them to the land God promised them, but he also was at utter peace with His God whom he loved so deeply.

Part of my deep sorrow in the journey I walk is leaving people here whom I love so deeply. It's always hardest to be the ones left behind. I grieve for my family & all the people who love me & have to stay here. You have to wake up each day & carry on with life & it will be hard, at times. The one planning for a trip & leaving with anticipation has it much easier, like me. I think my part in this journey is really the easiest of all since I know exactly where I'm going & am giddy with excitment at seeing Him face to face. Talking with Him friend to friend is what I've wanted my whole life! I even have a long list of loved ones already in heaven waiting on me for huge hugs & long conversations! (You know long conversations are in the mix!) I even have my own child lost during pregnancy many years ago that awaits me in heaven! God will see to it that there will be pure & complete joy for me. Pure & complete knowledge, pure & complete peace!

I'm feeling good right now & the medicines I'm given are managing pain nicely, but I can also feel the slight growth of tumors & understand some of the continuous signs of what's happening within me physically. Like Moses, I live knowing exactly where I stand with God & knowing (unless He says otherwise) I will not live a long time with "my people". (I in no way compare myself to Moses... just looking at some similarities in his life that help me in mine.)

So, as the journey continues, I look to God's people, like Moses. Moses followed, he trusted, he failed, he was loved, he grieved, he was real. At the end of his physical life, he was victorious with God & God was faithful to His people. God never left them alone in the desert & provided new leadership. God continued to love & gave His people their land just like he promised. Moses was not there, but God was. That's all that matters... that God is there!

Blessings!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Memorial Day 2011

Thankful on this Memorial Day for men & women willing to serve our country. Thank you!

The short holiday weekend reminds me, yet again, of just how brief life is. I look forward for time to spend with loved ones & then time slips away. We spend a few days together & it's time for everyone to go home. To leave- again. Time is tricky that way.

Today Randi & Eric have been married 9 years. 9 years! Where has that time gone? How in the world did those years go by as quickly as they have? Another reminder of the speed in which life goes by!

Mike & I are about to celebrate 35 years of marriage. 35 years! How can that possibly be? I've not even turned around & the time is gone!

Funny, yes... but, should be expected. God has told me from His word that this is the way life goes. That it's brief. That it's here & then withers away like the grass & flowers. He's warned - all along- to live life by His example of Jesus because it won't be here forever. Things won't last here on earth.

So, after another very brief holiday full of laughter & good-bye tears, I'm thankful to serve a God who is not bound by time. The calendar doesn't dictate His comings & goings. I'm thankful to serve Him because He's not bound by anything that binds me. No limitations, no good-byes to loved ones, no dread of death.

I'm glad I serve Him. I'm thankful He loves me. I'm acutely aware life here is brief & eternity is forever & I'm at peace with it.

Blessings!

"Be Nice, or Go Home!" II

After penning the "Be Nice or Go Home" post, I received an incredible amount of feedback. Seems we all face some of the same obstacles in sickness or in health. To be honest, life & relationships on any level can be difficult & not one family- including our's- is excluded from it's difficulties.

For as many people who are together is the amount of opinions there are to be had. It just doesn't seem to matter if it's what restaurant to go to or how a project is to be done, there are opinions flying! All the more to embrace "Be Nice or Go Home!" Respect is an absolute necessity in families & community. Respect is a required part of any success in any relatioship whatsoever. Our family is far from perfect & respect is the only way we survive!

Cancer doesn't make things better or worse. It only magnifies what is already established in the relationship. This cancer walk is long & hard. And, respect shown by all parties is the only way to make it through these days. When we respect Jesus' characteristics of compassion, patience, mercy, slowness to anger & utter love, then the road is made smoother, but it is still hard. Jesus makes the road doable.

So, to "Nice" we add "Respect." Respect at every turn, in all situations, with all people.

Blessings!