Sweets' Surrender

CaringBridge

2011-10-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

Below is the CaringBridge website that we are going to use to send out updates on Mom's condition. Thank you for following her and continuing to hold us up in prayer. This has been a long one but, a sweet one as well. We hope to share some of that with you.

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/SharonWashburn/createorsignin

Update on our Family

2011-10-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

This is Randi. I'm writing to help Mom out and to pass on this information to all those who love and pray for our family. We could really use those prayers right now.
First, the Tuesday/Wednesday things at Mom's house are not going to be able to happen anymore. This saddens all of us, but, it is best for Mom, in her weakened state, to rest and stay in bed. That time was such a blessing to all of us that got to be a part of it. From what I hear from so many, it was just as much of a blessing to them as it was to Mom. So, thank you for being with her and with us.
Second, Dad has come down with pneumonia. He is not allowed any visitors at this time so, we ask that you cover him in prayer. It is very difficult for him to not be able to help with Mom the way he loves to do and always has. Please pray he recovers quickly.
Third, I am asking for you to cover Taylor and myself, as well as the rest of the family, in your prayers as we care for both Mom and Dad.

Please pass along the canceling of the Tuesday/Wednesday gatherings at Mom's to anyone you know that might be planning on going. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

Oh! How He loves me!

2011-10-06T05:46:00.000-07:00

We just sang at our last praise assembly, "Oh, How He loves me, He loves me, He loves me!" I wonder how many of us know we're loved? I mean really loved? And, more than that, loved by the Creator of the Universe?
I'm not certain, but I think if we all KNEW & BELIEVED we were really loved, a lot of "stuff" we argue about between each other & churches just wouldn't matter so much. So, just for today, understand you're loved. Nothing in all the world can separarte you from God's love. Can you believe this? Nothing in all of creation can change God's love for you or make Him love you any less than what He loves you now! Wow!Know that the King of Kings & Lord of Lords knows your name & the number of hairs on your hear head! Just check to see if knowing this kind of love changes you & the way you treat the ones around you? Cover yourself in the peace this love instills; the comfort it provides & the confidence in living the abundant life it affordes.

"Could I with Ink the Oceans Fill"
Could I with ink the oceans fill...
Were the earth of parchment made...And, every blade of grass a quill
And every man a scribe by trade...
To write the love of God above
Would drain the oceans dry...
And the scroll could not contain the whole...
Though stretched from sky to sky!
-Annonymous

Blessings!

Walk Openly, Again?

2011-10-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

Several people have asked me recently if I would walk this journey so publicly again, if I had it to do over. That's a fair question, since I've been pretty much an "open book" these last 2 and a half years. The answer is, "yes, if the Lord called me again, to walk openly, I would." Truth is, if He asked me to walk quietly, then that's what I'd do.
Since the first day we knew something wasn't "right", God told me as clear as day to "sound the trumpets", to call in believers who would pray for us. People who believed in the mighty power of our Lord who has done way more than we can ever ask or imagine who wouldn't be detered by anything Satan may throw our way.
So, that's what we did & even though Mike & I may not have walked a perfect walk, we've had lovers of the Lord right by us & a faithful Father who has nevered waivered in His ability to heal or His never-ending love for us.
If you've known us, you know since day-one, Mike & I believe in God's miraculous ability to heal. If we didn't, we simply wouldn't pray for it! Every single morning, including this one, I ask the Lord if this is the day He's going to heal me from this cancer. Is this the day? Is this the day you speak it gone? Is this the day we get to announce it world-wide through prayer teams & warriors that the cancer is gone & You're the only reason it can be so? Every morning I'm not at all ashamed of this prayer. I'm not at all embarrassed that I believe God can heal by His spoken word!
We also worship with believers who never lose hope for this healing. Never lose hope of heaven. Never lose hope of salvation & living in a saved relationship with a perfect Lord!
So, yes, Mike & I would walk this again, covered in prayer, covered in belief, & covered in love. Seems like there's just no other way to do it!
(Note on physical status: continued loss of energy, body mass & strength. Continued renewal of strength, courage & hope.) I do stay on oxegyn all the time now to make me more comfortable in my breathing. I also do my very best to get the rest & sleep I need. I function better during the day when I've gotten this rest. I thank-you with all my heart for continued prayers & continued love. What would I do without that from you?
Blessings!

"Why?" Sounds like a good question.

2011-09-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

1999 was the year my mother-in-law died & went to be with our Lord. She & my father-in-law suffered with long-term illnesses overlapping a 10 year period. She had lymphoma & died with such peace. Our extended family grieved & rejoiced at the same time because it was such a blessing she go be with the Lord instead of staying here with nothing more to offer her in this life.
On December 1, 1999 I wrote down some of my thoughts on all the "whys?" in my life & circumstances we'd faced as a family. I want share a partial list of these with you now, & encourage you to make a list that applies to your own life.
"WHY?"
Isn't that a question we all ask God at various times in our lives? It occurred to me that I need to ask God"why" about some things I don't quite understand...
Why...
... was I born in a free country called America?
... was I raised in a godly home by godly parents?
... was I able to attend great schools wtih so many opportunites for learning?
... was I born with no physical handicaps?
... was born with great eyesight & hearing?
... was I able to walk & run everywhere I wanted as a child?
... have I gotten to hear the name of Jesus spoken my whole life?
... am I a middle-class Caucasion in a world where that is to my benefit?
... have I never gone hungry for even one day of my life?
... is anything I want of need so readilyavailable to me?
...was I born with a good mind?
... is it that I can freely assemble with others to worship You?
... has there always been a job opportunity for me?
... are You so patient with me.
... do You love me so?
... do I have so many ffriends & family to love me?
... do I have no worries of where I will sleep tonight?
... do I have a warm bed, lots of covers with central heat & air to comfort me?
... were my children born healthy?
... are both our girls so beautiful outwardly & inwardly?
... is the greatest medical technology available to me?
... am I provided a beautiful home with every possible convenience?
... is my closet full of clothes?
... can I choose between vehicles when I want to go somewhere?
... do I have so much that if it were cut in half, I wouldn't miss a thing?
... am I cherished so much by You that you'd send Jesus to die for a person like me?
... have You given me so much?

Lord, I ask you, "Why?" because it just doesn't seem fair, that You've given me so much, does it?
And the Lord said, "To whom much is given, much will be required.
- Sharon Washburn
12-1-99

If I were writing this same list today, it would be too long to imagine! So many friends have asked me if there's any anger towards God about giving me only 54 years. Of course, there's disappointment, but no anger at all as I don't deserve 54 years. The question would not be, "Why are You only giving me 54 years?" The correct question would be, "Why have You chosen to give me each day of 54 years that I don't deserve at all!" My life is a direct gift from you & I thank You."
I encourage you to make your own list that applies to your own life. Start asking God, "Why." Ask Him with thanksgiving instead of dread. Ask Him to reveal Himself on His goodness toward you. Asking God why He's so good keeps us on our knees of apprecieation toward Him. Start that list list tonight & keep it going because God keeps blessing, He keeps revealing & He continues to give & give & give!
Blessings!

Update 9-29-11

2011-09-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

Staying overwhelmed by your love, prayers & support! Mike & I thank you for your love!
1) Hospice makes certain I don't live in pain, so that isw monitored closely. I live each day on meds that relieve pain & I can move & be on the go a bit. SO grateful!
2) Took a fall in our house on Sunday. In the blink of an eye, my feet tripped over something & down I went on our hard wood floors. I landed on my right hip & right ankle. Mike was right there & we checked the places that hit the hardest. Bruising but no break! I cried because I was so mad at myself for letting that happen & thankful to God for protecting me! I thanked Him & thanked Him!
3) My body is losing mass, so I'm a bit smaller but also retaining some fluids, so the diuretic meds are helping there, too. I still look good & can post a picture soon. I'm thankful He's taking care of me at every turn!
4) The visiting days set up are every Tuesday & Wednesday (except Weds, Oct 5th) are proving to be such a blessing! The hours are 10:00 - 2:00pm. Brown Bag your own lunch & come chit-chat. Come & go or come & stay. Help with chores or errands (no pressure on this). The main thing is that we see each other & connect with our bond in the Lord.
5) Mike, Taylor, Randi & family & friends all surrounding me are just sweetness to my soul!
Blessings to all!

Random Post - Widow Friends I Love

2011-09-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I began to notice in the church, that there were more widows than widowers. It's not hard to make this astute observation, if you only look around a few minutes. Generally, through the ages, women have lived longer earthly lives than men due to war, hard physical work, etc. What I knew in the church is that we were to make sure the widows & orphans were taken care of by family & community of the church. They were cared for just like they would be should their husbands be alive & be in a position of caretaking.
It sounds weird, but I envisioned myself being a widow, at times, & Mike would teach me all through the years how to fix something like a leaking sink, change oil in the car or even change a tire! He's always said, "Now, if something happens to me, you need to know how to fix this. (Or,at least know who to call to get it done.) LOL!
Honestly, he went ahead & did the repair, but taught me along the way what to look for to oversee a job so as not to be taken advantage of. I've been so appreciative of his patience & teaching because it built my confidence in a lot of areas.
I also closely watched my friends at church who had just been widowed at an early age (in my thinking) and learned so much from them.
I have learned of their increased confidence in the Lord and their wilingness to travel the world ,to Sri Lanka, Honduras, Mexico, Brazil, etc, etc spreading the love of Jesus even when others would discourage them with, "What if something happens to you while you"re away?"
I've seen these ladies create community within themselves, too, with arms wide open for including any more women in their same position. These ladies pray like crazy, too! They pray for others & write notes of encouragement. These widow ladies bake, quilt & share with people across the world & I'm so prooud to know such an incredible group at The Hills Church.
It looks to me like I'll not be joining this group in the years to come like I thought I would (it's still possible should God Almighty decide it so. But, for now He continuues my walk with no physical healing- yet!) But, I believe they're a group worth examining because of their close walk with Jesus through very difficult years, somtimes feeling alone, but pressing on.
If you're a widow at the The Hills, you're not alone & you're needed to teach & guide the newer widows. If you're a new widow, find a group of ladies who are living fulfilled lives in the Lord & serving Him with all their hearts.
Don't know why this particular subject has been on my mind, but it has, so I write. Widows in our church community are vital and I love the groups I know. Jesus knows all this already about all of us needing each other. The church fulfills these needs and draws more and more people to himself. Wow! Just another reason to be in community! Thank you, Jesus!
Blessings!

No Visits on Wednesday, October 5th

2011-09-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

Please help me pass the word that there will be no visits at my house on Wednesday, October 5th so I can help prepare my sweet Paisley's 1st Birthday Party!
Blessings!

Thank-You!

2011-09-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you to two wonderful sons-in-law who love their families & work hard for them. Men who support their wives as they minister to their parents. Eric & Tyrel, thank-you for loving your wives the way they need to be loved through this very hard journey in our families' lives. This is just as hard on you two as it is on the rest of us & we thank-you for the time you allow them away from home so they can be with us.
Mike & I prayed for their future husbands all their lives & you are the two He sent to our family. We're thankful for you & appreciate the men you are. We appreciate the men God is making you become as you serve Him in so many ways you may never have thought you would.
Just wanted to thank-you tonight for all you do & say how glad we are that you're family.
Blessings!

"Come Boldly to the Throne of His Mercy!"

2011-09-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 4:16 has really been on my mind lately. God's mercy has been planted deeply on my heart these past few weeks- nothing from myself, but straight from Him. "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Isn't this an amazing truth about our Father? He tells us where to come & how to get His mercy! He actually gives me direction on how to recieve this great gift! Like telling a child where to go & find a prized Christmas present!The reason I know His mercies are new every morning & that it never ends is because He tells me this about Himself. It's that easy! So, what I've found in my life is that his mercy never ends! It's new every morning & waiting on me to claim it.
As my family and friends face some hard good-byes, we're utterly dependent on His mercy. One blessed act of God toward us, is that He's shown us His mercy over & over again in our lives, so there's no indication at all, here at the end of my life, that we wouldn't have His same new mercies each morning. I'm leaning hard on His mercy as He provides a way for my family & loved ones to say good-bye to me for a time & go on my way to see Jesus face to face. I'm looking forard to that day & His mercy will get me there.
Since we know mercy from Him & what that looks like, it's meant to be passed to others. All of us grieve in such different ways & all those who love me will have to show mercy to one another even when they don't respond to death in the same way. But, God has promised to be there & will get each person through, I'm cerain of this!
None of us deserve mercy, but God decided to show it to us anyway. Now, it's our turn to copy Him and just pour mercy over everyone we love!
There are going to be hard days after my death that a family member just needs a "free pass" for a bit to go to the Lord & honestly lay their hearts out. When we can be merciful to that person & give them some time to grieve, then we will have taken a step towards mercy, & that's a good thing.
Death is not easy & neither is life, so mercy is the way to go. We know Who gives it & we know where to get it & we know He gives it when we need it the most. So, mercy it is! Thank you, sweet Father God, for such a gift! Such an undeserving gift!
Blessings!

Thanking God!

2011-09-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

These posts are becoming a bit more difficult emotionally for me. I'm starting my post this way today because it's true & something I'm wrestling with, so I bring it to you, too. None of this is easy. At first one would think that knowing full in advance of death that that would be easier than not knowing at all so that all of one's life can be "tied up in a bow" and things would be neat & clean & then death would come & good-byes would be easy, too. Good-byes would be wrapped neatly up in a bow because everyone has had time to say all that needs to be said.
None of it is easy because there's not an easy way to die... IF you love living. If you & I love this earthly life God has given us with all the people, nature, newness, joy & knowledge of heaven, then dieing is hard. He gives & He takes away & it's all His'. It belongs to Him, so dieing is not easy, BUT He can be trusted with it. That's what I thought I believed & now I KNOW I believe it! Thank you, Father for your trustworthiness! This is no small thing! It's HUGE since I'm way too weak to do this on my own!
Hospice came by again yesterday, which is the 2 x week schedule we're on now & the same news Mike, the girls & I receive hasn't changed. This cancer is on the rampage! It is ravishing my left torso & will continue finding places in my body to take over until it runs into an organ or creates a situation that will take my life.
Saying the words, "I'm dying" are not easy words to say for me, because I love the living part of life. But, again, I am, so I pray God give me each day & teach me to really live that day. Spend it the way He wants it spent. Kind of like being handed a thousand dollar bill for the day & deciding what to do with it, or how to spend it.
That's where I am, deciding how to spend the day God has given me today. First thing to do EVERY one of those days, is thank Him. I just can't get past that... praise, praise, praise! He's the one who gave me the day. I did nothing to deserve this day & seldom have the wisdom I need to use it correctly, but I KNOW praising Him is a absolute right way to use it & nothing will stop me for praising Him.
The next thing for me- like I've said before is spending time with family & friends I love & who love me. I can't go wrong if that's in the "spending" agenda. For a time- as long as my body dictates, I've set a schedule that includes as many people as want to see me, can. Of course, Mike & the girls have no limits of any day at any time, so when I tell you this schedule, know it doesn't apply to them at all. Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 10:00 to 2:00 are visit times for ladies who love me & want to visit but don't want to intrude on my family or my rest times. (I'm the most blessed person o the planet to have such friends & I realize this.) Anyway, some of the ladies come on these days with Brown Bag lunches to visit. Others come to help with chores around the house & others make errand runs for me to the grocery store, etc. I look at this & am humbled at the crazy, crazy love being poured out on me. All I can do is praise God for His children & thank Him & them constantly!
As long as I can strick to this 10-2 schedule & get the rest I need, then I'll continue. If my body leads me in a different way, then Mike & I will make other arrangements. But, for now, that's where it stands for friends visiting. I have no choice but to follow my body to keep my margins up as much as possible. Too much activity & I'll be in bed the next day, so we're doing our best to live & love & protect what I've got.
I think I've already posted that another similar pocket in my left lung has no air flow anymore, so that is so disappointing & makes my breathing even more shallow & laborious. My left torso is very restricted in it's movement & I'm growing weaker which is very disappointing when I use that phrase in the same sentence as picking up & holding my grandchildren. Of course, they can still crawl up on Sweets' lap all they want, we'll just hold a bit differently, that's all.
Hospice continues to watch me closely & provides pain meds, oxygen, hospital bed, etc, etc. They're wonderful & are helping me live the way I want to live. Again, there's another praise. Even on the days I want to be mad at this whole thing, all I can do is praise Him. That's no joke- that is real. I have a good appetite & friends from church keep a running calendar to keep Mike & me fed. (Yes- another thank you!)
Seems like I'm having a lot of milkshakes, too. So, no complaints there!
I know the post got terribly long. I knew it would since I hadn't written in a bit. I guess what's in my heart the most is that God is remaining His good & faithful self. He gets my praise. He gets Mike's praise, as well as Randi's & Taylor's, & their husbands praise. My heart is joyful that before too long I get so see heaven & get to see Jesus face to face. I get to go where I've always wanted to go. My heart is full of sadness in leaving all I love here- for a time. You will join me if you choose because God made you & me a way to Him. God will be sad for you having to let me go but He won't be sad at getting me home with Him. I don't know how all that works but I fully trust The One who does know it all.
These are some hard days that are full of joy & submitting to Him makes sense because I love Him & want to be with Him.
Blessings!

North Texas Giving Day!

2011-09-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

Every donation of $25 & above made online today between 7 a.m. & 7 p.m. will receive a 25% match if you donate to the Community Enrichment Center through www.donorbridgetx.org North Texas' online resource that connects donors with nonprophit organizations like us.

For more information, please contact Latoyia Dennis or Ramdy Clinton @ 817-281-1164

Thank you for supporting the CEC & The Sharon Washburn Center for Hope!

Yea! for Lower Temperatures!

2011-09-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

What a blessing to have a bit of respite from the hot Texas sun! We've been able to enjoy temperatures in the high 80's, which doesn't sound good at all, unless it's held up beside the low 100's day after day that we've been having! It's all perspective in the comparison of the two!

I'm still doing well, all considering & God stays good every day. As hard as I may try to see how bad things can be, it seems impossible to do! Even on the darkest of days, He's faithful!

I have not moved to the hospital bed at night, yet, but have taken a few naps on it & it's nice. I can raise & lower it to ease my back & fit my knees into very comfortable position for sleeping, so I'm pleased. I stay thankful for all I have available to me through the uneasiness of cancer. I'm off to bed soon since I had a full day, but have to be thankful first. Thankful over a very long long list of people I love & who love my family & me. Thankful to my God who never gets tired like I do.

Randi took me out today to run errands & like I said, the weather was fabulous, so we had so much fun together & laughed a lot, really. (Mixed a few tears into the day, but mostly laughed.) Heard from Taylor & all their power in that part of California area is out, so life goes on with the good & the bad. Cancer here hasn't made life here better or worse in those ways. Things like power, credit card interference, new neighbors, opening of football season & car tags all keep happening. It's life & it's full.

Today I prayed a lot about many friends. There's a lot of people I love that are facing decisions that need facing only with the Lord. So, that's what I pray. God's guidance. God's strength. God's peace.

To All- Many Blessings!

Medical Update 9/3/11

2011-08-31T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hospice visits are now increasing to twice a week per my request & their agreement that this needs to happen. The rapid cancer growth was confirmed again last Thursday & there's just so many places in my body this can grow not interfere with normal body actions. My body will not be able to do what it's doing much longer.

This is horribly sad to Mike, Randi, Taylor & me. Any of us & all of us, can only guess at the number of our days. (That number belongs only to God.) Some of you, who aren't even anticipating death, may face it before me. But, guessing & adding to what we know, this cancer continues on the same path & that is a short one. Much shorter than what I want.

I continue to take pain medications & am most thankful for these. As my back hurts from nerve endings & torso hurts from cancer growth, these meds make all the difference. Hospice is prepared & right on any & every need I have. A hospital bed was delivered to our house this week & that was hard for me to see. Wow, such a reminder this life is going quickly. I haven't moved to the bed at night time, yet. (Only nap-times at the moment). But, it's there when we need it for convience & help me sleep more deeply propped up. I'll move to that bed when the time comes but thank God daily for the medical care I've recieved all through this process.

This week, Mike & I are reminded that we're blessed in so many ways! It's embarrassing to even list all the blessings, but one of the ways is the diversity of people we know & love. We have friends all over the age scale & this keeps us blessed like crazy. We have friends older than us, our own age, young families a couple of decades behind us & then friends even in the youth group. It really is a blessing to know & love such a variety of people.

One such friend we were able to be with (I'm wthholding her name because I didn't get permission to use it) this week lost her ring finger in a tragic lake accident over July 4th. She is in her late 30's & did nothing wrong or out of line. She was "obeying all the rules on the lake" & didn't cause this freak & tragic event. It just is what it is. It happened & it stinks! I've prayed for her these 8 weeks & she will live & be okay physically. The blessing, though, about being around her is that she is sad & still leaning hard on the prayers of others. She's depending on a steadfast Father to see her through this tragic loss in her life. What a blessing to me to see a physically beautiful woman go back to the cross to get her bearing in life. Learn again where her hope is found & sustained. Although 20 years behind me in life's age, she reminded me of the sweetness of Jesus & how He loves us, oh, how He loves us at all times in our lives! Through our dark days, He's there!

Thank you, dearest friends & family. Thank you, Hospice, Thank you Sweet Father God!

Blessings!

Pick Me Out of the Crowd!

2011-08-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

Even through hundreds of 4 through 6 year olds on the soccer fields, my daughter can pick Cason out of the crowd as she scans crowd & fields following the games. She can follow every move he makes during the game, too. And, even if she loses sight of him for a moment as he plays, she can pick him back up quickly through his walk or the gate of his run, his manner or the sound of his voice.

She & Taylor can hear Cason, Braden or Paisley through a room full of children screaming sounds of joy at a birthday party or a hurtful cry of a mis-step at the nearby jumping place they love to go to for an afternoon

Taylor can hear Paisley's cry above any other baby's at the church nursery & both mom's can tell you what kind of cry it is that any of these three are using at any given moment. Is it a cry of pain? What about anxiety or stress? Then, it could be a "fake" cry or one that's calling for Mom's attention even when things really are ok.
Randi knows Braden without me having to tell her who he is after his Thursday school. Of all those hundreds of children, Only two go home with her. Cason & Braden. She doesn't leave any activity with more or less children than she came for & it's only those two. Taylor is just now leaving Paisley with other caregivers & she's the same way. She came with one baby girl & she's leaving with one & it's Paisley. None other. Randi, it's Cason & Braden. Period.

I've watched this happen since my girls have become mothers & it's a remarkable thing through history, that a parent knows their own child & cares for that one or those that belong to that parent.

Watch an animal show on tv about penguins, elephants, lions & most other mammals & you'll see the same pattern. The parent has the child, knows & cares & can easily pick that child or those children out of a crowd & care for those in particular.

My daughters are no different than all the other young parents I know. The soccer fields, Bible classrooms or any other venue & all the children clear out in a moment's notice once it's time & all those little kiddos go with all the right parents without anyone having to tell a parent that this or that one baby belongs to them!

What I'm saying is nothing new. My girls & their children are no diffeent than any others through history. They're parents & they know their children. Their children know their parents & want back in their arms at any opportunity they have.

I've just been waching this & thinking about it a lot lately as I watch sports, schools, playgrounds & church activities. And, then I've known for all these many years that just like my daughter's & their children, I am God's daughter. He knows me & can pick me out of a crowd. He knows my name, the hairs on head, my cry & what I need when I call out for Him. He knows me & I know Him. He's the One I want to leave the birthday party with. He's the One I want taking me home. He's my daddy & I want no other.

It's so comforting to know that I am known. I like knowing He can pick me out of a crowd & that He's promised to do just that at all times. Pick me out of a crowd. Know what I need when I need it. Teach me, comfort me & love me with all He has.

It's an amazing thing to know & it's time to thank God for being the father He is. To praise Him for knowing & caring for every detail about me. And, to be ready for His call when He picks me out of the crowd!

Blessings!

Did You Hear That?

2011-08-21T08:33:00.001-07:00

Recenty, Mike & I traveled to San Diego & back to Texas (not to worry, I don't have another bad airline story! lol!), then, Blessing Ceremony over the Sharon Washburn Center for Hope & finally, Washburn Women Weekend with cooking class. It was a few days full of travel & fun for me. Seeing & spending time with people I love & some I didn't even know well, but fun & exciting all the same. I noticed something as I watched people living & going & doing.

I noticed parents & children traveling through the busy airports, all the while, keeping tabs on one another so no one would get lost or separated. I noticed ticket agents & airline staff working with passengers to get them on the desired plane & to their destinations. There were passengers, like me, needing assistance with wheelchairs & pre-boarding; there were pilots & airline stewards giving direction over the intercoms during flight in case of emergency, so we'd all know what to do. (One even sang the instrutions to the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" just to keep our attention!)

In San Diego, there was a lot of the same communication on the beach. The keeping up with one another & parents applying sunscreen to children who were ready to run in the water & explaining their efforts so children would understand the delay of play in guarding them from a potential sunburn.

Back in Texas, we attended the Blessing Ceremony that was one of the sweetest events I can remember. There were speakers wanting to get the word out about the Center & care of abused women & their children. The staff was excited in showing all who attended the ceremony their work of the apartment projects & what they'd done so far in this effort.

Finally, the Cooking School that evening that was so much fun! The Chef wanted our attention as she demonstrated rolling egg rolls & pot stickers. As she spoke, it came to me that every single person I'd seen in the last week wanted the very same thing... to be heard. Isn't that funny? We all were in different circumstances & locations & stages of life & career, but all wanted someone to listen to what we had to say.

Every person I've mentioned above & including all members of our family later in the weekend together, all wanted the same thing! We all came together from busy lives & had needs & wants to share. We all just wanted & needed a listening ear. To be heard & understood by another person.

As I thought about all the people I'd seen as I people watched through airports & ceremonies & family gatherings, I realized God has the exact desire & that's to be heard. He wants desperately to be heard because He knows if we listen to Him, we'll like what we hear. We'll follow His lead in our lives. He tells you & me all through His word that if we knock on the door, He'll open it. He's saying when we come to Him, He'll tell us about Himself. He shouts every morning as He brings the sun up that He loves you & me & He just wants us to hear that from Him. He wants to be heard when He sets a rainbow in the sky. So, as a result of this recent trip & family time, I'm going to hear as people speak. Whether I know them or not, I will hear them out. The desire is to be heard, so I will listen. All my loved ones are worth listening to, & so is my God.

Blessings!

Medical Update- 8/20/11

2011-08-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of patience shown by all our friends & family as you wait on me to communicate these updates. Thank you for all your love & support. (I've said this a million times & still mean it!) Thank you most of all for your prayers because we believe with all our hearts, that God hears you & answers with a merciful hand. Please continue to beg Him to speak me healed of this disease. Mike & I pray this boldly every day & God continues to answer in the negative on our request, but we still go boldly to His throne & ask the Creator of the Universe for healing. He can do this at any moment & we give Him praise for life it's self! Whatever He chooses to do with our lives, so be it. We choose to live in submission to Him even when that means a completely different scenario than we would imagine. So, with that said, I want to update you on the continued rapid growth of Metastatic Disease on my body.

OK! Everyone says how good I look when they see me, so I will not argue that point! My face & demeanor is quite pretty! LOL! I'm out & about for basically one run a day. I'll meet a girlfriend for lunch, or run an errand even though I'm very limited by the heat! There are a couple of friends, along with my daughters & husband, who drive me on these errands (I have given up driving completely as I'm too slow due to pain meds & I'm terribly restricted in my movements of my left torso.) After the one outing for the day, then I'm at home resting or "piddling", as I like to call it.

Nearly all women in my circumstance began getting very sleepy as the cancer grows & overtakes their bodies. (The nurses with Hospice are incredibly in-tuned with me to keep me out of pain & give me any sort of comfort they can.) Women just begin to sleep & sleep & basically, after some days or weeks, sleep with pain meds & pass from this life to the next. However, I'm proving to do this differently than the other women nurses are ministering to. (This is of no surprise to any of us since I've asked God from day one to walk this walk the way He chooses & the submission to Him will chart the course for my life here & my life to come.) Even though my face & demeanor are beautiful, the cancer is ravishing my left torso. It's growing at a rapid pace & there's no hiding it unclothed. So, Mike & I are well-aware, that even though I can go & do a bit & look good, the cancer is what it is.

This makes for the "guess" that I might face death without as much "warning" as other ladies. That I'm not sleeping like I should be in corolating with my torso. More than likely (IF God doesn't heal me miraculously), we'll not have much head's up. This news does not make Mike, Randi & Eric, Tyrel & Taylor or me sad at all! This has been our prayer as a family, that I live until I die. That, with God's merciful hand, He will give me days to live (& not sleep) to enjoy with my family & friends & church.

Please join us in that prayer- that I live until I die- & thank Him already for these days. Like I said, the cancer is really taking it's toll on my left side & I cannot continue to physically live this way, even though, we still have no timeframe on my transition from here to Heaven.

I'm still thankful to serve the God I serve. I'm still thankful beyond words for my family. I'm still living an incredibly blessed life because God loves me all the time.

Blessings!

Happy Birthday to Taylor, 2011!

2011-08-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

Spending time with Taylor for her 29th birthday was no option for me this year! Spending THE day with her was low key and wonderful & then getting to spend several days was icing on the cake for Mike & me!
Top that off with being in 78 degree San Diego weather & it was fabulous!
There are fewer things in life sweeter than a daughter and to have Taylor is just the greatest. (Both our girls spent their birthdays this year under a bit of distress, to say the least.) Randi turning 32 and Taylor turning 29. They're incredible women of God & it has been an honor to be their mom all these many years.
So, even though there was no big fan fare, we had a perfect day together, starting by eating breakfast as the pier & making friends with the resident pelican & ending by soaking up all that beautiful San Diego sunshine! All in all we had a wonderful day that I wouldn't change for anything.
Thank you, Taylor for being such a wonderful, sweet-heart of a daughter! I pray you have many, many birthdays to come & each one have laughter & sunshine in it! I'm not sure I could love you anymore than I do right now! God gave Dad & me time with you & that is a direct answer to prayers we've prayed, so I'm forever grateful to Him for that.
I know it's been a few days since our time together but was waiting on our busy weekend together to come to completeltion & didn't want to miss a minute of it. So, Happy Birthday, again, my dear daughter! I love you with all I got!

Sharon Washburn Center for Hope- Part II

2011-08-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's no wonder my feet still haven't hit the ground since last Friday morning! The Blessing Ceremony over the renovation & construction of the Center for Hope by History Maker Homes, was just one of the sweetest & most wonderful events my family & I have gotten to be a part of!

Here are a couple of pictures of the den & kitchen in one of the apartments in the emergency wing of the complex. The Willbank's Small Group are furnishing each of these units as the renovation is completed in each apartment. Look at the beautiful wood floors! It's just so exciting & shows God's love over & over because this would never happen if all the people involved didn't love the Lord.

I have quite a few more pics to share with you, but Blogspot isn't allowing any additional photos, right now. It's just an amazing thing that people are willing to help others by giving their time, money & effort. I pray the recipients of this program have their lives turned upside down by the goodness of others, all coming from the love of Jesus. My heart fills with joy at the thought of all of this & the good that will be done.

We think about & know of the help the residents will recieve, but I was thinking about the heart-changing that has happened & will be going on with the people who've decided to live their lives in a generous way. People walking by faith in their service to Jesus & give of themselves in so many ways. I'm changed from the inside out when I help someone else. My life is effected & my heart is more tender when I'm reminded that in my own back-yard there is abuse & neglect & I can help break that cycle by pitching in & giving to programs like this. Jesus asks me to give- no matter the amount- & He'll use the gift for His glory. That's what we're doing with The Center for Hope. We're giving to Jesus & He gets the glory because people- all of us- belong to Him. I no longer have to be shy about helping & giving & serving. I no longer have to be afraid of giving away too much. All I need do, is give & serve Jesus Christ. He's the one who takes care of all us anyway, those of us who believe in Him & serve Him by serving people & follow His ways. Jesus is amazing! I pray you & I never let others get in the way of knowing Him. That you & I love Him just like He loves us.

Blessings!

"Sharon Washburn Center for Hope"

2011-08-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I was approached about lending my name to an effort in N. Richland Hills, that will aid battered & abused women & their children. This is program has already been used by the Community Enrichment Center & has ministered to & aided countless families as they get their feet on the ground, break the cycle of abuse & turn their lives around. I was honored to lend my name to the purchased appartment complex emergency wing of the program that's already dear to my heart!

A couple of weeks later, I learn History Maker Homes has joined the effort & is now building a community center for the property that is to be named "The Sharon Washburn Center for Hope"! WOW! This is overwhelming & I am truly honored to be a small part of such an incredible effort to help so many people. This will be a 5 month build & the Center will house 2 offices, a Children's Play Therapy room, a computer room for specific computer training, laundry facilites, a small kitchen & large meeting room for counseling sessions & get togethers amoung the residents.

The Emergency Wing will be for people fleeing their own house, from a shelter or abusive situation, that needs immediate help & shelter. Residents can remain in this wing for 60 to 90 days. During this time period, they are presented with a 2-year program that's available to them with stipulations for building a better life. Some of the stipulations for remaining in the 2-year program are remaining clear of their abuser, holding a job or getting into job training that equips them for a better life & future with their children. During this 2-year timeframe the resident lives rent free & is introduced to computer training, counseling, job skill training & life skill training. They will also learn stories about Jesus & know the reason so many volunteers help & teach & furnish the apartments. It is because of their love for Jesus. He is the reason for this entire heartfelt effort!

The apartment facility was purchased 2 years ago by people with vision & a dream to help others. The refurbishing doesn't come free, nor does the furnishings & free rent for the residents! A Small Group from The Hills Church has agreed to furnish apartments out of their own pockets! This refrubishing part will be approximatley $600,00 with $300,00 already given. Any contributed monies, large or small, will help set this effort on track & help women for years to come. So, please contribute, if you can, to CEC Sharon Washburn Center for Hope 6250 NE Loop 820 NRH TX 76180. Pray abusive cycles will be broken & lives will be changed by Jesus. Our goal is to offer Hope in Jesus. Hope is what changes lives! We can hold jobs & feed our children & live in big houses but if we don't have hope of heaven in our souls, we have nothing! This ministry provides Hope & that's why I'm so terribly excited about it & honored to be a part. Join in if you want! I'll post pictures as I have them with progress on construction of the Center.

Blessings!

Throwing a Pity Party?

2011-07-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

I've been working up to having a Pity Party for the last few weeks. Nothing fancy or ornate, just gather up some close friends & have a time of feeling sorry for myself. Tell them how terrible it is to have cancer that lingers on & let them tell me in return how pitiful my situation is. We'd be done & I could pick up all the trash I've thrown aroun & go right on.

Then, a special came on ABC about Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped & held against her will for 18 years, sexually abused & quite frankly, has one of the worst list of wrongdoings against her that I've ever heard! In fact, I recorded the tv special & have yet to watch it. I just can't watch or hear it but pray for her & her emotional healing. I pray any monies that come her way will benefit she & her two daughters as they work to live even a remotely "normal" life.

After that, another special came on tv about a man who has climbed several mountains & dreams now of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He's gathered his team & what seems like a doable feat & not that big of a story, becomes jaw-dropping as the camera pans wide & we realize he's a paraplegic! Absolutely no use of his legs at all! He's climing this mountain using a four wheel bike-like contraption peddling with his hands! He relies only on his upper arm strength & nerves of steel!

These are only 2 examples from that particular week of tv specials of people who need to step ahead of me on the pity party thing. I need to stand in a very, very long line of people from all walks of life, in all generations, from all time before I throw this party of mine! As I look inward things look bad & then I look outward & wow! I start shaking my head at myself! All the self-pity just peels of like an orange peel & I'm sitting alot prettier than only moments before. God tells me to take every thought captive. To have the mind of Christ & copy His thinking. To think on the good things in life & He knows what He's talking about. The mind is powerful & can direct us to dark & self-absorbing places or take us to higher heights! You & I can think ourselves out of those pity-party times & live abundantly- no matter the circumstances.

I've put the pity-party supplies away for now & want to share a physical update with you since it's been a while that I've talked on my blog about my physical status. So here goes:

Hospice is continuing to manage any pain I face. I'm completely glad I decided on stopping any additional chemo treatment & have received confirmation of that many times over. For me, it was & is the right decision to have made so I continue this course. The cancer remains "active" as it grows & presents itself in lots of physical ways. My left side continues to grow weaker & more restricted. My left arm suffers from both restricted movement & weakness but people can't tell that as I have conversation with them. People are surprised because I look so good & many of my current challenges aren't noticible, at first.

Lymphedema is now present & something I'll deal with from now on. I was so blessed not to struggle with this for the first two years of having cancer. All through chemo & radiation for those two years, I showed no signs of edema (swelling) or lymphodema, but it's here now. Mike & I bought me a compression sleeve two days ago & it's already helped so much! I wear it only during the day as I'm active & it helps to move fluid through my left arm. The swelling is drastically reduced & Hospice is also giving me a diuretic to help, so these actions combined are helping reduce this swelling.

My low appetite has continued to be a problem for many weeks, so current meds are helping increase appetite & I've gained 4 pounds. Not sure I like this much! LOL! What woman likes to report weight gain, right? I'm also now using oxygen most of the hours of the days & nights that help make me feel clearer mentally & help me sleep at night. I have machines at the house as well as portable units I can take with me anywhere I go.

All in all, life has changed & continues to change as cancer continues to grow. The constant growth & changes in my body are also a constant conversation between the Lord & me on life issues & priorities. What is life about? What is important & what is not? What needs to be addressed now & what can wait? It's all good & I'm thankful.

There is a great blessing & opportunity in knowing ahead of time that cancer is taking my life. I can take care of any & all issues & at the very same time, it's a hard place to be when life keeps going. God gives me the days I'm asking Him for & I also know now to ask Him for the grace to manage those days with the knowledge I have. I ask Him for the grace to trust His answer to me every day when I beg Him to remove every bit of the cancer, which He can do, & He does not. He's good & giving me everything, I mean everything, I need & my family needs as each day comes & goes.

Mike & I are making a trip to San Diego that I will blog about this next week. Pray our travel goes well & our visit brings Him glory through the days He blesses us with. Taylor will be 29 years old Monday & I'm thankful to spend this day with her. I'm thankful He's seeing us through to this time.

God keeps giving me people who love, support & pray. People who face opposition I could never dream about & do so with grace He's provided. He says His grace is sufficient. I believe Him.

Blessings!

Gonna' Make a Run to the Cross

2011-07-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

As the cancer journey continues, I realize I need to go through some piles of my "stuff" & do some cleaning so that Mike & the girls can be relieved of that duty as time goes on. I know some of my things & a lot of my stuff was important at one time in my life, but have become things that are no longer needed. OK, I'll admit it, sometimes I just shake my head at myself that it was ever important & wonder what I was thinking when that item was acquired!

Have you ever noticed when you have a bunch of cleaning to do, that it's easier to just close the door of the room in question & walk away? I've been thinking about that recently as I've looked at the corners of my little world that need a good cleaning out. All the drawers & closets that house old bills & papers, shoes I felt I couldn't live without & the latest & greatest gadget that became dated the minute it was purchased! Even the car I was sure would always look pristine has to get a second look. It seems like there's just too much to do, so I turn around & run!

It would be a lot easier to clean up stuff if there just wasn't so much of it! It's crazy that I can house so much & hold on to things! I've found, though, that if I'll just get 1 bag together, I can much more easily donate it or throw it away. Just pick away at things instead of demanding I get the whole project done at once! So, 1 drawer or 1 bag at a time, is more my speed. A few weeks ago, I took 1 bag to the shredder, then in a few days, another bag & now the project is done!

My point's made... a bit at a time. Before you know it, success! 1 bag of clothes works for me. I donate to a nearby children's orphanage clothing box & it's good for both the children's home & me! But, there's too much to do it all at once! I keep plugging away & make a run to the donation box. 1 box down, make another run to the box; 1 bag completed, make another run to the box!

My sin, guilt, selfishness, stubborness & self-absobtion seem to pile up in my life, too! Piles of bitterness, resentment, failings & laziness lay around in my life & get in the way of living. They get in the way of freedom in Christ Jesus! So, I'm thinking I gotta make a run to the cross & leave some stuff there! There's so much that I've allowed into my life, that sometimes all I can do is drag a small amount, but if that's all I can do, I still gotta make that run! When I gather up that pride, stuff it in the bag & run it to Jesus, then life is better. It's fuller & worth the living. It's getting those corners clean & taking the heaviness of sin & putting it where it belongs. At the cross!

What Jesus did at the cross makes running to the cross an everyday event! He can take the burden from me, deal with all the junk & still love me at the end of the day. So, gonna' make a run to the cross- every day! Confess to Jesus that I've been gathering & cherishing all this stuff & now I'm leaving it with Him.

This isn't the stuff that can be seen easily- like the purple blouse I bought on sale & have never worn- it's the hurt & disappointment. It's the harsh words, estrangement & lack of follow-through from others. It's the abandonment issues & abuses faced. The alcohol that ruins lives of families, abortion haunting the minds & hearts of precious women feeling they were out of choices, beatings, blame & hidden family secrets that have created piles of junk in lives that are heavy! Too heavy to cart alone! Yes, it's all about the sin I lug around that gets so, so heavy!

I'm gonna make a run to the cross. I'm gonna leave some junk there that I don't want to carry even another day! Some of this junk is what I created & some is not. Some is what I brought into my world by the choices I made & a lot of this stuff is what others decided for me. Some of which is tearing my insides apart because I didn't decide what family I was born into or what parents I have, or where I lived as a child. Carrying the past of childhood into adulthood can be the worst! I want you to come with me! I want you to make a run to the cross, too. Make a run every day. Take something there & leave it. Take 1 bag or 1 box a day & never see it again.

Life is short & making a run to the cross can be done every day. Jesus asks us to come to Him. He's waiting for us to make that run. So, let's do it. Together.

Gotta go 'cause I'm gonna make a run to the cross!

Blessings!

Another God Day - Follow-Up

2011-07-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

As you can imagine, there has been much private notes written & discussion as people have read my blog regarding the happenings on the flight a couple of months ago & the exchange that day. I'm still taken back when I think of all that took place on that flight. There have been many times in my life when I would have stood my ground, hopefully respectfully so, but stood up against that sort of treatment. But, at that time I just didn't have it in me. On her part it would be easy to see I was a patient of some sort as I had no hair & used the scarf and cap & was at a weakened state.

I might eventually write in a leter to the airline, letting them know of the happening, simply so it won't happen to anyone else. But, for now, I'm just thankful for Nancy. She & I would not have met had this not happened. Remember, I had alrady made the decision not to talk on this particular flight. I had left Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley & I just wanted to get home to Mike. (My family & I are in a position these days- that when we say good-bye to each other, my physical health can be drastically different the next time we are together. That, or quite frankly, not see each other again & that keeps us in a sobered state of mind. It's weird, but normally when adults have to part ways, we pretty much know what we'll be like the next time we see each other. Or, we think we do. We don't usually have an acute realization that this may be the last flight I'm able to make or that an "event" in my health will force a meeting, etc.) I share that with you now because it's a part of this journey that "hangs over your head" all the time. Of course, we can all die at any time on any day & none of us know when or how that will happen. This is different. This is living with the knowledge, all the time, that your life will be shorter than anticipated. Knowing you're going to die is a weird way to live & I may address that at some point since it's a big part of this journey & I'm trying to be open emotionally as I blog. I don't know- it's just weird. I was happy to close my eyes or read on the flight home, but God used the time in a much different way!

God has so many appointments for me- that I am certain- I miss along the way. But, this one was not to be missed, so I'm good with it. I'm growing & seeing so much more of what God is giving me & I'm glad not to miss it. I'm trying to take it all in & listen to what He's saying & doing for me.

Lord, I just want to know You more. I want to hear You, see You & get the bigger picture. I just want the bigger picture!

Blessings!

Another God Day!

2011-07-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

Writing throughout this journey has been a blessing to me. It's allowed me to communicate with the people I love the most & if I should go back in time & read posts over the past 2 years, I'm reminded of what God had done for me & how He's been with me every step of the way. "It's God again!" comes to mind everyday! He's good & He's present & He provides!

A couple of months ago, He did it, again. I've not been in an emotional place to write about it & I'm praying no one misconstrues this to be a story about me, but will only see it as what God did for me. It's a God story, not a Sharon story. Anyway, I'm ready to share it & in doing so, bring Him praise - again- for being such a God!

Several months ago, immediately following my lung surgery, my Oncologist & Thorasic surgeon both gave permission for me to fly to San Diego to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley. They also gave me direction to alert the airline staff of my situation & the possibility of needed oxygen on the flight should an "event" occure. At Mike's & my girl's encouragement, I allerted one of the Flight Attendents of my situation & the possibility of needing oxygen on the flight. Told her I was just giving them a "head's up" to my circumstance so they would not be surprised should an "event" take place on the flight.

The Flight Attendent was most gracious, shared with her co-worker's my possible need & all were informed & ready to help should I need anything. They told me they stood ready to assist in anyway, just say the word should I need anything at all. Nothing happened on the flight & no oxygen was needed, but it was nice to know they were up & ready to help me should my breathing become impaired on the flight. (I'm new at all this cancer journey & not at all used to being "the sick one".) I've actually had years go by at the jobs I had, with no sick days taken. I've been blessed beyond measure with good health until a couple of years ago. Anyway, all went well on the flight.

Several weeks later, May 18th, I fly again, back to Texas. The flight is completely full & I have an older man on my left & a woman in her 40's on my right. It may seem strange, but there are many times on a plane that I don't talk to the people around me but use that time to read & possibly rest these days. This was the case on this flight. No talking for me & the people by me didn't talk to me, either.

Because the plane was full & Flight Attendents were busy, I waited for a good opportunity to simply put "a bug in their ear" about my situation, so if an "event" happened, the staff wouldn't be caught off guard. The time was right so I motioned for the Flight Attendent to come close & said in a low voice to her exactly what I had said to the previous staff on the other flight. I'm not sure what happened next other than the Flight Attendent begins almost yelling at me at how I can't come on a flight & start making demands for oxygen. She continues her verbal "attack" towards me for a couple more minutes until I raise my hand to her & tell her to nevermind my remarks. I was completely taken back by her response to me! After surgeries & with the level of pain meds I take, tears come easily, so here they came! Tears down my cheeks & then some fear. Fear if something happened, I wouldn't be able to breathe. I was sitting in the middle seat & found myself in a very lonely place as I've not been spoken to like that & was taken by surprise. I was having trouble, then, catching my breath & my senses.

The woman sitting by me- all at once- puts both arms around me & holds me tight. She whispers in my ear that she's a nurse & if she has to chase the woman down, tackle her & put oxygen on me herself, she would do it. She calmed me by saying over & over, very quietly, that she knew that ordeal scared me, & I would get oxygen no matter what. She would make certain of it. She also didn't let go of me. She sat there for several minutes with me in her arms. She only let go of her grip once I was calm, breathing steadily & she knew I was okay. We held hands for a bit & she asked me to talk to her about my life. She told me that by talking about grandchildren & life, I would stay calm & we would get through the flight together.

Later in the flight I asked to speak to the Flight Attendent to clarify I was not demanding oxygen, but giving a head's up to my circumstance. That if there was an "event" I expected oxygen & care be given me. I told her I didn't expect an "event" at all, but the doctors had given direction for the communication. A second time, this person goes crazy on me, asking for a doctor's note. She becomes louder & louder & tells people several rows back of this demanding lady, etc, etc & that's not how this works when flying. That you can't just show up on a flight & start making demands... so, at this point, Nancy & I just sat tight & talked the remainder of the flight for me to stay calm & terminate the flight. Nancy was an angel in place for me that day! God sat her in that seat & she ministered to me in only a way Holy Spirit would provide. She is a nurse, a mother (& understood I just left my daughter, which didn't make matters easier.) Most importantly, she is a believer! She & I had a bond from the moment she wrapped her arms around me!

Nancy & I decided to become Facebook friends since we had so much in common & she wanted to follow my progress & pray for me. I wanted to follow the upcoming wedding of her son, too. So, that afternoon, we became fb friends. But, there's a bit more to the story. Later in the flight as it was about to end, the leader of the team on the flight came to me. I guess she had heard from other passengers & from her co-worker about the earlier exchange. She asked me about it & others told her of hearing her talk even several rows back to other passengers. This Attendent began apologizing like crazy. She, in fact, apologized over & over, again. (That's really beside the point, but did make things a bit better.)

Now, the last bit of the story. Nancy, who helped me beyond measure that flight, lives in Joplin, MO. Little did she & I know that the very next Sunday, her town would be hit & hit hard, by a massive tornado. The tornado took their family home & also took the Chick-Fil-A they own & operate in Joplin! Her life was hit very, very hard within days of her ministering to me! Since then, her wonderful church, the whole town & even strangers have come into Jopln & ministered back to her & all those who had devastating losses from the storm!

I've been able to pray for Nanacy a lot since that flight back in May. God put us on a plane together & bonded us in a way that can't be done without Jesus. Nancy & I have said that we'll be friends in heaven & will spend much time together there. Our lives here only crossed on that airplane, & that's God's doing! He did that for me.

God constantly is working for me! God constantly loves me! He constantly provides for every need! Yes, that day & that flight was another God day!

Blessings!

"Give all your worries to Him!"

2011-07-07T07:38:00.001-07:00

Over the last 2 1/2 years, I received so many incredible greeting cards. In these cards are thoughts, prayers & scriptures of encouragement & love. I learned right away to listen to the content of each card & take to heart what our Lord was saying to me through you. It's been one of the most AMAZING journies ever, to see what Jesus says to me & when He says it. Yesterday was no exception, so I have to share it.

This last couple of weeks have been a bit difficult, both physically & emotionally for me. My body is weakenng & now requires oxygen while I sleep & as much during the day as possible. An additional pain medication is now in my regiment, too. It's for nerve-ending pain that is a consequence of past surgeries. On top of my physical challenges, my son-in-law in the Marine Corps got permission to come to Texas over the 4th of July holiday & last minute, that priviledge was taken away from him for no rhyme or reason. I had looked so forward to him being here with us & a superior officer who was having a bad day & bad holiday decided to ruin other's holiday, too. (This happens on a regular basis in the Marine Corps, so I shouldn't be so shaken about this! LOL!) Nonetheless, I allowed Satan to have a foothold & my anxiety rose over these couple of issues I have zero control over!

Yesterday in the mail, a card comes from a dear friend who's written encouraging words & I Peter 5:7 is the scripture for me. Here's what I read, "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." How appropriate for me! What timely words for me to hear!

So, I open the next card from another dear friend (who has NO way of knowing the first dear friend or what card she has sent.) Her card is just as sweet & encouraging. The scripture she uses from The Living Bible is I Peter 5:7! It reads a bit different but has the same message for me! "Let Him have all your worries & cares, for He is always thinking about you & watching everything that concerns you."

Oh, sweet Jesus! How you speak to me & remind me of how much you care & are involved in my life! It's not just happening without you knowing every detail! So, I tell Mike & Taylor about these cards as none of us believe in coincidence in these matters. I tell them this is God's word for me today & Mike asks me, "Then, are you going to do it or not?" I said, "Yes, I'm going to do it."

Since God's word is real & pertinent in every life, including mine, I am faced with a real life response. Do I read these words & think they're beautiful or do I respond & lay my cares, troubles & anxieties at the foot of the cross? Mine, they're going to the cross. It's too much for me, otherwise. I'm thankful I have a place to put them. Not just say it, but really give them to Jesus.

So, Jesus, I give you my worries & my cares & my troubles. I give you the big things but I also give you the little things. It's all being dumped at your feet! I pile them there because You can handle them & want them!

Thank you for reminding me & telling me what to do to make my life better. Thank you for the peace that comes with this decision. Thank you for a family that holds me accountable to act on my beliefs & to walk in faith because life just isn't easy.

So, I do not carry these worries, cares or concerns today. Jesus does. They can be found at His feet where they belong!

Blessings!

Grace in the Details!

2011-06-27T15:18:00.001-07:00

Sometimes in my life, trusting God with the big items is just quite a bit easier than trusting Him with the smaller details. Is this the control freak within me? Why do I , at times, fret & fret over the little things? Why can I so easily get frustrated with the Lord for His delay on working out the small issues? (Really when I look back, no such thing exists! He doesn't delay! He does care! He does work things out!) I just want Him to do it my way & work faster & more openly & orchastrate the way I would! How foolish can I be? Really? Nothing- if done my way- would work out well! God has showed me literally over & over & over that His grace is sufficient for me. He must just shake His head- at times- & with a lot of love, think- when is Sharon gonna get it? When will she completely follow & trust & know I've got it under control?

Oh, Lord! Please help me get through these small details of this life! Please plant on my mind & heart that your grace is sufficient, giving me what I need, exactly when I need it! Why, is this sometimes more easily done with cancer, than with the nit-picking day to day walk?

One of these days- one of these days- we're ALL going to get it! We're ALL going to bask in the full knowledge of the sufficiency of His grace! We're all going to be at utter peace because we'll know- not just say- but know He's got it under control & the pace in which He works is perfect & the timing is absolutely to the wire on His side everytime!

After writing about the sweetness of Heaven, I've received many, many requests to find loved ones who already live there & hug them. Explain some things to them & tell them of the surity of the love the people here on earth have for them. I can tell you for certain I will deliver these requests with my whole heart! I will communicate in a very clear way the love that's held for them! I will honor those people here as I hug those people there!

But, I can tell you here- with full assurance- that the people who already live in Heaven- completely get it! They live there with no regrets of the unfinished business done here on earth. They live in pure joy with no wasted time mourning what could have been. People we love who live in heaven, live in the Light, with THE Light & spend no time wishing time away! So, even though, I will convey every message you have for me to give (& I'm certain God allows all that loving communication), I also already know, it's okay between them & us! There's no miscommunication, no words spoken incorrectly or not spoken at all. There's perfect peace in the presence of our perfect Lord!

God supplies grace at every turn. He says His grace is sufficient- all we need- & in heaven we'll finally understand the worry & regret & control & guilt we carry here, was never needed! And, certainly not needed there! How great is that? Our loved ones there already live that way? They already know because the dim mirror that once was used is now clear as day!

So, Lord, thank you for your grace today! Thank you for so giving it to me so freely & holding nothing back from me in this life! Thank you for this grace as is proves your love over & over! Please help me see it in the details of our family today as we lay it all at your feet! We completely rely on Your grace! Your grace is sufficient! Your grace is all I need.

Blessings!

Staying or Going?

2011-06-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

Recently in conversation in our family, there was talk of greater understanding of walking in each other's shoes, that made me realize some things I want to share.

Over the past 2.5 years, Tyrel has been the one leaving his family, his country & all he knows to be deployeed across the world. He's been exposed to other cultures, foods, holidays & climates. He had to learn new routines, come face to face with the enemy & train friendlies for the future success of countries abroad.

Taylor, on the other hand, was the spouse who stayed back & held down the homefront. She held her job at the hospital while being half a country away from family. She entered a quiet, lonely home each evening after work, ate every meal alone, kept up the maintenance of a home, yard & vehicles. She paid all the bills & kept the day to day routine running.

This routine is what they both knew until last February. When I was in California with them, saw a doctor & realized my cancer was back in full force, they got me on an emergency flight home to Texas & lots of things changed.

It was Taylor who left her home for 6 weeks to come minister to me in Texas. She was the one busy every day with a new baby, a mother who was facing cancer, again & a new routine. She was the one challenged each day with challenging surroundings & anything but routine.

Tyrel stayed behind in California for his work. He's the one with the day to day routine, holding down the homefront & taking care of car repairs. He's the one walking into the home after a full day of work, to a quiet & lonely home that's full of furniture but missing his precious wife & daughter. He misses their laughter & family routine.

So, both have now walked in the shoes of the other. They've both seen what it takes to face the day the way their spouse faces it. Neither way is easy. Neither is desireable because it's faced without the person/people that mean the most to you. Tyrel has said he never realized until this 6 weeks in February just how hard it is to be the one left behind. He thought the leaving for deployement was hard, but realizes staying at home is just as hard- it's just different.

This conversation has prompted me to put myself in the other's shoes on this whole cancer thing. I'm the one with the disease & I'm the one leaving for a while. I'm going to a place I want to go & will be busy praising a God I want to praise. Each moment & new routine with living in the Light will be joyful & there will be no more hurting or tears. My faith will be sight & I'll finally "get it!" So, with all this information that I believe to my core, I'm the one with the easy job!

The loved ones staying behind me here on earth are the ones with the difficult job. The people here who love me & have to maintain the day to day routine without me. The ones who have to get out of bed every day & face the bills, the troubles, the diseases & conflicts of life. The ones who wake to face the joy children bring knowing Sweets isn't here to face it with them. The ones here who still walk by faith every day of life here as we know it. These are the brave ones, the strong one & the faithful ones.

So, sorrow I feel now, will not be felt from me when I leave this place. It's not me that's of concern. It's people I love & who love me in return that Holy Spirit comforts. I have to believe with all my heart He has it all covered! He cares for all of us- not just me through this illness- but all of us! Mike & I know that no matter where we are spiritually, He takes care of us to our core. Our part is simply letting Him do what he does. For, He supplies strength, peace, comfort, joy & understanding. He gives it freely & I pray the people who love me & say good-bye to me, will accept everything He has to give & live life to the fullest IN HIM!

Whether staying or going is the order of the day, Holy Spirit has it covered, & I'm so thankful He does!

Blessings!

Medical Update

2011-06-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

Just a quick medical status update. First, I must always, always, always thank you for praying for my family & me. We're still here, still walking this road & still need your encouragement & prayers.

I'm feeling really well, most of the time. I'm still not sickly like someone is when they have the flu. Nothing like that. No fever, vomiting, hurting... none of that, for which I'm thankful! I get up every day & get ready for the day. I run short errands & live each day like most everyone else does. Mike, Randi & friends are driving me to errands that require distance driving. I've asked them to do this since pain medications restrict some driving & I don't want to take any chances on Loop 820! Oh, wait! Everytime we get on 820, it's taking a chance!!! LOL!!!

I continue living with increased systems of the results of cancer growth like fatigue & restricted motion of my left arm & neuropathy (tingling & numbness of my left hand, especially 3 fingers for now.) I wouldn't say this is painful at all. It's really just annoying, at this point, with all the tingling. It also becomes increasingly difficult to hold an item tight, so I drop things from time to time with my left hand. This will continue to worsen as time goes, but for now, it's really no big deal. Hospice along with my Oncologist, address each side-effect, so my day-to-day living is pretty normal & a complete answer to prayer from God! He's giving me these "normal" days like we've asked, so I consider that a "YES!" from Him, even though there are a lot of "NO's!" mixed in there, too!

There are so many times I wish we could all just "walk away" from this road, but that's not the way this works. To be honest, it's sometimes my biggest struggle emotionally. The struggle I'm talking about is not ever being able to walk away from cancer. Living with the reality of cancer day in & day out can be a bit daunting. At the very same moment, I say that God has been with us every single step. We have not felt lonely or abandoned. We've not felt like victims. We've not carried "cancer" alone. He's done it for us! He doesn't walk away, either! He doesn't take a break from the day to day with us! He doesn't have to leave us to catch His breath or regain His composure.

It's sobering to realize we serve a God who isn't bound by time or a calendar or a watch. He doesn't have a start or stop mentality. He's not pressured by appointments & doesn't count minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. He simply doesn't count. That's so strange, when it seems, that's all I do. My calendar is ever before me with times penciled in to rule my day. I'm so bound by time that it's weird to think one of the very best things I love about God is His freedom from being bound by anything- much less a calendar! When I think of how great this is, my understanding of my life drastically changes & becomes more clear. Since He has no time & is not bound at all by the clock, then the number of my days- that I look so closely at- mean little. For Him, 54 years vs 94 years, is irrelevant. It means nothing, really. That doesn't make me sad, but makes me joyful. He's got my calendar! Got my days! Got my time!

So, when I hit the wall of emotions, I think about Him & it's all clear - again! Thank you, again, for your prayers! It's in this power I am reminded over & over & over of the God I serve. This no-bound-by-anything or anyone God. Praise be to Him!

Blessings!

Marine Corps Community

2011-06-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

One person or event or circumstance invites new people to cross our paths every day. I think it's one way God creates community in His world. It may be a friend of a friend, a family member, the workplace, school, marriage, hospital, church or geographical setting. But, nonetheless, people are coming & going all the time in & out of our lives.

Of course, we all know hundreds of people who've been "brought in" through these varying circumstances & I guess that's one reason people intrigue me so much! When I cross paths in life with someone, I love knowing about their lives, where they grew up, what made them choose their current path in life, details about their families & their belief systems.

I want to write about one group of people who've literally been thrown into our lives these last 2 1/2 years because of Taylor & Tyrel. It's men & families of the Marine Corps. There's a group of young men (most single & a few who are married) who've entered our lives simply because they're in T&T's lives. We love these guys & pray for them constantly. We cooked a huge Thanksgiving dinner for 6 of them last year who weren't able to go "home" for the holiday. Mike fried 3 big turkeys & Taylor & I peeled stacks of potatoes, made a boatload of dressing & baked lots & lots of pies for this group of Troops. There aren't many occupations that can take your life when you show up for work, like the military, so it's a whole new world to Mike & me. We appreciate our son-in-law & daughter's sacrifice for this country & for this group of people we've met because of it.

This last month I was unable to discuss an event due to privacy & security until now. It's close to my heart & so I share it now so anyone who wants, can join me in prayer for all military but especially for this group of men.

One dear friend, TW, came by Tyrel & Taylor's house when I was there (Super Bowl Sunday) in February & watched the game. It was the next day the California doctor discovered my cancer was back in full force. I flew back to Texas that next day, so the group of guys have kept up with my health issues through T&T. Later that month, TW was deployed to Afghanistan. I've prayed for him every day since he left & am glad to say he is a strong believer & has prayed for me, too.

Several weeks ago, he & 3 other Troops were sweeping a building & as they were leaving, an IED exploded. TW suffered many injuries, but is alive. Punctured lung, lots of shrapnel, loss of feeling & function of limbs, etc, etc. This is not some made up person or story on the news. This is a friend & young man serving our country. He is a triplet with siblings & parents who love him. This is our friend.

Several surgeries needed asap in Afghanistan, moved to Germany for more surgery & as soon as he was stable, sent on to Bethesda. He'll be sent home to recover for a time. I pray for him every day as I take military names to our God. I'm thankful he will live & physical therapy will help aid his healing. I pray full function of his physical body & continued spiritual health always. I'm confident God is with him.

So, on a day that's not going that great, I think of TW. I think of TJ & TJ, SN, ZG, DP, BC & JC, ME & SE, LB & AB. I pray for this group, in particular, as they face an upcoming deployment. I pray for them because they're real people with real families. I pray for them because war doesn't make sense. I pray for God's protection & wisdom as they negotiate a very sobering lifestyle.

I think God threw this group of people into my life because their bravery encourages me. I can do a lot of hard things because they do hard things. My love & concern for them keeps me on my knees & that's a good thing!

So, TW, continue to get better. Continue to rest & take care. Continue to pray to our God who cares for you so!

I'll continue to be thankful for all the people thrown into my life. All the people God has put in my community. All the people He's chosen to cross paths with mine.

Blessings!

Heaven - How Sweet it Is!

2011-06-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

If you've known Mike & me for 5 minutes or more, you probably know he was widowed at a very young age before meeting me. His precious first wife died of Osteogenic Sarcoma (bone cancer) 2 years before we met & married. They lived in Houston, Texas & had access to incredible medical staff & facilities & yet, the disease overtook her health & she passed from this world on to heaven.

What I didn't realize is that I would get two in-law families in marrying Mike. Since the very first day, no moment, that I met Mike, I've been the recipient of blessings upon blessings from her. Though I never met her face to face, her legacy long lives in the people who loved her. She loved the Lord & was strong. She was human & didn't want to die so young. She was from a large family who laughed & played hard & enjoyed life all together. She was - & is- one of the reasons heaven is just as sweet as can be to me now! The phrase in a song I know that "heaven gets sweeter & sweeter as the days go by" is so true to me!

Don't know if you've ever been in a position to be told or if anyone has ever shared with you that YOU are an answer to their prayer. Been told they had been praying for someone in their lives & when you entered the picture, it was clear God had sent you there. That's what Mike's parent's told me. After her death, they'd prayed for their son. That he would know love again & marry if that's what God wanted, since he was such a young man. The first thing each of them said when Mike took me home to meet his family, was just that. That I was the answer they'd been praying for. Humbling for sure! Wow! Think about that! Praying to Almighty God & His answer in a person, is you! So, right away, I heard God was in this family & working to restore joy & love again. What a blessing is that? I'm a young woman hearing these words from my soon-to-be in-laws who were thrilled to welcome me into their family! How could I have asked for more?

Then, there was the matter of meeting her family. This had potential to be a completely different story for they had said good-bye to a beloved daughter full of life in every way- except cancer. There were some tears shed upon meeting them. Sweet tears of happiness. You see, they were so incredibly happy for Mike to fall in love, again. They loved him like their own son, for he had loved their daughter. They wanted the very best for him as he continued living his life. So, the blessing of acceptance that her parents poured out for me - with NO hesitaiton- was one of the greates gifts I've ever received. An immediate love & joy came from them. An immediate acknowledgment that I was their answer to prayer for Mike whom they loved so dearly!

That has never changed. Not one time in these 35 years together have I felt they were sorry I came along. Not one time have they ever done anything but love Mike & me. How can we be more blessed? Besides phoning Mike's immediate family & my own to tell them a diagnosis of"breast cancer," was calling her family. You see, they are that close to our hearts & always will be since such a strong bond was built many years ago, a very hard journey was walked together & an unwavering faith shared through thick & thin!

Through all these years, many, many joys have been shared, but there's also been truck loads of tears through the hardships. When you walk with loved ones this long, they completely understand you, & you, them. So comforting to know the Lord's bond will never & could never weaken- can never be broken.

Not one day or minute have I felt jealous or begrudged Mike's deep love for this godly woman & wife. You see, I'm the benefactor in this relationship. His marriage & physical loss helped mold the man whom I met & married. That journey helped make him the man God intended for him to be. He's incredibly equipped to minister to me now because of previous experiences, & I'm grateful!

She makes heaven sweeter to me. I know there's thousands of people I want to find right away when I get to heaven so we can hug & talk. There's people I don't know, yet, but will know soon & we praise God together. But, she in particular, will be found straight-away. I look forward to loving a woman who loved Mike like she did. Who shared her life's journey with him & then had to leave. I can't wait for her to show me around heaven & witness her beauty in the Lord since nothing can hurt her anymore! She's got her new body & is who God meant for her to be. I'll be in the same position, so we'll do a lot of praising & laughing & loving together!

With all the physical beauty of heaven described in the Bible, the most attractive aspect of heaven to me are the people who live there! I'm going to be seeing & loving God, praising Him & sitting at His feet just soaking Him up! I'm gonna understand things I don't get right now. I'm going to be who He wants me to be without sin, sin & more sin getting in the way & messing up my beauty!

Yes, there are golden streets, gates of gigantic pearls & every gem through the city that we can imagine & maybe have never even seen! Beauty beyond what our minds can grasp! But, people, give me the people any day. I hope my mansion is the gathering place, maybe the place to hang out & enjoy, because I can't imagine my mansion empty of people!

Even as a little girl, I always wanted to hear sermons about heaven. Other subjects or issues could come & go, but heaven was always uplifting & encouraging. Heaven gave meaning to the here & now. Heaven has always been sweet but gets sweeter as the days go by! The picture of heaven with the river of life flowing right down the middle of the street is great to me! The fruit & healing of nations, the worship together & no need of light thrill my soul! He's the Light- no need of a lamp or even the sun- for He's the Light! Wow!

Revelation 22: 1-5, "Then the angel showed me the river of life. It was shining like crystal & flowing from the throne of God & of the Lamb down the middle of the street of the city. The tree of life was on each side of the river. It produces fruit twelve times a year, once each month. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of all the nations. Nothing that God judges guilty will be in that city. The throne of God & of the Lamb will be there, & God's servants will worship Him. They will see His face & his name will be written on their foreheads. There will never be night again. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, becasue the Lord God will give them light. And they will rule as Kings forever & ever."

Heaven is sweet to me for there are so many people I love who are already there. She, in particular, makes it's sweeter for me. Praising God together is the sweetest of all.

Blessings!

Moses- Face to Face; Friend to Friend

2011-06-06T04:43:00.000-07:00

Right at 40 years ago is when I first fell in love with the Old Testament of the Bible. Before that, I enjoyed hearing the stories & then as I grew up, the people became real & the love story from God changed my life. By far, one of my favorite characters is Moses. Exodus through Deuteronomy are the books in the Old Testament that house his story & life, so re-reading it always touches my heart & sets me back in the direction I want to go whenever I get side-tracked in my life.

Moses was very, very close to God & got to spend time alone with Him up on the mountain. He led God's people through the wilderness & wanted to take them all the way into the Promised Land, but that was not to be. Moses' plan & God's plan didn't quite match up, so Moses submitted to God through all those many years, until his death in the wilderness. But, he was blessed beyond words in his relationship with his God!

Moses was leading the people through the desert & in one part of the story, God became so angry at their disobedience, He is just going to leave them to fend for themselves there. Moses begs God to stay with them, for he knew they were nothing without Him. In Exodus 33, there's the sweetest picture God gives of Himself & Moses that I go to a lot these days as I face my own death. Moses would pitch his tent outside the camp each night & the Lord would come to the door of his tent. "God would speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend." The people would stand at the doorways of their own tents in amazement & worship from afar but they knew of the love Moses & God share!

God showed Himself to His people & constantly provided for them. These books in the Bible are part of His love story for all of us who choose to be His children. His provision was sufficient for every day & He showed part of His glory to Moses (for he couldn't take knowing it all), that was compassion, grace, being slow to anger & abounding in lovingkindness & truth. God is all of these things toward me!

The story of Moses encourages my soul these days since Moses was pulled between here & there. He wanted to be with his people & lead them to the land God promised them, but he also was at utter peace with His God whom he loved so deeply.

Part of my deep sorrow in the journey I walk is leaving people here whom I love so deeply. It's always hardest to be the ones left behind. I grieve for my family & all the people who love me & have to stay here. You have to wake up each day & carry on with life & it will be hard, at times. The one planning for a trip & leaving with anticipation has it much easier, like me. I think my part in this journey is really the easiest of all since I know exactly where I'm going & am giddy with excitment at seeing Him face to face. Talking with Him friend to friend is what I've wanted my whole life! I even have a long list of loved ones already in heaven waiting on me for huge hugs & long conversations! (You know long conversations are in the mix!) I even have my own child lost during pregnancy many years ago that awaits me in heaven! God will see to it that there will be pure & complete joy for me. Pure & complete knowledge, pure & complete peace!

I'm feeling good right now & the medicines I'm given are managing pain nicely, but I can also feel the slight growth of tumors & understand some of the continuous signs of what's happening within me physically. Like Moses, I live knowing exactly where I stand with God & knowing (unless He says otherwise) I will not live a long time with "my people". (I in no way compare myself to Moses... just looking at some similarities in his life that help me in mine.)

So, as the journey continues, I look to God's people, like Moses. Moses followed, he trusted, he failed, he was loved, he grieved, he was real. At the end of his physical life, he was victorious with God & God was faithful to His people. God never left them alone in the desert & provided new leadership. God continued to love & gave His people their land just like he promised. Moses was not there, but God was. That's all that matters... that God is there!

Blessings!

Memorial Day 2011

2011-06-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

Thankful on this Memorial Day for men & women willing to serve our country. Thank you!

The short holiday weekend reminds me, yet again, of just how brief life is. I look forward for time to spend with loved ones & then time slips away. We spend a few days together & it's time for everyone to go home. To leave- again. Time is tricky that way.

Today Randi & Eric have been married 9 years. 9 years! Where has that time gone? How in the world did those years go by as quickly as they have? Another reminder of the speed in which life goes by!

Mike & I are about to celebrate 35 years of marriage. 35 years! How can that possibly be? I've not even turned around & the time is gone!

Funny, yes... but, should be expected. God has told me from His word that this is the way life goes. That it's brief. That it's here & then withers away like the grass & flowers. He's warned - all along- to live life by His example of Jesus because it won't be here forever. Things won't last here on earth.

So, after another very brief holiday full of laughter & good-bye tears, I'm thankful to serve a God who is not bound by time. The calendar doesn't dictate His comings & goings. I'm thankful to serve Him because He's not bound by anything that binds me. No limitations, no good-byes to loved ones, no dread of death.

I'm glad I serve Him. I'm thankful He loves me. I'm acutely aware life here is brief & eternity is forever & I'm at peace with it.

Blessings!

"Be Nice, or Go Home!" II

2011-06-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

After penning the "Be Nice or Go Home" post, I received an incredible amount of feedback. Seems we all face some of the same obstacles in sickness or in health. To be honest, life & relationships on any level can be difficult & not one family- including our's- is excluded from it's difficulties.

For as many people who are together is the amount of opinions there are to be had. It just doesn't seem to matter if it's what restaurant to go to or how a project is to be done, there are opinions flying! All the more to embrace "Be Nice or Go Home!" Respect is an absolute necessity in families & community. Respect is a required part of any success in any relatioship whatsoever. Our family is far from perfect & respect is the only way we survive!

Cancer doesn't make things better or worse. It only magnifies what is already established in the relationship. This cancer walk is long & hard. And, respect shown by all parties is the only way to make it through these days. When we respect Jesus' characteristics of compassion, patience, mercy, slowness to anger & utter love, then the road is made smoother, but it is still hard. Jesus makes the road doable.

So, to "Nice" we add "Respect." Respect at every turn, in all situations, with all people.

Blessings!

"Be Nice, or Go Home!"

2011-05-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Food Network recently featured a story of a husband & wife restaurant team who were working hard at their business & lives to make a good living & run a successful restaurant. They just love their business & are so proud of what they're building. Hanging in their restaurant is a sign reading, "Be nice or go home." The co-owner of the restaurant explained to Food Network that she & her husband were working hard to serve their patrons! The staff was working hard, too & that they were all going to do their very best to make sure people were served delicious food & had a wonderful dining experience.

She went on to explain that they would not tolerate being mis-treated by demanding & dis-respectful diners since they had all made commitments to do their very best each day & treat people respectfully. She & her husband would not continue serving anyone who mistreated them or their staff. They would simply point to their sign & ask them to leave! Wow! Really? They decided they wouldn't break their backs to serve people who would not control their tongues or choose to be respectful in their restaurant.

I gotta say that I love this approach! Good for them! I appreciate the stand they've taken in their business & I've given it a lot of thought. What would happen if we all hung this sign around our own necks! Just asking people to be nice & act respectfully toward us or just go ahead & go home! I wish I'd had the guts sometimes in my life to simply point to the sign & ask someone to be nice or go home! LOL!

I mean, kids don't get to go the playground & then act anyway they want in being mean to another child. Children must make a decision to be nice or face the consequences of being separated from the other children. The same is true for adults- all of us- to be nice to others or face the consequences of not having them in our lives. People don't want us to stay at the "playground" if we're not playing nice with them!

This sign is applicable in ALL areas of our lives! School, work, friends & family. Maybe when an employee shows up for work in the mornings, they must agree to be nice for the day. They must agree to treat co-workers & patrons respectfully while they're at work. (This recently hit close to home & I really wished this person had had to sign up for "nice-ness" that day! LOL!) Then, there are holidays where close & extended family are expected to share the time & space of the event & then someone in the group chooses to be ugly or disrespectful! Families are forced to share these times with people who are "blood" even though they wouldn't really choose them as friends because they're just not nice in their actions! It might really work, if when family members show up for holidays, we point to the sign, "Be nice or go home" & every member signs an agreement they'll be nice for the event! LOL! I'm just thinking out loud, here!

We have to make the same commitment in our own lives... if I'm in a circumstance that I just cannot be nice, maybe I should just go ahead & excuse myself to leave so that no more hurt will happen. I can't just go to someone's home & treat them any 'ole way I want to! I have to be nice or leave! How would the world be changed if we acted more respectfully toward one another? If we expected to be treated with respect & at the same time, acted respectfully? I think a lot more holidays, work-places, restaurants & playgrounds would be more attractive if we hung this sign up everywhere & followed it's lead!

Maybe moms all over the world have a point when they say, "If you can't think of something nice to say, say nothing at all!" Even though, not saying anything at all isn't nice, either! I think they mean, simply put, BE NICE! Home is the number one place to "be nice!" Family are the number one group of people to practice nice-ness on! Maybe the sign should read, "Be Nice!" Period! Just be nice!

Funny how much "Be Nice or Go Home" sounds like something Jesus teaches, "Treat others just like you want to be treated." Funny how much Jesus knows about what works & what doesn't in our day to day living! Funny that "being nice" is easy to say but not always easy to do. Jesus knows showing respect is the only way to truly live successfully!

Maybe, as time is limited for me, I expect more nice-ness out of myself & others. There's not really a lot of time to mess around & over-look the sign! This doesn't mean to live or act fake, just means the least we can all do is make the people around us glad that they're around us, right? Make them happy to know they'll be treated respectfully no matter the day or circumstance since we're all in this life together!

So, for today & the days that follow, "NICE" is the word!

Blessings!

Quick Physical Update

2011-05-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Just a quick physical update. Thank you always for your faithfulness in prayer for Mike & me! Not sure what people do without God in their lives, but we're blessed to be surrounded by a community of people who really love & really pray & really believe! Wow!

I have a full heart of some things to share & will write later in the week but want to catch people up on my actual physical status, too. I saw lots of people I love this weekend & was told over & over again just how great I look! That pleases me & is true & catches people by surprise who haven't seen me for a while. Mike says my looks are a bit decieving since there's still a lot going on internally! Nonetheless, I LOVE hearing how great I look, so those compliments can keep on coming, ok?

Now that I'm a Hospice patient & under their care, the schedule is a bit different in that they come to me instead of me having appointments to go to them. There is constant monitoring & I have a direct phone line to them for any question or care I might need 24/7. This is a huge blessing to us.

I really still have 2 physical issues: one is the active cancer that continues to grow & spread & always will unless God stops it. It has caused some swelling in my chest & is causing quite a bit of limited flexibility in my left arm. I can move my arm forward & up in front of me but not to the side. It's uncomfortable with this limited mobility & swelling but I'm learning to live with it. So far, it hasn't hampered my ability to hold my grandkids, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm good to go!

I continue to heal from the lung surgery. To be honest... wow! Still have quite a bit of pain on my left back & understand I will continue to. Medications for pain management are working, though, so I'm grateful to be able to tell you this! Still have limited lung capacity on my left side & always will, so am learning to live with that, too. It does cause shortness of breath in my day to day living & also causes me to become more tired more easily. If I'm just standing & visiting with you, you would not be able to tell this is a problem, but that's here to stay, too.

Whatever Holy Spirit prompts you to pray for me is good with me. God knows me better than I know myself, so I trust Him to communicate with you as you pray for my family & me on our needs & desires. Physically, I pray every day that He'll protect my right lung from cancer growth. So far, the cancer has not attacked my right lung & I pray hard that it doesn't. I do have oxygen available to me now for a comfort measure, should I need it. This is another blessing.

I'm incredibly thankful to tell you I'm living my life! Cason's soccer game on Saturday, the trip to San Diego with Paisley, an extended family cookout, a wedding shower, a fabulous lunch brought to us by a dear friend & church today!

How's that for an update! Some details stink & some details cause rejoicing! I'd say that's living, for sure!

Blessings!

Job - A Man of God

2011-05-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

Don't think for one minute this cancer trial my family & me are going through is the only trial out there! Don't think for one minute there's not any heartache that compares! It simply isn't true! For as many families, there's as many heartaches. For as many families, there's that many trials. For reasons of privacy & confidentiality, I don't share the emails & notes I recieve about many of these matters publically. (People can do that on their own.) But, because people share their journies & trials with Mike & me privately, we have insight to the struggles in the lives of people. Even though the walks are so difficult & heart wrenching, they're also encouraging & uplifting when they're people of faith! Isn't that weird? Isn't it strange that this group of people "count it all joy" to walk through the valleys of life? Isn't it hard to explain to the world that it's all going to be ok?

I think of Job a lot. (NOT that I'm Job, for I'm not making that comarison.) Job was a man who loved God. He was a man who had been blessed & lived a blessed lifestyle. Then, God allows many of his dearest familiy & much of his wealth to be stripped from him. Job lost so much, including his own health. God was certain Job would remain faithful & he did. But, the journey was a very difficult one nonetheless.

The picture of Job being able to tell His Creator the depth of his heart is an amazing one! For no other religion can so readily & fearlessly face their King with the truth of their feelings! After one of these "talks", in about Job chapter40 or so, (in the Old Testament of the Bible) God says some incredible things to Job! (36 years ago at Abilene Christian University, I had to study the book of Job in a required Bible class & I must confess the book & study made me quite angry! The whole story & response of God didn't set well with me at first. Then, as the study continued, I began to understand more of what was really happening between God a man He loved.) In this "talk", Job tells God what he thinks & feels. He shares with Him his anger, lack of understanding of God's actions & basically lays his heart open to God.

I guess the part of the story of Job's life I think about the most, is after he & God have some of their heart to heart talks & Job puts it all out there about what he's thinking & feeling about his circumstances, his loss & his life. God then responds by basically saying that the next time you hang the stars in the sky, we'll talk. The next time you understand the depths of the seas or hold the moutains in the palm of your hands, we'll discuss this matter. The next time you speak the sun up in the morning or have it set in the evening, we'll visit! WOW! At first this sounds like God is really putting Job down & telling him he must stop talking because he's so unimportant. But, instead it's God elevating Himself to His rightful position & revealing to Job of just what a mighty God he serves. That He's a God who created the universe with his breath & a God who can be trusted with our lives. God loved Job so much & had his best interest at heart every moment of Job's life! It was not a put-down to Job at all- but, rather a confirmation of God's status & ability to care completely for Job.

That's what I love about Job's journey & life with God! It was real & true & hard & blessed! Job walked with God & stayed a man of God. He was blessed more by a loving & capable God.

I hold to who God is. I hold to His character & ability. I hold to His faithfulness & strength. I hold to the fact He speaks the sun up & it is so. I hold to Him hanging the stars in the universe. I hold to His love for me & you!

Yes, we walk a lot of difficult journeys! Some unbelievable trials are before us- but we hold!

Blessings!

"Bucket Lists" & Parasailing

2011-05-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

Made a trip to San Diego with Taylor & Paisley as they returned home from being in Texas 10 days. Thought it was a great opportunity to fly one way with them & just hang out for a few days. Doctors gave the go ahead & per their requests, airline staff had a wheelchair waiting at the gate to escort me to baggage claim in SD to reserve my energy & make travel less strenuous on me. (This was one of the weirdest experiences ever!) To be honest, I didn't like it at all! Made me feel crummy & took a bit of dignity... I guess that's what illness does, at times. Chips away at the "normal". I'm not saying it was bad- not at all! It actually did exactly what the doctor planned for it to do. I was then able to have the energy to walk on to the car & carry on with my travel. It was needed & I shall use it from now on whenever I can so travel can continue for as long as possible. I just had to "get over it!" It was different but that doesn't mean it wasn't better for me!

The visit to SD has been so great! Relaxing, slow going & easy on me with Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley! I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who love me & "get it" when I need to rest or when I want to GO!

Monday night, Tyrel has a double-header softball game, so if you know me- at all- you know I'm going to those games of his! Paced myself during the day & rested so there was plenty of energy to sit at the ballpark. I told him not to embarrass me with his play & to hit a couple of home runs, but otherwise, feel no pressure I was there! LOL!

A huge cold-front moved in & honestly we were freezing! All the wives & kids there to watch a bunch of Marines play one another in softball were all layered in warm clothes plus wrapped in blankets & still shivering, but we had such fun! I've said before how intriguing people are to me, & Marine families are no exception! They're from all walks of life. They've from all over the country & have moved quite a bit with their careers, so the diversity is huge! I just listen & watch with amazement at the colision of people at the ballpark!

One Marine wife began telling us of an upcoming cruise she & her husband are going to take & her mom is coming in to keep their 4 children & dog! They've never been on such a trip since this is a second marriage with a blended family, so they're quite excited- as they should be- about being child-less for a week & sailing to Mexico & islands they've never seen before! As she told us about the trip, she began to share she has many fears of things like heights, water, boats, tubing, snorkeling, parasailing, zip-lining, etc, etc! They're going on a trip like this & she is so afraid of what might be! We all laughed & shared stories of excursions & she told us her husband was very patient with her about all her fears. He said whatever excursion she chose to take would be great with him & he would help see her through. (What a great husband!) This Marine wife has no idea about me or my illness but I did say, "Life is so short, so go for it! You can do it!"

As Taylor, Paisley & I were loading into the car after the games, I told Taylor that I really hope this lady is able to pick a fun excursion & get over her fear to do it. I pray she can live a little & enjoy her husband & do something fun (even if it scares her a bit) so they can make a memory & she can taste life! I told Taylor I had wanted to parasail but every time Mike & I tried to book it, the winds were too high, or they'd just closed for lunch, etc. Taylor turns to me & reminds me we're right by the beach & can parasail here! We don't need a cruise at all & would I like to do that! A light bulb went on in my head & I agreed if Mike was good with it. I texted him right away, since he's not with me on this trip & he told me to go for it! (He & I have gotten to go so many places & do so many things & have so many wonderful adventures together that it's weird to think he's not with me to parasail) but with his blessing, we booked a trip the next day!

Since doctors have told me my life will be shorter than longer (ALWAYS knowing God can change this direction any time He wants to!) I've not had a "Bucket List" other than being with people I love. I don't necessarily want to go anywhere or see things I've not seen. I only want to be with people I hold dear. That's my "bucket list." But if I can parasail with Taylor & Tyrel, then I figure, let's go!

This afternoon we drove up the coast to the huge beach & marina to parasail. There was rain & clouds down south, but north of us was sunshine. We checked in on the boardwalk with people everywhere doing what they do in an oceanside community. Eating, biking, boating, skateboarding & enjoying a fabulous ocean! The captain is out on the boat & word is the winds are borderline too strong for parasailing today. The trip may be canceled so we needed to wait on the captain. After a while, he arrived & sure enough winds today are just too high to be safe for parasailing so the excursion must be rescheduled. Of course, it's disappointing, but it's ok. Maybe there'll be another time.

The main thing is, I was going to do it! I was taking an opportunity to enjoy something I've not done & I'm good with that. I'm good with who I am & loving living! (I'm not suggesting I'm not afraid of many things, for I am. There are some things I don't have any desire to ever do! I'm also never suggesting to live life without thought or wise judgement.) But, isn't life grand? Isn't there a beauty in living? Getting to experience life & change & heights & depths? Getting to taste & experience & grow? Getting to create & enjoy & marvel?

Maybe I'll get to parasail in this lifetime & maybe I won't. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I live. What matters is Who I give credit to for this life I live! What matters is that I give this life to Him & then live it!

I hope you live! I hope this Marine & his wife enjoy their trip & that whatever excursion she chooses, she will have great delight in God's creation- whether it be the treetops, the oceans or the skies!

God gives life. God gives choices. I live life. I make choices.

Blessings!

People Watching

2011-05-09T21:41:00.001-07:00

People have always intrigued me! I love to "people watch" & their life stories never grow old to me. My family has teased me for years at how I love to talk with people & how even strangers will tell me their life stories -even in just a few minutes! (It's true, by the way!) Recently we stayed a couple of nights at a nearby resort hotel (gift of precious friends) & there were so many people "coming & going" there. There were some conventions being held there & one was something to do with the US Navy. It was nice to be able to thank some of them for their contributions to this country. It's fun to me to watch people & wonder what they're doing there or where they're going, etc.

Then, as we travel home, every restaurant, every hotel, every movie theatre, every sports arena & every road is full of people! They all seem to be "coming & going"! Something drives all these people as they live their lives & every corner is full of people & happenings!

Watching the news, reveals every corner of the globe is the same way. Ft. Worth, Texas is not the only "full", busy place with people everywhere. I go to DFW airport & the people I thought were everywhere else are all there! Crazy! Come to San Diego & it's the same as the metroplex! People & life happening all over the place!

This is the way it's always been. People & life & busyness. Weddings, funerals, births, parties, sports, feasting & travel! So many events! So many people! Maybe I just look at things a little differently now. Maybe I see past things I didn't look beyond before.

Every one of these people living life. Carrying on in the events they've included in their lives. Life is good & full. Sometimes these lives include laughter & togetherness, sometimes there's tears & loneliness. It's all life. I sit by a high-school aged girl on the airplane & hear about her life & am once again- taken back by how people are living!

I hope now, as much as ever, that I see these people in heaven! That we have time to finally really hear each other. To really see each other the way God intended because we will BE who God intended. Life will be what it's supposed to be & our purposes will be fulfilled.

Until then, life keeps happening. That's a good thing... IF it's with God. Solomon found out though, we can have it all & if God is not there, it means nothing. You & I have nothing without God. So, as I people watch- I people pray. I don't stop with watching anymore... I ask blessings over them. I don't stop with talking... but listen & offer hope that they are loved by our sweet Father God!

People matter to God! Always have & always will. Maybe that's why we're all so interesting- we're made in His image. We're important. We're loved.

Blessings!

Mother's Day, Hospice, San Diego!

2011-05-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

This was possibly the best Mother's Day I've ever had! It sounds crazy, I know, since it could very well be my last one, but it's true! The girl's made it more like a weekend instead of just one day or one lunch, & it was perfect! That's really all I need to say about it... just the best ever!

Last week there was also a consultation visit with our Oncologist over the subject of "no treatment" & what that looks like exactly. It's VERY strange NOT to have the calendar booked with nothing to do with doctors! She let us know that I now qualify for hospice. At first, that's startling information, but if you know Mike & me, it was territory we wanted to discuss. After hearing all the information & meeting with hospice, I'm now officially on the program & they will help see us through my end of life journey with the care we're looking for. This doesn't mean I'm going to die in two weeks! It may mean months & months of this program (only God knows the time frame for now) but I'm very happy to be on it. I'll still have my oncologist who will oversee all else & right now, hospice will visit me at home about every two weeks or so. Care will increase as my need increases. This is so much to take in, I know, but I'm happy with this. It's just the next step in my medical care. I'd rather already be signed up before an "event" than the other way around. I don't want an "event" to prompt the sign-up, so all is well. We believe God has shed light on every step of this journey, so we keep walking. We have only positive things to say about hospice with our experiences already, so we're comfortable with what we're doing. (Taylor, an LVN, was also on the continuous care end of hospice & worked with patients the last two weeks of their lives. She & others like her are gifted by God with a tenderness only He provides!)

In the same discussion as hospice, a trip with Taylor & Paisley for me to San Diego for a few days was talked about! (Mike staying home to continue working & I fly out with them as they go home.) I know it sounds crazy, but when there's no treatment & no hospitals (remember, I have my DNR done & carry with me), it opens me up for some living! This is exactly what I want to do! To be with people I love... SO, with doctor's blessings, meds & paperwork, off I go to California! Seeing Tyrel & his little family together is pure joy to me! I take the day slowly- just like I do at home- rest, as needed & spend the day doting over Paisley!

Many of our friends & loved ones have remarked over & over just how good Mike is & has been to me over this cancer journey. He has been incredible & loves me so! I got to thinking about all that & the truth be known, he's doing & acting toward me exactly like he's done these nearly 35 years of marriage! He's had me spoiled all along & not too much has changed over these 2 years, really! He does for me, wants to make me happy, cares for me, works hard for me & makes my life better in every way- just because of his deep love for Jesus & me! He IS wonderful to me, but has been all along! He's treating me the only way he has for all these years! He's living the only way he knows to live as he follows Jesus! If you wonder how your spouse would treat you if you got really sick... it's probably about the way they treat you now. Just a thought. I hope they love Jesus & follow His call, because life is hard & this journey is hard. A spouse who loves you- well, it's priceless!

One last thought before I close this post. There is NO WAY we could be surrounded by greater people than what we have in our lives! Truly, people with faithful, generous, loving, thoughtful & caring souls! If you have prayed & helped my family or me in any way over these years, you know I'm speaking of you! You know Holy Spirit has prompted you to reach out to us- & you have listened & acted! There are no words or way we can EVER, EVER thank you adequately! I believe God knows your hearts & all the incredibly kind things you do in His name! Our family is blessed beyond imagination by you! We thank you!

So, these last couple of weeks have been full & crazy - for certain! Kindnesses from loved ones, Mother's Day, Hospice & San Diego. God continues to answer prayers for me. Sometimes He answers the way we're praying & a lot of times He's not answering the way we want Him to, but He's still answering. He's still God & He's still in control. He's still loving & Master over the universe. God is still God & I'm glad about it!

Blessings!

Organ Donation #2

2011-05-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

"Organ Donation" triggered a switch of thought & prayer for so many, so I continue to be thankful for people of faith who can talk to Almighty God about such things! Some will never want to donate & others will jump at the chance. The reason I chose UT Southwestern Medical School is because all my breast MRI's were done there. It's a fabulous facility & Mike & were treated with such care & respect there. So, for us, it's the direction we wanted to go. But, there are literally hundreds to choose from with different criteria for different people & needs.

Since Day One of "Breast Cancer" diagnosis, my prayer has been to our Faithful God, that I walk this journey the way He wants me to (I'm such a failure on my own!) And, that NONE of this journey be wasted! I share the cancer walk publicly because I'm compelled by Holy Spirit to do so & have strong conviction from Him that stopping short of donation would be wasting this body He's given me. (This is very personal dialogue & I hold no one else to this decision - AT ALL!)

The compliments of "selflessness" coming from you are understood & appreciated but I also want to say this is "selfish", too! I don't want future generations to even hear the word "cancer", much less deal with it themselves or watch a love one's life be taken by it. So, you can say I'm "self-less" & "full-of-self" at the same time! LOL!

A dear high school friend wrote me a private message not wantng to brag on her med-student daughter, but I want you to know the beaustiful confirmation she sent me. With her permission, here are her sweet & most encouraging words, even from another perspective.

"... Our oldest daughter is in medical school. She has learned SO much from studying the bodies of gracious donors. She tells me about each one she has had or currently has. She treats them with dignity, prays for the families who said good-bye to them & studies them as much as she can. She always feels a sense of loss when she is finished studying them. She has made it VERY clear to us donating her body to a med school is also her desire when she is finished with it here on earth.

So, I believe your choice is very wise. Thanks to you & others, people like our daughter can be amazed & learn about the intricacies of the body & study disease to help the next person."

Her precious words yesterday, encourage me & actually put a stamp of approval on my decision of organ donation that I made many years ago!

God is good! He's amazing! He outdid Himseld when He created you & me!

Blessings!

Organ Donation!

2011-05-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

I guess I was 16 years old & a new driver when I made the decision to be an organ donor. I was most excited about the decision & proud to mark "Donor" down on my license. I was also happy to donate blood for 25 to 30 years, too.

A couple of years ago, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, the dedication to organ donation, of course, changed. I could no longer donate since the cancer was throughout my bloodstream, & no one wants ANY organ riddled with cancer.

Several months ago, I checked into full-body donation & am excited to say I filled out all the paperwork & have been accepted by Southwestern Medical Center of Dallas. This pleases me greatly & I pray this donation can help even one medical student understand Triple-Negative Breast Cancer to help other women behind me in this disease! I pray this institution will help rid the world of cancer through it's research!

Blessings!

"The Joy that You Bring"

2011-04-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

In the year 2000, as Taylor left for college, this is the poem I wrote her. Taylor, you & Randi are pure joy to me! Now, your children! God is good! I pray this blesses & encourages all parents to love their children. Besides salvation & the love of a godly spouse, I guess the greatest gift on earth, is children.

The Joy that You Bring

The great news, another child,
This made my heart sing!
A sweet baby to love,
Oh, the joy you would bring!

The Lord is good, He heard my plea
A mother is what I longed to be.
He knew my heart and my inner need,
He knew the utter joy you'd bring!

A shy little girl with the softest personality.
"Happy" is the word that fit you to a tee.
Sucking your thumb while watching TV,
Or being toted from store to church to school by me,
You with "Jason" and "Lisa" would go with the flow,
Without you all these things I would never know.
Oh, the joy you did bring!

The Lord uses you to teach me many things,
Great confidence grew from your shy beginnings.
He has loaned you a while, so that I may see
A daughter with a faith so strong and deep
And a love for Him.
Oh, the joy that you bring!

Estonia, Mexico, Honduras, all of these;
I pray for you down on my knees,
Even through good-byes and tears on my cheeks.
Your telling others of Jesus,
Oh, the joy that you bring.

Has there been a mother more blessed than me?
I dare to think not and with my heart I sing,
"Thank you, Lord for this incredible honor.
Oh, Taylor, the joy that she brings."

Love, Mom
2000

"My Daughter, My Own"

2011-04-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

In 1997 one of the most important people in my life graduated from high school. I wrote that person- my daughter- Randi, this poem out of deep love for her. Randi, I post this now for you & Taylor & all the young parents I love so dearly. May it bless your lives as you securely walk with Whom you belong.

My Daughter, My Own

Oh God, thank you for the baby to be
A heritage from You
You know what "it" will be.
Will "it" be blond, will "it's" eyes be green?
This beautiful baby, whether he or she
You have created "it" and You have seen
Your miracle at work inside of me.

This is awesome! A daughter!
But wait, this scares me!
What if we fight, what if we scream
What if I'm not the mom I should be?
I'll let her down; I'll fail miserably.
The Lord softly answered, "Faithful,
I'll be. I will never leave or forsake her,
So give her to Me."

Oh, Lord, I am nervous. I want her to be
A woman of your heart, a lover of Thee.
What can I do to make sure it will be?
The Lord said with love, "Just leave it to Me."

What if she falls or gets hurt, or she cries?
I'm trying to watch her, but know I can't be
Everywhere all the time when she's two and she's three.
"Be anxious for nothing, just give her to Me."

What will I do when she's in her teens?
Out driving and shopping, dating and working,
How safe will she be?
He whispered with mercy and kindness to me,
"I have a plan for her life,
One of hope, not calamity.
I've got a plan for her, if you'll just
Give her to me."

"You see my sweet child, she's MY daughter, MY own.
She belongs to Me; to you she's on loan.
I gave her breath, life and an eternal soul.
I formed her, she's Mine and forever she'll be,
So watch her and guide her but give her to Me."

Now that she's leaving, an adult she will be
I'm thankful each day I gave her to Thee.
She's Your's, dear Lord, for You can see,
What a mess I'd have made if it had been left to me.

The Lord said, "I love her and she is to Me,
More precious than gold, so it pleases Me,
To have shed my blood to set her free.
She'll live with Me now and for eternity."

She's ALL Your's, Lord, for now I see,
She's only been on loan to me.
Thank you for the joy she brings,
This precious daughter, YOUR Randi.

Love, Mom
1997

Because I'm His

2011-04-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

In knowing & loving such people of God- I am indeed the most blessed lady on the planet! People- you- have shown my family & me nothing but love, mercy, respect & utter dependence on our God! Thank you! Thank you with all I got!

This is a weird road to walk- for sure! A hard, ugly cancer road but one full of peace & confidence! How can that be? It can only be because of our very loving Lord- our Creator who HATES disease! Our Savior who loves deeply & our faithful Lord who keeps every promise! Knowing & feeling cancer over-taking my physical body is just weird. It's the strangest thing to not be "yourself" anymore. Your "normal" day is a new normal- not the one you've been used to for so many years. It's very hard to explain, but it is what it is, & learning to live with it is far better than denying it or pretending it isn't happening. Walking in the reality of cancer is also walking in the reality of heaven. It's walking in the reality of life after death; the reality of living this life in an eternally saved position instead of under a grey cloud of doubt about eternal matters! Walking with cancer is not something I want anyone else to ever have to deal with, & yet, walking with cancer is walking a very, very close walk with a very loving Jesus! For that, I'm forever grateful!

My cancer marker has taken another jump & will do nothing but rise from now on. The bloodwork will cease now, as will the CT scans, now that Chemo treatment has stopped. The doctor will take all my calls & treat me symptomatically. What this means is that I won't be going to tests & doctor visits but my Oncologist will continue to prescribe plenty of comfort meds as I let her know what is hurting & how badly. Just today, she increased the dose of pain meds for me as the pain increases & previous doses just don't completely take the "hurt" away. Since I have two separate pain "issues" with cancer & continued healing from lung surgery, I'm incredibly thankful for these pain meds as I'm no hero! I'm thankful I live in this century, in this country & have these resources available to me! This may not be for others, but for me, bring on the pain meds! These meds have already helped me to do some things I really wanted to do (soccer games to name one) & couldn't have otherwise.

I mentioned earlier that God keeps every promise, so I'm going to name 4 of them I cling to now. (I learned these from Mike many years ago & knowing them & believing them helps me in these more difficult days!) These promises are mine because I'm His. He is my God!

1) Amnesia Promise (Jeremiah 31:34) Because I'm His, He'll remember my sins no more.
2) Stain Removal Promise (Isaiah 1:18) Because I'm His, my sins that were scarlett will be white as snow.
3) East-West Promise (Psalm 103:12) Because I'm His, He removes my sins from me as far as east is from west.
4) Deep Sea Promise (Micah 7:19) Because I'm His, He throws all my sins into the depth of the sea.

I live in the Lord- not because I'm perfect, but because He is. I don't jump in & out of this life with Him. I'm all in! I don't pick & choose what I obey Him in- obedience is the whole package! He knows I'm not perfect in the way I live, but the commitment to serve & follow Him is sure! He promises His children forgiveness & eternal life! I'm His daughter, so I get to claim His word! What a God I serve! Even on a cancer road! Even on a road uncertain to me.

Because I'm His, I sleep tonight. Because I'm His, I live eternally with Him. Because I'm His, even a cancer road can't keep me down for long!

Blessings!

The Business of Need!

2011-04-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Easter! One of the best days on the calendar, for it points the world to Jesus Christ & what He's done for all of us! Friday, as he died on the Roman cross, was truly the darkest of days. Seemed so hopeless. Then, Sunday comes! His tomb is empty! He's victorious over sin & provides a way to God ALmighty! He's alive & is to this day! What a Savior!

Now, He's done all of this for all people- now it's our turn- the ball is in our court- as to what we do with these actions from the Son of God! Wow! What happenings! He's waiting for a loving response to His love. What will we do? Everyone gets to choose how to fill this hole in our hearts. Will it be with people, things, wealth, fame, power, apathy, entertainment, denial? Or, will we fill this hole with Jesus Christ- our risen Lord? Our ALIVE Lord! Our loving Lord! My choice is Him! Always Him! Every day it's Him! I can't & won't take what He did & do nothing with it! Thank you, Jesus, for Easter! For beating sin & death & saving me! For getting me back to Father God! For, without You, there's no way to get to heaven! You did it! You won! You provided! You deserve my praise & You have it! Amazing Savior!

God & I have shared many intimate conversations throughout my lifetime. These last two years have been a bit unique because of my physical illness, so now I share one of these intimate times- since there's no better time than Easter. Thank you for your unbelievable support through these two years. My prayer is that your own walk will be enhanced as I share some of mine. God wants all of us in heaven with Him. If you want Him- you can have Him, all because of Easter! All because Jesus rose from the dead! Wow!

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I guess I told God right away it might be a mistake! I told Him some things about me, surely He'd not realized or had forgotten! I reminded Him that I was & am needed here on earth. Mike needs me. He needs me as his wife, but also his helpmate as we serve The Hills Church! There are so many needs in a church this size with missionaries around the world! All these people need godly men leading & God had placed me in a position to minister to Mike! Surley God remembered this! I minister to Mike so he can minister to so many others!

Next, I reminded God that Randi, Taylor, Eric & Tyrel need me. They need my guidance, encouragement, direction, wisdom, etc, etc. See, I KNOW God gifted me as a wife & mother. That's my calling from Him. This is not bragging- it's simply fact. God gifts all of us with purpose in this life & I know in my heart, this is the gift He gave me! Now, my grandchildren need me! What is He thinking ? Cason, Braden & Paisley need me! I can help them know You! I can help lead them to You! Are You SURE about this cancer thing? Please, God! Reconsider!

Mike & I are commited to helping hurting people all over the world! We send our money, our people & our prayers to people we don't even know! We pray we'll see people in heaven because of the reflection of Jesus in our lives towards them. They need me, too!

God's overt response to me was a very hard pill to swallow! He said, "Sharon, they don't NEED you!" "All these people you've named don't need you at all! They need ME & Me only!" He went on to tell me over & over, "They like you, love you, enjoy you, look to you, but don't need you! You've been fulfilling the calling I've given you as you love & minister to all these, but they still don't need you. They NEED me!"

This was disheartening, at first, for I felt needed & like God had given this direction for my life. I felt I was doing what He wanted. So, it was all a bit confusing... then He repeats AGAIN- "You did not create them, you did not save them & you are not their Holy Spirit!" "All they truly NEED is ME!" "The hole I put in your heart & the hole that is in every human can only be filled by Me! Whether you are in the picture or not, I will pursue them until they fill the hole with Me!"

As we talked & I listened more & more, this news turned from disheartening to freedom! God's right- always has been- the people I love the most don't need me- they need Him! The downtrodden we don't know but choose to help don't need us, they need Him! Whether my life continues (& is a vessel for Him) or my life ends, God is Who I need. God is Who you need. I can point, pray, help & encourage to the Lord... but that's all. The choice is up to each one. I'm not needed for that choice- only Him!

My view of those I love has been so different these two years. As I help anyone in Jesus' name, I view their journey differently. God is at work as He pursues! Holy Spirit is convicting & comforting! Jesus constantly is providing the way to God! That's all any of us need!

Thank you, God for your words & your love to me! Taylor told me in the San Diego airport just as I was boarding an emergency flight home last February, "Mom, no matter what, you WILL see Tyrel, Paisley & me in heaven!" This brought such calm in a troubled sea! For you see, Mike will be there! Randi, Eric & their boys will be there, too! So many I love & so many I don't even know will be there! They don't need me to get them there! Only their Almighty God! That's worthy of praise!

The business of NEED is God alone!

Blessings!

God's Timing- God's Gift!

2011-04-20T06:44:00.001-07:00

To date, this may be one of the most difficult posts to write, simply because it's terribly personal. Since Day 1 of diagnosis, Holy Spirit has been relentless in His prompting to me, "write it down- get your journey out there- even though you have no idea of what's going to happen or any outcome. Just do this because I've said I want it done!" (February, 2009 this journey began. I've done my best to be faithful in His call in my life for I know of His faithfulness to me. How can I possibly deny Him?)

So, here I am. Tomorrow marks 3 weeks out of lung surgery. Even though the surgery threw me a curve ball & was quite a surgery- I'm very, very glad I had it done. It has relieved my breathing (& I'm partial to breathing! I rather like doing it every couple of seconds!) I do not breathe normally, but the improvement of what I'd been suffering for a couple of months is dramatic, so I'm thankful! My appetite has not fully returned (I presently eat about 1/3 of what I normally would eat.) But, again, it's way better than what it was- so, again, I'm thankful!

This brings me to now. Currently, my Oncologist needs me to fully recover from the surgery, just to be strong enough for the next regiment of treatment. (I'm already at a physical deficit- so any strength I can gain will be helpful since the Chemo doses they give me are potent & take all my physical strength!) There are 4 good sized incisions in my left, back ribcage that continue to be terribly sore (I guess God put our ribcages there for a reason to protect those organs... so, messing with the ribcage & beyond is tricky business!)

Together, all of us have been united in prayer for my outright healing. We've also been praying for my name to be chosen for the PARP Lottery - as this drug is not FDA approved, yet. (It is, hopefully, going to help women with Triple -Negative Breast Cancer someday.)

Some of our prayers haven't been answered the way we want. Some of our prayers have been answered with additional doors opening for me, too. My name has been chosen for the PARP Clinical Trial. Mike, the girls & I have had some extensive conversation with Oncology as to what all this means. To participate in this trial, more CT Scans and labs are needed as a "starting point" to measure the effectiveness of the drug or it's ineffectiveness. There is absolutley no current data in either direction. So, we have been on our knees for many days, asking- no begging- for God's wisdom & direction in additional treatment or no treatment.

Let me say again- this is a very personal decision. It's a decision I hope none of you are ever faced with. It's a decision that may have different answers for every woman & even different answers in that same woman's life- depending on so many other variables.

My decison- after constant prayer- & MUCH peace, is to decline all treament from now on. The "toxidity" of PARP, in addition to the two new Chemos is just more than I want at this point in my life & disease. Since there is little data, there is no assurance- at all- these drugs will help. The only thing we know for sure, is that it will not kill the cancer. At best, it will delay it's growth- if it works at all! Either way- it will put me back on the sofa for many of my remaining days. Right now- with the limited energy I have- I'm just not willing to give that away. This decison could possibly limit my calendar days, but having no treatment will allow me to live out my days- no matter how many or few there are.

Oncology is still preparing for the clinical trial for me, should I change my mind next week. (Since I'm a woman- I reserve this right! LOL!) But God has granted me much, much peace in this matter. Mike, Randi, Eric, Taylor & Tyrel support me 1000% & their understanding & support are critical to me.

I believe with all my heart, God has provided me two paths of which He'll bless completely! That's His character- not to give a "right" or a "wrong" path, but two good choices for my life! Oncology expressed the same thing to me. There is no right & wrong, but my life & my choice. They have commited to making my life & last days comfortable with either path I choose- again- I'm thankful!

The cancer is growing at a rapid pace within me & as time goes, it's robbing my body of nutrients, which will make me more & more fatigued. That will be the natural progression as I understand it. For now- I want every ounce of my energy to watch Cason play soccer, hold Braden & feed him candy & squeeze little Miss Paisley! I want to eat the three of them up & enjoy all my moments with them- with some sort of energy! I want to enjoy Mike & do some things together we want to do. I want to be with my girls & their husbands. I want to go to The Hills Church with all those I love & praise God together! I want to spend time with family & friends. I just want to live life- no matter the number of those days! I figure God has those days- & He's not bound by time- so I trust Him.

Don't think I'm not begging Him daily for more time! My whole life I've longed for heaven. I want to see Jesus & talk with Him friend to friend like He did with Moses at the door of his tent. I want to meet Joseph, Abraham, Moses, Jonah & the Apostles! I want to talk with mothers throughout the ages who lost their children or their own lives simply because they named Jesus as their Lord. I want all these things! I want to praise God- truly praise Him- with reckless abandon- no holes barred! In the same breath- I find myself begging God- "not yet!" I'm not sure I understand this part of me except that I'm human & love the gift of life here that He's given. I love the people He's surrounded me with & His church. This is all I know- so maybe that's the reason for the dual-ness within me.

So, bottom line - no more treatments (only comfort meds from now on), living life & loving people for the rest of my days. Cherishing every moment with my family & filling those moments with tons of laughter! Trusting God with my days & finishing strong as He intends.

Thank you for prayers! Please do not stop praying for us! This journey is hard & not getting easier. We lean heavily on our Lord who promises His presence! He is holding up every bit of that promise & we don't walk this road alone. I'm so thankful we know Him! He can be trusted!

Living, breathing, loving, cherishing & seeing some things through God's eyes are priceless to me! Living & dieing in Him- well, that makes a win/win situation for me, now doesn't it? This is what I choose. This life- here & forever- I live with Him!

Blessings!

Simple Love!

2011-04-18T06:51:00.001-07:00

Thanking all of you in advance for continued love, support & prayers! We're surrounded by the most incredible people on the planet & stay humbled at every turn! I got to see Cason play Upwords Soccer Saturday morning, which was pure joy to me! Then, Randi drove me to a wedding shower yesterday afternoon- again- bringing me such joy to know this young woman since birth & now a woman of Godabout to marry a man of God! That's good stuff! I've had to learn (& still am) to pace, pace, pace! I can do basically one thing a day & spend the rest of the time laying on the sofa. This stinks since my whole life has been full of energy! But, it is what it is, so most days, I'm ok with it! Every now & again, I feel sorry for myself & cry a bit- then, God gives me His new mercies each morning & provides perspective, & I'm good with my new "reality". My close family & extended family completely understand & support every effort I extend. Then, my church family does the same thing! Incredible support! Everyone tells me just how good I look, & I do actually. What I mean is that except for baldness, I look healthy & look like I'm feeling good. When I'm around people, I tend to get hyped up & energized... but crash physically when I get home. As a result, Mike, Randi & Taylor monitor me closely in protecting me physically & emotionally- I'm incredibly thankful for them! Got to thinking these last weeks how loved I am. The expressions of kindness toward others on my behalf is really amazing! These stories coming to me of what you've done for others is sobering & humbling! This love is expressed toward my family & me in many ways & it's humbling to be the recipients of such love. This sort of love in undeserved & never earned- it just is. This is the kind of love God has for you & me. Undeserved & never earned. He's loved me (& you) way before birth, simply because we are. He formed us, knows us intimately well & loves beyond anything we can measure. I'm very blessed to have known this love all my life. Born into a loving family & one that explained & showed God's love. Then, when Cason, Braden & Paisley were born into our family- they were loved at the moment of birth (if not way before) & loved beyond what mere words can explain! The three of them are loved because they exist- not because they've earned or deserve our family's love. They do nothing in the day that makes me love them more- I love them- no matter what! They simply were born. God is the very same with me- He loves me because I am- not because I've done one thing to earn His love. You & I may have had love from people off & on in our lives, but God is so different! He loves all the time! He loves because we are- not because of the good or bad we've done. His whole Bible is simply a love story to us- asking us to come back to Him & live with Him forever in Heaven. That's all He wants- & He loves deeply, hoping that's what we'll choose. I guess I've not always understood His love but have appreciated it- but there are times in our lives that that love is profound! It's deep & steadfast! It's unyielding & sure! It's there not because of myself, but because of Himself. He's the one with the love & He distributes His love with no boundaries! That's an amazing thing to think about! So, as my energy fails me at times, & cancer grows within me, robbing me more & more of that energy, I'm still joyful simply because I'm loved. The people around me understand God's love & pass it to me generously! This is deep & abiding love- love with no boundaries! I know deep in my heart God loves me! This love will not change, no matter what happens to me physically! I have chosen Him & know I'll live with Him forever in Heaven. This love brings peace. This love brings salvation. This love brings joy- in life or death! As I go back today for more lab work & current cancer marker- I thank Him for His never-ending love of me (& my family & you!) That's the love that gets us through thick & thin! That's the love that sustains! That's the good stuff that lasts for all time! Blessings!

Two Weeks Out!

2011-04-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

In the morning will mark two weeks post-surgery! I've not written much at all, simply because of the fatigue, but know you're praying & lifting me to the Lord daily & nightly! I hear from so many of you via text, Inbox, FB & email. I'm so thankful for all these forms of communication! Thank you! I continue recovery, even though the process seems slow to me. Lots of trauma to my body, but glad I had the surgery done for quality of life. Mike & I still don't know a whole lot. This sounds strange, & is, but it's true. The Oncologist says she's even amazed at the rapid speed in which this cancer seems to be growing! She described it like a "wildfire" & has to sit & watch when & where it will show up next. Triple-Negative Metastatic Disease does not put us in a position of being pro-active, but rather, reactive. There is no rhyme or reason to it's spread nor the pace in which it grows. Those things are unknown to the medical community & research is being done as we speak. It is as different in each woman as there are women. It doesn't have a certain "path" it follows, or medicine it responds to. This is very difficult news for people who love us, because everyone, it seems, wants to know the "answer"! There is none. The ONLY cure for this disease is God speaking it so! But, for man, there are no answers, yet. Maybe, someday, like so many other diseases, man will find a treatment or cure. But for now, as much as a cure is wanted or thought is out there, there simply isn't. Yesterday, we learned my tumor marker (or cancer marker) has taken a huge jump. This is not good news, for it indicates to doctors the direction & pace of the disease. This is not the answer we've been asking God for. But, it is the answer we received. We trust God knows what He's doing. He always has, & there's no reason to think any different about Him. I go in, again, Monday for additional lab work to continue to track this number. The information we receive- almost daily- is ever new & changing, & makes it difficult to communicate fully like I want to. Monday we will have more conformation of the direction of my number. My name was added to the lottery for the PARP drug & has not been chosen, yet. There's a drawing each Tuesday, so we wait on that, too. Please pray about all these things for us. For complete healing at His word, the lottery, wisdom, cancer number direction, halt of the disease, more time for me to live with all those I love, greater faith & trust, living & dieing the way God intends. All these things we need His guidance on. All these things we trust Him with. All these things are easy for Him. Blessings!

Post Lung Surgery!

2011-04-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

Whew! I've not felt like writing since surgery, but have thought every single day of the people who are praying for me & my family. I've thanked God every day for people who love us & for His love! There is simply no other way I could have gotten through this surgery & recovery but to have Him & His people on my side! Two weeks ago, as the Thorasic surgeon was explaining what he must do, I was hit with a brick wall of reality! My deeply spiritual prayer, was simply, "Father God! Please, please, please make this all go away!" "I'm so tired & I'm begging You to speak it gone!" He did not. I simply didn't have the courage within myself to get through this- but God provided just what I've needed & not a moment too soon! His grace is sufficient & I've leaned hard on Him & His promises to me! He's with me & I've never felt alone, so I thank Him! He didn't speak this disease gone for me, but has proven faithful to be with me as I go! We'll not know the full extent of success of surgery for another couple of weeks (this takes time) but I will update you as soon as I know. For now, even though my breathing is very restricted, I feel like I'm breathing better. My appetite is slowly returning, also, which was a goal of the surgery. I'd not been able to eat for weeks because the heavy fluid in my lung was sitting on my stomach, giving me no sensation of hunger. Each day, I feel like eating a little bit more, so again, am thankful! For this particular surgery (7th in 2 years) I had to have an artery line (in addition to the IV line in my right arm.) This is still hurting me & the recovery of this has taken me by surprise. I'm praying this heals soon as the pain is annoying! There are 4 incisions through my left rib cage that are terribly sore, so again, praying this pain subsides soon. I'm thankful every day for the decision I made long ago to follow Jesus. I'm thankful for His love, for His faithfulness, courage, strength & mercy toward me. I would never- ever- want to walk this journey without Him. My heart's desire is that anyone & everyone who ever is touched by this blog, never walk their journey alone! Don't do it! Sometimes the road gets bumpy & smoothes out. Other times, it gets rockier & more trecherous. Either way, there's a choice of Who goes with us. For me, it's Jesus. I thank you all for praying for & supporting me! I'm incredibly blessed by you! The stories we've received of the acts of kindness you've done towards others in our honor are just incredible! Your thoughtfulness, generosity & overt love of others is inspiring & uplifting to us! That's the bond of Jesus! That's the depth of love He provides! That's the cold water He passes out freely! This journey of breast cancer is one I never imagined I'd walk! I never dreamed this would be my life or my family's road! This is not something I'd ever chosen for myself or the people I love. But, here we are. So, we walk. And, we trust. And, He is faithful. Blessings!

Lung Surgery Update

2011-03-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Much too much credit has been attributed to me lately regarding strength & courage. If there's any strength you see in me, it is from the Lord. If there is courage, it is God's gift. When He tells me His grace is sufficient, He means He will provide just what I need exactly when I need it. Today, I lean on Him hard! I trust His faithfulness to see that I receive both strength & courage, in His time & in His way! I share with you the decision for lung surgery because since Day One, Holy Spirit has called me to sound the trumpets & have an open heart with all those I hold dearest, all the way to ones I've never even met. I admit, this vulnerability is not the way I would choose on my own, but I'm compelled to share this journey, for it MIGHT help one person to walk their own journey WITH the Lord instead of without Him. So, I write. Not one decision I share with you has been chosen without much prayer & counsel. Thank you for trusting & supporting Mike & me even if it's not the decision you woud make in your own journey- if you ever have to. Since February, the Pulmanologist has drained huge amounts of fluid off my lung three times. Between each draining, doctors watch closely, hoping the speed at which the fluid returns would have been much, much slower, allowing me respite between procedures. That has not happened. The fluid has re-filled my lung at an alarming speed, taking us to the next level of care & decision. The lung surgery I face tomorrow is a comfort/quality of life surgery & not one that deals with the cancer at all. If fluid is allowed to continually collapse my lung, it can "freeze" & breathing normally may not be recovered. Whether I live 2 months, 6 months, a year, or 30, this surgery- if successful- will allow free breathing & normal appetite to return. (Currently, I'm extemely short of breath, tired & have little appetite because the weight of my lung presses on my stomach, blocking any urge to eat.) Hopefully, it will give me quality in the living I have yet to do. Here's what I need: 1) Prayer! Ask God to provide me courage! I'm in need due to the possible painful recovery & I readily admit, I'm leaning hard on my God tonight! 2) No visitors or flowers in my hospital room (waiting room visitors for my family are great, but I need serious recovery time & ask for several days of focusing on what's needed for recovery / flowers sometimes smell strong & recovery of lung & breathing may be effected negatively with flowers.) 3) Whatever kind act you can think of doing for someone in our place would thrill our hearts! There's not a lot of physical needs anyone can do for us at this point, so I ask you to re-direct your incredibly generous hearts to others in your life that have need. Please email, text or inbox me about what you've chosen to do & Mike & Randi will read them to me during my hospital stay. This will bring such joy to us! We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the tenderness we've been shown, the hearts we've seen opened & the powerful prayers offered in love! Blessings!

Quality of Life?

2011-03-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

In recent weeks, the topic of "quality of life" has come up over & over again. Mike & I have discussed this at length as we walk this journey together. Randi & Taylor, along with our doctors have respectfully listened & openly joined in these intimate conversations about living & dieing. These are "must have" conversations because life is so precious. Life is a gift. And, life is so brief! Mike & I agree that the exact same conversations are "must haves" when we're healthy, too! These are not to be saved for "terminal" illnesses. Questions of every life needs to include, "How do I want to live today?" "Whom do I serve?" "What am I here for?" "Where am I going?" "What is my purpose & am I fulfilling my calling?" "Who is God?" "Is He worth following?" "How can I help my fellow-man?" "Who is my neighbor & what can I do to show them Jesus?" "What do I do with my time on earth?" "Am I loving my spouse, my children, my family & friends the way God loves?" "How do I spend my time?" "How do I spend my money?" "Is my character following Jesus or self-serving?" "Am I living with integrity?" "What is the quality of my life?" See what I mean? These aren't questions we're just now asking ourselves for the first time because I have cancer. We're re-asking & re-evaluating so that life can continue to be lived the way it's supposed to be lived. We ask & live so our God is praised even in our weakest moments- because He deserves to be praised with these lives of our's. It's so easy to count the number of my days as more important than the substance of my days. Don't misunderstand! I want more numbers! I want more time! I want to do more things & spend more days with people I love! At the exact moment, I'm acutely aware every single day in my 54+ years has been a gift from a very loving Lord. These days are undeserved & given to me just because He loves me! He's created a cherished daughter in me & having these days gifted to me has absolutley NOTHING to do with my goodness, but, EVERYTHING to do with His! I thank Him with my whole heart for life! For Mike & me, living & loving in the Lord is quality. Doing our work whole-heartedly & serving others is quality. Loving our daughters & sons-in-law unconditionally is quality. Playing & laughing with grandchildren is quality. Going the distance is quality. Sharing Jesus' love is quality. (All this list is FAR from perfection on our part! Our lives are not even close to Beaver Cleaver's family who never seemed to fall short! LOL!) That's when depending solely on our faithful & powerful Lord is quality living! I'm thankful for these significant discussions on quality of life. They're vital to healthy living & purpose. It's important to have planted these "quality" stakes in the ground when the days are full & busy with living! Because, when dark days come (& they come in many more forms than just cancer!), the quality of life is not shaken! "As for me & my house, we will serve the Lord!" Doesn't get any better quality than that! Blessings!

Thursday/Friday Update: God at Every Turn!

2011-03-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was quite a day! CT scans from Monday revealed cancer has spread & current chemo not working, so it's immediatley stopped & new course of action set into place. God met us at every turn! He reminded us of the start of our journey by putting us right beside people just beginning their's & we were humbled -again- by the grace of our Lord Jesus! God can speak this journey of cancer away with a whisper! He can speak away suffering of any & every kind, but He doesn't always. We live in a fallen world, a world He's given men free will in. He desperately wants us to choose him. There are many who cause harm upon others with their free will, many who turn their backs on Him & many who love sin instead of Him. Yes, it's a fallen world, for sure, & those of us who believe in Hm deeply with our free will, long for Him to return again & claim the ultimate victory! For now, we submit & wait. For now, we witness the injustices & constantly cry tears of sorrow for people choosing the ways of the world over Him.

Cancer & many other illnesses come in this fallen world of ours. It's a terrible disease & I wouldn't wish it on anyone & I wouldn't blame it on their lack of faith, either. There are many reasons for such diseases to attack, many lessons learned through it & many different outcomes as a result of this disease. Only the grace of God truly lights the path of the one He's leading, revealing Himself through the darkness of this trial. The person and families learn of His goodness, see His faithfulness, experience His power & trust Him completely through this world's disease- for they know Him intimately well & can tell others of what they know, whether there is ultimately physical healing or not.

Mike & I learned exactly 2 years ago of the aggressive nature of this particular breast cancer. We learned 70% with breast cancer are women with no family history, are non-smokers & not overwieght. We learned what the medical community knows and what they don't know (lack of data in certain areas of study). God was never one time dismissed from a conversation we had about the disease. God was never once regarded as only a second opinion & never once heard to say He didn't want me healed. Please hear me say over & over & over that God can heal me at any moment He chooses! He can also choose to keep me on this road if it's for His glory. There are many He healed throughout the Bible at one time but later died at another time. Does that mean they weren't worthy of healing again? Does that mean their faith wasn't strong enough the 2nd time? I dont think so. I don't believe in a health & wealth gospel that keeps people physically well & rich all the time. One that teaches a person will never be sick if they believe it so. God speaks of believers suffering & living in a sorrowful world. He gives direction for when trials come, not if they come. For me, God is sovereign & is in control. I am His vessel & have willingly given myself to Him for His glory. Whatever brings Him glory, I will submit to.

On to medical news as of today since hundreds of you are praying, loving, supporting & encouraging our family! My left lung had rapidly refilled again which required draining, again. Another 4 lbs was removed to give me a sence of breathing & restored a bit of an appetite. Very thankful this procedure went well today & appreciate Mike & Taylor being right by my side.

I have to have lung surgery next week since the lung fills very, very rapidly each time & will continuously need to be drained without it. The surgery is a comfort measure only, but can curtail the fluid & make breathing less laborious, making it easier on my body to work & breathe & will restore some energy. The problem with having the surgery right now is that my white blood count has taken a strong downturn keeping me from having the surgery. The first thing that must happen is to get those counts raised. Please pray for these counts to rise in the next couple of days. Doctor's will check them again Monday or Tuesday & may have to give me a booster shot to get these up. As soon as counts are strong enough, surgery can take place. Then another Chemo will begin the next week. This will be two new drugs combined for this level of chemo. In addition, a PARP Inhibitor (new trial drug for Triple Negative Breast Cancer) can be added to this regimine IF I'm chosen from the lottery! So, I ask you to pray, as each week the lorttery is drawn, my name will be chosen! If it isn't one week, we continue on the chemo & wait for the next week & wait again for my name to be drawn.

Pray for this to work medically & slow the cancer down to give me more time. Pray that if the treatment doesn't work, God will give me more time anyway, because He can do this, too! Pray especially I walk this journey the way He wants me to walk it. Pray for my family as He knows each one of us intimately well. God is still God. That's all that matters when its all been said & done. He is who he says he is! If that's true- and I believe it is- it's all that matters! This hard news hasn't changed our family's view of God at all! He's still saved us, still loves us, still sustains us, still comforts, still provides, still knows every detail of our being & He's still soverign! He's still the Creator of the Universe & cares about every detail of our lives!

Blessings!

Prayer Update!

2011-03-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you for praying for my family & me this coming week! CT scans, lab work, Oncologist & possible next dose of Chemo all on Thursday! This is a very important week for us in learning how this treatment is working, so prayers mean the world to us!

I will write an update after all our appointments on Thursday.

Blessings!

Beautiful Gardens & Stinkin' Weeds!

2011-03-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

There are no words, even from a talker like me, that can express our gratitude for prayers today! God continues to listen & answer in powerful ways & through those answers, He just shouts His love over us! Literally shouts His care & provision! It's an amazing thing to witness!

It was about 3 1/2 hours today at Oncology to get done everything that had to be done. Labs were first. Drawing blood to determine where we are in white blood counts (allowing me strength to take treatment) & cancer marker (determining the response me body is having, so far, to this chemo.)

Meeting with Oncologist reveals white blood count had risen into the normal range (great news & answer to prayer!) Have to wait for cancer marker result until tomorrow as it's a 24 hour lab turn-around. I look to Isaiah when the Word says, waiting on the Lord will renew our strength. We've leaned hard on this scripture since the beginning & we lean now. Waiting is a huge part of this journey! Oncology will call us tomorrow with my number, so thanks to all prayers this number is moving downward!

The photo shows I've still got my hair! It's shedding like crazy, but I've not had Mike shave it for me, yet. This is an emotional decision, not an intellectual one. Hair, in the scheme of things, doesn't seem like a huge deal, & it really wasn't the first time around. The first drugs in the chemo I received were a sure bet the hair was going about day 12. There's a lot of data & study in those drugs, & losing hair- with that particular chemo- was like clockwork. Not so with this drug. It is a possible side effect, but the studies continues in this clinical trial, so women like me are watched ever so closely to track needed data. The loss of my hair this time around- in my mind- is much more permanent with the regiment before me, so I'm not as emtionally ready to let it go. Each day Mike stands in 100% support of what I want to do. He's incredibly kind & patient with me as hair is shedding & he adds no pressure at all to me to go ahead & shave it. It's my call & he stands beside me, as always! I know how this sounds, & I would be the first to agree with those who think my hesitance is a bit silly. Today, however, shed new light for me in this struggle. I learned it's possible between different chemo treatments, my hair could grow a bit. No promises, but possibilities. I also learned this MAY only be a thinning & could slow down, not a complete loss. SO, hair or no hair? That's the question!

Oncologist said today to view ourselves as gardeners. We're tending a beautiful garden & weeds (cancer) pop up. We throw chemo on the weeds to cut them back & slow their growth for a time. Once we've cut them back for a time, we sit on our hands (stop the chemo injections) & watch for new weeds to show themselves. As they appear (CT scans & labs reveal them), we throw more chemo on them to slow them, again. Medical science, for this particular cancer, has NO IDEA where the weeds will pop up in the garden, how fast they'll grow or how many there will be. It is a waiting game (remember, WAITING???). The only thing the medical community is certain of, is that they cannot rid the garden of the weeds. They're coming back over & over again. I pray this example helps you- like it did us- to understand our scenario. (This does NOT speak to all cancers & situations! Everyone is different & every cancer is different!) Literally EVERY family is touched by cancer of some sort & it is critical to me I clarify that just because this is my journey, it doesn't mean it applies to the next person with cancer. It is a mean 'ole disease with a myriad of manifestations! I simply share my journey & perspective here.

Chemo was next on the agenda today & so far, I have tolerated it well. This is a merciful answer & I'm grateful. Toleration to this drug will help keep me on it, so, thank you, Lord!

A terribly long post, I realize! Due to labored breathing, again, I must see the Pulmonary Specialist tomorrow & possibly have my lung drained, again. Pray thanks that doctors actually specialize in these matters & are equipped to help patients like me. I'm profoundly grateful God has granted such knowledge! Pray for courage for me, as this is done while I'm awake, & a bit unnerving to me. I'm so thankful all I have to do is sit there & this doctor does all the rest for me!

As I look back at this day, I understand I am a beautiful garden God spoke into being! I live in a fallen world (a world that is apart from Him) & weeds grow here. When I think of Him gardening my life, I am at peace. If He spoke me into being, He cares what's happening in my life. A few weeds don't surprise Him. New weeds & fast growth don't scare Him. EVERY weed is subject to Him!

This Gardener I will not trade for any other!

Blessings!

Walking in Confidence

2011-03-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

White blood count took a hit & dropped. This is not what you & I have prayed would happen. It is, however, still high enough for me to receive Chemo next week & will be taken, again, immediately before treatment to confirm my body's ability to take the next dose of treatment. For those of you who constantly love us & pray for us, I thank you! God is listening & answering! This, to me, is a hard answer but not a harsh one. God, for now, is keeping all of us- together- on this road. He can be trusted, so we walk . We don't just walk, but we walk with confidence. He IS!

My cancer marker was not measured on Friday, but should be this coming week. I was excited to hear the measurement of this number, but in waiting another week, God gives me strength. Waiting a few more days to know the answer, is no big deal when relying on a God who is not bound by time. He has taught us much about waiting these last two years, so with some lessons learned, we wait.

This weekend, right after labs, some of the dearest women in the world to me- The Washburn Women- gathered for a girls' weekend with Randi, Taylor, Paisley & me. Let me just say, we needed them & the time was blessed! No words, really, can express the love we have for these women who are not biological sisters, but neverless, sisters! God brought me to this family nearly 35 years ago & even with the imperfection found in all of us, the love runs deep! Love like that comes from Jesus & every one in that group knows Him well!

One last detail before this post ends. My hair is "leaving the building!" The next time most of you see me, I will be the cute little bald lady, again! Losing my hair is not something that will ruin my day, but, whenever I pass a mirror, is a reminder I'm sick, again. The last year & few months, I've looked & felt so great & it was encouraging to have my nice, thick hair! It was a sign of wellness to me, so I share this loss with you because cancer is a complicated journey & not as simple as all that.

God gets the glory today! It was one full of hope, disappointment, love, laughter, sorrow, loss, grace, sunshine & chill! It was a day He gave me & in it's fullness of emotion, I praise Him! It was a gift & I thank Him. It was undeserved & He gets the credit for this day!

Blessings!

Haircut, The Hills & Blood Counts, Oh My!

2011-03-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

It's possible that I'll lose my hair again through these rounds of Chemo, so I put off going in for the normal haircut & highlights, until I know for sure. (It's shocking, I know, that my pretty blonde hair is not completely natural! hehe) Eric & Randi, however, disagreed with my decision & made me an appointment to keep me lookin' good through these treatment days! Randi & the boys took me to see Susan McPeek Baker (hair-stylist extraordinaire!) & she got me all fixed up, as usual! Thank you to E&R for the thoughtfulness & thanks to C&B for all their "help" at the salon! Love these boys!

Last week I turned 54 years old. In the same week, Mike & I had had our 27th anniversary at The Hills Church of Christ. I realize I've been blessed to spend half my life at one of the best churches in the whole wide world! I love the people of this church & am incredibly thankful to walk with those who love Jesus with their whole hearts! We're also connected- through Jesus- to thousands & thousands of Christians around the world saved by the grace of our beloved Savior! I'm just thankful from the bottom of my heart for the community of this incredible place! (There is ALWAYS room for more with Jesus, so please make Him your life, if He's not already!)

Tomorrow are "labs" for me. PLEASE pray the cancer marker count is DOWN & the white blood count is UP! This blood work is what tells the story of what's happening inside my body, so I'm begging God for this! I'm not ashamed at all to beg Him for what I want! I am His daughter & I stand secure in His undying love for me. I trust He'll do what's best for His glory & I praise Him either way, but He's said to tell Him my heart's desire, so the conversations we have are constant & intimate about these matters! Thank you for taking my name to our loving Creator!

Blessings!

What Do I Say?

2011-02-28T06:29:00.000-08:00

Cards, calls, texts, inbox messages! I stay incredibly blessed by you! So many family members & friends tell me they just don't know what to say to us! The feeling may be there that something said would be wrong, creating a fear to say anything at all. So, I want to tell you now that anything said to my family & me with love & encouragement is great & not taken as wrong on any level! Mike & I have been in the same shoes where words may be a bit hard to find. Those times are met with listening ears to the people we love & to Holy Spirit who's comforting through us! Those times are full of kind looks & simple soft touches! Your concern, love, prayers & devotion to scriptures encourages & builds us up! Thank you for all the kind words, powerful prayers & expressions of love to us! This is a very hard road to walk & you help bear the load, so don't allow fear of saying something wrong keep you from saying anything at all! But, when the loss of words is there, it's ok, too. God knows all of our hearts!

Chemo has wired me quite a bit these last two weeks! Seems I'm hyper, at times! Keep praying for Mike & the girls as they deal with me! LOL! My blood counts last Friday before Chemo were the very low part of the normal scale, so that was good news & allowed my body the next dose of Chemo. Please pray for these blood counts to remain strong enough for treatment & protection from ANY infection! I'm at a much more vulnerable position this time in that area, so I'm following Doctor's guidelines in doing what I can to avoid illness. (Still hanging on to this hair, too! Caps & scarves might be the order of the day before long, but we'll see!) God is my protector & I'm incredibly thankful He does not grow weary in this!

Blessings!

Best Birthday Ever!

2011-02-24T05:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 54th birthday & I think it was my best- ever! The day began very early getting up & to the hospital for the port-cath surgery. Chemo is administered through the port instead of dircetly into my veins, saving them from the potency of these drugs. (The first port was removed last September during reconstruction surgery since I was doing so well!) While in line registering, friends from The Hills church were in the same line for a procedure, so God showed His face right off the bat- again! As we waited, we waited together... God gives us community everywhere!

Then, Susan, "my" surgical RN who's seen us through all 5 surgeries came out to the waiting room for nothing but hugs & encouraging words that she's been in prayer over us & will not leave my side through this surgery! I've said it before, but God is RIDICULOUS in His blessings!

Later in pre-op busy nurses were getting paperwork, IV's, etc & know us from previous surgeries. One, in particular, is surviving breast cancer, too. They all treated us like friends, not numbers. Wow! Then, "my" surgeon visits (who I think is the greatest breast surgeon ever!) She is matter of fact, tells me she's got me & puts me even at more ease! She's in shock about this re-occurance, too, since I had seen her out of the office only a couple of weeks ago & was looking so great! "My" Plastic surgeon who was there for another surgery but heard I was there, came over just to hug me & give his encouragement, too! Love that man! He's helped re-build not only my physical body, but the emotioal, too. OK! So, already, God was showing us his goodness! Taylor & Paisley were there with Mike & me & that's a blessing in & of itself. For her & us. Being far away these last two years were difficult on her... she'd come in after surgeries to help with recovery, but being here now is what we both want & need. So, thank you, God!

If this wasn't enough blessing already, 3 executives of the hospital come into pre-op with a dozen cupcakes for my birthday! Really?? This is way beyond thoughtful of them! These women are believers & prayful for the patients they encounter in their facility. Prayerful of our family! (Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital- Southlake- HIGHLY recommend!) They've been using some of my quotes for their web-site & a magazine article that's coming out soon, & I've given them permission to use anything I write if it will help any woman & family facing cancer of any kind! Through tears & encouraging words, we had a great visit & then off to surgery I went! (But, only after a hug from an amazing daughter & granddaugher & kiss from my sweet husband!)

Sugery went well- home to rest- Taylor stopped for Nothing Bundt Cakes for me (AMAZING!) for later in the day. The afternoon was very restful & then the girls cooked a fabulous birthday dinner for me! We went to Eric & Randi's for the dinner & I ate like a pig! Really, it was embarrassing! Mike & I got to hold & play with all 3 grandkids, so I'd say this was the best birthday, ever!

God was all over the day! He's gone before us in amazing ways, providing amazing people & revealing His amazing self! I ONLY walk this road in His strength, because my own is not near enough! Yep, 54 is a very good number!

Blessings!

Here We Go, Again!

2011-02-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

The first round of chemo is done, I've tolerated it well, & we're thankful! Next round will be Thursday & every Thursday for a while will be alternating chemo & labs with scans in the mix, too. (Chemo has an accumlative effect, so please keep praying for tolerance to these drugs!) As Mike & I went from one scan to another & doctors, xrays, pharmacy, mounds of paperwork, hospital pre-op registration, etc, etc, it all began coming back to us! All the sights, sounds, tastes, smells & waiting that accompanies cancer treatment. Nothing is so easy as to walk in & get chemo. The schedule alone makes my head spin & must be written down so we know when & where we need to be on any given day! hehehe (Welcome back, Chemo Brain!)

Everyone who sees me remarks at how well I look. And, they'd be right! I don't look "sick" in the least because I'm not. No flu-like symptoms or pain. There's discomfort in not breathing deeply, but I wouldn't call it pain. I'm really healthy in every way but having cancer! Weird, I know!

I LOVE having both girls close & all three grandkids at my feet! Our sons-in-law are wonderful husbands to our girls, giving up their own family time & routines, so girls can be readily available to us & jut spend time here, so I thank them! Cancer effects the WHOLE family, for certain!

So, here are some prayer requests:
1) Keep praying God miraculously heals me! Always pray this but in the same breath, pray for a heart of submission to Him! Walking with Him is far greater than being physically healed- but I want both! Right now, He is answering "cancer road" & so that's what we're walking each day with praise to Him! BUT, the second He changes His mind & heals me, then all praises to Him, again!
2) Wisdom & peace for Mike & I as we face each day & the decisions that will be before us.
3) Thankfulness for the millions of blessings in our lives! I try to address & name these as I post to keep them ever before us & if you're reading this, you are one of those blessings!
4) Blessings over Randi & family and Taylor & family. Then, extended family. God knows what each of them need so just take their names to Him!
5) Pray this chemo works in slowing this cancer growth down! The build up of fluid in the lining of my lung can slow down if the chemo damages it enough, so pray for cancer damage!
6) Listen to Holy Spirit & pray for us what He puts on your heart to pray! That will be much more effective than the limited list I pass to you now.

No words come to me that can truly describe the humbleness we feel as you pray, support & love us on this road. We thank God for you!

Blessings!

Advantage!

2011-02-18T05:06:00.000-08:00

"Advantage" "Advantage" "Advantage"... this is the word from Holy Spirit to me since last Friday. (The picture of incredible tennis matches at Wimbledon come in my head & when an athlete gets to "Advantage", they're almost there! They right at the brink of the win!) He keeps sending this word to me & I'm praying & thinking & dwelling on His message. He's giving me the gift of "Advantage" in knowing Him, living a life in His peace, loving & being loved & walking in a prepared-ness with my family & Him.

"Advantage" means God speaks this cancer gone! He can do this easily! In His power this is doable & that's what I ask of Him. I also pray I walk in submission to Him because He does not always rescue those He loves, out of the fire. "Advantage" He IS answering prayers right now. He's having us walk this cancer road, but not having us go it alone. Thank Him for His answers - even when those answers may not be the ones we're looking for. "Advantage" in Him doesn't always mean a physical healing in a fallen world. When Eric & Randi yell at their boys to get out of the street, the boys don't need to know all the ramifications of that word, just that their parents said to do it! All that's required of them in that moment is obedience! They can understand it later. They can realize at a later time that their parents acted strongly in love on their behalf, & they weren't mean parents at all- but full of love for them! "Advantage" means immediately acting in obedience even when the answers are hard & don't make since. Even when I don't comletely "get it"! "Advantage" is being a cherished daughter of God Almighty that is kept out of the street & watched constantly through eyes of love!

"Advantage" this clinical trial is available to me & begins this morning. Pray my body will respond to this chemo & that the cancer will slow in it's growth. The hope is that this will extend my life. Medically, both chemically & naturally, there is no cure for Metastatic disease (chronic Triple Negative Breast Cancer). Women living with metastatic disease for various amounts of time - and there are many- do so because God has said it so. From an earthly perspective, though, there is no cure. (There are lots of cancers in this same catagory, so the continuing clinical trials are vital to us as a society. When a particular path is proven to cure this disease, we'll all know it because women & their families will be shouting from the rooftops!) "Advantage" God will be praised when cancer is a thing of the past! The hard reality- right now- is that this is a mean 'ole disease & it's taking my earthly life.

My left lung that was drained 9 days ago has rapidly re-filled, so chemo can possibly slow this down drastically- IF my body responds. Pray this happens! There's no way to know this for a few weeks. Some women's bodies respond & some don't. So, pray mine does! "Advantage" is having direct access at any & all moments to THE Creator of the Universe!

"Advantage" is that God gets praise either way! What a wonderful blessing to be able to say this & mean it! "Advantage" is living in peace & TRULY believing from the bottom of our hearts that this life is not all there is. That we continue living from now on- forever! God deserves the glory- NO MATTER what happens here! Mike & I have commited that to Him from the very first day of diagnosis & we will NOT change our minds! We believe He is sovereign & these are not just flowery terms! "Advantage" is this reality!

"Advantage" is when what we say we believe is tested & comes out true. When God proves Himself over & over in His provision. Thank you, Holy Spirit for engraving "Advantage" in my heart! For communicating in the sweetest of ways with me! For providing for my heart all I need for today! Thank you for "Advantage" of life in You!

"Advantage" Sweet Father God! "Advantage", Jesus Christ! "Advantage" Holy Spirit! What an "Advantage" it is!

Blessings!

It's Not Hollywood

2011-02-16T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's not Hollywood. There's no soft music playing in the background. Hair & make-up isn't always intact & exactly the right words are not always spoken at just the right time, with scenes fading in & out & characters move gracefully to the next encounters with no "war wounds" from the scene just ended. In Hollywood, the players can receive gun shots wounds & still jump from building to building, living & dying at just the right moment as the music crescendos!

Real life journeys are not Holloywood journeys & can be full of potholes, dark shadows, 90 degree unexpected bends in the road & supply no scripts! Some of these trials cause us to be hanging off the cliffs by our fingernails, & it's a real cliff, not just a stage prop with soft mattresses below prepared to break our fall!

My family & I are walking a real life journey of a devastating disease. This is one of those journeys that has no script. No director telling us exactly what to say to each other or how to act on any given day or moment. Our family is far from perfect in this circumstance. We haven't walked this particular winding road before, & are stumping our toes, falling over the boulders in the path & getting hit in the gut with this news & that news before being able to catch our collective breaths!

It's not Hollywood! It's a real life journey, with real life people & it's hard. It's lonely & at times, gut-wrenching.

This real life journey's not got Hollywood's shallowness, either! It's a jouney full of real love & hope! It's lead by THE Director Who's not only TELLING us where to go but LEADING us there. He's lighting this real-life path as we travel & smoothing out the rough spots so when we hit a bump in the road it will not be a devasting blow but simply stay a nuisance. He's providing what we need, when we need it & if you don't know Jesus, you probably think I'm crazy saying this! But, He's REAL & His provision is REAL, & His peace is REAL! It's not Hollywood!

Here's what my family & me believe & are experiencing:
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars, containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus might also be seen in our bodies." (II Cor 4: 7-10

My family & I are terribly sad right now, but are walking in the REAL joy of the Lord. We're disappointed, but we're not defeated. We don't want cancer to be in our lives but we're not angry with God that it is. We don't know exaclty how to do this but we're taking one step at a time.

Medically, the last 2 days have been a whirlwind! Oncology appointment with a tremendous amount of information & a staff working hard on our behalf, entering me into a clinical trial program. A doctor who has taken all the time we need to hear about medical options, treatments, & trials. Prayers. Decisions. Action. Scans & labs. Chemo begins Friday. Our hope is this treatment will extend my life but if the medicines don't work, my family & I still stand secure.

Going back to the scripture above, I read again that "we're pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed." My family & I really are good! In real life, we can't shoot the scene & then walk away as if nothing is amiss. It's not Hollywood. But, give me real life anyday, when it's full of hope! Give me real life anyday, when it's full of love! Give me real life over Hollywood anyday when it's with Jesus!

Blessings!

"All We Need" & Strawberry Bread

2011-02-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

"All We Need" & Strawberry Bread. Sounds weird, I know, but hear me out. Randi asked for my Strawberry Bread recipe yesterday & I've not made it in several years, so, a short search was needed for this yummy recipe! Climbed on a kitchen chair in order to reach the top shelf in the cabinet where some old, but cherished recipe books reside. Thumbed through a couple of these beloved oldtimers with no success. Then, behold, my Women of ACC (Abilene Christian College) Cookbook. (Yes, I attended college in Abilene in 1975 when Abilene Christian College became Abilene Christian University! I told you these were OLD books!) Turned with excited anticipation that this was THE recipe needed, got to the correct page, & realized this was not the particular recipe I was in search of! BUT, I got something more! On the same page, probably typed on a Smith Corona, a poem entitled, "All We Need".

"All We Need"
He gives more grace as the burdens grow greater;
He sends more strength as the labors increase;
To added affliction- He adds His mercies;
To multiplied trials- His multiplied peace.

Is it just me, or is God constantly speaking, constantly strengthening, constantly comforting & constantly carrying His children? This encounter was no accident. Of all cookbooks, of all recipies, of all poems, of all days! Words speaking straight to me & my circumstance! Words reassuring me of His promises! All spoken 2 days before a significant Oncology appointment! Wow! Needless to say, I'm ready for that appointment!

If you were to see me, you wouldn't be able to tell anything is wrong. I don't look sick & don't feel sick. I'm generally so healthy, it's just hard to believe cancer has spread to my lung! So many of you are asking, praying & concerned about my health. I want you to know, I'm in NO pain. The ONLY bit of discomfort I have is the tightness of my left lung. It feels as if an ace bandage is bond around my chest, but even that doesn't hurt- simply uncomfortable as I work to breathe deeply.

Thank you for your patience as you stand in the wings, cheering us on & patiently waiting on news. We are receiving a tremendous number of emails, texts, inbox messages & phone calls & want to communicate to you what we know. Right now, we just don't know much. We're having to wait, too, to see what my body is going to do after having my lung drained.

We should know more tomorrow evening after spending the morning with Oncology & Pulminary & will update you via this blog. Please keep praying for us whatever Holy Spirit puts on your heart to pray. We trust Him completely in providing for our needs as we face this continuing journey. You are a HUGE part of His provision for us & we don't take even one of you for granted! We thank God for this community of people!

For He's "All We Need" & Strawberry Bread!

Blessings!

Cancer Friends!

2011-02-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

You'd think receiving the diagnosis of "cancer" would be nothing but negative! Nothing but heartache, fear, pain & hopelessness! But, you'd be wrong. God, in His goodness, provides blessings all over the place! The greatest blessings in having cancer have been my "Cancer Friends". Those people God has put in my path who are walking similar journeys who I wouldn't have met if I hadn't heard those dreaded words! That's specifically who this post is addressed to tonight. It's a must for me to address these particular friends because of this week's happenings, so I appreciate the indulgence.

To my "Cancer Friends" who are especially on my heart,
So many of you have written notes of encouragement & love. The natural thoughts of, "could this happen to me if it's happening to Sharon?" can creep in if you're not careful, causing fear, anxiety or anger. Hear me say, every journey is different. Just because my cancer has returned doesn't mean your's will. God directs each of our lives & has plans for us that differ. He knows each one of us individually & tells us He has plans to prosper us & not to harm, plans to give hope & futures. He says He will listen to us & we can call on Him & He will answer. I pray these promises He makes brings you peace of heart!

Is is a honor to be called to walk a journey with such courageous people! You are a group who are facing adversity & you face it head-on! You give strength & encouragement to others simply by walking your walk over a very rough road.

My heart begs God tonight that no fear or anger will arise in your hearts regarding your own journeys because of what is happening in mine. He says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them & make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them." Cancer is definately one of those unfamiliar paths but He'll make the rough places smooth & never forsake the people He loves! What an incredible promise we can claim in our lives!

Cancer friends, I thank those of you who have walked this journey before me, encouraged me & are still praying for me! I admire those who were in chemo chairs next to mine as I witnessed your positive attitudes & sheer courage. To those of you behind me in your journeys, hearing the doctor say, "cancer", I'm cheering you on! You can do this! With God's help, you will do this!

Blessings!

Breath of Life

2011-02-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

As the fluid has been filling my left lung, doctors tell me that my right lung has been strong & doing all the work. I'm generally very healthy, except for having cancer, so my other organs have covered nicely in getting me needed oxygen. The annoying, hacking cough has been gradual, too. Mike & I neither one noticed the severity of the situation over the last couple of weeks. Only x-raying the lungs, looking at the true picture of what's inside, determined the truth in the matter. That's why the procedure to drain my lung was on the agenda today. That's why we drove on the icy roads to get this done. There are some things that deserve our immediate attention & breathing is one of those things!

On the way to the hospital, the winter winds blew the snow flurries across the roads making them appear to be dancing right across our path. It was quite beautiful. The roads were not crowded with traffic at all because so many schools & businesses were closed & this allowed Mike & I to enjoy this snow dancing the entirety of the trip. Mike told me these were snow angels God put in our path today. We felt escorted to the hospital this morning. We felt His presence.

As the last few days have progressed & shortness of breath became more severe, I realize how precious breath really is. After you've jogged a bit or taken a flight of stairs, those deep breaths feel so good as they fill up the body with oxygen. They replenishe, restore & rebuild. Breath is life.

The procedure to drain my lung was really something. It keeps amazing me that people dedicate their lives to particular specialties of the human body & really are incredibly gifted at a time of need for another. Today was no different. We learned more about lungs today than we've ever known before. How they work, what's keeping them from working, how they will return to work & what we'll have to do to keep them working.

The procedure went exactly like it was supposed to. I was awake with local anesthetic so they could have me sitting upright & Mike was allowed to be right there, too. It went by the book, with the best possible scenario regarding minimal pain, re-inflation & no complications, even with the removal of 5.5 lbs of fluid! We believe that to be God answering prayers. Also, the attending RN for this procedure is from The Hills. A friend we've known for years! That didn't just happen. God did that! She cares about us & brought us peace just knowing she was there. Then, the attending RN in recovery is from The Hills! You get the point? God went before us- again- preparing our path! Incredible!

As I write, deep breaths are still a bit difficult. It feels like those sharp air bubbles you get sometimes that restrict deep breathing. As my lung re-inflates, that discomfort should deminish. All-in-all, no complaints. Just incredibly thankful I'll be able to breathe again!

Makes Mike & me think of God breathing into man His Breath of Life. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer. Living without Him can be a gradual, unnoticed way to live at first. May not even miss this Breath of Life as we depend on ourselves to get us through our day to day routines. We may not even know how shallow our breathing has become without Breath of Life. But eventually- one of these days- those deep, deep breaths that are vital to good health, the ones that feel so good, the ones that sustain us, will be missed. There is no life without breath. No life without Breath. Today, I'm thankful for both.

Blessings!

Events of Tuesday, Feb 8th, 2011

2011-02-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

The news of Monday was shocking. My sweet husband was very busy at work & didn't even know I'd gone to a doctor in California because I thought I was going in for a cold & antibiotics, so I didn't mention it! He was shell-shocked when Taylor & I called him! Then, he drove to Randi's & to my parent's to tell them. Called our siblings & the shell-shock continued.

As I said in the previous post, I got a flight to Texas Monday night. Mike met me at the airport & we spent the evening & well into the night just being together & talking. He & I are in a good place with one another. We talked about life, death, family, & being prepared. We shared our hearts, concerns, fears, & anticipation of the unknown. We talked about our dreams of growing old together & the utter joy we have in our grandchildren. We discussed time being cut short for what we want but being secure in God's timing, as it's always perfect. Sometimes these sort of journeys can hurt marriages instead of drawing them close due to the sheer stress & emotion of it all. I'm thankful we are as close now as we have been in nearly 35 years together! (When you know couples going through trils, take a moment to encourage them in their relationships. Husbands have breast cancer along with their wives!) Monday night was a blessing because Mike & I were together.

Tuesday brought an incredibly busy schedule as Mike began the day by sharing this information with the church staff who have been prayers warriors with us all along. Then, right away, a CT scan was first on the agenda. This was needed to confirm the California doctor's x-ray finding & identify any additional cancer, which it did & was followed by a visit with Oncologist. Lots of information followed, then bone scan and finally labs (lots of bood drawn with results coming later in the week.)

So, here's what we know & what we don't know. We DO know there is breast cancer (same one I initially had) in the lining (plurel) of my left lung. This is what was producing all the fluid. We know there's an additional 2cm tumor under my right arm & "thickening" of my chest wall. We know I have metastatic disease (chronic cancer) I will have the rest of my life. We know this will take my physical life at some point. Medically, tumors will now re-appear & we'll face each event as it comes. We DON'T know if the "thickening" on the chest wall is cancer or result of previous radiation treatment. Nor, do we know how long I can live with this. We don't know if the upcoming chemo treatments will work because women with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer like I have have some drugs to try, but none that are proven, yet. (Drugs & research are constantly being tested, so hopefully, breakthroughs will come quickly.) The new PARP Inhibitors are showing great promise for Triple-Negative patients & my name is being submitted for the "lottery" in these testing stages of the drugs. Please pray we win the "lottery" & are chosen for this treatment! LOL!

OK- so, there's some we know, & some we don't. Medical science is not that exact when it comes to some cancers. There are so many variables! So, with the doctors, we will listen, learn & choose the best course of action we know & they'll watch me closely to see what tumors are doing. We'll change course as needed & make decisions as we go. Mike & I ask you to pray for wisdom as we navigate these waters. What may work for us may not work for another's circumstance. We'll do the best we can as we're in constant communication with doctor's we trust.

Draining the left lung has to be done Wednesday morning, so that is scheduled by my Oncologist. That's the medical news of Tuesday. Whew!

I can't end this post without saying that this is the MEDICAL news only. The SPIRITUAL news is that Almighty God ALWAYS has the last word. He is the one dictating my days. He is the One providing a medical path for me. There is a medical path & we can benefit from that earthly knowledge but He may take me home another way through another illness or accident. He may speak me into 90+ years. He's not promised me any day but today. He is sovereign. He's in utter control & I'm good with that!

Blessings!

Good News, Bad News, GOD News!

2011-02-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Life takes but a moment to change! But a moment to hit hard & but a moment to bless forever! Yesterday, as Mike & I went from one scan & doctor to another, it hit us- we're getting good news & bad news at the same time! Then, with your prayers, texts, inbox messages, fb postings, phones calls & outreaches of love- we're getting GOD News! He's sending us messages of love, strength, hope & peace through you! Through all the news, His news is most important! His news means the most & is really the only news we needed!

A couple of weeks ago, I began getting a little hacking cough, no big deal at all since I'm a grandmother (Sweets) to 2 little boys & am around people eveywhere who are dealing with colds, coughs, etc. Didn't think a thing about it because I feel so good & Mike & I do NOT live our lives in fear of every little thing being cancer, again. We simply chose not to live looking over our shoulders all the time. Neither of us thought a thing about this small cough.

I have planned a trip for a while to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley in San Diego & nothing would interfere with me getting to hold Paisley, so Friday, off I flew to California. I realized after going that I may be taking a cold to sweet Paisley & didn't kiss or breathe on her if at all possible. My shortness of breath was increasing & carrying her around was interrupted because I just couldn't catch a deep breath. Taylor (LVN) wanted to listen to my chest with her stethoscope & was concerned at the shallowness of breath. (Later I learned she cried that night to Tyrel b/c she knew this was not normal.) Upon their encouragement, Taylor took me to a doctor on Monday. I honestly thought I'd get an antibiotic for a cold & my visit could be a good one!
The doctor was willing to give medication per my request to get me through my visit, knowing the situation but wanted to check vitals before prescribing the meds. As he listened to my breathing, he told me my left lung was not working at all & he wanted an x-ray & was insistant. Within minutes I was getting chest x-rays & then he showed Taylor & me the pictures.

Bad news- lung full of fluid, cancer, get back to Texas tonight. Good news- we're an hour from San Diego airport & I have the means to purchase a ticket. GOD news- Taylor was with me! Her strength, faith, & utter love for me was straight from Him & in His plan of protection of me, He gave me Taylor at that moment!

Bad news- I have to leave Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley as we rush to get my bag packed & get on the highways to get to the airport. Good news- internet accessability to check flights, a strong son-in-law to drive us in an emotional trip, traffic moving. GOD news- path prepared & clear at 5pm in the evening on San Diego highways!

Bad news- only minutes to say good-bye. Good news- ticket bought. GOD news- Tyrel praying over us in the middle of a busy airport.

Bad news- doctor said I may need oxygen on the plane. Good news- oxygen available, if needed. Pretty empty flight with row to myself so I can rest. GOD news- 3 women flight attendants, all believers!

Bad news- 3 hours alone on a flight not knowing what is to come. Good news- quiet & rest & tears. GOD news- time alone with Him- I am at peace & am loved!

Bad news- Mike has to walk more journey than I ever wanted him to walk. Good news- no oxygen needed on flight. Mike is waiting to meet me. GOD news- I've been given a mate who loves me with his whole heart!

Monday has finished. Tuesday is coming.

Blessings!

Anticipation!

2010-07-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

Anticipating with joy this new season of life... retirement. After lots of prayer, Mike & I agreed it is time for me to quit working full-time outside our home.

I'm so thankful for the work God has provided for me these many years & pray His direction in this next phase of life.

I have wanted & want now, what God wants me to do. I know that's included the jobs He's given me through the years to help provide for a growing family.

Now, a simpler calendar is what He's calling me to. Can't think of a time- not one season- that God hasn't been good to me! That's why I look to this one with anticipation of His plans for me!

Blessings!

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T05:43:00.000-07:00

Thank-you to ALL who have served and who are serving this country! The true extent of your sacrifice may never be realized or recognized, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping make the USA the greatest country on earth! You are heros to me & I will live in appreciation for you!

I especially remember & thank a very special group of Marines today!

Blessings!

"Nothing I Desire Compares to You!"

2010-05-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Praises! Praises! Bone scan is clean! Thankful! Humbled! Blessed! Thank you, Sweet Lord!

CT scan this morning was for my liver. Haven't gotten the result, yet, but have confidence in the mercy of Jesus! He gets praises before, during & after answers! Praise doesn't hinge on answers... praise relies soley on I AM! So, praises!

CT & bone scans don't physically hurt at all. They're just huge x-ray machines, but there are steps needed to be taken for these machines & Techs to do their jobs. First step is to drink a container of Barium. Now, not to brag, but I'm a world class Barium chugger. I can get that stuff down like nobody' s business! (Not sure how we can send people to the moon, but not get this process a bit easier, but, oh well!) If you ever need a Barium cheerleader in your corner, just call on me!

OK, Step 1, Barium down. Step 2 IV (easy enough), then, lay still, follow directions on breathing & pictues taken. Step 3 Iodine injection into IV to "light up" for the next pictures. This doesn't hurt but is the weirdest sensation! Within seconds of the injection, an extremely warm sensation starts at the top of your head & imediately heads down your body. It can be felt as it travels through the veins & it's just crazy! This allows a few more pictures to be taken. That's it. CT done.

Before removal of the IV, another Tech injects Contrast in preparation for the bone scan. Doesn't hurt but tastes like metal for a few seconds. This REALLY "lights you up" (enough to actualy set an airport security system off!) Crazy! This must stay in one's system for 3 hours before the scan can be done. Hospital staff sends you to breakfast to eat & drink before returning for bone scan.

The bone scan takes about a half hour of laying very still & relaxed. Doesn't hurt at all & I find is a great time for good conversation with the Lord. I've shared before that I ask the Spirit to give me a praise song in that machine. I know hundreds of praise songs, but want Him to choose it for me, so I go in with an open mind & do my best to listen to what He wants from me.

Today, there were 2 songs coming to mind over & over that I sang to Him.
"Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, & nothing I desire compares with You!" & "You are my strength when I am weak, you are the treasure that I seek, You are my All in All!"

I've sung these songs for years, & can't really say either is a particular favorite over other songs, but that's the word today, so, I sang! As I sang, I began to think of things I desire, things I want in life... to be clean of cancer, live many more years with Mike & my children. Have many more years with my grandchildren & watch them grow. See the church mature & prosper, enjoy friendships, work in ministry, go & see & do, etc, etc. (I actually have a lengthy list of "wants".) Then, repeated the verses again & again. "NOTHING I desire compares to You!" & "You are the Treasure that I seek." I wrestled in my spirit to see if I really meant these words... is there ANYTHING or ANYONE that compares to You? Is being free of cancer even in the same ballpark as knowing & living in You? Can my marriage, children or grandchildren share the same level of comparison as my salvation in You? So many of the things I want are good things... but, I have to say, not one of these desires compares to the love, mercy & saving grace given me by Jesus Christ. Nothing compares to Him. No one is His equal.

So, today, the CT & bone scans served as conduits for praise time to my gracious Father. X-ray machines were quiet respites for prayer & He sent His word to me- that NOTHING compares to Jesus. With the peace that comes from Him, He confirmed - again- that He's got me. That no matter the answers, no matter the circumstance or events, He cannot be compared to anything I know, love or want in this life.

I thank you, Father, for Your answer today in granting me a clean bone scan! You're my strength since I'm weak & I really thank You, because I want this so very, very much! I believe with all my heart, even this desire doesn't compare to Your glory! So, today, I walk away from the bone scan still believing that keeping You as my #1 desire is paramount in my life. All the other blessings & desires of life are incredible, gracious gifts from You. I thank you for those gifts- I cherish them- but I don't compare them.

You are the Tresure that I seek.

Blessings!

Deut 31:8 It's a "God-thing"

2010-04-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

"The Lord himself will go before you & be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." (NIV)

A popular saying these days in response to an event in life that's attributed to the spiritual & has nothing to do with coincendence, is "it's a God-thing." Believers know exactly what this means. It's a statement that gives credit where credit is due- to the workings of Almighty God & takes chance completely out of the picture.

The more I believe & the more I witness, the more I'm certain it's ALL a God-thing! He's working at every turn to express His love. He's forever blessing (both in His giving & taking) & longs for close & eternal relationships. He reveals His character & promises His constant presence. Tells us not to be afraid or discouraged. Explains that He goes before us & is in this life's journey with us all the way! Knowing & believing this makes living life a different story! Imagine this!

He has done- again- what He's promised for us! I'm healing from surgery & am overwhelmed by the grace covering me! Incredible, really! Injections for reconstruction began today & will go 6 weeks, for now. The Plastic surgeon will oversee this phase & set our course for the next weeks/months ahead.

The CT & Bone scans with the Oncologist are set for the first half of May. So, if you're not tired of praying for us, please pray God keeps me clear of any reoccuring cancer! I'm thankful to be the daughter of The King since His mercies are new every morning & He NEVER will leave or forsake me! (read above scripture again!)

So, with ALL this that's still happening, I'm NOT afraid or discouraged! How can I be?? God has been & is rock-hard faithful! You have stood by me & for me, too! I simply cannot face any procedure or challenge with fear or discouragement!

Go before me, Lord, go before me & I will meet You there because it's ALL a God-thing!

Blessings!

Day 12 Post-Surgery Update

2010-04-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

Wow! So thankful for each day's healing post-surgery! This is no joke of a surgery & completely remarkable that medical minds have even been able to think it through & accomplish such things!

Had 1 post-op appointment with breast surgeon this week, now today, another appointment with plastic surgeon. My body is tracking on the appropriate timeframe, so again, that's another praise. (I can understand now why they've allotted 6 weeks to thoroughly heal!)

I've had a couple of teary times lately, (would be lieing if I told you this was easy) but count that as normal for all we're dealing with. Then, within a little while, gain prespective, & get ready to face the next step in this journey.

Really, I don't know what I'd do without Mike & his unending love, support, patience & strength. Have no doubt that husbands go through breast cancer, too. And, his commitment to the Lord & to me cannot be described in a brief blog.

Thank you for continued prayer, love & support expressed daily. We've an amazing support group who's actions can only be attributed to the love had for Jesus. Then, that love just spills over onto us. We thank you!

Blessings!

Easter 2010

2010-04-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

Got to spend some fun time with Cason & Braden Easter evening. Really, could they be any cuter? Thank you, Lord, for the boys!

Quick Note

2010-04-14T14:56:00.000-07:00

Thank-you, Lord! I'm feeling WAY better than anticipated at this point & am bouncing off the walls with PRAISE! Still look like a road-map & got word from Pathology report that there were some pre-cancerous cells (NOT cancer) in the tissue removed in surgery. The surgeon got it all, so there's another praise! I also have a bunch of healing to do, but for what my body has been through, I'm just so thankful! :)
Never-ending thanks to those of you who are still praying! Please don't think for a second that what you're doing is not VITAL for my recovery & healing! Praying to & PRAISING the Great Physician is the most important work of Believers & Mike & I thank God for you & pray blessings on you & your families!

Blessings!

MAC Truck!

2010-04-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

I've never actually been hit by a MAC truck racing down the road at 90 mph but I think this surgery could probably be compared to it! LOL! Wow! Amazing! Really, can you imagine people understanding this kind of thing & working to better another's life? So thankful God's provided some medical minds with such abilities!

I'm doing well, but not running any races right now. I tolerate all the pain meds & antibitotics very well, & am thankful. Also, am following Doctor's orders by breathing deeply & walking around the house several times a day, eating well (no nausea!) & resting! Can't pick up anything at all with my arms but have good, strong legs & Mike to help me in & out of bed. (Please, make certain Mike is in every prayer you speak for us!) Recovery runs about 6 weeks, & I'll be seeing doctors all along the way. Will post again soon.

Continuing to be amazed at the love & support of family & friends. Content & at peace with this journey. Choosing to worship our living God!

Blessings!

Running the Race

2010-04-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

This breast-cancer marathon isn't the 26.2 miles one runs on a Saturday. It's not got a well-defined Start & Finish line & time to prepare, but it does have some things in common to an amazing feat like that.

Both kinds of marathons aren't limited to the physical, but demand mental, emotional & spiritual stamina, too. They require a huge support team & a host of crew members for preparation & safety of the runners. Marathon runners are assigned numbers, monitored closely & require knowledgeable people of their physical & mental needs during the run. Every detail is covered, even down to the shoes best suited for that particular athelete.

I know people who are not afraid of running marathons. Not intimidated by the distance. Not side-lined when the race gets hard. There are loved ones & strangers who've run the breast-cancer marathon with us & faithfully prayed for my family & me for over a year through this particular run! That's really an amazing thing to think about & that kind of commitment & love will forever be engraved on our hearts!

You are the people we call on- again. Keep praying our family through this upcoming surgery. Keep praying God protect my body from any return of cancer. Keep praying we keep focused on Jesus everyday & do not go even a moment without Him!

Thank you, dear friends! Thank you for running the race with us & believing in a strong finish! We serve a sweet & powerful Lord who supplies every single detail we need in the race. Makes running it worth every step! Makes seeing it through even that much sweeter! Makes the prize at the end priceless!

Blessings!

What an Easter!

2010-04-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

Easter Sunday was yesterday. Absolutley beautiful weather & another day to be most thankful for Jesus. Imagine! The Son of God leaving heaven, living here & being killed by the very people He came to save! Then, raising from the dead 3 days later! All this to create -for all mankind -a way back to God! All that for you & me. Amazing love, amazing actions!

Forces me to think about a lot of things in life. Demands me face my sin & His saving. Makes me thankful, from my core, that I will be in heaven forever! It's Easter!

Jesus loves me & He sees the big picture for me for all time.
Jesus forgives me & knows I'm lost without His grace!
Jesus changes me & doesn't let my sin stop Him from moving me to a deeper place with Him.

Jesus saves me & paid my debt with His own life!

Wow! What a Savior! What an Easter!
Blessings!

Happy 3rd Birthday Cason!

2010-03-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Cason! You're the greatest 3 year old, ever! Have a happy, happy day!

Happy 30th Birthday Eric!

2010-03-13T19:29:00.000-08:00

Happy 30th Birthday Eric! Hope you had the greastest day! Welcome to the 30's!!!

Happy Birthdays!

2010-02-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Happy, Happy Birthdays to Randi & Tyrel! Love you both so much!

Wow! A Year!

2010-02-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

Today marks a year since the surgeon confirmed "breast cancer." Wow! My head still spins just thinking about it. Spins even more when I think about all God has done through it! He has been faithful & He remains soverign.
Not every answer He gave was what we wanted. We prayed while we waited for biopsy results, that the tumor be benign... and it wasn't. He could have made it so, but He didn't.
Every answer He did give, though, was merciful. The times He said, "No," His strength carried us. The times He said, "Trust Me," His peace covered us & the times He said, "Not now," His patience sustained us.
Then God said, "YES!" to cancer dieing & it was resounding! His voice shook us to our core & displayed His mercy & power!
This year has been like none other for us, but Mike & I will say together, that everyday of it was blessed. Everyday of it, God showed Himself true. Everyday of it proved there's no greater community in the world than that of believers & everyday of it there was peace the world can't possibly understand.
Yes, today marks a year in the life of one lady with breast cancer. But, it's also a year in the life of my physical family who's faithfully walked the road with me & a year in the life of a spiritual family that's living out the love of Jesus towards me.
Wow! A year! That's what a year in the life of our Lord looks like!
Blessings!

The Pink Hat

2010-01-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

Walking into any surgeon's waiting room can be a daunting experience. People from all walks of life, all ages, races, religions & backgrounds are waiting on some sort of intimate news that will effect their bodies & lives. They're waiting & hoping for some sort of answer, direction or fix. They're making plans or have had their plans interrupted. They're very possibly scared or tired or sick. In a plastic surgeon's office, you've even got people who are happy! They're going to get a nicer nose, tummy tuck, scars repaired or a new set of breasts. They're looking forward to the miracle the surgeon is going to perform on them & they wait with anticipation of how beautiful they'll be if they can just get a surgery done.

The plastic's waiting room that afternoon was full. Mike & I took the last 2 separate seats in the room. There was a mixture of people who had never seen one another prior to this appointment, nor probably ever would again. A unique group of strangers thrown all together in one room- a plastic surgeon's waiting room in downtown Ft. Worth, Texas.

I couldn't help but notice right away, a couple in their mid- 40's, a bit rough around the edges & smelling of cigarette smoke, sitting quietly, holding hands. I took the single seat next to the husband. She was obviously in or just out of chemo treatments for she was bald with a soft & fuzzy, pink hat covering her bare skin. The hat had several pink ribbon pins attached, signifying breast cancer awareness & she sat quietly without a smile. I could read it all over her sweet face- she was tired. She was tired of being sick from chemo. She was tired of doctor appointments, treatments & losing herself to cancer. Her appointment today would probably include a discussion she never envisioned herself having with anyone. That of reconstructing her breasts after mastectomies. This, of course, was a presumption on my part, but in my heart, I knew I had assessed this one correctly.

All I said was, "I like your hat." That's all it took. That's all that was needed to open up the hearts of everyone in that waiting room! The emotions, thoughts, fears & feelings of the people in that room came barreling out to one another. You couldn't get the room quiet after that simple acknowledgement! It was like we were long, lost friends & I believe, it was a God appointed time.

I learned, on this day, the young black man was meeting with the surgeon to have a tattoo removed from his throat in hopes of joining the Navy. His future depended on the answer from this "miracle-doctor". His father waited with him for encouragement & hope for his son.

A middle-aged black woman, heavy set & walking with a cane was eager to ask the 40's something, white lady in the pink hat about her cancer. She & her young adult daughter wanted to offer encouragment & were ready to do just that when the "quiet" was broken in the room. After I asked the lady in the pink hat if she was walking this journey with the Lord, and she responded that she was, the two ladies on the other side of this small waiting room, jumped at the opportunity to encourage her & remind her God was with her!

Then, the father waiting for his son, asked the lady in the pink hat if he could put her on his church's prayer list. He wanted his group to pray for her. He shared with everyone in the room that he'd seen an ad that morning on tv about breast cancer & women dressed in pink. He said he knew he was to look for a "pink" lady that day & God had put her in his path to pray for her. God was praised that day, in that room, by the response of His children to one another. (This man didn't ask about praying for me, & it didn't offend me at all. I thanked God because that man didn't even realize I had been sick! Bringing me this far- that alone is worthy of praise!)

Make no mistake about breast surgery. There are augmentations & there are reconstructions. The two are not the same! The women waiting on their appointments with a plastics surgeon have all together different demeanors, depending on which surgery they seek. One is getting a set of beautiful, perky new breasts & the other is going to endure surgery & painful injections to rebuild what cancer has so mercilessly ripped apart.

No matter the reason we're in the waiting room, we all need the Lord. Some are patients, some are supporters, & all are in need. In the happy times, sad times, painful times, joyful times, quiet times & times in the doctor's waiting rooms, we're simply in need of Him. We're all in need of prayer. We're all in need of encouragement. We're all needing kind words & support. We may overlook it at first, but we're all wearing a pink hat.

Blessings!

Adios, Good-bye & Ciao- 2009!

2009-12-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

From this human perspective, it's easy to say good-bye to 2009! This year has been- well, it's been a year to remember! Breast cancer, three surgeries, chemo & radiation make for an eventful calendar in the course of a year! Scans, labs, doctor's appointments, prescriptions & doing it all over & over & over- well, it's not something I'm gonna miss on a daily basis! Just saying...

2009 has also carried some more hard things- both personally & for people I love & care about. 2 Marine Corps deployments for my son-in-law & daughter; a myriad of family & friend illnesses & deaths; loss of jobs for many friends; divorces & a host of family matters for people I love; lots & lots of tears & prayers in 2009.

But, would I change any of it? Can't say that I would, really. God hasn't changed one bit thru all of 2009! He's remained His true self by displaying His mercy, comfort, strength & soverignty at every turn! Reading Job 40 this morning (The Message) reminded me of a conversation between God & Job. God asked Job if he wanted to haul Him into court & press charges after everything that had happened to him. Job's response was simple. "I'm ready to shut-up & listen."

That's how I feel right now. No questioning of why's & how's of the past year- just want to listen to the Lord. Just want to know Him better. Just want to participate in His will for me. Just want to see Him in everything & have the faith to walk the road He's set before me.

What about 2010? What's it going to hold? What's going to happen? What will be the results of more surgeries & cancer? What about more deployments for our Troops & my son-in-law? What about the families I love who are in turmoil? What about jobs? Will they come back?

The answer to all these questions is that I didn't set the stars in the sky. I didn't speak the universe into existence. I don't hold the mountains in the palms of my hands. I don't know the answers & don't want to know them. My God knows them. My God goes before me & that's all I need to know!

I will not walk into 2010 without Him! But, with Him, I say ,"Bring it on!"

Blessings!

Happy Birthday, Mike!

2009-11-24T04:51:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Hope this day is a happy, fun day for you! I love you from the bottom of my heart & am blessed to spend my life with you!

You're the best!

-Sharon

Happy 1st Birthday, Braden!

2009-11-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Happy 1st Birthday, Braden!

Braden,

Our family is better because you're in it! It's brighter & happier! It's funnier & more tender! It's more joyous & interesting! God blessed us when He added you to our number!

You're a very special gift to us & we've not taken a minute with you & Cason for granted this year! We love you & hope you have a great, great day with lots of hugs & kisses!

Blessings, Baby B!

-Sweets & HaHa

The Silversmith

2009-11-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

In January 2008, my sister-in-law, Cindy, sent me this email forward. She & I had absolutely no idea that 1 year later, we both would hear the diagnosis, "cancer." She with thyroid cancer & me, breast cancer. I was re-reading this & thought about all the ways God watches, cares, protects & refines me. All the ways He's blessing me that I take for granted. How He pays attention to all the "behind the scenes" & intimate details of my life.

"Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner & purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study & they wondered what it meant about the character & nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver & get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a Silversmith & made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the Silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire & let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time. The man answered that , "yes," he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her & answered, Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you & will keep watching until He sees His image in you!"

Yes, my Lord is doing whatever it takes to make me look like the daughter I'm supposed to be! The one He's created. The one He's so proud of! Sitting by the hot fire, refining every detail of my life! No, I had no idea when I first read this email exactly how hot the fire could get- but, I trust THE Silversmith! I trust He's watching every second & paying close attention until He sees His own merciful reflection in my life!

Blessings!

Praising in the "Yes!" & "No."

2009-11-10T13:00:00.001-08:00

God has been so merciful to us, AGAIN! The bone scan shows, "no evidence of metastatic disease," which means the cancer hasn't spread & there are no tumors in my bones! My family & I thank Him from the bottom of our hearts! We don't accept His mercy lightly & know this is a precious gift from Him!

As I've written from the beginning of this journey, Mike & I commited our lives to Jesus Christ many years ago, & when we did, they became His- not ours. Our Father can use us any way He chooses for His glory & we submit to His will. So, even if the news had been different today, the cry of praise would be the same! I know & love many people with cancer. We don't all receive the same news at the same time, but we still serve a merciful, loving God! Today, He is using a "YES!" over my cancer to bring Him praise, so we praise!

This week we've heard a "YES!" & at the same time some others have heard "No." This has been & is an incredibly difficult week in our country! The murders of 13 soldiers & civilians & wounding of 30 more at Fort Hood is unspeakable! We still trust Him to bring good out of what a man wanted for evil! We praise Him for being a God of love & not hate! For true followers of Almighty God, this brutal act on other human beings is heart wrenching! There will be rewards for the hearts that hold on to God through such wickedness of man!

So, for all our days of "Yes's" & "No's" we proclaim, "Praise!" For the days we hear, "cancer" & the days we hear, "clear", we sing, "Praise!" For the days- all the days- we choose "Praise!" Then, "when we've been there 10,000 years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun!"

Blessings!

CT Scan

2009-11-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

The CT Scan results are just in & showing no tumors! God continues in His merciful answers toward Mike & me! The love, support & prayers for us mean more than you can ever, ever know!

Blessings!

1st Post-Treatment Scan

2009-11-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

Please pray that God is wide awake early in the morning for my first 2 post-treatment body scans! :) These tests can determine if any remaining cancer cells are forming tumors in my bones, abdomen, chest or liver. Pray, no tumors! Then, I'll meet with the Oncologist Tuesday for full lab work, port flush & results of the scan. So, pray, people! God is so, so, so faithful! He's been with my family & me every step of the way, so there's NO doubt - at all- that He is still at work for us. He's still loving, molding, shaping, honing, carrying & saving us! Wow! Pray that we're faithful in return!

Blessings!

2nd Anniversary!

2009-11-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Tyrel & Taylor on this 2nd wedding anniversary! You're the greatest couple & we pray God's blessings on you every day! Love you!

Punkin' Punkin' Punkin'

2009-11-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of pictures Randi posted on her blog of HaHa & Sweets (Mike & me) with Cason & Braden at their first pumpkin carving with their daddy.

Cason named him, "Punkin' Punkin' Punkin'" & loved blowing out the candle as soon as any of us could light it for him. Braden just loved being there!

(Randi took this picture of me with my post-chemo hair! I thought I'd post it since many, many friends don't recognize me at all!) I really do look so different, but funny how hair - long, short, or any color- doesn't make the "worry" list these days!

Time with these little guys, however, is high priority!

Blessings!

Virginia Beach 10K!

2009-10-31T06:20:00.000-07:00

Taylor,
This post is for you, my dear! Running your first 10k as I write is amazing & we're proud of you! You can do it! You've trained & prepared & you're ready!

All of us who know you, know your heart & will is what will get you through! Your hubby is cheering (I can hear him from here!!!) He's just as proud as can be of your determination to do this!

Not all 10k's are created equal in matters of the heart & mind. You, sweet daughter, get it done every day! Sure, we're proud of the run, but way more than that, proud of who you are & how you're living!

Go the distance & finish strong!

Blessings!
-Mom

The Equalizer

2009-10-26T17:09:00.001-07:00

It's been said that cancer is the great equalizer. No matter the color of skin, size of paycheck or number of candles on the birthday cake, cancer's not discerning of the next body it attacks. Because of this "equalizing", emotional walls we've built come crumbling down with others who are in the same "cancer boat." I've found that one of the most wide open doors to another person's heart is in a doctor's waiting room, lab or hospital. Maybe I was catching them just before hearing results of a scan, post-surgery, infusion or labs. If my eyes & ears were open to another, emotions would flow from their hearts, to me, a stranger!

I learned from the Lord thru this year to really, really watch & listen to people He put before me. I was sure if I listened to Him, I could be encouraging to other patients as they faced their illnesses. Sure enough, as I was waiting in the ladies' locker room for radiation one day, a lady came in I'd not seen before. She was in her early 50's, about 5 feet tall & very thin. Her face was weathered & worn & her ponytail was windblown from the motorcycle ride she'd made into treatment.

She & I looked different outwardly but shared something far more intimate than outward appearance. We shared cancer. As we sat in that ladies' locker room awaiting radiation, it really didn't matter who we were, where we came from or what we did for a living. It didn't matter how much money we made, who our parents were or what college we attended. We were just two ladies whose lives collided one day.

There is no time to lose in those waiting rooms. There's an acute awareness of time & people & illness. I found out very quickly she had colon cancer. After saying our hello's & determining the kinds of cancer we each had, she stood up & opened her hospital gown to me, revealing her bare, scarred up body. Besides chemo & radiation, she'd had had 24 surgeries in 3 & a half years! Her torso looked like a battle field! It was really unbelievable & incredibly humbling for me to witness such openess from a person I'd not met until moments earlier! For as hard as my journey's been this year, I felt it mild in comparison to her's!

The first thing I did was thank her for trusting me enough to show me her body & scars. As she closed up her gown, I asked her if she knew Jesus. She not only knew Him, but loved & followed Him! She was walking every step of her cancer journey with God & discussed Him openly. She was a strong believer & we had a immediate bond. We had two bonds, actually. The cancer bond & the Lord. The person I thought I'd be encouraging flipped that around in a heartbeat. She lifted my spirits with her great attitude & love for God. Her smile reminded me that God loves all of us. He cares about all people of all colors & walks of life. He saves in all economies.

Ever imagine how colorful heaven will be? I mean all the different people there? I can say with my whole heart, there will be a tattooed, weathered lady I will look up when I get there! She won't be sick anymore & we'll praise our God forever- together- when we have all the time in the world!

Yes, cancer is a great equalizer but it doesn't compare to God's love!

Blessings!

Status Update

2009-10-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

Another note to say, "Thank-you!" for the continued prayer & love support that's generously given to my family & me! Love is an amazing thing to watch in action! You are an amazing people & we are blessed, blessed, blessed!

Radiation was complete mid-September, so now is the time for healing & strength to be renewed. I'm one month into the 6 month "cooling" from radiation & am doing well. The radiation burn is healing nicely & I continue to care for the skin that took the treatment. Radiation damages cancer cells to slow or nullify their ability to reproduce, so it's a tough treatment, for sure! It damages the good cells, too, since it can't differentiate between the two, so it takes the body working hard to recover. That's what this time if for, so I'm doing my best to listen to my body & live a slower pace than I used to.

My heart is much more in tune these days to people who have or have had health issues. Just saw a good friend who had heart surgery months ago, & she's still hurting & dealing with pain & health issues. She looks great & is healing- but that's what I understand now- she's in a long process. Not restored physically as instantly as we tend to want. The body needs time after trauma & we're ones who want it now! Sometimes God brings healing miraculously & sometimes He brings it through medicine & time. Waiting on Him can be difficult & it can also be a great blessing! I'm learning to wait & be patient & listen & trust. I'm also learning to be more tender to others. I pray my heart is incredibly tender to the suffering of others for the rest of my days & not rushing them out of God's timing for my sake or my agenda.

God is still good everyday, all the time! He shows Himself in the most amazing ways & it will be really, really fun in heaven to understand completely just how He worked out all our journeys for our good & entertwined our lives! It's gonna be great to see Him face to face, isn't it? For now, we get to live covered up by His blessings, & eventhough our understanding is limited, we can know we are loved beyond measure!

Blessings!

That's Too Long!

2009-10-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Years ago there was a Wolf Brand Chili TV commercial that went something like, "How long has it been since you've a hot, steamin' bowl of Wolf Brand Chili?"... the answer came in, "Well, that's too long!" I got to thinking about that catchy TV ad during a recent roadtrip & began to ask myself how long it's been since I've seen God in the day to day events & moments of my life. How long has it been since I've noticed Him & paid attention to His presence? How long has it been that I really looked for Him? When was the last time I heard Him say- for certain- that He loves me all the time? ... "Well, that's too long!"

"How long has it been since I've seen God in the day to day events of life?" To get the answer, I ask myself how long it's been since I've held a sleeping baby, played with a puppy, or watched the sun rise? When was the last time I witnessed the colors of the leaves changing in the fall, or felt the summer raindrops against my face? How long has it been that I looked into a child's eyes, or listened to the slow, steady breathing of my spouse as he lays beside me in the night? How long has it been since I've gotten asway from the city lights & looked up into the night sky to count the stars? How long has it been since I've taken a roadtrip thru the mountains & breathed the crisp mountain air?

What about His love letter to me? How long has it been since I've read it & taken it to heart? How long has it been since I've thanked a friend for their care & kindness? How long has it been since I've really cherished my children? How long has it been since I rejoiced over the empty tomb, or was honored to witness a loved one's wedding vows? How long has it been since I felt real peace that I can't even describe, or shed tears with a friend? How long has it been since I've rolled on the floor in laughtor with a 2-year old? How long has it been that I've suffered a heartfelt loss & realized how deeply I can love?

How long has it been since I've appreciated the creativity of the Creator or witnessed another giving their life to God? How long has it been since I've appreciated the courage of another? How long has it been since I've taken a long look at the cross & tasted the sorrow & love displayed there? How long has it been since I took the time to count the birds at the feeder, or examined the billowing clouds just before a thunderstorm?

How long has it been since I've seen God? Well, that's too long! He's in it all! "All in All, Beginning & End, I AM."

Everyday, every life!

Blessings!

Mercy Me!

2009-10-14T05:41:00.001-07:00

One thing I know for certain is that the Word of God never grows old. It's relevant on every level to every person for all generations. God created & designed me, so it makes sense that He knows me thru & thru & knows what will give me joy & what will bring heartache. He's always working for me & hoping with all His heart, I will choose Him!

There's a story Jesus tells in Luke (one of the gospels in the New Testament) about the separation of a father & son. We call it, "The Prodigal Son". One of a man's sons demands his future inheritance from his father & goes far from home spending his money in destructive ways. Once the money is gone, so are the "friends". He has no choice but to return to his father & beg to be taken in as a servant or he'll die.

One of the most beautiful scenes Jesus described in this story is that the father is standing on the porch hoping, with all his might, that his son would return home. He stood on that porch & watched for his son everyday just hoping that would be the one! He would not give up on him- ever! The day finally comes & he sees his son on the horizon making the long trip home. Jesus tells us the fahter starts running toward his son. He can't wait, he just cannot wait to hold & kiss his child! He cannot help but open his arms wide & is compelled to hold him in the biggest bear hug ever invented! Will he take him back as a servant into his household? NO! He will ONLY take him back as a son, his rightful place as a full member of the family!

After the father hugs, kisses & gives him a family ring, he throws his son a party! He leaves no detail undone, because this party is all out! The best calf he has, that's been fattened just for partying, is prepared in honor of his son. He invites all family & friends to this reunion because they HAVE to share in this kind of joy! Don't be mistaken, this was a party! Music, dancing & shouting! Tears of joy were shared by loved ones at this party, as well as high pitched shouts of joy when each person laid eyes on him for the first time in a long time! The dad held nothing back! No expense was spared! His son had been lost & away from him & now was back! He's where he belonged! He's home!

Jesus tells us the older brother was not much in the partying mood, though. He was jealous & angry that his dad would make such a big deal over his brother coming home when he'd been the faithful one all along. He'd been working all these years on the family land & really didn't believe his younger brother deserved to share in this family status, anymore. Wow! Family dynamics can be a kick in the pants, right? Complicated, for sure!

The most beautiful part of this story is that of mercy. The dad was compelled to extend mercy at the same time he extended those open arms to his boy! Mercy was the theme of the day! Mercy says that status into the family is sure. It's forever. Mercy makes no sense- that's why it's mercy! That's why it's NOT "the third degree". That's why it's NOT "earning" back one's place! Mercy is NOT "pointing the finger." It's MERCY!

The oldest brother got his dad's mercy, too! He didn't lose the love of this man. He didn't lose his family. He needed mercy to understand it all & that's what he got. It's not anything either of these boys deserved! It's not anything I deserve! But, it's sweet! It's MERCY!

Yes, mercy is not what I'm owed, but it's what I WANT! It's what I NEED! It's the ONLY way for me to be in the Family! My sweet, sweet Father has extended His open arms & covered me in mercy! What a story Jesus told! What a picture He's painted for me to see!

Jesus, thank you for telling this story! Thank you that the dad in this story reflects my Dad in heaven! Thank you, that You always greet me with open arms! Thank you, for the party You constantly throw for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you for MERCY!

*Special thanks to Rick A for your teaching & focus on God's Word! Special thanks for "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly".

Blessings!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2009-10-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

It will be a great day when cancer is a thing of the past! October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month & the pink ribbons are all around! So thankful for the research & study going on to get rid of this terrible disease! I've learned this year that the many kinds of cancer are all represented by particular colors. Peach for Uterine Cancer, pink for Breast Cancer, teal for Ovarian Cancer, dark blue for Colon Cancer, white for Lung Cancer, black for Skin Cancer, lavender for All Cancers & turquiose for Lymphedema Awareness.

I pray no one else gets cancer. I pray cancer is only read about in history books by my grandsons. I pray families can go their whole lives & not endure this disease. But, most of all I pray that anyone & everyone that is effected by any kind of cancer runs to Jesus thru it all! I pray women who hear the words, "You have breast cancer" won't even consider facing it alone! I pray families will completely lean on Jesus as they care for loved ones with cancer. I pray Jesus is the answer for each precious person. That's why He came to earth. To be the answer. He died & was raised from the dead for me & every person for all time. He's the answer in the midst of all the questions about cancer. He's my answer & my family's answer. Until cancer is gone for good & then beyond, Jesus will always be the only answer.

Blessings!

Quick Update

2009-10-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've not posted in a couple of weeks, not because I have nothing on my heart, but because I have so much! There's so much on my mind & heart & God has been so busy with me! Teaching me, growing me, protecting me... I'm going to post some things soon- when it slows down to a mild spin in my head!
I'm doing really well considering everything my body has been through. I'm so thankful & my family is so thankful for all the blessings of 2009.
I'm going to continue journaling this journey with it's ups & downs, and hopefully, God will be always be glorified. Simply, because He deserves it!
Blessings!

Radiation in the Rear View Mirror!

2009-09-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

That's right! May sound like the title of a country song, but radiation treatment is now a thing of the past in this journey! #25 was Friday & we're so thankful! Thank you, Lord, for seeing us thru & answering "YES!" over & over & over! We're forever grateful to an incredibly loving & powerful Father! We're forever grateful for a loving & supportive family! We're forever grateful for believing, loving & supportive friends! And, we're forever grateful to dedicated & knowledgable medical staff! We are most blessed & we know it! We don't take one of these blessings for granted as God & loved ones are the reasons we've gotten this far!

When Mike & I learned the whole schedule of treatment back in February (as I was healing from a hysterectomy that was unrelated to cancer), we broke the treatment down into 4 parts, in our minds, in order to more easily "digest" it all. The smaller increments were more palitable & easier to get our minds around. As each part of treatment was faced & completed, we felt success & bits of encouragment. Now, all 4 parts of treatment are done! WOW!

Treatments are done & the healing journey begins. Radiation has burned my skin & it's beginning to peel, so it feels like a sunburn. There are presciption ointments I use to care for the skin as best as possible because radiation really ruins the skin to a great degree. There have been no blisters, so I'm thankful for that. It's diffucult to wear certain clothes right now, because of my skin, but that will only be for a few more weeks. The potency of chemo & radiation connot be underestimated. These treatments make their impact known, so it will take some time to feel "normal" again... but, I'm on my way to that day!

"Radiation in the Rear View Mirror" is a song I'll sing every day!

Blessings!

Radiation #22!

2009-09-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

Radiaiton #22 completed! There are 3 more & I'm thankful to be nearly done! My body needs several months to recover from radiation & to regain some stamina. I'm also burned a bit from treatments, but no blistering, so that's a blessing. Doctors give a 6-month "cooling" period before going forward with the additional surgeries, so those will not be until the spring of next year. A huge continued thanks for your love, prayers & suppport! God is always faithful!

Blessings!