"Advantage" "Advantage" "Advantage"... this is the word from Holy Spirit to me since last Friday. (The picture of incredible tennis matches at Wimbledon come in my head & when an athlete gets to "Advantage", they're almost there! They right at the brink of the win!) He keeps sending this word to me & I'm praying & thinking & dwelling on His message. He's giving me the gift of "Advantage" in knowing Him, living a life in His peace, loving & being loved & walking in a prepared-ness with my family & Him.
"Advantage" means God speaks this cancer gone! He can do this easily! In His power this is doable & that's what I ask of Him. I also pray I walk in submission to Him because He does not always rescue those He loves, out of the fire. "Advantage" He IS answering prayers right now. He's having us walk this cancer road, but not having us go it alone. Thank Him for His answers - even when those answers may not be the ones we're looking for. "Advantage" in Him doesn't always mean a physical healing in a fallen world. When Eric & Randi yell at their boys to get out of the street, the boys don't need to know all the ramifications of that word, just that their parents said to do it! All that's required of them in that moment is obedience! They can understand it later. They can realize at a later time that their parents acted strongly in love on their behalf, & they weren't mean parents at all- but full of love for them! "Advantage" means immediately acting in obedience even when the answers are hard & don't make since. Even when I don't comletely "get it"! "Advantage" is being a cherished daughter of God Almighty that is kept out of the street & watched constantly through eyes of love!
"Advantage" this clinical trial is available to me & begins this morning. Pray my body will respond to this chemo & that the cancer will slow in it's growth. The hope is that this will extend my life. Medically, both chemically & naturally, there is no cure for Metastatic disease (chronic Triple Negative Breast Cancer). Women living with metastatic disease for various amounts of time - and there are many- do so because God has said it so. From an earthly perspective, though, there is no cure. (There are lots of cancers in this same catagory, so the continuing clinical trials are vital to us as a society. When a particular path is proven to cure this disease, we'll all know it because women & their families will be shouting from the rooftops!) "Advantage" God will be praised when cancer is a thing of the past! The hard reality- right now- is that this is a mean 'ole disease & it's taking my earthly life.
My left lung that was drained 9 days ago has rapidly re-filled, so chemo can possibly slow this down drastically- IF my body responds. Pray this happens! There's no way to know this for a few weeks. Some women's bodies respond & some don't. So, pray mine does! "Advantage" is having direct access at any & all moments to THE Creator of the Universe!
"Advantage" is that God gets praise either way! What a wonderful blessing to be able to say this & mean it! "Advantage" is living in peace & TRULY believing from the bottom of our hearts that this life is not all there is. That we continue living from now on- forever! God deserves the glory- NO MATTER what happens here! Mike & I have commited that to Him from the very first day of diagnosis & we will NOT change our minds! We believe He is sovereign & these are not just flowery terms! "Advantage" is this reality!
"Advantage" is when what we say we believe is tested & comes out true. When God proves Himself over & over in His provision. Thank you, Holy Spirit for engraving "Advantage" in my heart! For communicating in the sweetest of ways with me! For providing for my heart all I need for today! Thank you for "Advantage" of life in You!
"Advantage" Sweet Father God! "Advantage", Jesus Christ! "Advantage" Holy Spirit! What an "Advantage" it is!
Blessings!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's Not Hollywood
It's not Hollywood. There's no soft music playing in the background. Hair & make-up isn't always intact & exactly the right words are not always spoken at just the right time, with scenes fading in & out & characters move gracefully to the next encounters with no "war wounds" from the scene just ended. In Hollywood, the players can receive gun shots wounds & still jump from building to building, living & dying at just the right moment as the music crescendos!
Real life journeys are not Holloywood journeys & can be full of potholes, dark shadows, 90 degree unexpected bends in the road & supply no scripts! Some of these trials cause us to be hanging off the cliffs by our fingernails, & it's a real cliff, not just a stage prop with soft mattresses below prepared to break our fall!
My family & I are walking a real life journey of a devastating disease. This is one of those journeys that has no script. No director telling us exactly what to say to each other or how to act on any given day or moment. Our family is far from perfect in this circumstance. We haven't walked this particular winding road before, & are stumping our toes, falling over the boulders in the path & getting hit in the gut with this news & that news before being able to catch our collective breaths!
It's not Hollywood! It's a real life journey, with real life people & it's hard. It's lonely & at times, gut-wrenching.
This real life journey's not got Hollywood's shallowness, either! It's a jouney full of real love & hope! It's lead by THE Director Who's not only TELLING us where to go but LEADING us there. He's lighting this real-life path as we travel & smoothing out the rough spots so when we hit a bump in the road it will not be a devasting blow but simply stay a nuisance. He's providing what we need, when we need it & if you don't know Jesus, you probably think I'm crazy saying this! But, He's REAL & His provision is REAL, & His peace is REAL! It's not Hollywood!
Here's what my family & me believe & are experiencing:
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars, containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus might also be seen in our bodies." (II Cor 4: 7-10
My family & I are terribly sad right now, but are walking in the REAL joy of the Lord. We're disappointed, but we're not defeated. We don't want cancer to be in our lives but we're not angry with God that it is. We don't know exaclty how to do this but we're taking one step at a time.
Medically, the last 2 days have been a whirlwind! Oncology appointment with a tremendous amount of information & a staff working hard on our behalf, entering me into a clinical trial program. A doctor who has taken all the time we need to hear about medical options, treatments, & trials. Prayers. Decisions. Action. Scans & labs. Chemo begins Friday. Our hope is this treatment will extend my life but if the medicines don't work, my family & I still stand secure.
Going back to the scripture above, I read again that "we're pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed." My family & I really are good! In real life, we can't shoot the scene & then walk away as if nothing is amiss. It's not Hollywood. But, give me real life anyday, when it's full of hope! Give me real life anyday, when it's full of love! Give me real life over Hollywood anyday when it's with Jesus!
Blessings!
Real life journeys are not Holloywood journeys & can be full of potholes, dark shadows, 90 degree unexpected bends in the road & supply no scripts! Some of these trials cause us to be hanging off the cliffs by our fingernails, & it's a real cliff, not just a stage prop with soft mattresses below prepared to break our fall!
My family & I are walking a real life journey of a devastating disease. This is one of those journeys that has no script. No director telling us exactly what to say to each other or how to act on any given day or moment. Our family is far from perfect in this circumstance. We haven't walked this particular winding road before, & are stumping our toes, falling over the boulders in the path & getting hit in the gut with this news & that news before being able to catch our collective breaths!
It's not Hollywood! It's a real life journey, with real life people & it's hard. It's lonely & at times, gut-wrenching.
This real life journey's not got Hollywood's shallowness, either! It's a jouney full of real love & hope! It's lead by THE Director Who's not only TELLING us where to go but LEADING us there. He's lighting this real-life path as we travel & smoothing out the rough spots so when we hit a bump in the road it will not be a devasting blow but simply stay a nuisance. He's providing what we need, when we need it & if you don't know Jesus, you probably think I'm crazy saying this! But, He's REAL & His provision is REAL, & His peace is REAL! It's not Hollywood!
Here's what my family & me believe & are experiencing:
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars, containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus might also be seen in our bodies." (II Cor 4: 7-10
My family & I are terribly sad right now, but are walking in the REAL joy of the Lord. We're disappointed, but we're not defeated. We don't want cancer to be in our lives but we're not angry with God that it is. We don't know exaclty how to do this but we're taking one step at a time.
Medically, the last 2 days have been a whirlwind! Oncology appointment with a tremendous amount of information & a staff working hard on our behalf, entering me into a clinical trial program. A doctor who has taken all the time we need to hear about medical options, treatments, & trials. Prayers. Decisions. Action. Scans & labs. Chemo begins Friday. Our hope is this treatment will extend my life but if the medicines don't work, my family & I still stand secure.
Going back to the scripture above, I read again that "we're pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed." My family & I really are good! In real life, we can't shoot the scene & then walk away as if nothing is amiss. It's not Hollywood. But, give me real life anyday, when it's full of hope! Give me real life anyday, when it's full of love! Give me real life over Hollywood anyday when it's with Jesus!
Blessings!
Monday, February 14, 2011
"All We Need" & Strawberry Bread
"All We Need" & Strawberry Bread. Sounds weird, I know, but hear me out. Randi asked for my Strawberry Bread recipe yesterday & I've not made it in several years, so, a short search was needed for this yummy recipe! Climbed on a kitchen chair in order to reach the top shelf in the cabinet where some old, but cherished recipe books reside. Thumbed through a couple of these beloved oldtimers with no success. Then, behold, my Women of ACC (Abilene Christian College) Cookbook. (Yes, I attended college in Abilene in 1975 when Abilene Christian College became Abilene Christian University! I told you these were OLD books!) Turned with excited anticipation that this was THE recipe needed, got to the correct page, & realized this was not the particular recipe I was in search of! BUT, I got something more! On the same page, probably typed on a Smith Corona, a poem entitled, "All We Need".
"All We Need"
He gives more grace as the burdens grow greater;
He sends more strength as the labors increase;
To added affliction- He adds His mercies;
To multiplied trials- His multiplied peace.
Is it just me, or is God constantly speaking, constantly strengthening, constantly comforting & constantly carrying His children? This encounter was no accident. Of all cookbooks, of all recipies, of all poems, of all days! Words speaking straight to me & my circumstance! Words reassuring me of His promises! All spoken 2 days before a significant Oncology appointment! Wow! Needless to say, I'm ready for that appointment!
If you were to see me, you wouldn't be able to tell anything is wrong. I don't look sick & don't feel sick. I'm generally so healthy, it's just hard to believe cancer has spread to my lung! So many of you are asking, praying & concerned about my health. I want you to know, I'm in NO pain. The ONLY bit of discomfort I have is the tightness of my left lung. It feels as if an ace bandage is bond around my chest, but even that doesn't hurt- simply uncomfortable as I work to breathe deeply.
Thank you for your patience as you stand in the wings, cheering us on & patiently waiting on news. We are receiving a tremendous number of emails, texts, inbox messages & phone calls & want to communicate to you what we know. Right now, we just don't know much. We're having to wait, too, to see what my body is going to do after having my lung drained.
We should know more tomorrow evening after spending the morning with Oncology & Pulminary & will update you via this blog. Please keep praying for us whatever Holy Spirit puts on your heart to pray. We trust Him completely in providing for our needs as we face this continuing journey. You are a HUGE part of His provision for us & we don't take even one of you for granted! We thank God for this community of people!
For He's "All We Need" & Strawberry Bread!
Blessings!
"All We Need"
He gives more grace as the burdens grow greater;
He sends more strength as the labors increase;
To added affliction- He adds His mercies;
To multiplied trials- His multiplied peace.
Is it just me, or is God constantly speaking, constantly strengthening, constantly comforting & constantly carrying His children? This encounter was no accident. Of all cookbooks, of all recipies, of all poems, of all days! Words speaking straight to me & my circumstance! Words reassuring me of His promises! All spoken 2 days before a significant Oncology appointment! Wow! Needless to say, I'm ready for that appointment!
If you were to see me, you wouldn't be able to tell anything is wrong. I don't look sick & don't feel sick. I'm generally so healthy, it's just hard to believe cancer has spread to my lung! So many of you are asking, praying & concerned about my health. I want you to know, I'm in NO pain. The ONLY bit of discomfort I have is the tightness of my left lung. It feels as if an ace bandage is bond around my chest, but even that doesn't hurt- simply uncomfortable as I work to breathe deeply.
Thank you for your patience as you stand in the wings, cheering us on & patiently waiting on news. We are receiving a tremendous number of emails, texts, inbox messages & phone calls & want to communicate to you what we know. Right now, we just don't know much. We're having to wait, too, to see what my body is going to do after having my lung drained.
We should know more tomorrow evening after spending the morning with Oncology & Pulminary & will update you via this blog. Please keep praying for us whatever Holy Spirit puts on your heart to pray. We trust Him completely in providing for our needs as we face this continuing journey. You are a HUGE part of His provision for us & we don't take even one of you for granted! We thank God for this community of people!
For He's "All We Need" & Strawberry Bread!
Blessings!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Cancer Friends!
You'd think receiving the diagnosis of "cancer" would be nothing but negative! Nothing but heartache, fear, pain & hopelessness! But, you'd be wrong. God, in His goodness, provides blessings all over the place! The greatest blessings in having cancer have been my "Cancer Friends". Those people God has put in my path who are walking similar journeys who I wouldn't have met if I hadn't heard those dreaded words! That's specifically who this post is addressed to tonight. It's a must for me to address these particular friends because of this week's happenings, so I appreciate the indulgence.
To my "Cancer Friends" who are especially on my heart,
So many of you have written notes of encouragement & love. The natural thoughts of, "could this happen to me if it's happening to Sharon?" can creep in if you're not careful, causing fear, anxiety or anger. Hear me say, every journey is different. Just because my cancer has returned doesn't mean your's will. God directs each of our lives & has plans for us that differ. He knows each one of us individually & tells us He has plans to prosper us & not to harm, plans to give hope & futures. He says He will listen to us & we can call on Him & He will answer. I pray these promises He makes brings you peace of heart!
Is is a honor to be called to walk a journey with such courageous people! You are a group who are facing adversity & you face it head-on! You give strength & encouragement to others simply by walking your walk over a very rough road.
My heart begs God tonight that no fear or anger will arise in your hearts regarding your own journeys because of what is happening in mine. He says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them & make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them." Cancer is definately one of those unfamiliar paths but He'll make the rough places smooth & never forsake the people He loves! What an incredible promise we can claim in our lives!
Cancer friends, I thank those of you who have walked this journey before me, encouraged me & are still praying for me! I admire those who were in chemo chairs next to mine as I witnessed your positive attitudes & sheer courage. To those of you behind me in your journeys, hearing the doctor say, "cancer", I'm cheering you on! You can do this! With God's help, you will do this!
Blessings!
To my "Cancer Friends" who are especially on my heart,
So many of you have written notes of encouragement & love. The natural thoughts of, "could this happen to me if it's happening to Sharon?" can creep in if you're not careful, causing fear, anxiety or anger. Hear me say, every journey is different. Just because my cancer has returned doesn't mean your's will. God directs each of our lives & has plans for us that differ. He knows each one of us individually & tells us He has plans to prosper us & not to harm, plans to give hope & futures. He says He will listen to us & we can call on Him & He will answer. I pray these promises He makes brings you peace of heart!
Is is a honor to be called to walk a journey with such courageous people! You are a group who are facing adversity & you face it head-on! You give strength & encouragement to others simply by walking your walk over a very rough road.
My heart begs God tonight that no fear or anger will arise in your hearts regarding your own journeys because of what is happening in mine. He says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them & make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them." Cancer is definately one of those unfamiliar paths but He'll make the rough places smooth & never forsake the people He loves! What an incredible promise we can claim in our lives!
Cancer friends, I thank those of you who have walked this journey before me, encouraged me & are still praying for me! I admire those who were in chemo chairs next to mine as I witnessed your positive attitudes & sheer courage. To those of you behind me in your journeys, hearing the doctor say, "cancer", I'm cheering you on! You can do this! With God's help, you will do this!
Blessings!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Breath of Life
As the fluid has been filling my left lung, doctors tell me that my right lung has been strong & doing all the work. I'm generally very healthy, except for having cancer, so my other organs have covered nicely in getting me needed oxygen. The annoying, hacking cough has been gradual, too. Mike & I neither one noticed the severity of the situation over the last couple of weeks. Only x-raying the lungs, looking at the true picture of what's inside, determined the truth in the matter. That's why the procedure to drain my lung was on the agenda today. That's why we drove on the icy roads to get this done. There are some things that deserve our immediate attention & breathing is one of those things!
On the way to the hospital, the winter winds blew the snow flurries across the roads making them appear to be dancing right across our path. It was quite beautiful. The roads were not crowded with traffic at all because so many schools & businesses were closed & this allowed Mike & I to enjoy this snow dancing the entirety of the trip. Mike told me these were snow angels God put in our path today. We felt escorted to the hospital this morning. We felt His presence.
As the last few days have progressed & shortness of breath became more severe, I realize how precious breath really is. After you've jogged a bit or taken a flight of stairs, those deep breaths feel so good as they fill up the body with oxygen. They replenishe, restore & rebuild. Breath is life.
The procedure to drain my lung was really something. It keeps amazing me that people dedicate their lives to particular specialties of the human body & really are incredibly gifted at a time of need for another. Today was no different. We learned more about lungs today than we've ever known before. How they work, what's keeping them from working, how they will return to work & what we'll have to do to keep them working.
The procedure went exactly like it was supposed to. I was awake with local anesthetic so they could have me sitting upright & Mike was allowed to be right there, too. It went by the book, with the best possible scenario regarding minimal pain, re-inflation & no complications, even with the removal of 5.5 lbs of fluid! We believe that to be God answering prayers. Also, the attending RN for this procedure is from The Hills. A friend we've known for years! That didn't just happen. God did that! She cares about us & brought us peace just knowing she was there. Then, the attending RN in recovery is from The Hills! You get the point? God went before us- again- preparing our path! Incredible!
As I write, deep breaths are still a bit difficult. It feels like those sharp air bubbles you get sometimes that restrict deep breathing. As my lung re-inflates, that discomfort should deminish. All-in-all, no complaints. Just incredibly thankful I'll be able to breathe again!
Makes Mike & me think of God breathing into man His Breath of Life. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer. Living without Him can be a gradual, unnoticed way to live at first. May not even miss this Breath of Life as we depend on ourselves to get us through our day to day routines. We may not even know how shallow our breathing has become without Breath of Life. But eventually- one of these days- those deep, deep breaths that are vital to good health, the ones that feel so good, the ones that sustain us, will be missed. There is no life without breath. No life without Breath. Today, I'm thankful for both.
Blessings!
On the way to the hospital, the winter winds blew the snow flurries across the roads making them appear to be dancing right across our path. It was quite beautiful. The roads were not crowded with traffic at all because so many schools & businesses were closed & this allowed Mike & I to enjoy this snow dancing the entirety of the trip. Mike told me these were snow angels God put in our path today. We felt escorted to the hospital this morning. We felt His presence.
As the last few days have progressed & shortness of breath became more severe, I realize how precious breath really is. After you've jogged a bit or taken a flight of stairs, those deep breaths feel so good as they fill up the body with oxygen. They replenishe, restore & rebuild. Breath is life.
The procedure to drain my lung was really something. It keeps amazing me that people dedicate their lives to particular specialties of the human body & really are incredibly gifted at a time of need for another. Today was no different. We learned more about lungs today than we've ever known before. How they work, what's keeping them from working, how they will return to work & what we'll have to do to keep them working.
The procedure went exactly like it was supposed to. I was awake with local anesthetic so they could have me sitting upright & Mike was allowed to be right there, too. It went by the book, with the best possible scenario regarding minimal pain, re-inflation & no complications, even with the removal of 5.5 lbs of fluid! We believe that to be God answering prayers. Also, the attending RN for this procedure is from The Hills. A friend we've known for years! That didn't just happen. God did that! She cares about us & brought us peace just knowing she was there. Then, the attending RN in recovery is from The Hills! You get the point? God went before us- again- preparing our path! Incredible!
As I write, deep breaths are still a bit difficult. It feels like those sharp air bubbles you get sometimes that restrict deep breathing. As my lung re-inflates, that discomfort should deminish. All-in-all, no complaints. Just incredibly thankful I'll be able to breathe again!
Makes Mike & me think of God breathing into man His Breath of Life. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer. Living without Him can be a gradual, unnoticed way to live at first. May not even miss this Breath of Life as we depend on ourselves to get us through our day to day routines. We may not even know how shallow our breathing has become without Breath of Life. But eventually- one of these days- those deep, deep breaths that are vital to good health, the ones that feel so good, the ones that sustain us, will be missed. There is no life without breath. No life without Breath. Today, I'm thankful for both.
Blessings!
Events of Tuesday, Feb 8th, 2011
The news of Monday was shocking. My sweet husband was very busy at work & didn't even know I'd gone to a doctor in California because I thought I was going in for a cold & antibiotics, so I didn't mention it! He was shell-shocked when Taylor & I called him! Then, he drove to Randi's & to my parent's to tell them. Called our siblings & the shell-shock continued.
As I said in the previous post, I got a flight to Texas Monday night. Mike met me at the airport & we spent the evening & well into the night just being together & talking. He & I are in a good place with one another. We talked about life, death, family, & being prepared. We shared our hearts, concerns, fears, & anticipation of the unknown. We talked about our dreams of growing old together & the utter joy we have in our grandchildren. We discussed time being cut short for what we want but being secure in God's timing, as it's always perfect. Sometimes these sort of journeys can hurt marriages instead of drawing them close due to the sheer stress & emotion of it all. I'm thankful we are as close now as we have been in nearly 35 years together! (When you know couples going through trils, take a moment to encourage them in their relationships. Husbands have breast cancer along with their wives!) Monday night was a blessing because Mike & I were together.
Tuesday brought an incredibly busy schedule as Mike began the day by sharing this information with the church staff who have been prayers warriors with us all along. Then, right away, a CT scan was first on the agenda. This was needed to confirm the California doctor's x-ray finding & identify any additional cancer, which it did & was followed by a visit with Oncologist. Lots of information followed, then bone scan and finally labs (lots of bood drawn with results coming later in the week.)
So, here's what we know & what we don't know. We DO know there is breast cancer (same one I initially had) in the lining (plurel) of my left lung. This is what was producing all the fluid. We know there's an additional 2cm tumor under my right arm & "thickening" of my chest wall. We know I have metastatic disease (chronic cancer) I will have the rest of my life. We know this will take my physical life at some point. Medically, tumors will now re-appear & we'll face each event as it comes. We DON'T know if the "thickening" on the chest wall is cancer or result of previous radiation treatment. Nor, do we know how long I can live with this. We don't know if the upcoming chemo treatments will work because women with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer like I have have some drugs to try, but none that are proven, yet. (Drugs & research are constantly being tested, so hopefully, breakthroughs will come quickly.) The new PARP Inhibitors are showing great promise for Triple-Negative patients & my name is being submitted for the "lottery" in these testing stages of the drugs. Please pray we win the "lottery" & are chosen for this treatment! LOL!
OK- so, there's some we know, & some we don't. Medical science is not that exact when it comes to some cancers. There are so many variables! So, with the doctors, we will listen, learn & choose the best course of action we know & they'll watch me closely to see what tumors are doing. We'll change course as needed & make decisions as we go. Mike & I ask you to pray for wisdom as we navigate these waters. What may work for us may not work for another's circumstance. We'll do the best we can as we're in constant communication with doctor's we trust.
Draining the left lung has to be done Wednesday morning, so that is scheduled by my Oncologist. That's the medical news of Tuesday. Whew!
I can't end this post without saying that this is the MEDICAL news only. The SPIRITUAL news is that Almighty God ALWAYS has the last word. He is the one dictating my days. He is the One providing a medical path for me. There is a medical path & we can benefit from that earthly knowledge but He may take me home another way through another illness or accident. He may speak me into 90+ years. He's not promised me any day but today. He is sovereign. He's in utter control & I'm good with that!
Blessings!
As I said in the previous post, I got a flight to Texas Monday night. Mike met me at the airport & we spent the evening & well into the night just being together & talking. He & I are in a good place with one another. We talked about life, death, family, & being prepared. We shared our hearts, concerns, fears, & anticipation of the unknown. We talked about our dreams of growing old together & the utter joy we have in our grandchildren. We discussed time being cut short for what we want but being secure in God's timing, as it's always perfect. Sometimes these sort of journeys can hurt marriages instead of drawing them close due to the sheer stress & emotion of it all. I'm thankful we are as close now as we have been in nearly 35 years together! (When you know couples going through trils, take a moment to encourage them in their relationships. Husbands have breast cancer along with their wives!) Monday night was a blessing because Mike & I were together.
Tuesday brought an incredibly busy schedule as Mike began the day by sharing this information with the church staff who have been prayers warriors with us all along. Then, right away, a CT scan was first on the agenda. This was needed to confirm the California doctor's x-ray finding & identify any additional cancer, which it did & was followed by a visit with Oncologist. Lots of information followed, then bone scan and finally labs (lots of bood drawn with results coming later in the week.)
So, here's what we know & what we don't know. We DO know there is breast cancer (same one I initially had) in the lining (plurel) of my left lung. This is what was producing all the fluid. We know there's an additional 2cm tumor under my right arm & "thickening" of my chest wall. We know I have metastatic disease (chronic cancer) I will have the rest of my life. We know this will take my physical life at some point. Medically, tumors will now re-appear & we'll face each event as it comes. We DON'T know if the "thickening" on the chest wall is cancer or result of previous radiation treatment. Nor, do we know how long I can live with this. We don't know if the upcoming chemo treatments will work because women with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer like I have have some drugs to try, but none that are proven, yet. (Drugs & research are constantly being tested, so hopefully, breakthroughs will come quickly.) The new PARP Inhibitors are showing great promise for Triple-Negative patients & my name is being submitted for the "lottery" in these testing stages of the drugs. Please pray we win the "lottery" & are chosen for this treatment! LOL!
OK- so, there's some we know, & some we don't. Medical science is not that exact when it comes to some cancers. There are so many variables! So, with the doctors, we will listen, learn & choose the best course of action we know & they'll watch me closely to see what tumors are doing. We'll change course as needed & make decisions as we go. Mike & I ask you to pray for wisdom as we navigate these waters. What may work for us may not work for another's circumstance. We'll do the best we can as we're in constant communication with doctor's we trust.
Draining the left lung has to be done Wednesday morning, so that is scheduled by my Oncologist. That's the medical news of Tuesday. Whew!
I can't end this post without saying that this is the MEDICAL news only. The SPIRITUAL news is that Almighty God ALWAYS has the last word. He is the one dictating my days. He is the One providing a medical path for me. There is a medical path & we can benefit from that earthly knowledge but He may take me home another way through another illness or accident. He may speak me into 90+ years. He's not promised me any day but today. He is sovereign. He's in utter control & I'm good with that!
Blessings!
Good News, Bad News, GOD News!
Life takes but a moment to change! But a moment to hit hard & but a moment to bless forever! Yesterday, as Mike & I went from one scan & doctor to another, it hit us- we're getting good news & bad news at the same time! Then, with your prayers, texts, inbox messages, fb postings, phones calls & outreaches of love- we're getting GOD News! He's sending us messages of love, strength, hope & peace through you! Through all the news, His news is most important! His news means the most & is really the only news we needed!
A couple of weeks ago, I began getting a little hacking cough, no big deal at all since I'm a grandmother (Sweets) to 2 little boys & am around people eveywhere who are dealing with colds, coughs, etc. Didn't think a thing about it because I feel so good & Mike & I do NOT live our lives in fear of every little thing being cancer, again. We simply chose not to live looking over our shoulders all the time. Neither of us thought a thing about this small cough.
I have planned a trip for a while to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley in San Diego & nothing would interfere with me getting to hold Paisley, so Friday, off I flew to California. I realized after going that I may be taking a cold to sweet Paisley & didn't kiss or breathe on her if at all possible. My shortness of breath was increasing & carrying her around was interrupted because I just couldn't catch a deep breath. Taylor (LVN) wanted to listen to my chest with her stethoscope & was concerned at the shallowness of breath. (Later I learned she cried that night to Tyrel b/c she knew this was not normal.) Upon their encouragement, Taylor took me to a doctor on Monday. I honestly thought I'd get an antibiotic for a cold & my visit could be a good one!
The doctor was willing to give medication per my request to get me through my visit, knowing the situation but wanted to check vitals before prescribing the meds. As he listened to my breathing, he told me my left lung was not working at all & he wanted an x-ray & was insistant. Within minutes I was getting chest x-rays & then he showed Taylor & me the pictures.
Bad news- lung full of fluid, cancer, get back to Texas tonight. Good news- we're an hour from San Diego airport & I have the means to purchase a ticket. GOD news- Taylor was with me! Her strength, faith, & utter love for me was straight from Him & in His plan of protection of me, He gave me Taylor at that moment!
Bad news- I have to leave Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley as we rush to get my bag packed & get on the highways to get to the airport. Good news- internet accessability to check flights, a strong son-in-law to drive us in an emotional trip, traffic moving. GOD news- path prepared & clear at 5pm in the evening on San Diego highways!
Bad news- only minutes to say good-bye. Good news- ticket bought. GOD news- Tyrel praying over us in the middle of a busy airport.
Bad news- doctor said I may need oxygen on the plane. Good news- oxygen available, if needed. Pretty empty flight with row to myself so I can rest. GOD news- 3 women flight attendants, all believers!
Bad news- 3 hours alone on a flight not knowing what is to come. Good news- quiet & rest & tears. GOD news- time alone with Him- I am at peace & am loved!
Bad news- Mike has to walk more journey than I ever wanted him to walk. Good news- no oxygen needed on flight. Mike is waiting to meet me. GOD news- I've been given a mate who loves me with his whole heart!
Monday has finished. Tuesday is coming.
Blessings!
A couple of weeks ago, I began getting a little hacking cough, no big deal at all since I'm a grandmother (Sweets) to 2 little boys & am around people eveywhere who are dealing with colds, coughs, etc. Didn't think a thing about it because I feel so good & Mike & I do NOT live our lives in fear of every little thing being cancer, again. We simply chose not to live looking over our shoulders all the time. Neither of us thought a thing about this small cough.
I have planned a trip for a while to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley in San Diego & nothing would interfere with me getting to hold Paisley, so Friday, off I flew to California. I realized after going that I may be taking a cold to sweet Paisley & didn't kiss or breathe on her if at all possible. My shortness of breath was increasing & carrying her around was interrupted because I just couldn't catch a deep breath. Taylor (LVN) wanted to listen to my chest with her stethoscope & was concerned at the shallowness of breath. (Later I learned she cried that night to Tyrel b/c she knew this was not normal.) Upon their encouragement, Taylor took me to a doctor on Monday. I honestly thought I'd get an antibiotic for a cold & my visit could be a good one!
The doctor was willing to give medication per my request to get me through my visit, knowing the situation but wanted to check vitals before prescribing the meds. As he listened to my breathing, he told me my left lung was not working at all & he wanted an x-ray & was insistant. Within minutes I was getting chest x-rays & then he showed Taylor & me the pictures.
Bad news- lung full of fluid, cancer, get back to Texas tonight. Good news- we're an hour from San Diego airport & I have the means to purchase a ticket. GOD news- Taylor was with me! Her strength, faith, & utter love for me was straight from Him & in His plan of protection of me, He gave me Taylor at that moment!
Bad news- I have to leave Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley as we rush to get my bag packed & get on the highways to get to the airport. Good news- internet accessability to check flights, a strong son-in-law to drive us in an emotional trip, traffic moving. GOD news- path prepared & clear at 5pm in the evening on San Diego highways!
Bad news- only minutes to say good-bye. Good news- ticket bought. GOD news- Tyrel praying over us in the middle of a busy airport.
Bad news- doctor said I may need oxygen on the plane. Good news- oxygen available, if needed. Pretty empty flight with row to myself so I can rest. GOD news- 3 women flight attendants, all believers!
Bad news- 3 hours alone on a flight not knowing what is to come. Good news- quiet & rest & tears. GOD news- time alone with Him- I am at peace & am loved!
Bad news- Mike has to walk more journey than I ever wanted him to walk. Good news- no oxygen needed on flight. Mike is waiting to meet me. GOD news- I've been given a mate who loves me with his whole heart!
Monday has finished. Tuesday is coming.
Blessings!
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