Job - A Man of God

Don't think for one minute this cancer trial my family & me are going through is the only trial out there! Don't think for one minute there's not any heartache that compares! It simply isn't true! For as many families, there's as many heartaches. For as many families, there's that many trials. For reasons of privacy & confidentiality, I don't share the emails & notes I recieve about many of these matters publically. (People can do that on their own.) But, because people share their journies & trials with Mike & me privately, we have insight to the struggles in the lives of people. Even though the walks are so difficult & heart wrenching, they're also encouraging & uplifting when they're people of faith! Isn't that weird? Isn't it strange that this group of people "count it all joy" to walk through the valleys of life? Isn't it hard to explain to the world that it's all going to be ok?

I think of Job a lot. (NOT that I'm Job, for I'm not making that comarison.) Job was a man who loved God. He was a man who had been blessed & lived a blessed lifestyle. Then, God allows many of his dearest familiy & much of his wealth to be stripped from him. Job lost so much, including his own health. God was certain Job would remain faithful & he did. But, the journey was a very difficult one nonetheless.

The picture of Job being able to tell His Creator the depth of his heart is an amazing one! For no other religion can so readily & fearlessly face their King with the truth of their feelings! After one of these "talks", in about Job chapter40 or so, (in the Old Testament of the Bible) God says some incredible things to Job! (36 years ago at Abilene Christian University, I had to study the book of Job in a required Bible class & I must confess the book & study made me quite angry! The whole story & response of God didn't set well with me at first. Then, as the study continued, I began to understand more of what was really happening between God a man He loved.) In this "talk", Job tells God what he thinks & feels. He shares with Him his anger, lack of understanding of God's actions & basically lays his heart open to God.

I guess the part of the story of Job's life I think about the most, is after he & God have some of their heart to heart talks & Job puts it all out there about what he's thinking & feeling about his circumstances, his loss & his life. God then responds by basically saying that the next time you hang the stars in the sky, we'll talk. The next time you understand the depths of the seas or hold the moutains in the palm of your hands, we'll discuss this matter. The next time you speak the sun up in the morning or have it set in the evening, we'll visit! WOW! At first this sounds like God is really putting Job down & telling him he must stop talking because he's so unimportant. But, instead it's God elevating Himself to His rightful position & revealing to Job of just what a mighty God he serves. That He's a God who created the universe with his breath & a God who can be trusted with our lives. God loved Job so much & had his best interest at heart every moment of Job's life! It was not a put-down to Job at all- but, rather a confirmation of God's status & ability to care completely for Job.

That's what I love about Job's journey & life with God! It was real & true & hard & blessed! Job walked with God & stayed a man of God. He was blessed more by a loving & capable God.

I hold to who God is. I hold to His character & ability. I hold to His faithfulness & strength. I hold to the fact He speaks the sun up & it is so. I hold to Him hanging the stars in the universe. I hold to His love for me & you!

Yes, we walk a lot of difficult journeys! Some unbelievable trials are before us- but we hold!

Blessings!

"Bucket Lists" & Parasailing

Made a trip to San Diego with Taylor & Paisley as they returned home from being in Texas 10 days. Thought it was a great opportunity to fly one way with them & just hang out for a few days. Doctors gave the go ahead & per their requests, airline staff had a wheelchair waiting at the gate to escort me to baggage claim in SD to reserve my energy & make travel less strenuous on me. (This was one of the weirdest experiences ever!) To be honest, I didn't like it at all! Made me feel crummy & took a bit of dignity... I guess that's what illness does, at times. Chips away at the "normal". I'm not saying it was bad- not at all! It actually did exactly what the doctor planned for it to do. I was then able to have the energy to walk on to the car & carry on with my travel. It was needed & I shall use it from now on whenever I can so travel can continue for as long as possible. I just had to "get over it!" It was different but that doesn't mean it wasn't better for me!

The visit to SD has been so great! Relaxing, slow going & easy on me with Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley! I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who love me & "get it" when I need to rest or when I want to GO!

Monday night, Tyrel has a double-header softball game, so if you know me- at all- you know I'm going to those games of his! Paced myself during the day & rested so there was plenty of energy to sit at the ballpark. I told him not to embarrass me with his play & to hit a couple of home runs, but otherwise, feel no pressure I was there! LOL!

A huge cold-front moved in & honestly we were freezing! All the wives & kids there to watch a bunch of Marines play one another in softball were all layered in warm clothes plus wrapped in blankets & still shivering, but we had such fun! I've said before how intriguing people are to me, & Marine families are no exception! They're from all walks of life. They've from all over the country & have moved quite a bit with their careers, so the diversity is huge! I just listen & watch with amazement at the colision of people at the ballpark!

One Marine wife began telling us of an upcoming cruise she & her husband are going to take & her mom is coming in to keep their 4 children & dog! They've never been on such a trip since this is a second marriage with a blended family, so they're quite excited- as they should be- about being child-less for a week & sailing to Mexico & islands they've never seen before! As she told us about the trip, she began to share she has many fears of things like heights, water, boats, tubing, snorkeling, parasailing, zip-lining, etc, etc! They're going on a trip like this & she is so afraid of what might be! We all laughed & shared stories of excursions & she told us her husband was very patient with her about all her fears. He said whatever excursion she chose to take would be great with him & he would help see her through. (What a great husband!) This Marine wife has no idea about me or my illness but I did say, "Life is so short, so go for it! You can do it!"

As Taylor, Paisley & I were loading into the car after the games, I told Taylor that I really hope this lady is able to pick a fun excursion & get over her fear to do it. I pray she can live a little & enjoy her husband & do something fun (even if it scares her a bit) so they can make a memory & she can taste life! I told Taylor I had wanted to parasail but every time Mike & I tried to book it, the winds were too high, or they'd just closed for lunch, etc. Taylor turns to me & reminds me we're right by the beach & can parasail here! We don't need a cruise at all & would I like to do that! A light bulb went on in my head & I agreed if Mike was good with it. I texted him right away, since he's not with me on this trip & he told me to go for it! (He & I have gotten to go so many places & do so many things & have so many wonderful adventures together that it's weird to think he's not with me to parasail) but with his blessing, we booked a trip the next day!

Since doctors have told me my life will be shorter than longer (ALWAYS knowing God can change this direction any time He wants to!) I've not had a "Bucket List" other than being with people I love. I don't necessarily want to go anywhere or see things I've not seen. I only want to be with people I hold dear. That's my "bucket list." But if I can parasail with Taylor & Tyrel, then I figure, let's go!

This afternoon we drove up the coast to the huge beach & marina to parasail. There was rain & clouds down south, but north of us was sunshine. We checked in on the boardwalk with people everywhere doing what they do in an oceanside community. Eating, biking, boating, skateboarding & enjoying a fabulous ocean! The captain is out on the boat & word is the winds are borderline too strong for parasailing today. The trip may be canceled so we needed to wait on the captain. After a while, he arrived & sure enough winds today are just too high to be safe for parasailing so the excursion must be rescheduled. Of course, it's disappointing, but it's ok. Maybe there'll be another time.

The main thing is, I was going to do it! I was taking an opportunity to enjoy something I've not done & I'm good with that. I'm good with who I am & loving living! (I'm not suggesting I'm not afraid of many things, for I am. There are some things I don't have any desire to ever do! I'm also never suggesting to live life without thought or wise judgement.) But, isn't life grand? Isn't there a beauty in living? Getting to experience life & change & heights & depths? Getting to taste & experience & grow? Getting to create & enjoy & marvel?

Maybe I'll get to parasail in this lifetime & maybe I won't. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that I live. What matters is Who I give credit to for this life I live! What matters is that I give this life to Him & then live it!

I hope you live! I hope this Marine & his wife enjoy their trip & that whatever excursion she chooses, she will have great delight in God's creation- whether it be the treetops, the oceans or the skies!

God gives life. God gives choices. I live life. I make choices.

Blessings!

People Watching

People have always intrigued me! I love to "people watch" & their life stories never grow old to me. My family has teased me for years at how I love to talk with people & how even strangers will tell me their life stories -even in just a few minutes! (It's true, by the way!) Recently we stayed a couple of nights at a nearby resort hotel (gift of precious friends) & there were so many people "coming & going" there. There were some conventions being held there & one was something to do with the US Navy. It was nice to be able to thank some of them for their contributions to this country. It's fun to me to watch people & wonder what they're doing there or where they're going, etc.

Then, as we travel home, every restaurant, every hotel, every movie theatre, every sports arena & every road is full of people! They all seem to be "coming & going"! Something drives all these people as they live their lives & every corner is full of people & happenings!

Watching the news, reveals every corner of the globe is the same way. Ft. Worth, Texas is not the only "full", busy place with people everywhere. I go to DFW airport & the people I thought were everywhere else are all there! Crazy! Come to San Diego & it's the same as the metroplex! People & life happening all over the place!

This is the way it's always been. People & life & busyness. Weddings, funerals, births, parties, sports, feasting & travel! So many events! So many people! Maybe I just look at things a little differently now. Maybe I see past things I didn't look beyond before.

Every one of these people living life. Carrying on in the events they've included in their lives. Life is good & full. Sometimes these lives include laughter & togetherness, sometimes there's tears & loneliness. It's all life. I sit by a high-school aged girl on the airplane & hear about her life & am once again- taken back by how people are living!

I hope now, as much as ever, that I see these people in heaven! That we have time to finally really hear each other. To really see each other the way God intended because we will BE who God intended. Life will be what it's supposed to be & our purposes will be fulfilled.

Until then, life keeps happening. That's a good thing... IF it's with God. Solomon found out though, we can have it all & if God is not there, it means nothing. You & I have nothing without God. So, as I people watch- I people pray. I don't stop with watching anymore... I ask blessings over them. I don't stop with talking... but listen & offer hope that they are loved by our sweet Father God!

People matter to God! Always have & always will. Maybe that's why we're all so interesting- we're made in His image. We're important. We're loved.

Blessings!

Mother's Day, Hospice, San Diego!

This was possibly the best Mother's Day I've ever had! It sounds crazy, I know, since it could very well be my last one, but it's true! The girl's made it more like a weekend instead of just one day or one lunch, & it was perfect! That's really all I need to say about it... just the best ever!

Last week there was also a consultation visit with our Oncologist over the subject of "no treatment" & what that looks like exactly. It's VERY strange NOT to have the calendar booked with nothing to do with doctors! She let us know that I now qualify for hospice. At first, that's startling information, but if you know Mike & me, it was territory we wanted to discuss. After hearing all the information & meeting with hospice, I'm now officially on the program & they will help see us through my end of life journey with the care we're looking for. This doesn't mean I'm going to die in two weeks! It may mean months & months of this program (only God knows the time frame for now) but I'm very happy to be on it. I'll still have my oncologist who will oversee all else & right now, hospice will visit me at home about every two weeks or so. Care will increase as my need increases. This is so much to take in, I know, but I'm happy with this. It's just the next step in my medical care. I'd rather already be signed up before an "event" than the other way around. I don't want an "event" to prompt the sign-up, so all is well. We believe God has shed light on every step of this journey, so we keep walking. We have only positive things to say about hospice with our experiences already, so we're comfortable with what we're doing. (Taylor, an LVN, was also on the continuous care end of hospice & worked with patients the last two weeks of their lives. She & others like her are gifted by God with a tenderness only He provides!)

In the same discussion as hospice, a trip with Taylor & Paisley for me to San Diego for a few days was talked about! (Mike staying home to continue working & I fly out with them as they go home.) I know it sounds crazy, but when there's no treatment & no hospitals (remember, I have my DNR done & carry with me), it opens me up for some living! This is exactly what I want to do! To be with people I love... SO, with doctor's blessings, meds & paperwork, off I go to California! Seeing Tyrel & his little family together is pure joy to me! I take the day slowly- just like I do at home- rest, as needed & spend the day doting over Paisley!

Many of our friends & loved ones have remarked over & over just how good Mike is & has been to me over this cancer journey. He has been incredible & loves me so! I got to thinking about all that & the truth be known, he's doing & acting toward me exactly like he's done these nearly 35 years of marriage! He's had me spoiled all along & not too much has changed over these 2 years, really! He does for me, wants to make me happy, cares for me, works hard for me & makes my life better in every way- just because of his deep love for Jesus & me! He IS wonderful to me, but has been all along! He's treating me the only way he has for all these years! He's living the only way he knows to live as he follows Jesus! If you wonder how your spouse would treat you if you got really sick... it's probably about the way they treat you now. Just a thought. I hope they love Jesus & follow His call, because life is hard & this journey is hard. A spouse who loves you- well, it's priceless!

One last thought before I close this post. There is NO WAY we could be surrounded by greater people than what we have in our lives! Truly, people with faithful, generous, loving, thoughtful & caring souls! If you have prayed & helped my family or me in any way over these years, you know I'm speaking of you! You know Holy Spirit has prompted you to reach out to us- & you have listened & acted! There are no words or way we can EVER, EVER thank you adequately! I believe God knows your hearts & all the incredibly kind things you do in His name! Our family is blessed beyond imagination by you! We thank you!

So, these last couple of weeks have been full & crazy - for certain! Kindnesses from loved ones, Mother's Day, Hospice & San Diego. God continues to answer prayers for me. Sometimes He answers the way we're praying & a lot of times He's not answering the way we want Him to, but He's still answering. He's still God & He's still in control. He's still loving & Master over the universe. God is still God & I'm glad about it!

Blessings!

Organ Donation #2

"Organ Donation" triggered a switch of thought & prayer for so many, so I continue to be thankful for people of faith who can talk to Almighty God about such things! Some will never want to donate & others will jump at the chance. The reason I chose UT Southwestern Medical School is because all my breast MRI's were done there. It's a fabulous facility & Mike & were treated with such care & respect there. So, for us, it's the direction we wanted to go. But, there are literally hundreds to choose from with different criteria for different people & needs.

Since Day One of "Breast Cancer" diagnosis, my prayer has been to our Faithful God, that I walk this journey the way He wants me to (I'm such a failure on my own!) And, that NONE of this journey be wasted! I share the cancer walk publicly because I'm compelled by Holy Spirit to do so & have strong conviction from Him that stopping short of donation would be wasting this body He's given me. (This is very personal dialogue & I hold no one else to this decision - AT ALL!)

The compliments of "selflessness" coming from you are understood & appreciated but I also want to say this is "selfish", too! I don't want future generations to even hear the word "cancer", much less deal with it themselves or watch a love one's life be taken by it. So, you can say I'm "self-less" & "full-of-self" at the same time! LOL!

A dear high school friend wrote me a private message not wantng to brag on her med-student daughter, but I want you to know the beaustiful confirmation she sent me. With her permission, here are her sweet & most encouraging words, even from another perspective.

"... Our oldest daughter is in medical school. She has learned SO much from studying the bodies of gracious donors. She tells me about each one she has had or currently has. She treats them with dignity, prays for the families who said good-bye to them & studies them as much as she can. She always feels a sense of loss when she is finished studying them. She has made it VERY clear to us donating her body to a med school is also her desire when she is finished with it here on earth.

So, I believe your choice is very wise. Thanks to you & others, people like our daughter can be amazed & learn about the intricacies of the body & study disease to help the next person."

Her precious words yesterday, encourage me & actually put a stamp of approval on my decision of organ donation that I made many years ago!

God is good! He's amazing! He outdid Himseld when He created you & me!

Blessings!

Organ Donation!

I guess I was 16 years old & a new driver when I made the decision to be an organ donor. I was most excited about the decision & proud to mark "Donor" down on my license. I was also happy to donate blood for 25 to 30 years, too.

A couple of years ago, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, the dedication to organ donation, of course, changed. I could no longer donate since the cancer was throughout my bloodstream, & no one wants ANY organ riddled with cancer.

Several months ago, I checked into full-body donation & am excited to say I filled out all the paperwork & have been accepted by Southwestern Medical Center of Dallas. This pleases me greatly & I pray this donation can help even one medical student understand Triple-Negative Breast Cancer to help other women behind me in this disease! I pray this institution will help rid the world of cancer through it's research!

Blessings!

"The Joy that You Bring"

In the year 2000, as Taylor left for college, this is the poem I wrote her. Taylor, you & Randi are pure joy to me! Now, your children! God is good! I pray this blesses & encourages all parents to love their children. Besides salvation & the love of a godly spouse, I guess the greatest gift on earth, is children.

The Joy that You Bring

The great news, another child,
This made my heart sing!
A sweet baby to love,
Oh, the joy you would bring!

The Lord is good, He heard my plea
A mother is what I longed to be.
He knew my heart and my inner need,
He knew the utter joy you'd bring!

A shy little girl with the softest personality.
"Happy" is the word that fit you to a tee.
Sucking your thumb while watching TV,
Or being toted from store to church to school by me,
You with "Jason" and "Lisa" would go with the flow,
Without you all these things I would never know.
Oh, the joy you did bring!

The Lord uses you to teach me many things,
Great confidence grew from your shy beginnings.
He has loaned you a while, so that I may see
A daughter with a faith so strong and deep
And a love for Him.
Oh, the joy that you bring!

Estonia, Mexico, Honduras, all of these;
I pray for you down on my knees,
Even through good-byes and tears on my cheeks.
Your telling others of Jesus,
Oh, the joy that you bring.

Has there been a mother more blessed than me?
I dare to think not and with my heart I sing,
"Thank you, Lord for this incredible honor.
Oh, Taylor, the joy that she brings."

Love, Mom
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