All the Difference...

A few weeks ago when I went to the hospital for the CAT scan, a "God moment" happened that's on my heart to tell you, so here goes.
A freindly lab tech took me to a holding room adjacent to the scanning room, where I changed into one of those cute hospital gowns (I bet you know what I'm talking about!) The room was very cold, (I think all hospitals feel the need to get things really chilly!) with 2 chairs and a locker for personal belongings. The Lab Tech came back in, got the IV in my arm and just as we were entering the scanning room, another person from the ER needed priority over me, so back into the holding room I went. I sat there with my arm "just-so" due to the IV to wait my turn. As I sat there I noticed a mirror that took up the whole wall! I thought, "Are you serious? A full-length mirror when a girl's not exactly looking her best!" Hospital gown, IV, shivering with cold, quiet, alone and a huge mirror with no where to turn! So, I sat there. And, I stared. I stared at myself. I took a long look into my own eyes, a look into my heart and asked myself some questions. " Who am I - really? When the rubber meets the road, who am I? Do I truly believe what I say I believe? Who am I from my core, from my "insides"? Who I am now that cancer's in the picture?" I saw so many weaknesses as I sat there staring in that mirror. So many fears and frailties. I don't believe I've ever just stared at myself for 15 minutes in the mirror. Of course, I look in the mirror daily as I brush my teeth and get my make-up on. But, I mean really, really take the time to look in my own eyes, my character & my spirit.
As I asked myself these things, I also asked God, "Who I am - to You?" I believe I'm a cherished daughter of the Lord, and I thought about my oldest daughter staring at her own sons. She knows them intimately well. Knows every curve of their little faces, freckles and crooks of their smiles. She even ascertains the difference between the sounds of their cries and knows if they're hurt, pouting or scared. Since I'm God's daughter, I believe He knows me that well, too. He cares that much. He sees me through this life and knows the cries of my heart.
Looking back, I know God gave me those few minutes with that huge mirror -to examine myself and come to terms with who I really am. He knows I'm too weak to do this alone, and He brought assurance that His strength will carry me. He knows my "pouty" cry and reminds me He's big enough to be in charge. He knows I grow weary and gives me complete rest in Him.
Those 15 minutes staring in the mirror were "just what the doctor, (or, Great Physician) ordered!" So, no matter what strengths or flaws the mirror shows, who I am- to Him- makes all the difference! I am His child, the love of His life, and that is ALL the difference!