1999 was the year my mother-in-law died & went to be with our Lord. She & my father-in-law suffered with long-term illnesses overlapping a 10 year period. She had lymphoma & died with such peace. Our extended family grieved & rejoiced at the same time because it was such a blessing she go be with the Lord instead of staying here with nothing more to offer her in this life.
On December 1, 1999 I wrote down some of my thoughts on all the "whys?" in my life & circumstances we'd faced as a family. I want share a partial list of these with you now, & encourage you to make a list that applies to your own life.
"WHY?"
Isn't that a question we all ask God at various times in our lives? It occurred to me that I need to ask God"why" about some things I don't quite understand...
Why...
... was I born in a free country called America?
... was I raised in a godly home by godly parents?
... was I able to attend great schools wtih so many opportunites for learning?
... was I born with no physical handicaps?
... was born with great eyesight & hearing?
... was I able to walk & run everywhere I wanted as a child?
... have I gotten to hear the name of Jesus spoken my whole life?
... am I a middle-class Caucasion in a world where that is to my benefit?
... have I never gone hungry for even one day of my life?
... is anything I want of need so readilyavailable to me?
...was I born with a good mind?
... is it that I can freely assemble with others to worship You?
... has there always been a job opportunity for me?
... are You so patient with me.
... do You love me so?
... do I have so many ffriends & family to love me?
... do I have no worries of where I will sleep tonight?
... do I have a warm bed, lots of covers with central heat & air to comfort me?
... were my children born healthy?
... are both our girls so beautiful outwardly & inwardly?
... is the greatest medical technology available to me?
... am I provided a beautiful home with every possible convenience?
... is my closet full of clothes?
... can I choose between vehicles when I want to go somewhere?
... do I have so much that if it were cut in half, I wouldn't miss a thing?
... am I cherished so much by You that you'd send Jesus to die for a person like me?
... have You given me so much?
Lord, I ask you, "Why?" because it just doesn't seem fair, that You've given me so much, does it?
And the Lord said, "To whom much is given, much will be required.
- Sharon Washburn
12-1-99
If I were writing this same list today, it would be too long to imagine! So many friends have asked me if there's any anger towards God about giving me only 54 years. Of course, there's disappointment, but no anger at all as I don't deserve 54 years. The question would not be, "Why are You only giving me 54 years?" The correct question would be, "Why have You chosen to give me each day of 54 years that I don't deserve at all!" My life is a direct gift from you & I thank You."
I encourage you to make your own list that applies to your own life. Start asking God, "Why." Ask Him with thanksgiving instead of dread. Ask Him to reveal Himself on His goodness toward you. Asking God why He's so good keeps us on our knees of apprecieation toward Him. Start that list list tonight & keep it going because God keeps blessing, He keeps revealing & He continues to give & give & give!
Blessings!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Update 9-29-11
Staying overwhelmed by your love, prayers & support! Mike & I thank you for your love!
1) Hospice makes certain I don't live in pain, so that isw monitored closely. I live each day on meds that relieve pain & I can move & be on the go a bit. SO grateful!
2) Took a fall in our house on Sunday. In the blink of an eye, my feet tripped over something & down I went on our hard wood floors. I landed on my right hip & right ankle. Mike was right there & we checked the places that hit the hardest. Bruising but no break! I cried because I was so mad at myself for letting that happen & thankful to God for protecting me! I thanked Him & thanked Him!
3) My body is losing mass, so I'm a bit smaller but also retaining some fluids, so the diuretic meds are helping there, too. I still look good & can post a picture soon. I'm thankful He's taking care of me at every turn!
4) The visiting days set up are every Tuesday & Wednesday (except Weds, Oct 5th) are proving to be such a blessing! The hours are 10:00 - 2:00pm. Brown Bag your own lunch & come chit-chat. Come & go or come & stay. Help with chores or errands (no pressure on this). The main thing is that we see each other & connect with our bond in the Lord.
5) Mike, Taylor, Randi & family & friends all surrounding me are just sweetness to my soul!
Blessings to all!
1) Hospice makes certain I don't live in pain, so that isw monitored closely. I live each day on meds that relieve pain & I can move & be on the go a bit. SO grateful!
2) Took a fall in our house on Sunday. In the blink of an eye, my feet tripped over something & down I went on our hard wood floors. I landed on my right hip & right ankle. Mike was right there & we checked the places that hit the hardest. Bruising but no break! I cried because I was so mad at myself for letting that happen & thankful to God for protecting me! I thanked Him & thanked Him!
3) My body is losing mass, so I'm a bit smaller but also retaining some fluids, so the diuretic meds are helping there, too. I still look good & can post a picture soon. I'm thankful He's taking care of me at every turn!
4) The visiting days set up are every Tuesday & Wednesday (except Weds, Oct 5th) are proving to be such a blessing! The hours are 10:00 - 2:00pm. Brown Bag your own lunch & come chit-chat. Come & go or come & stay. Help with chores or errands (no pressure on this). The main thing is that we see each other & connect with our bond in the Lord.
5) Mike, Taylor, Randi & family & friends all surrounding me are just sweetness to my soul!
Blessings to all!
Random Post - Widow Friends I Love
Years ago, I began to notice in the church, that there were more widows than widowers. It's not hard to make this astute observation, if you only look around a few minutes. Generally, through the ages, women have lived longer earthly lives than men due to war, hard physical work, etc. What I knew in the church is that we were to make sure the widows & orphans were taken care of by family & community of the church. They were cared for just like they would be should their husbands be alive & be in a position of caretaking.
It sounds weird, but I envisioned myself being a widow, at times, & Mike would teach me all through the years how to fix something like a leaking sink, change oil in the car or even change a tire! He's always said, "Now, if something happens to me, you need to know how to fix this. (Or,at least know who to call to get it done.) LOL!
Honestly, he went ahead & did the repair, but taught me along the way what to look for to oversee a job so as not to be taken advantage of. I've been so appreciative of his patience & teaching because it built my confidence in a lot of areas.
I also closely watched my friends at church who had just been widowed at an early age (in my thinking) and learned so much from them.
I have learned of their increased confidence in the Lord and their wilingness to travel the world ,to Sri Lanka, Honduras, Mexico, Brazil, etc, etc spreading the love of Jesus even when others would discourage them with, "What if something happens to you while you"re away?"
I've seen these ladies create community within themselves, too, with arms wide open for including any more women in their same position. These ladies pray like crazy, too! They pray for others & write notes of encouragement. These widow ladies bake, quilt & share with people across the world & I'm so prooud to know such an incredible group at The Hills Church.
It looks to me like I'll not be joining this group in the years to come like I thought I would (it's still possible should God Almighty decide it so. But, for now He continuues my walk with no physical healing- yet!) But, I believe they're a group worth examining because of their close walk with Jesus through very difficult years, somtimes feeling alone, but pressing on.
If you're a widow at the The Hills, you're not alone & you're needed to teach & guide the newer widows. If you're a new widow, find a group of ladies who are living fulfilled lives in the Lord & serving Him with all their hearts.
Don't know why this particular subject has been on my mind, but it has, so I write. Widows in our church community are vital and I love the groups I know. Jesus knows all this already about all of us needing each other. The church fulfills these needs and draws more and more people to himself. Wow! Just another reason to be in community! Thank you, Jesus!
Blessings!
It sounds weird, but I envisioned myself being a widow, at times, & Mike would teach me all through the years how to fix something like a leaking sink, change oil in the car or even change a tire! He's always said, "Now, if something happens to me, you need to know how to fix this. (Or,at least know who to call to get it done.) LOL!
Honestly, he went ahead & did the repair, but taught me along the way what to look for to oversee a job so as not to be taken advantage of. I've been so appreciative of his patience & teaching because it built my confidence in a lot of areas.
I also closely watched my friends at church who had just been widowed at an early age (in my thinking) and learned so much from them.
I have learned of their increased confidence in the Lord and their wilingness to travel the world ,to Sri Lanka, Honduras, Mexico, Brazil, etc, etc spreading the love of Jesus even when others would discourage them with, "What if something happens to you while you"re away?"
I've seen these ladies create community within themselves, too, with arms wide open for including any more women in their same position. These ladies pray like crazy, too! They pray for others & write notes of encouragement. These widow ladies bake, quilt & share with people across the world & I'm so prooud to know such an incredible group at The Hills Church.
It looks to me like I'll not be joining this group in the years to come like I thought I would (it's still possible should God Almighty decide it so. But, for now He continuues my walk with no physical healing- yet!) But, I believe they're a group worth examining because of their close walk with Jesus through very difficult years, somtimes feeling alone, but pressing on.
If you're a widow at the The Hills, you're not alone & you're needed to teach & guide the newer widows. If you're a new widow, find a group of ladies who are living fulfilled lives in the Lord & serving Him with all their hearts.
Don't know why this particular subject has been on my mind, but it has, so I write. Widows in our church community are vital and I love the groups I know. Jesus knows all this already about all of us needing each other. The church fulfills these needs and draws more and more people to himself. Wow! Just another reason to be in community! Thank you, Jesus!
Blessings!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
No Visits on Wednesday, October 5th
Please help me pass the word that there will be no visits at my house on Wednesday, October 5th so I can help prepare my sweet Paisley's 1st Birthday Party!
Blessings!
Blessings!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thank-You!
Thank you to two wonderful sons-in-law who love their families & work hard for them. Men who support their wives as they minister to their parents. Eric & Tyrel, thank-you for loving your wives the way they need to be loved through this very hard journey in our families' lives. This is just as hard on you two as it is on the rest of us & we thank-you for the time you allow them away from home so they can be with us.
Mike & I prayed for their future husbands all their lives & you are the two He sent to our family. We're thankful for you & appreciate the men you are. We appreciate the men God is making you become as you serve Him in so many ways you may never have thought you would.
Just wanted to thank-you tonight for all you do & say how glad we are that you're family.
Blessings!
Mike & I prayed for their future husbands all their lives & you are the two He sent to our family. We're thankful for you & appreciate the men you are. We appreciate the men God is making you become as you serve Him in so many ways you may never have thought you would.
Just wanted to thank-you tonight for all you do & say how glad we are that you're family.
Blessings!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
"Come Boldly to the Throne of His Mercy!"
Hebrews 4:16 has really been on my mind lately. God's mercy has been planted deeply on my heart these past few weeks- nothing from myself, but straight from Him. "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Isn't this an amazing truth about our Father? He tells us where to come & how to get His mercy! He actually gives me direction on how to recieve this great gift! Like telling a child where to go & find a prized Christmas present!The reason I know His mercies are new every morning & that it never ends is because He tells me this about Himself. It's that easy! So, what I've found in my life is that his mercy never ends! It's new every morning & waiting on me to claim it.
As my family and friends face some hard good-byes, we're utterly dependent on His mercy. One blessed act of God toward us, is that He's shown us His mercy over & over again in our lives, so there's no indication at all, here at the end of my life, that we wouldn't have His same new mercies each morning. I'm leaning hard on His mercy as He provides a way for my family & loved ones to say good-bye to me for a time & go on my way to see Jesus face to face. I'm looking forard to that day & His mercy will get me there.
Since we know mercy from Him & what that looks like, it's meant to be passed to others. All of us grieve in such different ways & all those who love me will have to show mercy to one another even when they don't respond to death in the same way. But, God has promised to be there & will get each person through, I'm cerain of this!
None of us deserve mercy, but God decided to show it to us anyway. Now, it's our turn to copy Him and just pour mercy over everyone we love!
There are going to be hard days after my death that a family member just needs a "free pass" for a bit to go to the Lord & honestly lay their hearts out. When we can be merciful to that person & give them some time to grieve, then we will have taken a step towards mercy, & that's a good thing.
Death is not easy & neither is life, so mercy is the way to go. We know Who gives it & we know where to get it & we know He gives it when we need it the most. So, mercy it is! Thank you, sweet Father God, for such a gift! Such an undeserving gift!
Blessings!
As my family and friends face some hard good-byes, we're utterly dependent on His mercy. One blessed act of God toward us, is that He's shown us His mercy over & over again in our lives, so there's no indication at all, here at the end of my life, that we wouldn't have His same new mercies each morning. I'm leaning hard on His mercy as He provides a way for my family & loved ones to say good-bye to me for a time & go on my way to see Jesus face to face. I'm looking forard to that day & His mercy will get me there.
Since we know mercy from Him & what that looks like, it's meant to be passed to others. All of us grieve in such different ways & all those who love me will have to show mercy to one another even when they don't respond to death in the same way. But, God has promised to be there & will get each person through, I'm cerain of this!
None of us deserve mercy, but God decided to show it to us anyway. Now, it's our turn to copy Him and just pour mercy over everyone we love!
There are going to be hard days after my death that a family member just needs a "free pass" for a bit to go to the Lord & honestly lay their hearts out. When we can be merciful to that person & give them some time to grieve, then we will have taken a step towards mercy, & that's a good thing.
Death is not easy & neither is life, so mercy is the way to go. We know Who gives it & we know where to get it & we know He gives it when we need it the most. So, mercy it is! Thank you, sweet Father God, for such a gift! Such an undeserving gift!
Blessings!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thanking God!
These posts are becoming a bit more difficult emotionally for me. I'm starting my post this way today because it's true & something I'm wrestling with, so I bring it to you, too. None of this is easy. At first one would think that knowing full in advance of death that that would be easier than not knowing at all so that all of one's life can be "tied up in a bow" and things would be neat & clean & then death would come & good-byes would be easy, too. Good-byes would be wrapped neatly up in a bow because everyone has had time to say all that needs to be said.
None of it is easy because there's not an easy way to die... IF you love living. If you & I love this earthly life God has given us with all the people, nature, newness, joy & knowledge of heaven, then dieing is hard. He gives & He takes away & it's all His'. It belongs to Him, so dieing is not easy, BUT He can be trusted with it. That's what I thought I believed & now I KNOW I believe it! Thank you, Father for your trustworthiness! This is no small thing! It's HUGE since I'm way too weak to do this on my own!
Hospice came by again yesterday, which is the 2 x week schedule we're on now & the same news Mike, the girls & I receive hasn't changed. This cancer is on the rampage! It is ravishing my left torso & will continue finding places in my body to take over until it runs into an organ or creates a situation that will take my life.
Saying the words, "I'm dying" are not easy words to say for me, because I love the living part of life. But, again, I am, so I pray God give me each day & teach me to really live that day. Spend it the way He wants it spent. Kind of like being handed a thousand dollar bill for the day & deciding what to do with it, or how to spend it.
That's where I am, deciding how to spend the day God has given me today. First thing to do EVERY one of those days, is thank Him. I just can't get past that... praise, praise, praise! He's the one who gave me the day. I did nothing to deserve this day & seldom have the wisdom I need to use it correctly, but I KNOW praising Him is a absolute right way to use it & nothing will stop me for praising Him.
The next thing for me- like I've said before is spending time with family & friends I love & who love me. I can't go wrong if that's in the "spending" agenda. For a time- as long as my body dictates, I've set a schedule that includes as many people as want to see me, can. Of course, Mike & the girls have no limits of any day at any time, so when I tell you this schedule, know it doesn't apply to them at all. Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 10:00 to 2:00 are visit times for ladies who love me & want to visit but don't want to intrude on my family or my rest times. (I'm the most blessed person o the planet to have such friends & I realize this.) Anyway, some of the ladies come on these days with Brown Bag lunches to visit. Others come to help with chores around the house & others make errand runs for me to the grocery store, etc. I look at this & am humbled at the crazy, crazy love being poured out on me. All I can do is praise God for His children & thank Him & them constantly!
As long as I can strick to this 10-2 schedule & get the rest I need, then I'll continue. If my body leads me in a different way, then Mike & I will make other arrangements. But, for now, that's where it stands for friends visiting. I have no choice but to follow my body to keep my margins up as much as possible. Too much activity & I'll be in bed the next day, so we're doing our best to live & love & protect what I've got.
I think I've already posted that another similar pocket in my left lung has no air flow anymore, so that is so disappointing & makes my breathing even more shallow & laborious. My left torso is very restricted in it's movement & I'm growing weaker which is very disappointing when I use that phrase in the same sentence as picking up & holding my grandchildren. Of course, they can still crawl up on Sweets' lap all they want, we'll just hold a bit differently, that's all.
Hospice continues to watch me closely & provides pain meds, oxygen, hospital bed, etc, etc. They're wonderful & are helping me live the way I want to live. Again, there's another praise. Even on the days I want to be mad at this whole thing, all I can do is praise Him. That's no joke- that is real. I have a good appetite & friends from church keep a running calendar to keep Mike & me fed. (Yes- another thank you!)
Seems like I'm having a lot of milkshakes, too. So, no complaints there!
I know the post got terribly long. I knew it would since I hadn't written in a bit. I guess what's in my heart the most is that God is remaining His good & faithful self. He gets my praise. He gets Mike's praise, as well as Randi's & Taylor's, & their husbands praise. My heart is joyful that before too long I get so see heaven & get to see Jesus face to face. I get to go where I've always wanted to go. My heart is full of sadness in leaving all I love here- for a time. You will join me if you choose because God made you & me a way to Him. God will be sad for you having to let me go but He won't be sad at getting me home with Him. I don't know how all that works but I fully trust The One who does know it all.
These are some hard days that are full of joy & submitting to Him makes sense because I love Him & want to be with Him.
Blessings!
None of it is easy because there's not an easy way to die... IF you love living. If you & I love this earthly life God has given us with all the people, nature, newness, joy & knowledge of heaven, then dieing is hard. He gives & He takes away & it's all His'. It belongs to Him, so dieing is not easy, BUT He can be trusted with it. That's what I thought I believed & now I KNOW I believe it! Thank you, Father for your trustworthiness! This is no small thing! It's HUGE since I'm way too weak to do this on my own!
Hospice came by again yesterday, which is the 2 x week schedule we're on now & the same news Mike, the girls & I receive hasn't changed. This cancer is on the rampage! It is ravishing my left torso & will continue finding places in my body to take over until it runs into an organ or creates a situation that will take my life.
Saying the words, "I'm dying" are not easy words to say for me, because I love the living part of life. But, again, I am, so I pray God give me each day & teach me to really live that day. Spend it the way He wants it spent. Kind of like being handed a thousand dollar bill for the day & deciding what to do with it, or how to spend it.
That's where I am, deciding how to spend the day God has given me today. First thing to do EVERY one of those days, is thank Him. I just can't get past that... praise, praise, praise! He's the one who gave me the day. I did nothing to deserve this day & seldom have the wisdom I need to use it correctly, but I KNOW praising Him is a absolute right way to use it & nothing will stop me for praising Him.
The next thing for me- like I've said before is spending time with family & friends I love & who love me. I can't go wrong if that's in the "spending" agenda. For a time- as long as my body dictates, I've set a schedule that includes as many people as want to see me, can. Of course, Mike & the girls have no limits of any day at any time, so when I tell you this schedule, know it doesn't apply to them at all. Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 10:00 to 2:00 are visit times for ladies who love me & want to visit but don't want to intrude on my family or my rest times. (I'm the most blessed person o the planet to have such friends & I realize this.) Anyway, some of the ladies come on these days with Brown Bag lunches to visit. Others come to help with chores around the house & others make errand runs for me to the grocery store, etc. I look at this & am humbled at the crazy, crazy love being poured out on me. All I can do is praise God for His children & thank Him & them constantly!
As long as I can strick to this 10-2 schedule & get the rest I need, then I'll continue. If my body leads me in a different way, then Mike & I will make other arrangements. But, for now, that's where it stands for friends visiting. I have no choice but to follow my body to keep my margins up as much as possible. Too much activity & I'll be in bed the next day, so we're doing our best to live & love & protect what I've got.
I think I've already posted that another similar pocket in my left lung has no air flow anymore, so that is so disappointing & makes my breathing even more shallow & laborious. My left torso is very restricted in it's movement & I'm growing weaker which is very disappointing when I use that phrase in the same sentence as picking up & holding my grandchildren. Of course, they can still crawl up on Sweets' lap all they want, we'll just hold a bit differently, that's all.
Hospice continues to watch me closely & provides pain meds, oxygen, hospital bed, etc, etc. They're wonderful & are helping me live the way I want to live. Again, there's another praise. Even on the days I want to be mad at this whole thing, all I can do is praise Him. That's no joke- that is real. I have a good appetite & friends from church keep a running calendar to keep Mike & me fed. (Yes- another thank you!)
Seems like I'm having a lot of milkshakes, too. So, no complaints there!
I know the post got terribly long. I knew it would since I hadn't written in a bit. I guess what's in my heart the most is that God is remaining His good & faithful self. He gets my praise. He gets Mike's praise, as well as Randi's & Taylor's, & their husbands praise. My heart is joyful that before too long I get so see heaven & get to see Jesus face to face. I get to go where I've always wanted to go. My heart is full of sadness in leaving all I love here- for a time. You will join me if you choose because God made you & me a way to Him. God will be sad for you having to let me go but He won't be sad at getting me home with Him. I don't know how all that works but I fully trust The One who does know it all.
These are some hard days that are full of joy & submitting to Him makes sense because I love Him & want to be with Him.
Blessings!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
North Texas Giving Day!
Every donation of $25 & above made online today between 7 a.m. & 7 p.m. will receive a 25% match if you donate to the Community Enrichment Center through www.donorbridgetx.org North Texas' online resource that connects donors with nonprophit organizations like us.
For more information, please contact Latoyia Dennis or Ramdy Clinton @ 817-281-1164
Thank you for supporting the CEC & The Sharon Washburn Center for Hope!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Yea! for Lower Temperatures!
What a blessing to have a bit of respite from the hot Texas sun! We've been able to enjoy temperatures in the high 80's, which doesn't sound good at all, unless it's held up beside the low 100's day after day that we've been having! It's all perspective in the comparison of the two!
I'm still doing well, all considering & God stays good every day. As hard as I may try to see how bad things can be, it seems impossible to do! Even on the darkest of days, He's faithful!
I have not moved to the hospital bed at night, yet, but have taken a few naps on it & it's nice. I can raise & lower it to ease my back & fit my knees into very comfortable position for sleeping, so I'm pleased. I stay thankful for all I have available to me through the uneasiness of cancer. I'm off to bed soon since I had a full day, but have to be thankful first. Thankful over a very long long list of people I love & who love my family & me. Thankful to my God who never gets tired like I do.
Randi took me out today to run errands & like I said, the weather was fabulous, so we had so much fun together & laughed a lot, really. (Mixed a few tears into the day, but mostly laughed.) Heard from Taylor & all their power in that part of California area is out, so life goes on with the good & the bad. Cancer here hasn't made life here better or worse in those ways. Things like power, credit card interference, new neighbors, opening of football season & car tags all keep happening. It's life & it's full.
Today I prayed a lot about many friends. There's a lot of people I love that are facing decisions that need facing only with the Lord. So, that's what I pray. God's guidance. God's strength. God's peace.
To All- Many Blessings!
I'm still doing well, all considering & God stays good every day. As hard as I may try to see how bad things can be, it seems impossible to do! Even on the darkest of days, He's faithful!
I have not moved to the hospital bed at night, yet, but have taken a few naps on it & it's nice. I can raise & lower it to ease my back & fit my knees into very comfortable position for sleeping, so I'm pleased. I stay thankful for all I have available to me through the uneasiness of cancer. I'm off to bed soon since I had a full day, but have to be thankful first. Thankful over a very long long list of people I love & who love my family & me. Thankful to my God who never gets tired like I do.
Randi took me out today to run errands & like I said, the weather was fabulous, so we had so much fun together & laughed a lot, really. (Mixed a few tears into the day, but mostly laughed.) Heard from Taylor & all their power in that part of California area is out, so life goes on with the good & the bad. Cancer here hasn't made life here better or worse in those ways. Things like power, credit card interference, new neighbors, opening of football season & car tags all keep happening. It's life & it's full.
Today I prayed a lot about many friends. There's a lot of people I love that are facing decisions that need facing only with the Lord. So, that's what I pray. God's guidance. God's strength. God's peace.
To All- Many Blessings!
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