Next Step

After hours of doctors, tests & prayers, an initial surgery (mastectomy) is our next step. The latest MRI revealed encouraging news in that chemo has really been working & gotten rid of nearly all the tumors. This is a huge praise! There's still some remaining, so surgery is the next step, with radiation to immediately follow. Then, there'll be a couple more surgeries in the months to come after I'm a bit stronger. Our spirits are still strong & encouraged. We've known all along surgery & radiation were needed, just not the order of events. Now we're on course & feel a lot of peace about it.

Thank you a million times over for praying for my family & me! God continues to show His faithfulness by taking us one step at a time. I love- with all my heart- the earthly family God has given me & by God's grace we will get through these hard times. Our spiritual family is holding us up in love, prayer & support & we couldn't be more thankful for you! You're an amazing group of people!

Blessings!

"It's Not About Me, It's Not about Now"

Just have not had the energy in the last few days to write much but love & appreciate all your prayers on my behalf. This is an amazingly difficult journey & one I've never fully appreciated. Not that I didn't care, but I certainly didn't understand the full extent of what others may have been going through. But, God completely sustains in a powerful way even when a particular day may take all I've humanly got!

One of the pitfalls of a long & life threatening illness is the tendency to make it all about me. The doctors I need to see, medicines I must take, tests I have to endure, appointments I must keep, pain I have to face & on & on. So much of the focus is demanded of me in order to do the things that have to be done to get well, or "fixed" & I have to continually balance those demands with the love & care of others & keep God's perspective on my life. This is NOT as easy as it sounds... keeping perspective is difficult at times & it's only by His grace I can do it at all!

Words from a serman Max Lucado preached years ago constantly ring in my head, "It's not about me & it's not about now. It's about Him & about forever." Max is an incredible author & preacher & these words have reminded me over & over that God is the center of my life, not me. I have a soul that's going to live forever, so these few years on earth are just that... few. It's all important that the life I live now prepares me for the life I'm to live forever with the Lord. My life's journey isn't about me but about glory given to God through me. Being so short-sighted to say my life is limited to these few decades steals glory from the One who gave me the gift of life in the first place. He wants glory for now & eternity so anything & everything here points me to Him & forever!

Another MRI is set for noon today & just like I have in previous tests, I will repeat these words over & over as I lay perfectly still in that imaging machine. "It's not about me & not about now. It's not about me & not about now." This helps focus my perspective on events & demands of the day. My life - all of it- is about Him & eternity!

It's interesting what the Lord brings to mind & heart to comfort at times like the MRI imaging test, but the song I have & will sing again is,

"Lord, You are more precious than silver.
Lord, You are more costly than gold.
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds,
And, nothing I desire compares to You."

Please pray for my relentless focus on the Lord. Pray I will not get side-tracked with all the "me" stuff. Pray God will make our way clear as tests results are received & decisions are made. All glory goes to Him for it would be too grevious to waste life's journey to keep it "all about me!"

Blessings!

"It's Not About Me, It's Not about Now"

One of the pitfalls of a serious or life-threatening illness is to make it all about me. Doctors I have to see, medications I must take, tests I have to go through, pain I must endure & on & on. There's a tendency to focus so much on myself that the care & love for others may get pushed to the side. The physical demands are so great, it's easy to lose life perspective, at times.

Some words Max Lucado, an incredible author & preacher, spoke many years ago that ring in my mind are, "It's not about me & it's not about now. It's about Him & about forever." The center of my life isn't me, but Him. It would be ridiculous for me to think the sum of these 5 decades I've lived is the totality of my life. My life keeps going with Him forever. All that's in my life- including the hardest stuff- is for His glory. He's the One who gave me this gift of life & it belongs to Him, not me. Keeping this perspective is NOT always easy & it's only by His grace that I have it at all!

Today in the MRI machine, as I lie perfectly still, I will repeat these words over & over... "it's not about me & not about now. It's not about me & not about now." There's so much comfort in believing in the much bigger picture of Him & eternity!

I will also sing the song the Lord gave me during the last two MRI's that says,

"Lord, You are more precious than silver.
Lord, You are more costly than gold.
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds,
And, nothing I desire compares to You!"

I constantly pray God give me His "forever" perspective, His view of things, His opinion of me, His "eternal- ness". For certainly, "it's not about me & not about now!" Praise to the One who deserves it!

Blessings!

Quick Update After #8!

This has proven to be a challenging week, which took me a bit by surprise, I admit. After this last chemo, I guess I thought it would be easier since my body was so used to the drugs, but I was mistaken. (I may have also gotten a stomach bug that contributed to the difficulty of the week, but don't know for sure, since chemo itself is tough.) Anyway, CHEMO IS DONE! YEA!! Thank you all for continued prayers, love & support.

Radiation & surgery are next on the long agenda but the order of these is undecided until another MRI is done. One is scheduled for Monday, the 29th & will set the next course of action. Depending of the results, either surgery or radiation will happen immediately. Then, the other will follow in the weeks & months to come. This is a long process... with no easy answers (doctors tell us it will be months & even up to a year before I feel like myself again). Medicine, as much as we wish was exact, is not. There are many variables, decisions & courses of action. Each building block depends on the result of the previous one. Chemistries, cancers & results differ & require additional tests, drugs & consults. Wish I could give you some firm news & results- but for now- patience all around!

God continues to amaze Mike & me! His goodness is just absolute toward us! We thank Him for bringing us this far & trust Him completely to take us the next steps of the way.

Blessings!

Summer Spectacular- Esther!

Queen Esther- "For such a time as this."

Sometimes there's just not a way to explain or describe an event the way it deserves. This is one of those times, for me.

I cannot find the words to express just how thankful I am for the Richland Hills Church of Christ. For the amazing people that make up this church & the amount of love I have for them. I cannot express the blessing our Children's Minister, Patty, is to this church with her creativity & dedicated love for God's word! I cannot adequately describe the level of God-given talent & dedication the whole cast & crew has & I certainly cannot explain the selflessness of time & energy they donate just because they love the Lord, the whole community & all of us that much!

I cannot describe the excitement of the 2500+ crowd of children & parents each night to hear God's word of the courageous story of Esther! The 3 night event is on a professional level of talent & direction & really unbelievable!

I also cannot begin to say what it means to my heart & soul to have watched my 2 year old grandson, Cason, glued to every word, song, music & dance of the show! His first words to his mom the morning after the first show was, "Go see Esther!" She had to convince him to wait another 12 hours & they'd do just that! Once the DVD comes out, he'll watch it over & over & over just like he did "Jonah" last year!

I cannot tell you how determined I was to get to the show each evening. Even with my very limited stamina & energy right now, there was nothing- I mean nothing- that was keeping me from that show! I cannot tell you how timely & encouraging this was to me (eventhough that bad king actor- Mike- couldn't be in it this year because I've been keeping him very, very busy! LOL!) The show lifted my spirits & was good, good medicine for my soul!

Last, but not least, I cannot express enough thankfulness for God's word & it's relevance in our lives! The horrible life journey Esther had to endure before becoming Queen & then the courage she had to have to face the King to save her people- knowing she faced death in asking this favor of the King! This is the true account of God's faithfulness in bringing Esther to a place to save the Jews, to bring her to a place, "for such a time as this."

What I cannot even begin to say, God powerfully can & does.

Blessings!

Chemo Round #8- Done!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for praying us through this last round of chemo! Thank God for being there every single step of the way! I know it's hard to believe - but I'm not certain I can find the right words to adequately express our feelings right now! Just praising & re-thinking this 4-month chemo-journey. Chemo is a mean 'ole road to walk, but one that may save or lengthen my life, so it's been worth it! God has worked through the medical community to this end, so we're thankful. Believe me, though, I continue to ask Him to simply speak it cured! I'm not afraid to ask Him for this miracle, because I know He can. So far, for reasons He understands, He's not done that, & is working this way, instead. Can't say I understand those reasons completely, but trust Him completely, so that's all I need. (He's got me on a need to know basis! LOL!)

Mike & I learned a lot of additional information from the oncologist today. Some encouraging information & some that's quite challenging. I'll share that as we go. For now, there's only praise & thanks for getting this far & knowing the chemo has been working to kill the cancer! This is a HUGE "YES!" from our loving God & we are most thankful!

Pray for our strength & courage to face the next steps of surgeries, radiation & any follow-up treatment. (I'll confess to you that these conversations have been difficult for me, at times. I've been praying God prepare me in all areas of my life- physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually- to face this road the way He wants me to.) I need His grace more than ever. I need His leading, mercy, strength & tenderness as much today as the day I first heard the word, "cancer."

So, today we're cellebrating the end of the battle of "chemo" & turning our focus on the continued war. There are many battles in a war & we must focus & pray for wisdom on our next decisions because we're not done, yet. We must continue in His will, rely on His grace & trust in His goodness.

Blessings, our friends!

Quick Update before #8!

Will be leaving for Chemo #8 in a bit, so wanted to share a quick update before heading out. Will update again afterward, when I can. After some really "feel good" days, there have some weak ones, but after working a few hours each day, I headed right home to the sofa to rest & nap. Very little stamina, feeling lousy & weak is discouraging, (ok, it stinks!) so resting, resting, resting is a must. I save my energy for one or two things a day... then, that's it. Mike & Randi know I "spend" too much of that energy when I'm out & about, so they-monitor me, keep me behaving & in-line! LOL! They're so good to me, 'cause we know when the energy is spent, it's spent! Then, I'm done & pay for it later!

Mike, Randi, Cason & I were completely blessed, though, by attending Summer Spectacular 3 evenings at church. Eventhough, I wasn't at my strongest, I wouldn't have missed this for anything! There just aren't words to describe this event each year & the story of Esther from the Old Testament is just an incredible account of God's faithfulness through life's journey & the care & courage He provides! I will post separately on this wonderful show, but the timing of hearing the word of God like this has boosted my spirits & courage. Reminded me - again- of God's goodness.

This is the last chemo for now, which is a HUGE blessing! Yea! Of course, I'll have these medicines in my system for several weeks, so I'll not really be done with feeling the effects of chemo until mid-summer, probably. Then, surgery as soon as I'm strong enough.

Thank you for all the encouragement you've provided us & PLEASE keep us in your prayers. This is the last of chemo & last of the first leg of the journey, and we still need you & your prayers badly through the upcoming surgery & radiation through the fall. Thank God for His faithfulness! Mike & I know- without any doubt- He's carrying us. We feel His presence & know He's with us. This is too hard a journey to go it alone, & we're dead set on living our lives in Him. There's no other option for us. We're secure in Him for our lives & our hope & our salvation!

Blessings!

Times 5!

"Today is the day the Lord has made & we will rejoice in it!"

This is the 5th day in a row- count them, 5- that I feel good physically! YEA!!! x 5! Praise x5! Thanks x 5! Five mornings ago, I woke up feeling better than I had in 3 months & it's continued now to day 5! Still not having my "regular- self" stamina, I have to take rests in the afternoons, etc, but am feeling SO much better. So thankful for this respite! So thankful for this glimpse of healthiness in the midst of a "chemo sea".

Thank you all for STILL praying. Please thank God for His graciousness to Mike & me & keep praying if you don't mind! We still need you & always, always, always need the Lord x 5!

Blessings!

"Get 'er done!"

For as long as I've known Mike, I've heard, "Get 'er done." This can-do attitude of his has served us well through chemo because on the mornings of treatment, we get up & just "get 'er done." Whether it's mowing the lawn, folding laundry or chemo, that's the approach.

Other subjects in life are not as easily faced head-on. However, the "get 'er done" approach still works & is necessary in some very tough arenas. The specific ones on my heart this morning are wills & legal medical paperwork. (Yes, I've been awake & thinking since about 3am! LOL!)

Many, many years ago when the girls were very young, we had our wills drawn up & filed. If you have children, you MUST "get 'er done!" This can be a daunting topic, at first, & one that you & your spouse have to take on. No time to shy away from drawing up a will if you have kiddos! Mike & I discussed, made decisons, & took care of this & I'm so glad we did. (Eventhough, through God's grace, never needed it when they were little- it was the stewardship of "getting 'er done!" & legally having matters in order that mattered.)

There's also the personal decision of organ donation. (This one was easy for me since at about 18 years of age I decided I wanted to be an organ donor & have others benefit from my organs should that circumstance ever arise. Now that cancer is in the picture, I'm thinking that option is off the table! You think?? LOL!) But, I know this isn't an easy decison for others... just give it some thought & let your family know what you decide.

Since then, a Living Will, Medical Directive & Medical POA have been signed, notorized & filed. (Thanks, Eric! Should I be worried that you were so willing to help your mother-in-law with this paperwork?? Just kidding! Hmmm???? LOL!) All the family knows what I want & don't want medically. This paperwork is in order because I love them & can make decisions now & maybe save them making decisions for me down the road. Yes, they're difficult & sobering topics & completely necessary.

I'm not at all sure why this topic is on my heart this morning. Maybe bringing up the subject will prompt some to write wills & get that part of life in order, I don't know. Through cancer, there are a lot of frank discussions had & decisions made that create clarity in values, thoughts & beliefs. Cancer has a powerful way of weeding through what's important & what can wait. Taking care of people we love the most- through these legal venues- is high priority.

"Get 'er done", people, "get 'er done!"

Blessings!

Today's Labs & Update

Labs this morning show normal to strong blood counts, so everything is on track for chemo #8 next Thursday! This will be the final one for now! YEA!!!! It will be 2 to 3 weeks after that that I start to feel better physically, and am so thankful! (I've had two days here where I've felt decent, too! YEA!!)

Our family continues to be amazed at your graciousness toward us & the continued encouragement & prayers for us. This is what has gotten us through! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We continue to be on a long, long journey & will still need you & the Lord every step of the way! It's just so great to have this first "leg" coming to an end soon.

Please know we love & pray for you in return, as many of you carry heavy burdens, too. Thank God none of us are alone! We praise Him for promising His presence & then showing up! He's unbelievably good! He's unmistakably loving! He's undeniably Lord!

Blessings!

Cason Ready for Summer!

My little guy showing off his shades! Keeps me smilin' at every turn!

2 More Pics!

Two more pics from the lake a couple of weeks ago. Just relaxing. I just had so much fun! (Braden & Colton are buddies!) *See Randi's blog for more fun pics of our very cute grandsons!

Round #7- Done!

Done, over, finished! Round #7 is behind us & we're so thankful for all the blessings mixed in with the troubles. The physical is getting so much attention these days- as it should- but we're just as much spiritual beings as physical ones & God is incredibly faithful to love & heal both! He loves us & has made that "clear as day!" The spriritual is just as tangible & real as the physical. It may be easier to overlook the spiritual at times, I guess because "out of sight, out of mind," but make no mistake, God made us to live forever. I choose this day to bow my knee & confess Jesus is Lord. Not ashamed one bit to say that. Thankful for the physical life He's given me as a gift & thankful for the eternal soul & new body He promises for eternity. Just felt like this was a great morning to put that out there!

Feeling very well overall. These rounds are proving more easily tolerated (for me) than the first four. Whew! didn't say easy, but easier... my "chemo" friend deals with higher pain levels than me & I fight much higher fatigue. Same drug, different people with different responses... all normal for chemo.

Our sister-in-law Juanda tag-teamed with Mike through this round (about 5 hours total). Once I was settled in the chemo chair, she ran errands for me (& not once complained about the 'grunt' work, but said shopping at the mall for me was NOT rough duty for her!) Sara, my best girl-friend since 9th grade & the person who introduced Mike & me 33 years ago, called, was in town & tag-teamed the last 2 hours of the chemo day. Nothing planned, just worked out perfectly. So, the day was a blessed one, for sure!

Today I pace myself & take it very easy. Yesterday the high doses of steroids for pain kind-of hype me up a bit & as those drugs wear off (we know from the past 2 rounds) my body will follow suit. Fatigue has usually set in pretty hard, so, live & learn, & don't plan activities other than sticking close to home & laying around.

I plan with all my heart- to be at church Saturday evening as Jami (chemo friend) & her family want to come be with us! Please pray she & I both feel up to getting out as this is a huge blessing to Mike & me. She has been a great encourager to us (she's one round ahead of me, so just completed her last round!) We've gotten to know each other & I don't believe for a minute this was an accident. God crossed our paths, for sure! We've needed each other & it's just like Him to put people in our lives & ours in them when we most need it! So, as you faithfully pray for me, add Jami in there, too!

Thank you, all of you, for the way you cover us up in prayer. I mean we are covered up! People have gathered from all over the world & all walks of life to pray to the one, true & living God on our behalf. That's an amazing, amazing thing! We stay humbled & honored & most blessed by our God for His merciful response to your requests! Mike & I pray for you in return & know you're seeing God working in your lives, too. Wow! What a God we serve! Thank Him for His never-growing-tired-or-weary, powerful self, because we're all keeping Him busy, aren't we? We stand in great need of His mercy every single day of our lives- sick or healthy, rich or poor, happy or sad, young or old. We need Him & He's able!

Blessings!

Priceless!

When I say friends and family are priceless to us, I don't say it lightly! Over the last few weeks & months, relationships have become sweeter & sweeter! God has surrounded Mike & me with heros in our lives & we don't take them for granted. People who live & work in their daily lives in situations & careers that makes cancer pale in comparison! We're completely blessed!

Round #7 is in the morning. Please thank God for being with us every step thus far & ask Him for courage & focus for me to get through these last 2 rounds. God has been so faithful in answering prayers, so keep praying!

Love & blessings to all - updates to come.