Below is the CaringBridge website that we are going to use to send out updates on Mom's condition. Thank you for following her and continuing to hold us up in prayer. This has been a long one but, a sweet one as well. We hope to share some of that with you.
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/SharonWashburn/createorsignin
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Update on our Family
This is Randi. I'm writing to help Mom out and to pass on this information to all those who love and pray for our family. We could really use those prayers right now.
First, the Tuesday/Wednesday things at Mom's house are not going to be able to happen anymore. This saddens all of us, but, it is best for Mom, in her weakened state, to rest and stay in bed. That time was such a blessing to all of us that got to be a part of it. From what I hear from so many, it was just as much of a blessing to them as it was to Mom. So, thank you for being with her and with us.
Second, Dad has come down with pneumonia. He is not allowed any visitors at this time so, we ask that you cover him in prayer. It is very difficult for him to not be able to help with Mom the way he loves to do and always has. Please pray he recovers quickly.
Third, I am asking for you to cover Taylor and myself, as well as the rest of the family, in your prayers as we care for both Mom and Dad.
Please pass along the canceling of the Tuesday/Wednesday gatherings at Mom's to anyone you know that might be planning on going. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.
First, the Tuesday/Wednesday things at Mom's house are not going to be able to happen anymore. This saddens all of us, but, it is best for Mom, in her weakened state, to rest and stay in bed. That time was such a blessing to all of us that got to be a part of it. From what I hear from so many, it was just as much of a blessing to them as it was to Mom. So, thank you for being with her and with us.
Second, Dad has come down with pneumonia. He is not allowed any visitors at this time so, we ask that you cover him in prayer. It is very difficult for him to not be able to help with Mom the way he loves to do and always has. Please pray he recovers quickly.
Third, I am asking for you to cover Taylor and myself, as well as the rest of the family, in your prayers as we care for both Mom and Dad.
Please pass along the canceling of the Tuesday/Wednesday gatherings at Mom's to anyone you know that might be planning on going. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Oh! How He loves me!
We just sang at our last praise assembly, "Oh, How He loves me, He loves me, He loves me!" I wonder how many of us know we're loved? I mean really loved? And, more than that, loved by the Creator of the Universe?
I'm not certain, but I think if we all KNEW & BELIEVED we were really loved, a lot of "stuff" we argue about between each other & churches just wouldn't matter so much. So, just for today, understand you're loved. Nothing in all the world can separarte you from God's love. Can you believe this? Nothing in all of creation can change God's love for you or make Him love you any less than what He loves you now! Wow!Know that the King of Kings & Lord of Lords knows your name & the number of hairs on your hear head! Just check to see if knowing this kind of love changes you & the way you treat the ones around you? Cover yourself in the peace this love instills; the comfort it provides & the confidence in living the abundant life it affordes.
"Could I with Ink the Oceans Fill"
Could I with ink the oceans fill...
Were the earth of parchment made...And, every blade of grass a quill
And every man a scribe by trade...
To write the love of God above
Would drain the oceans dry...
And the scroll could not contain the whole...
Though stretched from sky to sky!
-Annonymous
Blessings!
I'm not certain, but I think if we all KNEW & BELIEVED we were really loved, a lot of "stuff" we argue about between each other & churches just wouldn't matter so much. So, just for today, understand you're loved. Nothing in all the world can separarte you from God's love. Can you believe this? Nothing in all of creation can change God's love for you or make Him love you any less than what He loves you now! Wow!Know that the King of Kings & Lord of Lords knows your name & the number of hairs on your hear head! Just check to see if knowing this kind of love changes you & the way you treat the ones around you? Cover yourself in the peace this love instills; the comfort it provides & the confidence in living the abundant life it affordes.
"Could I with Ink the Oceans Fill"
Could I with ink the oceans fill...
Were the earth of parchment made...And, every blade of grass a quill
And every man a scribe by trade...
To write the love of God above
Would drain the oceans dry...
And the scroll could not contain the whole...
Though stretched from sky to sky!
-Annonymous
Blessings!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Walk Openly, Again?
Several people have asked me recently if I would walk this journey so publicly again, if I had it to do over. That's a fair question, since I've been pretty much an "open book" these last 2 and a half years. The answer is, "yes, if the Lord called me again, to walk openly, I would." Truth is, if He asked me to walk quietly, then that's what I'd do.
Since the first day we knew something wasn't "right", God told me as clear as day to "sound the trumpets", to call in believers who would pray for us. People who believed in the mighty power of our Lord who has done way more than we can ever ask or imagine who wouldn't be detered by anything Satan may throw our way.
So, that's what we did & even though Mike & I may not have walked a perfect walk, we've had lovers of the Lord right by us & a faithful Father who has nevered waivered in His ability to heal or His never-ending love for us.
If you've known us, you know since day-one, Mike & I believe in God's miraculous ability to heal. If we didn't, we simply wouldn't pray for it! Every single morning, including this one, I ask the Lord if this is the day He's going to heal me from this cancer. Is this the day? Is this the day you speak it gone? Is this the day we get to announce it world-wide through prayer teams & warriors that the cancer is gone & You're the only reason it can be so? Every morning I'm not at all ashamed of this prayer. I'm not at all embarrassed that I believe God can heal by His spoken word!
We also worship with believers who never lose hope for this healing. Never lose hope of heaven. Never lose hope of salvation & living in a saved relationship with a perfect Lord!
So, yes, Mike & I would walk this again, covered in prayer, covered in belief, & covered in love. Seems like there's just no other way to do it!
(Note on physical status: continued loss of energy, body mass & strength. Continued renewal of strength, courage & hope.) I do stay on oxegyn all the time now to make me more comfortable in my breathing. I also do my very best to get the rest & sleep I need. I function better during the day when I've gotten this rest. I thank-you with all my heart for continued prayers & continued love. What would I do without that from you?
Blessings!
Since the first day we knew something wasn't "right", God told me as clear as day to "sound the trumpets", to call in believers who would pray for us. People who believed in the mighty power of our Lord who has done way more than we can ever ask or imagine who wouldn't be detered by anything Satan may throw our way.
So, that's what we did & even though Mike & I may not have walked a perfect walk, we've had lovers of the Lord right by us & a faithful Father who has nevered waivered in His ability to heal or His never-ending love for us.
If you've known us, you know since day-one, Mike & I believe in God's miraculous ability to heal. If we didn't, we simply wouldn't pray for it! Every single morning, including this one, I ask the Lord if this is the day He's going to heal me from this cancer. Is this the day? Is this the day you speak it gone? Is this the day we get to announce it world-wide through prayer teams & warriors that the cancer is gone & You're the only reason it can be so? Every morning I'm not at all ashamed of this prayer. I'm not at all embarrassed that I believe God can heal by His spoken word!
We also worship with believers who never lose hope for this healing. Never lose hope of heaven. Never lose hope of salvation & living in a saved relationship with a perfect Lord!
So, yes, Mike & I would walk this again, covered in prayer, covered in belief, & covered in love. Seems like there's just no other way to do it!
(Note on physical status: continued loss of energy, body mass & strength. Continued renewal of strength, courage & hope.) I do stay on oxegyn all the time now to make me more comfortable in my breathing. I also do my very best to get the rest & sleep I need. I function better during the day when I've gotten this rest. I thank-you with all my heart for continued prayers & continued love. What would I do without that from you?
Blessings!
Friday, September 30, 2011
"Why?" Sounds like a good question.
1999 was the year my mother-in-law died & went to be with our Lord. She & my father-in-law suffered with long-term illnesses overlapping a 10 year period. She had lymphoma & died with such peace. Our extended family grieved & rejoiced at the same time because it was such a blessing she go be with the Lord instead of staying here with nothing more to offer her in this life.
On December 1, 1999 I wrote down some of my thoughts on all the "whys?" in my life & circumstances we'd faced as a family. I want share a partial list of these with you now, & encourage you to make a list that applies to your own life.
"WHY?"
Isn't that a question we all ask God at various times in our lives? It occurred to me that I need to ask God"why" about some things I don't quite understand...
Why...
... was I born in a free country called America?
... was I raised in a godly home by godly parents?
... was I able to attend great schools wtih so many opportunites for learning?
... was I born with no physical handicaps?
... was born with great eyesight & hearing?
... was I able to walk & run everywhere I wanted as a child?
... have I gotten to hear the name of Jesus spoken my whole life?
... am I a middle-class Caucasion in a world where that is to my benefit?
... have I never gone hungry for even one day of my life?
... is anything I want of need so readilyavailable to me?
...was I born with a good mind?
... is it that I can freely assemble with others to worship You?
... has there always been a job opportunity for me?
... are You so patient with me.
... do You love me so?
... do I have so many ffriends & family to love me?
... do I have no worries of where I will sleep tonight?
... do I have a warm bed, lots of covers with central heat & air to comfort me?
... were my children born healthy?
... are both our girls so beautiful outwardly & inwardly?
... is the greatest medical technology available to me?
... am I provided a beautiful home with every possible convenience?
... is my closet full of clothes?
... can I choose between vehicles when I want to go somewhere?
... do I have so much that if it were cut in half, I wouldn't miss a thing?
... am I cherished so much by You that you'd send Jesus to die for a person like me?
... have You given me so much?
Lord, I ask you, "Why?" because it just doesn't seem fair, that You've given me so much, does it?
And the Lord said, "To whom much is given, much will be required.
- Sharon Washburn
12-1-99
If I were writing this same list today, it would be too long to imagine! So many friends have asked me if there's any anger towards God about giving me only 54 years. Of course, there's disappointment, but no anger at all as I don't deserve 54 years. The question would not be, "Why are You only giving me 54 years?" The correct question would be, "Why have You chosen to give me each day of 54 years that I don't deserve at all!" My life is a direct gift from you & I thank You."
I encourage you to make your own list that applies to your own life. Start asking God, "Why." Ask Him with thanksgiving instead of dread. Ask Him to reveal Himself on His goodness toward you. Asking God why He's so good keeps us on our knees of apprecieation toward Him. Start that list list tonight & keep it going because God keeps blessing, He keeps revealing & He continues to give & give & give!
Blessings!
On December 1, 1999 I wrote down some of my thoughts on all the "whys?" in my life & circumstances we'd faced as a family. I want share a partial list of these with you now, & encourage you to make a list that applies to your own life.
"WHY?"
Isn't that a question we all ask God at various times in our lives? It occurred to me that I need to ask God"why" about some things I don't quite understand...
Why...
... was I born in a free country called America?
... was I raised in a godly home by godly parents?
... was I able to attend great schools wtih so many opportunites for learning?
... was I born with no physical handicaps?
... was born with great eyesight & hearing?
... was I able to walk & run everywhere I wanted as a child?
... have I gotten to hear the name of Jesus spoken my whole life?
... am I a middle-class Caucasion in a world where that is to my benefit?
... have I never gone hungry for even one day of my life?
... is anything I want of need so readilyavailable to me?
...was I born with a good mind?
... is it that I can freely assemble with others to worship You?
... has there always been a job opportunity for me?
... are You so patient with me.
... do You love me so?
... do I have so many ffriends & family to love me?
... do I have no worries of where I will sleep tonight?
... do I have a warm bed, lots of covers with central heat & air to comfort me?
... were my children born healthy?
... are both our girls so beautiful outwardly & inwardly?
... is the greatest medical technology available to me?
... am I provided a beautiful home with every possible convenience?
... is my closet full of clothes?
... can I choose between vehicles when I want to go somewhere?
... do I have so much that if it were cut in half, I wouldn't miss a thing?
... am I cherished so much by You that you'd send Jesus to die for a person like me?
... have You given me so much?
Lord, I ask you, "Why?" because it just doesn't seem fair, that You've given me so much, does it?
And the Lord said, "To whom much is given, much will be required.
- Sharon Washburn
12-1-99
If I were writing this same list today, it would be too long to imagine! So many friends have asked me if there's any anger towards God about giving me only 54 years. Of course, there's disappointment, but no anger at all as I don't deserve 54 years. The question would not be, "Why are You only giving me 54 years?" The correct question would be, "Why have You chosen to give me each day of 54 years that I don't deserve at all!" My life is a direct gift from you & I thank You."
I encourage you to make your own list that applies to your own life. Start asking God, "Why." Ask Him with thanksgiving instead of dread. Ask Him to reveal Himself on His goodness toward you. Asking God why He's so good keeps us on our knees of apprecieation toward Him. Start that list list tonight & keep it going because God keeps blessing, He keeps revealing & He continues to give & give & give!
Blessings!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Update 9-29-11
Staying overwhelmed by your love, prayers & support! Mike & I thank you for your love!
1) Hospice makes certain I don't live in pain, so that isw monitored closely. I live each day on meds that relieve pain & I can move & be on the go a bit. SO grateful!
2) Took a fall in our house on Sunday. In the blink of an eye, my feet tripped over something & down I went on our hard wood floors. I landed on my right hip & right ankle. Mike was right there & we checked the places that hit the hardest. Bruising but no break! I cried because I was so mad at myself for letting that happen & thankful to God for protecting me! I thanked Him & thanked Him!
3) My body is losing mass, so I'm a bit smaller but also retaining some fluids, so the diuretic meds are helping there, too. I still look good & can post a picture soon. I'm thankful He's taking care of me at every turn!
4) The visiting days set up are every Tuesday & Wednesday (except Weds, Oct 5th) are proving to be such a blessing! The hours are 10:00 - 2:00pm. Brown Bag your own lunch & come chit-chat. Come & go or come & stay. Help with chores or errands (no pressure on this). The main thing is that we see each other & connect with our bond in the Lord.
5) Mike, Taylor, Randi & family & friends all surrounding me are just sweetness to my soul!
Blessings to all!
1) Hospice makes certain I don't live in pain, so that isw monitored closely. I live each day on meds that relieve pain & I can move & be on the go a bit. SO grateful!
2) Took a fall in our house on Sunday. In the blink of an eye, my feet tripped over something & down I went on our hard wood floors. I landed on my right hip & right ankle. Mike was right there & we checked the places that hit the hardest. Bruising but no break! I cried because I was so mad at myself for letting that happen & thankful to God for protecting me! I thanked Him & thanked Him!
3) My body is losing mass, so I'm a bit smaller but also retaining some fluids, so the diuretic meds are helping there, too. I still look good & can post a picture soon. I'm thankful He's taking care of me at every turn!
4) The visiting days set up are every Tuesday & Wednesday (except Weds, Oct 5th) are proving to be such a blessing! The hours are 10:00 - 2:00pm. Brown Bag your own lunch & come chit-chat. Come & go or come & stay. Help with chores or errands (no pressure on this). The main thing is that we see each other & connect with our bond in the Lord.
5) Mike, Taylor, Randi & family & friends all surrounding me are just sweetness to my soul!
Blessings to all!
Random Post - Widow Friends I Love
Years ago, I began to notice in the church, that there were more widows than widowers. It's not hard to make this astute observation, if you only look around a few minutes. Generally, through the ages, women have lived longer earthly lives than men due to war, hard physical work, etc. What I knew in the church is that we were to make sure the widows & orphans were taken care of by family & community of the church. They were cared for just like they would be should their husbands be alive & be in a position of caretaking.
It sounds weird, but I envisioned myself being a widow, at times, & Mike would teach me all through the years how to fix something like a leaking sink, change oil in the car or even change a tire! He's always said, "Now, if something happens to me, you need to know how to fix this. (Or,at least know who to call to get it done.) LOL!
Honestly, he went ahead & did the repair, but taught me along the way what to look for to oversee a job so as not to be taken advantage of. I've been so appreciative of his patience & teaching because it built my confidence in a lot of areas.
I also closely watched my friends at church who had just been widowed at an early age (in my thinking) and learned so much from them.
I have learned of their increased confidence in the Lord and their wilingness to travel the world ,to Sri Lanka, Honduras, Mexico, Brazil, etc, etc spreading the love of Jesus even when others would discourage them with, "What if something happens to you while you"re away?"
I've seen these ladies create community within themselves, too, with arms wide open for including any more women in their same position. These ladies pray like crazy, too! They pray for others & write notes of encouragement. These widow ladies bake, quilt & share with people across the world & I'm so prooud to know such an incredible group at The Hills Church.
It looks to me like I'll not be joining this group in the years to come like I thought I would (it's still possible should God Almighty decide it so. But, for now He continuues my walk with no physical healing- yet!) But, I believe they're a group worth examining because of their close walk with Jesus through very difficult years, somtimes feeling alone, but pressing on.
If you're a widow at the The Hills, you're not alone & you're needed to teach & guide the newer widows. If you're a new widow, find a group of ladies who are living fulfilled lives in the Lord & serving Him with all their hearts.
Don't know why this particular subject has been on my mind, but it has, so I write. Widows in our church community are vital and I love the groups I know. Jesus knows all this already about all of us needing each other. The church fulfills these needs and draws more and more people to himself. Wow! Just another reason to be in community! Thank you, Jesus!
Blessings!
It sounds weird, but I envisioned myself being a widow, at times, & Mike would teach me all through the years how to fix something like a leaking sink, change oil in the car or even change a tire! He's always said, "Now, if something happens to me, you need to know how to fix this. (Or,at least know who to call to get it done.) LOL!
Honestly, he went ahead & did the repair, but taught me along the way what to look for to oversee a job so as not to be taken advantage of. I've been so appreciative of his patience & teaching because it built my confidence in a lot of areas.
I also closely watched my friends at church who had just been widowed at an early age (in my thinking) and learned so much from them.
I have learned of their increased confidence in the Lord and their wilingness to travel the world ,to Sri Lanka, Honduras, Mexico, Brazil, etc, etc spreading the love of Jesus even when others would discourage them with, "What if something happens to you while you"re away?"
I've seen these ladies create community within themselves, too, with arms wide open for including any more women in their same position. These ladies pray like crazy, too! They pray for others & write notes of encouragement. These widow ladies bake, quilt & share with people across the world & I'm so prooud to know such an incredible group at The Hills Church.
It looks to me like I'll not be joining this group in the years to come like I thought I would (it's still possible should God Almighty decide it so. But, for now He continuues my walk with no physical healing- yet!) But, I believe they're a group worth examining because of their close walk with Jesus through very difficult years, somtimes feeling alone, but pressing on.
If you're a widow at the The Hills, you're not alone & you're needed to teach & guide the newer widows. If you're a new widow, find a group of ladies who are living fulfilled lives in the Lord & serving Him with all their hearts.
Don't know why this particular subject has been on my mind, but it has, so I write. Widows in our church community are vital and I love the groups I know. Jesus knows all this already about all of us needing each other. The church fulfills these needs and draws more and more people to himself. Wow! Just another reason to be in community! Thank you, Jesus!
Blessings!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
No Visits on Wednesday, October 5th
Please help me pass the word that there will be no visits at my house on Wednesday, October 5th so I can help prepare my sweet Paisley's 1st Birthday Party!
Blessings!
Blessings!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thank-You!
Thank you to two wonderful sons-in-law who love their families & work hard for them. Men who support their wives as they minister to their parents. Eric & Tyrel, thank-you for loving your wives the way they need to be loved through this very hard journey in our families' lives. This is just as hard on you two as it is on the rest of us & we thank-you for the time you allow them away from home so they can be with us.
Mike & I prayed for their future husbands all their lives & you are the two He sent to our family. We're thankful for you & appreciate the men you are. We appreciate the men God is making you become as you serve Him in so many ways you may never have thought you would.
Just wanted to thank-you tonight for all you do & say how glad we are that you're family.
Blessings!
Mike & I prayed for their future husbands all their lives & you are the two He sent to our family. We're thankful for you & appreciate the men you are. We appreciate the men God is making you become as you serve Him in so many ways you may never have thought you would.
Just wanted to thank-you tonight for all you do & say how glad we are that you're family.
Blessings!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
"Come Boldly to the Throne of His Mercy!"
Hebrews 4:16 has really been on my mind lately. God's mercy has been planted deeply on my heart these past few weeks- nothing from myself, but straight from Him. "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Isn't this an amazing truth about our Father? He tells us where to come & how to get His mercy! He actually gives me direction on how to recieve this great gift! Like telling a child where to go & find a prized Christmas present!The reason I know His mercies are new every morning & that it never ends is because He tells me this about Himself. It's that easy! So, what I've found in my life is that his mercy never ends! It's new every morning & waiting on me to claim it.
As my family and friends face some hard good-byes, we're utterly dependent on His mercy. One blessed act of God toward us, is that He's shown us His mercy over & over again in our lives, so there's no indication at all, here at the end of my life, that we wouldn't have His same new mercies each morning. I'm leaning hard on His mercy as He provides a way for my family & loved ones to say good-bye to me for a time & go on my way to see Jesus face to face. I'm looking forard to that day & His mercy will get me there.
Since we know mercy from Him & what that looks like, it's meant to be passed to others. All of us grieve in such different ways & all those who love me will have to show mercy to one another even when they don't respond to death in the same way. But, God has promised to be there & will get each person through, I'm cerain of this!
None of us deserve mercy, but God decided to show it to us anyway. Now, it's our turn to copy Him and just pour mercy over everyone we love!
There are going to be hard days after my death that a family member just needs a "free pass" for a bit to go to the Lord & honestly lay their hearts out. When we can be merciful to that person & give them some time to grieve, then we will have taken a step towards mercy, & that's a good thing.
Death is not easy & neither is life, so mercy is the way to go. We know Who gives it & we know where to get it & we know He gives it when we need it the most. So, mercy it is! Thank you, sweet Father God, for such a gift! Such an undeserving gift!
Blessings!
As my family and friends face some hard good-byes, we're utterly dependent on His mercy. One blessed act of God toward us, is that He's shown us His mercy over & over again in our lives, so there's no indication at all, here at the end of my life, that we wouldn't have His same new mercies each morning. I'm leaning hard on His mercy as He provides a way for my family & loved ones to say good-bye to me for a time & go on my way to see Jesus face to face. I'm looking forard to that day & His mercy will get me there.
Since we know mercy from Him & what that looks like, it's meant to be passed to others. All of us grieve in such different ways & all those who love me will have to show mercy to one another even when they don't respond to death in the same way. But, God has promised to be there & will get each person through, I'm cerain of this!
None of us deserve mercy, but God decided to show it to us anyway. Now, it's our turn to copy Him and just pour mercy over everyone we love!
There are going to be hard days after my death that a family member just needs a "free pass" for a bit to go to the Lord & honestly lay their hearts out. When we can be merciful to that person & give them some time to grieve, then we will have taken a step towards mercy, & that's a good thing.
Death is not easy & neither is life, so mercy is the way to go. We know Who gives it & we know where to get it & we know He gives it when we need it the most. So, mercy it is! Thank you, sweet Father God, for such a gift! Such an undeserving gift!
Blessings!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thanking God!
These posts are becoming a bit more difficult emotionally for me. I'm starting my post this way today because it's true & something I'm wrestling with, so I bring it to you, too. None of this is easy. At first one would think that knowing full in advance of death that that would be easier than not knowing at all so that all of one's life can be "tied up in a bow" and things would be neat & clean & then death would come & good-byes would be easy, too. Good-byes would be wrapped neatly up in a bow because everyone has had time to say all that needs to be said.
None of it is easy because there's not an easy way to die... IF you love living. If you & I love this earthly life God has given us with all the people, nature, newness, joy & knowledge of heaven, then dieing is hard. He gives & He takes away & it's all His'. It belongs to Him, so dieing is not easy, BUT He can be trusted with it. That's what I thought I believed & now I KNOW I believe it! Thank you, Father for your trustworthiness! This is no small thing! It's HUGE since I'm way too weak to do this on my own!
Hospice came by again yesterday, which is the 2 x week schedule we're on now & the same news Mike, the girls & I receive hasn't changed. This cancer is on the rampage! It is ravishing my left torso & will continue finding places in my body to take over until it runs into an organ or creates a situation that will take my life.
Saying the words, "I'm dying" are not easy words to say for me, because I love the living part of life. But, again, I am, so I pray God give me each day & teach me to really live that day. Spend it the way He wants it spent. Kind of like being handed a thousand dollar bill for the day & deciding what to do with it, or how to spend it.
That's where I am, deciding how to spend the day God has given me today. First thing to do EVERY one of those days, is thank Him. I just can't get past that... praise, praise, praise! He's the one who gave me the day. I did nothing to deserve this day & seldom have the wisdom I need to use it correctly, but I KNOW praising Him is a absolute right way to use it & nothing will stop me for praising Him.
The next thing for me- like I've said before is spending time with family & friends I love & who love me. I can't go wrong if that's in the "spending" agenda. For a time- as long as my body dictates, I've set a schedule that includes as many people as want to see me, can. Of course, Mike & the girls have no limits of any day at any time, so when I tell you this schedule, know it doesn't apply to them at all. Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 10:00 to 2:00 are visit times for ladies who love me & want to visit but don't want to intrude on my family or my rest times. (I'm the most blessed person o the planet to have such friends & I realize this.) Anyway, some of the ladies come on these days with Brown Bag lunches to visit. Others come to help with chores around the house & others make errand runs for me to the grocery store, etc. I look at this & am humbled at the crazy, crazy love being poured out on me. All I can do is praise God for His children & thank Him & them constantly!
As long as I can strick to this 10-2 schedule & get the rest I need, then I'll continue. If my body leads me in a different way, then Mike & I will make other arrangements. But, for now, that's where it stands for friends visiting. I have no choice but to follow my body to keep my margins up as much as possible. Too much activity & I'll be in bed the next day, so we're doing our best to live & love & protect what I've got.
I think I've already posted that another similar pocket in my left lung has no air flow anymore, so that is so disappointing & makes my breathing even more shallow & laborious. My left torso is very restricted in it's movement & I'm growing weaker which is very disappointing when I use that phrase in the same sentence as picking up & holding my grandchildren. Of course, they can still crawl up on Sweets' lap all they want, we'll just hold a bit differently, that's all.
Hospice continues to watch me closely & provides pain meds, oxygen, hospital bed, etc, etc. They're wonderful & are helping me live the way I want to live. Again, there's another praise. Even on the days I want to be mad at this whole thing, all I can do is praise Him. That's no joke- that is real. I have a good appetite & friends from church keep a running calendar to keep Mike & me fed. (Yes- another thank you!)
Seems like I'm having a lot of milkshakes, too. So, no complaints there!
I know the post got terribly long. I knew it would since I hadn't written in a bit. I guess what's in my heart the most is that God is remaining His good & faithful self. He gets my praise. He gets Mike's praise, as well as Randi's & Taylor's, & their husbands praise. My heart is joyful that before too long I get so see heaven & get to see Jesus face to face. I get to go where I've always wanted to go. My heart is full of sadness in leaving all I love here- for a time. You will join me if you choose because God made you & me a way to Him. God will be sad for you having to let me go but He won't be sad at getting me home with Him. I don't know how all that works but I fully trust The One who does know it all.
These are some hard days that are full of joy & submitting to Him makes sense because I love Him & want to be with Him.
Blessings!
None of it is easy because there's not an easy way to die... IF you love living. If you & I love this earthly life God has given us with all the people, nature, newness, joy & knowledge of heaven, then dieing is hard. He gives & He takes away & it's all His'. It belongs to Him, so dieing is not easy, BUT He can be trusted with it. That's what I thought I believed & now I KNOW I believe it! Thank you, Father for your trustworthiness! This is no small thing! It's HUGE since I'm way too weak to do this on my own!
Hospice came by again yesterday, which is the 2 x week schedule we're on now & the same news Mike, the girls & I receive hasn't changed. This cancer is on the rampage! It is ravishing my left torso & will continue finding places in my body to take over until it runs into an organ or creates a situation that will take my life.
Saying the words, "I'm dying" are not easy words to say for me, because I love the living part of life. But, again, I am, so I pray God give me each day & teach me to really live that day. Spend it the way He wants it spent. Kind of like being handed a thousand dollar bill for the day & deciding what to do with it, or how to spend it.
That's where I am, deciding how to spend the day God has given me today. First thing to do EVERY one of those days, is thank Him. I just can't get past that... praise, praise, praise! He's the one who gave me the day. I did nothing to deserve this day & seldom have the wisdom I need to use it correctly, but I KNOW praising Him is a absolute right way to use it & nothing will stop me for praising Him.
The next thing for me- like I've said before is spending time with family & friends I love & who love me. I can't go wrong if that's in the "spending" agenda. For a time- as long as my body dictates, I've set a schedule that includes as many people as want to see me, can. Of course, Mike & the girls have no limits of any day at any time, so when I tell you this schedule, know it doesn't apply to them at all. Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 10:00 to 2:00 are visit times for ladies who love me & want to visit but don't want to intrude on my family or my rest times. (I'm the most blessed person o the planet to have such friends & I realize this.) Anyway, some of the ladies come on these days with Brown Bag lunches to visit. Others come to help with chores around the house & others make errand runs for me to the grocery store, etc. I look at this & am humbled at the crazy, crazy love being poured out on me. All I can do is praise God for His children & thank Him & them constantly!
As long as I can strick to this 10-2 schedule & get the rest I need, then I'll continue. If my body leads me in a different way, then Mike & I will make other arrangements. But, for now, that's where it stands for friends visiting. I have no choice but to follow my body to keep my margins up as much as possible. Too much activity & I'll be in bed the next day, so we're doing our best to live & love & protect what I've got.
I think I've already posted that another similar pocket in my left lung has no air flow anymore, so that is so disappointing & makes my breathing even more shallow & laborious. My left torso is very restricted in it's movement & I'm growing weaker which is very disappointing when I use that phrase in the same sentence as picking up & holding my grandchildren. Of course, they can still crawl up on Sweets' lap all they want, we'll just hold a bit differently, that's all.
Hospice continues to watch me closely & provides pain meds, oxygen, hospital bed, etc, etc. They're wonderful & are helping me live the way I want to live. Again, there's another praise. Even on the days I want to be mad at this whole thing, all I can do is praise Him. That's no joke- that is real. I have a good appetite & friends from church keep a running calendar to keep Mike & me fed. (Yes- another thank you!)
Seems like I'm having a lot of milkshakes, too. So, no complaints there!
I know the post got terribly long. I knew it would since I hadn't written in a bit. I guess what's in my heart the most is that God is remaining His good & faithful self. He gets my praise. He gets Mike's praise, as well as Randi's & Taylor's, & their husbands praise. My heart is joyful that before too long I get so see heaven & get to see Jesus face to face. I get to go where I've always wanted to go. My heart is full of sadness in leaving all I love here- for a time. You will join me if you choose because God made you & me a way to Him. God will be sad for you having to let me go but He won't be sad at getting me home with Him. I don't know how all that works but I fully trust The One who does know it all.
These are some hard days that are full of joy & submitting to Him makes sense because I love Him & want to be with Him.
Blessings!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
North Texas Giving Day!
Every donation of $25 & above made online today between 7 a.m. & 7 p.m. will receive a 25% match if you donate to the Community Enrichment Center through www.donorbridgetx.org North Texas' online resource that connects donors with nonprophit organizations like us.
For more information, please contact Latoyia Dennis or Ramdy Clinton @ 817-281-1164
Thank you for supporting the CEC & The Sharon Washburn Center for Hope!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Yea! for Lower Temperatures!
What a blessing to have a bit of respite from the hot Texas sun! We've been able to enjoy temperatures in the high 80's, which doesn't sound good at all, unless it's held up beside the low 100's day after day that we've been having! It's all perspective in the comparison of the two!
I'm still doing well, all considering & God stays good every day. As hard as I may try to see how bad things can be, it seems impossible to do! Even on the darkest of days, He's faithful!
I have not moved to the hospital bed at night, yet, but have taken a few naps on it & it's nice. I can raise & lower it to ease my back & fit my knees into very comfortable position for sleeping, so I'm pleased. I stay thankful for all I have available to me through the uneasiness of cancer. I'm off to bed soon since I had a full day, but have to be thankful first. Thankful over a very long long list of people I love & who love my family & me. Thankful to my God who never gets tired like I do.
Randi took me out today to run errands & like I said, the weather was fabulous, so we had so much fun together & laughed a lot, really. (Mixed a few tears into the day, but mostly laughed.) Heard from Taylor & all their power in that part of California area is out, so life goes on with the good & the bad. Cancer here hasn't made life here better or worse in those ways. Things like power, credit card interference, new neighbors, opening of football season & car tags all keep happening. It's life & it's full.
Today I prayed a lot about many friends. There's a lot of people I love that are facing decisions that need facing only with the Lord. So, that's what I pray. God's guidance. God's strength. God's peace.
To All- Many Blessings!
I'm still doing well, all considering & God stays good every day. As hard as I may try to see how bad things can be, it seems impossible to do! Even on the darkest of days, He's faithful!
I have not moved to the hospital bed at night, yet, but have taken a few naps on it & it's nice. I can raise & lower it to ease my back & fit my knees into very comfortable position for sleeping, so I'm pleased. I stay thankful for all I have available to me through the uneasiness of cancer. I'm off to bed soon since I had a full day, but have to be thankful first. Thankful over a very long long list of people I love & who love my family & me. Thankful to my God who never gets tired like I do.
Randi took me out today to run errands & like I said, the weather was fabulous, so we had so much fun together & laughed a lot, really. (Mixed a few tears into the day, but mostly laughed.) Heard from Taylor & all their power in that part of California area is out, so life goes on with the good & the bad. Cancer here hasn't made life here better or worse in those ways. Things like power, credit card interference, new neighbors, opening of football season & car tags all keep happening. It's life & it's full.
Today I prayed a lot about many friends. There's a lot of people I love that are facing decisions that need facing only with the Lord. So, that's what I pray. God's guidance. God's strength. God's peace.
To All- Many Blessings!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Medical Update 9/3/11
Hospice visits are now increasing to twice a week per my request & their agreement that this needs to happen. The rapid cancer growth was confirmed again last Thursday & there's just so many places in my body this can grow not interfere with normal body actions. My body will not be able to do what it's doing much longer.
This is horribly sad to Mike, Randi, Taylor & me. Any of us & all of us, can only guess at the number of our days. (That number belongs only to God.) Some of you, who aren't even anticipating death, may face it before me. But, guessing & adding to what we know, this cancer continues on the same path & that is a short one. Much shorter than what I want.
I continue to take pain medications & am most thankful for these. As my back hurts from nerve endings & torso hurts from cancer growth, these meds make all the difference. Hospice is prepared & right on any & every need I have. A hospital bed was delivered to our house this week & that was hard for me to see. Wow, such a reminder this life is going quickly. I haven't moved to the bed at night time, yet. (Only nap-times at the moment). But, it's there when we need it for convience & help me sleep more deeply propped up. I'll move to that bed when the time comes but thank God daily for the medical care I've recieved all through this process.
This week, Mike & I are reminded that we're blessed in so many ways! It's embarrassing to even list all the blessings, but one of the ways is the diversity of people we know & love. We have friends all over the age scale & this keeps us blessed like crazy. We have friends older than us, our own age, young families a couple of decades behind us & then friends even in the youth group. It really is a blessing to know & love such a variety of people.
One such friend we were able to be with (I'm wthholding her name because I didn't get permission to use it) this week lost her ring finger in a tragic lake accident over July 4th. She is in her late 30's & did nothing wrong or out of line. She was "obeying all the rules on the lake" & didn't cause this freak & tragic event. It just is what it is. It happened & it stinks! I've prayed for her these 8 weeks & she will live & be okay physically. The blessing, though, about being around her is that she is sad & still leaning hard on the prayers of others. She's depending on a steadfast Father to see her through this tragic loss in her life. What a blessing to me to see a physically beautiful woman go back to the cross to get her bearing in life. Learn again where her hope is found & sustained. Although 20 years behind me in life's age, she reminded me of the sweetness of Jesus & how He loves us, oh, how He loves us at all times in our lives! Through our dark days, He's there!
Thank you, dearest friends & family. Thank you, Hospice, Thank you Sweet Father God!
Blessings!
This is horribly sad to Mike, Randi, Taylor & me. Any of us & all of us, can only guess at the number of our days. (That number belongs only to God.) Some of you, who aren't even anticipating death, may face it before me. But, guessing & adding to what we know, this cancer continues on the same path & that is a short one. Much shorter than what I want.
I continue to take pain medications & am most thankful for these. As my back hurts from nerve endings & torso hurts from cancer growth, these meds make all the difference. Hospice is prepared & right on any & every need I have. A hospital bed was delivered to our house this week & that was hard for me to see. Wow, such a reminder this life is going quickly. I haven't moved to the bed at night time, yet. (Only nap-times at the moment). But, it's there when we need it for convience & help me sleep more deeply propped up. I'll move to that bed when the time comes but thank God daily for the medical care I've recieved all through this process.
This week, Mike & I are reminded that we're blessed in so many ways! It's embarrassing to even list all the blessings, but one of the ways is the diversity of people we know & love. We have friends all over the age scale & this keeps us blessed like crazy. We have friends older than us, our own age, young families a couple of decades behind us & then friends even in the youth group. It really is a blessing to know & love such a variety of people.
One such friend we were able to be with (I'm wthholding her name because I didn't get permission to use it) this week lost her ring finger in a tragic lake accident over July 4th. She is in her late 30's & did nothing wrong or out of line. She was "obeying all the rules on the lake" & didn't cause this freak & tragic event. It just is what it is. It happened & it stinks! I've prayed for her these 8 weeks & she will live & be okay physically. The blessing, though, about being around her is that she is sad & still leaning hard on the prayers of others. She's depending on a steadfast Father to see her through this tragic loss in her life. What a blessing to me to see a physically beautiful woman go back to the cross to get her bearing in life. Learn again where her hope is found & sustained. Although 20 years behind me in life's age, she reminded me of the sweetness of Jesus & how He loves us, oh, how He loves us at all times in our lives! Through our dark days, He's there!
Thank you, dearest friends & family. Thank you, Hospice, Thank you Sweet Father God!
Blessings!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Pick Me Out of the Crowd!
Even through hundreds of 4 through 6 year olds on the soccer fields, my daughter can pick Cason out of the crowd as she scans crowd & fields following the games. She can follow every move he makes during the game, too. And, even if she loses sight of him for a moment as he plays, she can pick him back up quickly through his walk or the gate of his run, his manner or the sound of his voice.
She & Taylor can hear Cason, Braden or Paisley through a room full of children screaming sounds of joy at a birthday party or a hurtful cry of a mis-step at the nearby jumping place they love to go to for an afternoon
Taylor can hear Paisley's cry above any other baby's at the church nursery & both mom's can tell you what kind of cry it is that any of these three are using at any given moment. Is it a cry of pain? What about anxiety or stress? Then, it could be a "fake" cry or one that's calling for Mom's attention even when things really are ok.
Randi knows Braden without me having to tell her who he is after his Thursday school. Of all those hundreds of children, Only two go home with her. Cason & Braden. She doesn't leave any activity with more or less children than she came for & it's only those two. Taylor is just now leaving Paisley with other caregivers & she's the same way. She came with one baby girl & she's leaving with one & it's Paisley. None other. Randi, it's Cason & Braden. Period.
I've watched this happen since my girls have become mothers & it's a remarkable thing through history, that a parent knows their own child & cares for that one or those that belong to that parent.
Watch an animal show on tv about penguins, elephants, lions & most other mammals & you'll see the same pattern. The parent has the child, knows & cares & can easily pick that child or those children out of a crowd & care for those in particular.
My daughters are no different than all the other young parents I know. The soccer fields, Bible classrooms or any other venue & all the children clear out in a moment's notice once it's time & all those little kiddos go with all the right parents without anyone having to tell a parent that this or that one baby belongs to them!
What I'm saying is nothing new. My girls & their children are no diffeent than any others through history. They're parents & they know their children. Their children know their parents & want back in their arms at any opportunity they have.
I've just been waching this & thinking about it a lot lately as I watch sports, schools, playgrounds & church activities. And, then I've known for all these many years that just like my daughter's & their children, I am God's daughter. He knows me & can pick me out of a crowd. He knows my name, the hairs on head, my cry & what I need when I call out for Him. He knows me & I know Him. He's the One I want to leave the birthday party with. He's the One I want taking me home. He's my daddy & I want no other.
It's so comforting to know that I am known. I like knowing He can pick me out of a crowd & that He's promised to do just that at all times. Pick me out of a crowd. Know what I need when I need it. Teach me, comfort me & love me with all He has.
It's an amazing thing to know & it's time to thank God for being the father He is. To praise Him for knowing & caring for every detail about me. And, to be ready for His call when He picks me out of the crowd!
Blessings!
She & Taylor can hear Cason, Braden or Paisley through a room full of children screaming sounds of joy at a birthday party or a hurtful cry of a mis-step at the nearby jumping place they love to go to for an afternoon
Taylor can hear Paisley's cry above any other baby's at the church nursery & both mom's can tell you what kind of cry it is that any of these three are using at any given moment. Is it a cry of pain? What about anxiety or stress? Then, it could be a "fake" cry or one that's calling for Mom's attention even when things really are ok.
Randi knows Braden without me having to tell her who he is after his Thursday school. Of all those hundreds of children, Only two go home with her. Cason & Braden. She doesn't leave any activity with more or less children than she came for & it's only those two. Taylor is just now leaving Paisley with other caregivers & she's the same way. She came with one baby girl & she's leaving with one & it's Paisley. None other. Randi, it's Cason & Braden. Period.
I've watched this happen since my girls have become mothers & it's a remarkable thing through history, that a parent knows their own child & cares for that one or those that belong to that parent.
Watch an animal show on tv about penguins, elephants, lions & most other mammals & you'll see the same pattern. The parent has the child, knows & cares & can easily pick that child or those children out of a crowd & care for those in particular.
My daughters are no different than all the other young parents I know. The soccer fields, Bible classrooms or any other venue & all the children clear out in a moment's notice once it's time & all those little kiddos go with all the right parents without anyone having to tell a parent that this or that one baby belongs to them!
What I'm saying is nothing new. My girls & their children are no diffeent than any others through history. They're parents & they know their children. Their children know their parents & want back in their arms at any opportunity they have.
I've just been waching this & thinking about it a lot lately as I watch sports, schools, playgrounds & church activities. And, then I've known for all these many years that just like my daughter's & their children, I am God's daughter. He knows me & can pick me out of a crowd. He knows my name, the hairs on head, my cry & what I need when I call out for Him. He knows me & I know Him. He's the One I want to leave the birthday party with. He's the One I want taking me home. He's my daddy & I want no other.
It's so comforting to know that I am known. I like knowing He can pick me out of a crowd & that He's promised to do just that at all times. Pick me out of a crowd. Know what I need when I need it. Teach me, comfort me & love me with all He has.
It's an amazing thing to know & it's time to thank God for being the father He is. To praise Him for knowing & caring for every detail about me. And, to be ready for His call when He picks me out of the crowd!
Blessings!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Did You Hear That?
Recenty, Mike & I traveled to San Diego & back to Texas (not to worry, I don't have another bad airline story! lol!), then, Blessing Ceremony over the Sharon Washburn Center for Hope & finally, Washburn Women Weekend with cooking class. It was a few days full of travel & fun for me. Seeing & spending time with people I love & some I didn't even know well, but fun & exciting all the same. I noticed something as I watched people living & going & doing.
I noticed parents & children traveling through the busy airports, all the while, keeping tabs on one another so no one would get lost or separated. I noticed ticket agents & airline staff working with passengers to get them on the desired plane & to their destinations. There were passengers, like me, needing assistance with wheelchairs & pre-boarding; there were pilots & airline stewards giving direction over the intercoms during flight in case of emergency, so we'd all know what to do. (One even sang the instrutions to the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" just to keep our attention!)
In San Diego, there was a lot of the same communication on the beach. The keeping up with one another & parents applying sunscreen to children who were ready to run in the water & explaining their efforts so children would understand the delay of play in guarding them from a potential sunburn.
Back in Texas, we attended the Blessing Ceremony that was one of the sweetest events I can remember. There were speakers wanting to get the word out about the Center & care of abused women & their children. The staff was excited in showing all who attended the ceremony their work of the apartment projects & what they'd done so far in this effort.
Finally, the Cooking School that evening that was so much fun! The Chef wanted our attention as she demonstrated rolling egg rolls & pot stickers. As she spoke, it came to me that every single person I'd seen in the last week wanted the very same thing... to be heard. Isn't that funny? We all were in different circumstances & locations & stages of life & career, but all wanted someone to listen to what we had to say.
Every person I've mentioned above & including all members of our family later in the weekend together, all wanted the same thing! We all came together from busy lives & had needs & wants to share. We all just wanted & needed a listening ear. To be heard & understood by another person.
As I thought about all the people I'd seen as I people watched through airports & ceremonies & family gatherings, I realized God has the exact desire & that's to be heard. He wants desperately to be heard because He knows if we listen to Him, we'll like what we hear. We'll follow His lead in our lives. He tells you & me all through His word that if we knock on the door, He'll open it. He's saying when we come to Him, He'll tell us about Himself. He shouts every morning as He brings the sun up that He loves you & me & He just wants us to hear that from Him. He wants to be heard when He sets a rainbow in the sky. So, as a result of this recent trip & family time, I'm going to hear as people speak. Whether I know them or not, I will hear them out. The desire is to be heard, so I will listen. All my loved ones are worth listening to, & so is my God.
Blessings!
I noticed parents & children traveling through the busy airports, all the while, keeping tabs on one another so no one would get lost or separated. I noticed ticket agents & airline staff working with passengers to get them on the desired plane & to their destinations. There were passengers, like me, needing assistance with wheelchairs & pre-boarding; there were pilots & airline stewards giving direction over the intercoms during flight in case of emergency, so we'd all know what to do. (One even sang the instrutions to the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" just to keep our attention!)
In San Diego, there was a lot of the same communication on the beach. The keeping up with one another & parents applying sunscreen to children who were ready to run in the water & explaining their efforts so children would understand the delay of play in guarding them from a potential sunburn.
Back in Texas, we attended the Blessing Ceremony that was one of the sweetest events I can remember. There were speakers wanting to get the word out about the Center & care of abused women & their children. The staff was excited in showing all who attended the ceremony their work of the apartment projects & what they'd done so far in this effort.
Finally, the Cooking School that evening that was so much fun! The Chef wanted our attention as she demonstrated rolling egg rolls & pot stickers. As she spoke, it came to me that every single person I'd seen in the last week wanted the very same thing... to be heard. Isn't that funny? We all were in different circumstances & locations & stages of life & career, but all wanted someone to listen to what we had to say.
Every person I've mentioned above & including all members of our family later in the weekend together, all wanted the same thing! We all came together from busy lives & had needs & wants to share. We all just wanted & needed a listening ear. To be heard & understood by another person.
As I thought about all the people I'd seen as I people watched through airports & ceremonies & family gatherings, I realized God has the exact desire & that's to be heard. He wants desperately to be heard because He knows if we listen to Him, we'll like what we hear. We'll follow His lead in our lives. He tells you & me all through His word that if we knock on the door, He'll open it. He's saying when we come to Him, He'll tell us about Himself. He shouts every morning as He brings the sun up that He loves you & me & He just wants us to hear that from Him. He wants to be heard when He sets a rainbow in the sky. So, as a result of this recent trip & family time, I'm going to hear as people speak. Whether I know them or not, I will hear them out. The desire is to be heard, so I will listen. All my loved ones are worth listening to, & so is my God.
Blessings!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Medical Update- 8/20/11
There has been a lot of patience shown by all our friends & family as you wait on me to communicate these updates. Thank you for all your love & support. (I've said this a million times & still mean it!) Thank you most of all for your prayers because we believe with all our hearts, that God hears you & answers with a merciful hand. Please continue to beg Him to speak me healed of this disease. Mike & I pray this boldly every day & God continues to answer in the negative on our request, but we still go boldly to His throne & ask the Creator of the Universe for healing. He can do this at any moment & we give Him praise for life it's self! Whatever He chooses to do with our lives, so be it. We choose to live in submission to Him even when that means a completely different scenario than we would imagine. So, with that said, I want to update you on the continued rapid growth of Metastatic Disease on my body.
OK! Everyone says how good I look when they see me, so I will not argue that point! My face & demeanor is quite pretty! LOL! I'm out & about for basically one run a day. I'll meet a girlfriend for lunch, or run an errand even though I'm very limited by the heat! There are a couple of friends, along with my daughters & husband, who drive me on these errands (I have given up driving completely as I'm too slow due to pain meds & I'm terribly restricted in my movements of my left torso.) After the one outing for the day, then I'm at home resting or "piddling", as I like to call it.
Nearly all women in my circumstance began getting very sleepy as the cancer grows & overtakes their bodies. (The nurses with Hospice are incredibly in-tuned with me to keep me out of pain & give me any sort of comfort they can.) Women just begin to sleep & sleep & basically, after some days or weeks, sleep with pain meds & pass from this life to the next. However, I'm proving to do this differently than the other women nurses are ministering to. (This is of no surprise to any of us since I've asked God from day one to walk this walk the way He chooses & the submission to Him will chart the course for my life here & my life to come.) Even though my face & demeanor are beautiful, the cancer is ravishing my left torso. It's growing at a rapid pace & there's no hiding it unclothed. So, Mike & I are well-aware, that even though I can go & do a bit & look good, the cancer is what it is.
This makes for the "guess" that I might face death without as much "warning" as other ladies. That I'm not sleeping like I should be in corolating with my torso. More than likely (IF God doesn't heal me miraculously), we'll not have much head's up. This news does not make Mike, Randi & Eric, Tyrel & Taylor or me sad at all! This has been our prayer as a family, that I live until I die. That, with God's merciful hand, He will give me days to live (& not sleep) to enjoy with my family & friends & church.
Please join us in that prayer- that I live until I die- & thank Him already for these days. Like I said, the cancer is really taking it's toll on my left side & I cannot continue to physically live this way, even though, we still have no timeframe on my transition from here to Heaven.
I'm still thankful to serve the God I serve. I'm still thankful beyond words for my family. I'm still living an incredibly blessed life because God loves me all the time.
Blessings!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Happy Birthday to Taylor, 2011!
Spending time with Taylor for her 29th birthday was no option for me this year! Spending THE day with her was low key and wonderful & then getting to spend several days was icing on the cake for Mike & me!
Top that off with being in 78 degree San Diego weather & it was fabulous!
There are fewer things in life sweeter than a daughter and to have Taylor is just the greatest. (Both our girls spent their birthdays this year under a bit of distress, to say the least.) Randi turning 32 and Taylor turning 29. They're incredible women of God & it has been an honor to be their mom all these many years.
So, even though there was no big fan fare, we had a perfect day together, starting by eating breakfast as the pier & making friends with the resident pelican & ending by soaking up all that beautiful San Diego sunshine! All in all we had a wonderful day that I wouldn't change for anything.
Thank you, Taylor for being such a wonderful, sweet-heart of a daughter! I pray you have many, many birthdays to come & each one have laughter & sunshine in it! I'm not sure I could love you anymore than I do right now! God gave Dad & me time with you & that is a direct answer to prayers we've prayed, so I'm forever grateful to Him for that.
I know it's been a few days since our time together but was waiting on our busy weekend together to come to completeltion & didn't want to miss a minute of it. So, Happy Birthday, again, my dear daughter! I love you with all I got!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sharon Washburn Center for Hope- Part II
It's no wonder my feet still haven't hit the ground since last Friday morning! The Blessing Ceremony over the renovation & construction of the Center for Hope by History Maker Homes, was just one of the sweetest & most wonderful events my family & I have gotten to be a part of!
Here are a couple of pictures of the den & kitchen in one of the apartments in the emergency wing of the complex. The Willbank's Small Group are furnishing each of these units as the renovation is completed in each apartment. Look at the beautiful wood floors! It's just so exciting & shows God's love over & over because this would never happen if all the people involved didn't love the Lord.
I have quite a few more pics to share with you, but Blogspot isn't allowing any additional photos, right now. It's just an amazing thing that people are willing to help others by giving their time, money & effort. I pray the recipients of this program have their lives turned upside down by the goodness of others, all coming from the love of Jesus. My heart fills with joy at the thought of all of this & the good that will be done.
We think about & know of the help the residents will recieve, but I was thinking about the heart-changing that has happened & will be going on with the people who've decided to live their lives in a generous way. People walking by faith in their service to Jesus & give of themselves in so many ways. I'm changed from the inside out when I help someone else. My life is effected & my heart is more tender when I'm reminded that in my own back-yard there is abuse & neglect & I can help break that cycle by pitching in & giving to programs like this. Jesus asks me to give- no matter the amount- & He'll use the gift for His glory. That's what we're doing with The Center for Hope. We're giving to Jesus & He gets the glory because people- all of us- belong to Him. I no longer have to be shy about helping & giving & serving. I no longer have to be afraid of giving away too much. All I need do, is give & serve Jesus Christ. He's the one who takes care of all us anyway, those of us who believe in Him & serve Him by serving people & follow His ways. Jesus is amazing! I pray you & I never let others get in the way of knowing Him. That you & I love Him just like He loves us.
Blessings!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
"Sharon Washburn Center for Hope"
Several weeks ago, I was approached about lending my name to an effort in N. Richland Hills, that will aid battered & abused women & their children. This is program has already been used by the Community Enrichment Center & has ministered to & aided countless families as they get their feet on the ground, break the cycle of abuse & turn their lives around. I was honored to lend my name to the purchased appartment complex emergency wing of the program that's already dear to my heart!
A couple of weeks later, I learn History Maker Homes has joined the effort & is now building a community center for the property that is to be named "The Sharon Washburn Center for Hope"! WOW! This is overwhelming & I am truly honored to be a small part of such an incredible effort to help so many people. This will be a 5 month build & the Center will house 2 offices, a Children's Play Therapy room, a computer room for specific computer training, laundry facilites, a small kitchen & large meeting room for counseling sessions & get togethers amoung the residents.
The Emergency Wing will be for people fleeing their own house, from a shelter or abusive situation, that needs immediate help & shelter. Residents can remain in this wing for 60 to 90 days. During this time period, they are presented with a 2-year program that's available to them with stipulations for building a better life. Some of the stipulations for remaining in the 2-year program are remaining clear of their abuser, holding a job or getting into job training that equips them for a better life & future with their children. During this 2-year timeframe the resident lives rent free & is introduced to computer training, counseling, job skill training & life skill training. They will also learn stories about Jesus & know the reason so many volunteers help & teach & furnish the apartments. It is because of their love for Jesus. He is the reason for this entire heartfelt effort!
The apartment facility was purchased 2 years ago by people with vision & a dream to help others. The refurbishing doesn't come free, nor does the furnishings & free rent for the residents! A Small Group from The Hills Church has agreed to furnish apartments out of their own pockets! This refrubishing part will be approximatley $600,00 with $300,00 already given. Any contributed monies, large or small, will help set this effort on track & help women for years to come. So, please contribute, if you can, to CEC Sharon Washburn Center for Hope 6250 NE Loop 820 NRH TX 76180. Pray abusive cycles will be broken & lives will be changed by Jesus. Our goal is to offer Hope in Jesus. Hope is what changes lives! We can hold jobs & feed our children & live in big houses but if we don't have hope of heaven in our souls, we have nothing! This ministry provides Hope & that's why I'm so terribly excited about it & honored to be a part. Join in if you want! I'll post pictures as I have them with progress on construction of the Center.
Blessings!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Throwing a Pity Party?
I've been working up to having a Pity Party for the last few weeks. Nothing fancy or ornate, just gather up some close friends & have a time of feeling sorry for myself. Tell them how terrible it is to have cancer that lingers on & let them tell me in return how pitiful my situation is. We'd be done & I could pick up all the trash I've thrown aroun & go right on.
Then, a special came on ABC about Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped & held against her will for 18 years, sexually abused & quite frankly, has one of the worst list of wrongdoings against her that I've ever heard! In fact, I recorded the tv special & have yet to watch it. I just can't watch or hear it but pray for her & her emotional healing. I pray any monies that come her way will benefit she & her two daughters as they work to live even a remotely "normal" life.
After that, another special came on tv about a man who has climbed several mountains & dreams now of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He's gathered his team & what seems like a doable feat & not that big of a story, becomes jaw-dropping as the camera pans wide & we realize he's a paraplegic! Absolutely no use of his legs at all! He's climing this mountain using a four wheel bike-like contraption peddling with his hands! He relies only on his upper arm strength & nerves of steel!
These are only 2 examples from that particular week of tv specials of people who need to step ahead of me on the pity party thing. I need to stand in a very, very long line of people from all walks of life, in all generations, from all time before I throw this party of mine! As I look inward things look bad & then I look outward & wow! I start shaking my head at myself! All the self-pity just peels of like an orange peel & I'm sitting alot prettier than only moments before. God tells me to take every thought captive. To have the mind of Christ & copy His thinking. To think on the good things in life & He knows what He's talking about. The mind is powerful & can direct us to dark & self-absorbing places or take us to higher heights! You & I can think ourselves out of those pity-party times & live abundantly- no matter the circumstances.
I've put the pity-party supplies away for now & want to share a physical update with you since it's been a while that I've talked on my blog about my physical status. So here goes:
Hospice is continuing to manage any pain I face. I'm completely glad I decided on stopping any additional chemo treatment & have received confirmation of that many times over. For me, it was & is the right decision to have made so I continue this course. The cancer remains "active" as it grows & presents itself in lots of physical ways. My left side continues to grow weaker & more restricted. My left arm suffers from both restricted movement & weakness but people can't tell that as I have conversation with them. People are surprised because I look so good & many of my current challenges aren't noticible, at first.
Lymphedema is now present & something I'll deal with from now on. I was so blessed not to struggle with this for the first two years of having cancer. All through chemo & radiation for those two years, I showed no signs of edema (swelling) or lymphodema, but it's here now. Mike & I bought me a compression sleeve two days ago & it's already helped so much! I wear it only during the day as I'm active & it helps to move fluid through my left arm. The swelling is drastically reduced & Hospice is also giving me a diuretic to help, so these actions combined are helping reduce this swelling.
My low appetite has continued to be a problem for many weeks, so current meds are helping increase appetite & I've gained 4 pounds. Not sure I like this much! LOL! What woman likes to report weight gain, right? I'm also now using oxygen most of the hours of the days & nights that help make me feel clearer mentally & help me sleep at night. I have machines at the house as well as portable units I can take with me anywhere I go.
All in all, life has changed & continues to change as cancer continues to grow. The constant growth & changes in my body are also a constant conversation between the Lord & me on life issues & priorities. What is life about? What is important & what is not? What needs to be addressed now & what can wait? It's all good & I'm thankful.
There is a great blessing & opportunity in knowing ahead of time that cancer is taking my life. I can take care of any & all issues & at the very same time, it's a hard place to be when life keeps going. God gives me the days I'm asking Him for & I also know now to ask Him for the grace to manage those days with the knowledge I have. I ask Him for the grace to trust His answer to me every day when I beg Him to remove every bit of the cancer, which He can do, & He does not. He's good & giving me everything, I mean everything, I need & my family needs as each day comes & goes.
Mike & I are making a trip to San Diego that I will blog about this next week. Pray our travel goes well & our visit brings Him glory through the days He blesses us with. Taylor will be 29 years old Monday & I'm thankful to spend this day with her. I'm thankful He's seeing us through to this time.
God keeps giving me people who love, support & pray. People who face opposition I could never dream about & do so with grace He's provided. He says His grace is sufficient. I believe Him.
Blessings!
Then, a special came on ABC about Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped & held against her will for 18 years, sexually abused & quite frankly, has one of the worst list of wrongdoings against her that I've ever heard! In fact, I recorded the tv special & have yet to watch it. I just can't watch or hear it but pray for her & her emotional healing. I pray any monies that come her way will benefit she & her two daughters as they work to live even a remotely "normal" life.
After that, another special came on tv about a man who has climbed several mountains & dreams now of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He's gathered his team & what seems like a doable feat & not that big of a story, becomes jaw-dropping as the camera pans wide & we realize he's a paraplegic! Absolutely no use of his legs at all! He's climing this mountain using a four wheel bike-like contraption peddling with his hands! He relies only on his upper arm strength & nerves of steel!
These are only 2 examples from that particular week of tv specials of people who need to step ahead of me on the pity party thing. I need to stand in a very, very long line of people from all walks of life, in all generations, from all time before I throw this party of mine! As I look inward things look bad & then I look outward & wow! I start shaking my head at myself! All the self-pity just peels of like an orange peel & I'm sitting alot prettier than only moments before. God tells me to take every thought captive. To have the mind of Christ & copy His thinking. To think on the good things in life & He knows what He's talking about. The mind is powerful & can direct us to dark & self-absorbing places or take us to higher heights! You & I can think ourselves out of those pity-party times & live abundantly- no matter the circumstances.
I've put the pity-party supplies away for now & want to share a physical update with you since it's been a while that I've talked on my blog about my physical status. So here goes:
Hospice is continuing to manage any pain I face. I'm completely glad I decided on stopping any additional chemo treatment & have received confirmation of that many times over. For me, it was & is the right decision to have made so I continue this course. The cancer remains "active" as it grows & presents itself in lots of physical ways. My left side continues to grow weaker & more restricted. My left arm suffers from both restricted movement & weakness but people can't tell that as I have conversation with them. People are surprised because I look so good & many of my current challenges aren't noticible, at first.
Lymphedema is now present & something I'll deal with from now on. I was so blessed not to struggle with this for the first two years of having cancer. All through chemo & radiation for those two years, I showed no signs of edema (swelling) or lymphodema, but it's here now. Mike & I bought me a compression sleeve two days ago & it's already helped so much! I wear it only during the day as I'm active & it helps to move fluid through my left arm. The swelling is drastically reduced & Hospice is also giving me a diuretic to help, so these actions combined are helping reduce this swelling.
My low appetite has continued to be a problem for many weeks, so current meds are helping increase appetite & I've gained 4 pounds. Not sure I like this much! LOL! What woman likes to report weight gain, right? I'm also now using oxygen most of the hours of the days & nights that help make me feel clearer mentally & help me sleep at night. I have machines at the house as well as portable units I can take with me anywhere I go.
All in all, life has changed & continues to change as cancer continues to grow. The constant growth & changes in my body are also a constant conversation between the Lord & me on life issues & priorities. What is life about? What is important & what is not? What needs to be addressed now & what can wait? It's all good & I'm thankful.
There is a great blessing & opportunity in knowing ahead of time that cancer is taking my life. I can take care of any & all issues & at the very same time, it's a hard place to be when life keeps going. God gives me the days I'm asking Him for & I also know now to ask Him for the grace to manage those days with the knowledge I have. I ask Him for the grace to trust His answer to me every day when I beg Him to remove every bit of the cancer, which He can do, & He does not. He's good & giving me everything, I mean everything, I need & my family needs as each day comes & goes.
Mike & I are making a trip to San Diego that I will blog about this next week. Pray our travel goes well & our visit brings Him glory through the days He blesses us with. Taylor will be 29 years old Monday & I'm thankful to spend this day with her. I'm thankful He's seeing us through to this time.
God keeps giving me people who love, support & pray. People who face opposition I could never dream about & do so with grace He's provided. He says His grace is sufficient. I believe Him.
Blessings!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Gonna' Make a Run to the Cross
As the cancer journey continues, I realize I need to go through some piles of my "stuff" & do some cleaning so that Mike & the girls can be relieved of that duty as time goes on. I know some of my things & a lot of my stuff was important at one time in my life, but have become things that are no longer needed. OK, I'll admit it, sometimes I just shake my head at myself that it was ever important & wonder what I was thinking when that item was acquired!
Have you ever noticed when you have a bunch of cleaning to do, that it's easier to just close the door of the room in question & walk away? I've been thinking about that recently as I've looked at the corners of my little world that need a good cleaning out. All the drawers & closets that house old bills & papers, shoes I felt I couldn't live without & the latest & greatest gadget that became dated the minute it was purchased! Even the car I was sure would always look pristine has to get a second look. It seems like there's just too much to do, so I turn around & run!
It would be a lot easier to clean up stuff if there just wasn't so much of it! It's crazy that I can house so much & hold on to things! I've found, though, that if I'll just get 1 bag together, I can much more easily donate it or throw it away. Just pick away at things instead of demanding I get the whole project done at once! So, 1 drawer or 1 bag at a time, is more my speed. A few weeks ago, I took 1 bag to the shredder, then in a few days, another bag & now the project is done!
My point's made... a bit at a time. Before you know it, success! 1 bag of clothes works for me. I donate to a nearby children's orphanage clothing box & it's good for both the children's home & me! But, there's too much to do it all at once! I keep plugging away & make a run to the donation box. 1 box down, make another run to the box; 1 bag completed, make another run to the box!
My sin, guilt, selfishness, stubborness & self-absobtion seem to pile up in my life, too! Piles of bitterness, resentment, failings & laziness lay around in my life & get in the way of living. They get in the way of freedom in Christ Jesus! So, I'm thinking I gotta make a run to the cross & leave some stuff there! There's so much that I've allowed into my life, that sometimes all I can do is drag a small amount, but if that's all I can do, I still gotta make that run! When I gather up that pride, stuff it in the bag & run it to Jesus, then life is better. It's fuller & worth the living. It's getting those corners clean & taking the heaviness of sin & putting it where it belongs. At the cross!
What Jesus did at the cross makes running to the cross an everyday event! He can take the burden from me, deal with all the junk & still love me at the end of the day. So, gonna' make a run to the cross- every day! Confess to Jesus that I've been gathering & cherishing all this stuff & now I'm leaving it with Him.
This isn't the stuff that can be seen easily- like the purple blouse I bought on sale & have never worn- it's the hurt & disappointment. It's the harsh words, estrangement & lack of follow-through from others. It's the abandonment issues & abuses faced. The alcohol that ruins lives of families, abortion haunting the minds & hearts of precious women feeling they were out of choices, beatings, blame & hidden family secrets that have created piles of junk in lives that are heavy! Too heavy to cart alone! Yes, it's all about the sin I lug around that gets so, so heavy!
I'm gonna make a run to the cross. I'm gonna leave some junk there that I don't want to carry even another day! Some of this junk is what I created & some is not. Some is what I brought into my world by the choices I made & a lot of this stuff is what others decided for me. Some of which is tearing my insides apart because I didn't decide what family I was born into or what parents I have, or where I lived as a child. Carrying the past of childhood into adulthood can be the worst! I want you to come with me! I want you to make a run to the cross, too. Make a run every day. Take something there & leave it. Take 1 bag or 1 box a day & never see it again.
Life is short & making a run to the cross can be done every day. Jesus asks us to come to Him. He's waiting for us to make that run. So, let's do it. Together.
Gotta go 'cause I'm gonna make a run to the cross!
Blessings!
Have you ever noticed when you have a bunch of cleaning to do, that it's easier to just close the door of the room in question & walk away? I've been thinking about that recently as I've looked at the corners of my little world that need a good cleaning out. All the drawers & closets that house old bills & papers, shoes I felt I couldn't live without & the latest & greatest gadget that became dated the minute it was purchased! Even the car I was sure would always look pristine has to get a second look. It seems like there's just too much to do, so I turn around & run!
It would be a lot easier to clean up stuff if there just wasn't so much of it! It's crazy that I can house so much & hold on to things! I've found, though, that if I'll just get 1 bag together, I can much more easily donate it or throw it away. Just pick away at things instead of demanding I get the whole project done at once! So, 1 drawer or 1 bag at a time, is more my speed. A few weeks ago, I took 1 bag to the shredder, then in a few days, another bag & now the project is done!
My point's made... a bit at a time. Before you know it, success! 1 bag of clothes works for me. I donate to a nearby children's orphanage clothing box & it's good for both the children's home & me! But, there's too much to do it all at once! I keep plugging away & make a run to the donation box. 1 box down, make another run to the box; 1 bag completed, make another run to the box!
My sin, guilt, selfishness, stubborness & self-absobtion seem to pile up in my life, too! Piles of bitterness, resentment, failings & laziness lay around in my life & get in the way of living. They get in the way of freedom in Christ Jesus! So, I'm thinking I gotta make a run to the cross & leave some stuff there! There's so much that I've allowed into my life, that sometimes all I can do is drag a small amount, but if that's all I can do, I still gotta make that run! When I gather up that pride, stuff it in the bag & run it to Jesus, then life is better. It's fuller & worth the living. It's getting those corners clean & taking the heaviness of sin & putting it where it belongs. At the cross!
What Jesus did at the cross makes running to the cross an everyday event! He can take the burden from me, deal with all the junk & still love me at the end of the day. So, gonna' make a run to the cross- every day! Confess to Jesus that I've been gathering & cherishing all this stuff & now I'm leaving it with Him.
This isn't the stuff that can be seen easily- like the purple blouse I bought on sale & have never worn- it's the hurt & disappointment. It's the harsh words, estrangement & lack of follow-through from others. It's the abandonment issues & abuses faced. The alcohol that ruins lives of families, abortion haunting the minds & hearts of precious women feeling they were out of choices, beatings, blame & hidden family secrets that have created piles of junk in lives that are heavy! Too heavy to cart alone! Yes, it's all about the sin I lug around that gets so, so heavy!
I'm gonna make a run to the cross. I'm gonna leave some junk there that I don't want to carry even another day! Some of this junk is what I created & some is not. Some is what I brought into my world by the choices I made & a lot of this stuff is what others decided for me. Some of which is tearing my insides apart because I didn't decide what family I was born into or what parents I have, or where I lived as a child. Carrying the past of childhood into adulthood can be the worst! I want you to come with me! I want you to make a run to the cross, too. Make a run every day. Take something there & leave it. Take 1 bag or 1 box a day & never see it again.
Life is short & making a run to the cross can be done every day. Jesus asks us to come to Him. He's waiting for us to make that run. So, let's do it. Together.
Gotta go 'cause I'm gonna make a run to the cross!
Blessings!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Another God Day - Follow-Up
As you can imagine, there has been much private notes written & discussion as people have read my blog regarding the happenings on the flight a couple of months ago & the exchange that day. I'm still taken back when I think of all that took place on that flight. There have been many times in my life when I would have stood my ground, hopefully respectfully so, but stood up against that sort of treatment. But, at that time I just didn't have it in me. On her part it would be easy to see I was a patient of some sort as I had no hair & used the scarf and cap & was at a weakened state.
I might eventually write in a leter to the airline, letting them know of the happening, simply so it won't happen to anyone else. But, for now, I'm just thankful for Nancy. She & I would not have met had this not happened. Remember, I had alrady made the decision not to talk on this particular flight. I had left Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley & I just wanted to get home to Mike. (My family & I are in a position these days- that when we say good-bye to each other, my physical health can be drastically different the next time we are together. That, or quite frankly, not see each other again & that keeps us in a sobered state of mind. It's weird, but normally when adults have to part ways, we pretty much know what we'll be like the next time we see each other. Or, we think we do. We don't usually have an acute realization that this may be the last flight I'm able to make or that an "event" in my health will force a meeting, etc.) I share that with you now because it's a part of this journey that "hangs over your head" all the time. Of course, we can all die at any time on any day & none of us know when or how that will happen. This is different. This is living with the knowledge, all the time, that your life will be shorter than anticipated. Knowing you're going to die is a weird way to live & I may address that at some point since it's a big part of this journey & I'm trying to be open emotionally as I blog. I don't know- it's just weird. I was happy to close my eyes or read on the flight home, but God used the time in a much different way!
God has so many appointments for me- that I am certain- I miss along the way. But, this one was not to be missed, so I'm good with it. I'm growing & seeing so much more of what God is giving me & I'm glad not to miss it. I'm trying to take it all in & listen to what He's saying & doing for me.
Lord, I just want to know You more. I want to hear You, see You & get the bigger picture. I just want the bigger picture!
Blessings!
I might eventually write in a leter to the airline, letting them know of the happening, simply so it won't happen to anyone else. But, for now, I'm just thankful for Nancy. She & I would not have met had this not happened. Remember, I had alrady made the decision not to talk on this particular flight. I had left Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley & I just wanted to get home to Mike. (My family & I are in a position these days- that when we say good-bye to each other, my physical health can be drastically different the next time we are together. That, or quite frankly, not see each other again & that keeps us in a sobered state of mind. It's weird, but normally when adults have to part ways, we pretty much know what we'll be like the next time we see each other. Or, we think we do. We don't usually have an acute realization that this may be the last flight I'm able to make or that an "event" in my health will force a meeting, etc.) I share that with you now because it's a part of this journey that "hangs over your head" all the time. Of course, we can all die at any time on any day & none of us know when or how that will happen. This is different. This is living with the knowledge, all the time, that your life will be shorter than anticipated. Knowing you're going to die is a weird way to live & I may address that at some point since it's a big part of this journey & I'm trying to be open emotionally as I blog. I don't know- it's just weird. I was happy to close my eyes or read on the flight home, but God used the time in a much different way!
God has so many appointments for me- that I am certain- I miss along the way. But, this one was not to be missed, so I'm good with it. I'm growing & seeing so much more of what God is giving me & I'm glad not to miss it. I'm trying to take it all in & listen to what He's saying & doing for me.
Lord, I just want to know You more. I want to hear You, see You & get the bigger picture. I just want the bigger picture!
Blessings!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Another God Day!
Writing throughout this journey has been a blessing to me. It's allowed me to communicate with the people I love the most & if I should go back in time & read posts over the past 2 years, I'm reminded of what God had done for me & how He's been with me every step of the way. "It's God again!" comes to mind everyday! He's good & He's present & He provides!
A couple of months ago, He did it, again. I've not been in an emotional place to write about it & I'm praying no one misconstrues this to be a story about me, but will only see it as what God did for me. It's a God story, not a Sharon story. Anyway, I'm ready to share it & in doing so, bring Him praise - again- for being such a God!
Several months ago, immediately following my lung surgery, my Oncologist & Thorasic surgeon both gave permission for me to fly to San Diego to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley. They also gave me direction to alert the airline staff of my situation & the possibility of needed oxygen on the flight should an "event" occure. At Mike's & my girl's encouragement, I allerted one of the Flight Attendents of my situation & the possibility of needing oxygen on the flight. Told her I was just giving them a "head's up" to my circumstance so they would not be surprised should an "event" take place on the flight.
The Flight Attendent was most gracious, shared with her co-worker's my possible need & all were informed & ready to help should I need anything. They told me they stood ready to assist in anyway, just say the word should I need anything at all. Nothing happened on the flight & no oxygen was needed, but it was nice to know they were up & ready to help me should my breathing become impaired on the flight. (I'm new at all this cancer journey & not at all used to being "the sick one".) I've actually had years go by at the jobs I had, with no sick days taken. I've been blessed beyond measure with good health until a couple of years ago. Anyway, all went well on the flight.
Several weeks later, May 18th, I fly again, back to Texas. The flight is completely full & I have an older man on my left & a woman in her 40's on my right. It may seem strange, but there are many times on a plane that I don't talk to the people around me but use that time to read & possibly rest these days. This was the case on this flight. No talking for me & the people by me didn't talk to me, either.
Because the plane was full & Flight Attendents were busy, I waited for a good opportunity to simply put "a bug in their ear" about my situation, so if an "event" happened, the staff wouldn't be caught off guard. The time was right so I motioned for the Flight Attendent to come close & said in a low voice to her exactly what I had said to the previous staff on the other flight. I'm not sure what happened next other than the Flight Attendent begins almost yelling at me at how I can't come on a flight & start making demands for oxygen. She continues her verbal "attack" towards me for a couple more minutes until I raise my hand to her & tell her to nevermind my remarks. I was completely taken back by her response to me! After surgeries & with the level of pain meds I take, tears come easily, so here they came! Tears down my cheeks & then some fear. Fear if something happened, I wouldn't be able to breathe. I was sitting in the middle seat & found myself in a very lonely place as I've not been spoken to like that & was taken by surprise. I was having trouble, then, catching my breath & my senses.
The woman sitting by me- all at once- puts both arms around me & holds me tight. She whispers in my ear that she's a nurse & if she has to chase the woman down, tackle her & put oxygen on me herself, she would do it. She calmed me by saying over & over, very quietly, that she knew that ordeal scared me, & I would get oxygen no matter what. She would make certain of it. She also didn't let go of me. She sat there for several minutes with me in her arms. She only let go of her grip once I was calm, breathing steadily & she knew I was okay. We held hands for a bit & she asked me to talk to her about my life. She told me that by talking about grandchildren & life, I would stay calm & we would get through the flight together.
Later in the flight I asked to speak to the Flight Attendent to clarify I was not demanding oxygen, but giving a head's up to my circumstance. That if there was an "event" I expected oxygen & care be given me. I told her I didn't expect an "event" at all, but the doctors had given direction for the communication. A second time, this person goes crazy on me, asking for a doctor's note. She becomes louder & louder & tells people several rows back of this demanding lady, etc, etc & that's not how this works when flying. That you can't just show up on a flight & start making demands... so, at this point, Nancy & I just sat tight & talked the remainder of the flight for me to stay calm & terminate the flight. Nancy was an angel in place for me that day! God sat her in that seat & she ministered to me in only a way Holy Spirit would provide. She is a nurse, a mother (& understood I just left my daughter, which didn't make matters easier.) Most importantly, she is a believer! She & I had a bond from the moment she wrapped her arms around me!
Nancy & I decided to become Facebook friends since we had so much in common & she wanted to follow my progress & pray for me. I wanted to follow the upcoming wedding of her son, too. So, that afternoon, we became fb friends. But, there's a bit more to the story. Later in the flight as it was about to end, the leader of the team on the flight came to me. I guess she had heard from other passengers & from her co-worker about the earlier exchange. She asked me about it & others told her of hearing her talk even several rows back to other passengers. This Attendent began apologizing like crazy. She, in fact, apologized over & over, again. (That's really beside the point, but did make things a bit better.)
Now, the last bit of the story. Nancy, who helped me beyond measure that flight, lives in Joplin, MO. Little did she & I know that the very next Sunday, her town would be hit & hit hard, by a massive tornado. The tornado took their family home & also took the Chick-Fil-A they own & operate in Joplin! Her life was hit very, very hard within days of her ministering to me! Since then, her wonderful church, the whole town & even strangers have come into Jopln & ministered back to her & all those who had devastating losses from the storm!
I've been able to pray for Nanacy a lot since that flight back in May. God put us on a plane together & bonded us in a way that can't be done without Jesus. Nancy & I have said that we'll be friends in heaven & will spend much time together there. Our lives here only crossed on that airplane, & that's God's doing! He did that for me.
God constantly is working for me! God constantly loves me! He constantly provides for every need! Yes, that day & that flight was another God day!
Blessings!
A couple of months ago, He did it, again. I've not been in an emotional place to write about it & I'm praying no one misconstrues this to be a story about me, but will only see it as what God did for me. It's a God story, not a Sharon story. Anyway, I'm ready to share it & in doing so, bring Him praise - again- for being such a God!
Several months ago, immediately following my lung surgery, my Oncologist & Thorasic surgeon both gave permission for me to fly to San Diego to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley. They also gave me direction to alert the airline staff of my situation & the possibility of needed oxygen on the flight should an "event" occure. At Mike's & my girl's encouragement, I allerted one of the Flight Attendents of my situation & the possibility of needing oxygen on the flight. Told her I was just giving them a "head's up" to my circumstance so they would not be surprised should an "event" take place on the flight.
The Flight Attendent was most gracious, shared with her co-worker's my possible need & all were informed & ready to help should I need anything. They told me they stood ready to assist in anyway, just say the word should I need anything at all. Nothing happened on the flight & no oxygen was needed, but it was nice to know they were up & ready to help me should my breathing become impaired on the flight. (I'm new at all this cancer journey & not at all used to being "the sick one".) I've actually had years go by at the jobs I had, with no sick days taken. I've been blessed beyond measure with good health until a couple of years ago. Anyway, all went well on the flight.
Several weeks later, May 18th, I fly again, back to Texas. The flight is completely full & I have an older man on my left & a woman in her 40's on my right. It may seem strange, but there are many times on a plane that I don't talk to the people around me but use that time to read & possibly rest these days. This was the case on this flight. No talking for me & the people by me didn't talk to me, either.
Because the plane was full & Flight Attendents were busy, I waited for a good opportunity to simply put "a bug in their ear" about my situation, so if an "event" happened, the staff wouldn't be caught off guard. The time was right so I motioned for the Flight Attendent to come close & said in a low voice to her exactly what I had said to the previous staff on the other flight. I'm not sure what happened next other than the Flight Attendent begins almost yelling at me at how I can't come on a flight & start making demands for oxygen. She continues her verbal "attack" towards me for a couple more minutes until I raise my hand to her & tell her to nevermind my remarks. I was completely taken back by her response to me! After surgeries & with the level of pain meds I take, tears come easily, so here they came! Tears down my cheeks & then some fear. Fear if something happened, I wouldn't be able to breathe. I was sitting in the middle seat & found myself in a very lonely place as I've not been spoken to like that & was taken by surprise. I was having trouble, then, catching my breath & my senses.
The woman sitting by me- all at once- puts both arms around me & holds me tight. She whispers in my ear that she's a nurse & if she has to chase the woman down, tackle her & put oxygen on me herself, she would do it. She calmed me by saying over & over, very quietly, that she knew that ordeal scared me, & I would get oxygen no matter what. She would make certain of it. She also didn't let go of me. She sat there for several minutes with me in her arms. She only let go of her grip once I was calm, breathing steadily & she knew I was okay. We held hands for a bit & she asked me to talk to her about my life. She told me that by talking about grandchildren & life, I would stay calm & we would get through the flight together.
Later in the flight I asked to speak to the Flight Attendent to clarify I was not demanding oxygen, but giving a head's up to my circumstance. That if there was an "event" I expected oxygen & care be given me. I told her I didn't expect an "event" at all, but the doctors had given direction for the communication. A second time, this person goes crazy on me, asking for a doctor's note. She becomes louder & louder & tells people several rows back of this demanding lady, etc, etc & that's not how this works when flying. That you can't just show up on a flight & start making demands... so, at this point, Nancy & I just sat tight & talked the remainder of the flight for me to stay calm & terminate the flight. Nancy was an angel in place for me that day! God sat her in that seat & she ministered to me in only a way Holy Spirit would provide. She is a nurse, a mother (& understood I just left my daughter, which didn't make matters easier.) Most importantly, she is a believer! She & I had a bond from the moment she wrapped her arms around me!
Nancy & I decided to become Facebook friends since we had so much in common & she wanted to follow my progress & pray for me. I wanted to follow the upcoming wedding of her son, too. So, that afternoon, we became fb friends. But, there's a bit more to the story. Later in the flight as it was about to end, the leader of the team on the flight came to me. I guess she had heard from other passengers & from her co-worker about the earlier exchange. She asked me about it & others told her of hearing her talk even several rows back to other passengers. This Attendent began apologizing like crazy. She, in fact, apologized over & over, again. (That's really beside the point, but did make things a bit better.)
Now, the last bit of the story. Nancy, who helped me beyond measure that flight, lives in Joplin, MO. Little did she & I know that the very next Sunday, her town would be hit & hit hard, by a massive tornado. The tornado took their family home & also took the Chick-Fil-A they own & operate in Joplin! Her life was hit very, very hard within days of her ministering to me! Since then, her wonderful church, the whole town & even strangers have come into Jopln & ministered back to her & all those who had devastating losses from the storm!
I've been able to pray for Nanacy a lot since that flight back in May. God put us on a plane together & bonded us in a way that can't be done without Jesus. Nancy & I have said that we'll be friends in heaven & will spend much time together there. Our lives here only crossed on that airplane, & that's God's doing! He did that for me.
God constantly is working for me! God constantly loves me! He constantly provides for every need! Yes, that day & that flight was another God day!
Blessings!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
"Give all your worries to Him!"
Over the last 2 1/2 years, I received so many incredible greeting cards. In these cards are thoughts, prayers & scriptures of encouragement & love. I learned right away to listen to the content of each card & take to heart what our Lord was saying to me through you. It's been one of the most AMAZING journies ever, to see what Jesus says to me & when He says it. Yesterday was no exception, so I have to share it.
This last couple of weeks have been a bit difficult, both physically & emotionally for me. My body is weakenng & now requires oxygen while I sleep & as much during the day as possible. An additional pain medication is now in my regiment, too. It's for nerve-ending pain that is a consequence of past surgeries. On top of my physical challenges, my son-in-law in the Marine Corps got permission to come to Texas over the 4th of July holiday & last minute, that priviledge was taken away from him for no rhyme or reason. I had looked so forward to him being here with us & a superior officer who was having a bad day & bad holiday decided to ruin other's holiday, too. (This happens on a regular basis in the Marine Corps, so I shouldn't be so shaken about this! LOL!) Nonetheless, I allowed Satan to have a foothold & my anxiety rose over these couple of issues I have zero control over!
Yesterday in the mail, a card comes from a dear friend who's written encouraging words & I Peter 5:7 is the scripture for me. Here's what I read, "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." How appropriate for me! What timely words for me to hear!
So, I open the next card from another dear friend (who has NO way of knowing the first dear friend or what card she has sent.) Her card is just as sweet & encouraging. The scripture she uses from The Living Bible is I Peter 5:7! It reads a bit different but has the same message for me! "Let Him have all your worries & cares, for He is always thinking about you & watching everything that concerns you."
Oh, sweet Jesus! How you speak to me & remind me of how much you care & are involved in my life! It's not just happening without you knowing every detail! So, I tell Mike & Taylor about these cards as none of us believe in coincidence in these matters. I tell them this is God's word for me today & Mike asks me, "Then, are you going to do it or not?" I said, "Yes, I'm going to do it."
Since God's word is real & pertinent in every life, including mine, I am faced with a real life response. Do I read these words & think they're beautiful or do I respond & lay my cares, troubles & anxieties at the foot of the cross? Mine, they're going to the cross. It's too much for me, otherwise. I'm thankful I have a place to put them. Not just say it, but really give them to Jesus.
So, Jesus, I give you my worries & my cares & my troubles. I give you the big things but I also give you the little things. It's all being dumped at your feet! I pile them there because You can handle them & want them!
Thank you for reminding me & telling me what to do to make my life better. Thank you for the peace that comes with this decision. Thank you for a family that holds me accountable to act on my beliefs & to walk in faith because life just isn't easy.
So, I do not carry these worries, cares or concerns today. Jesus does. They can be found at His feet where they belong!
Blessings!
This last couple of weeks have been a bit difficult, both physically & emotionally for me. My body is weakenng & now requires oxygen while I sleep & as much during the day as possible. An additional pain medication is now in my regiment, too. It's for nerve-ending pain that is a consequence of past surgeries. On top of my physical challenges, my son-in-law in the Marine Corps got permission to come to Texas over the 4th of July holiday & last minute, that priviledge was taken away from him for no rhyme or reason. I had looked so forward to him being here with us & a superior officer who was having a bad day & bad holiday decided to ruin other's holiday, too. (This happens on a regular basis in the Marine Corps, so I shouldn't be so shaken about this! LOL!) Nonetheless, I allowed Satan to have a foothold & my anxiety rose over these couple of issues I have zero control over!
Yesterday in the mail, a card comes from a dear friend who's written encouraging words & I Peter 5:7 is the scripture for me. Here's what I read, "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." How appropriate for me! What timely words for me to hear!
So, I open the next card from another dear friend (who has NO way of knowing the first dear friend or what card she has sent.) Her card is just as sweet & encouraging. The scripture she uses from The Living Bible is I Peter 5:7! It reads a bit different but has the same message for me! "Let Him have all your worries & cares, for He is always thinking about you & watching everything that concerns you."
Oh, sweet Jesus! How you speak to me & remind me of how much you care & are involved in my life! It's not just happening without you knowing every detail! So, I tell Mike & Taylor about these cards as none of us believe in coincidence in these matters. I tell them this is God's word for me today & Mike asks me, "Then, are you going to do it or not?" I said, "Yes, I'm going to do it."
Since God's word is real & pertinent in every life, including mine, I am faced with a real life response. Do I read these words & think they're beautiful or do I respond & lay my cares, troubles & anxieties at the foot of the cross? Mine, they're going to the cross. It's too much for me, otherwise. I'm thankful I have a place to put them. Not just say it, but really give them to Jesus.
So, Jesus, I give you my worries & my cares & my troubles. I give you the big things but I also give you the little things. It's all being dumped at your feet! I pile them there because You can handle them & want them!
Thank you for reminding me & telling me what to do to make my life better. Thank you for the peace that comes with this decision. Thank you for a family that holds me accountable to act on my beliefs & to walk in faith because life just isn't easy.
So, I do not carry these worries, cares or concerns today. Jesus does. They can be found at His feet where they belong!
Blessings!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Grace in the Details!
Sometimes in my life, trusting God with the big items is just quite a bit easier than trusting Him with the smaller details. Is this the control freak within me? Why do I , at times, fret & fret over the little things? Why can I so easily get frustrated with the Lord for His delay on working out the small issues? (Really when I look back, no such thing exists! He doesn't delay! He does care! He does work things out!) I just want Him to do it my way & work faster & more openly & orchastrate the way I would! How foolish can I be? Really? Nothing- if done my way- would work out well! God has showed me literally over & over & over that His grace is sufficient for me. He must just shake His head- at times- & with a lot of love, think- when is Sharon gonna get it? When will she completely follow & trust & know I've got it under control?
Oh, Lord! Please help me get through these small details of this life! Please plant on my mind & heart that your grace is sufficient, giving me what I need, exactly when I need it! Why, is this sometimes more easily done with cancer, than with the nit-picking day to day walk?
One of these days- one of these days- we're ALL going to get it! We're ALL going to bask in the full knowledge of the sufficiency of His grace! We're all going to be at utter peace because we'll know- not just say- but know He's got it under control & the pace in which He works is perfect & the timing is absolutely to the wire on His side everytime!
After writing about the sweetness of Heaven, I've received many, many requests to find loved ones who already live there & hug them. Explain some things to them & tell them of the surity of the love the people here on earth have for them. I can tell you for certain I will deliver these requests with my whole heart! I will communicate in a very clear way the love that's held for them! I will honor those people here as I hug those people there!
But, I can tell you here- with full assurance- that the people who already live in Heaven- completely get it! They live there with no regrets of the unfinished business done here on earth. They live in pure joy with no wasted time mourning what could have been. People we love who live in heaven, live in the Light, with THE Light & spend no time wishing time away! So, even though, I will convey every message you have for me to give (& I'm certain God allows all that loving communication), I also already know, it's okay between them & us! There's no miscommunication, no words spoken incorrectly or not spoken at all. There's perfect peace in the presence of our perfect Lord!
God supplies grace at every turn. He says His grace is sufficient- all we need- & in heaven we'll finally understand the worry & regret & control & guilt we carry here, was never needed! And, certainly not needed there! How great is that? Our loved ones there already live that way? They already know because the dim mirror that once was used is now clear as day!
So, Lord, thank you for your grace today! Thank you for so giving it to me so freely & holding nothing back from me in this life! Thank you for this grace as is proves your love over & over! Please help me see it in the details of our family today as we lay it all at your feet! We completely rely on Your grace! Your grace is sufficient! Your grace is all I need.
Blessings!
Oh, Lord! Please help me get through these small details of this life! Please plant on my mind & heart that your grace is sufficient, giving me what I need, exactly when I need it! Why, is this sometimes more easily done with cancer, than with the nit-picking day to day walk?
One of these days- one of these days- we're ALL going to get it! We're ALL going to bask in the full knowledge of the sufficiency of His grace! We're all going to be at utter peace because we'll know- not just say- but know He's got it under control & the pace in which He works is perfect & the timing is absolutely to the wire on His side everytime!
After writing about the sweetness of Heaven, I've received many, many requests to find loved ones who already live there & hug them. Explain some things to them & tell them of the surity of the love the people here on earth have for them. I can tell you for certain I will deliver these requests with my whole heart! I will communicate in a very clear way the love that's held for them! I will honor those people here as I hug those people there!
But, I can tell you here- with full assurance- that the people who already live in Heaven- completely get it! They live there with no regrets of the unfinished business done here on earth. They live in pure joy with no wasted time mourning what could have been. People we love who live in heaven, live in the Light, with THE Light & spend no time wishing time away! So, even though, I will convey every message you have for me to give (& I'm certain God allows all that loving communication), I also already know, it's okay between them & us! There's no miscommunication, no words spoken incorrectly or not spoken at all. There's perfect peace in the presence of our perfect Lord!
God supplies grace at every turn. He says His grace is sufficient- all we need- & in heaven we'll finally understand the worry & regret & control & guilt we carry here, was never needed! And, certainly not needed there! How great is that? Our loved ones there already live that way? They already know because the dim mirror that once was used is now clear as day!
So, Lord, thank you for your grace today! Thank you for so giving it to me so freely & holding nothing back from me in this life! Thank you for this grace as is proves your love over & over! Please help me see it in the details of our family today as we lay it all at your feet! We completely rely on Your grace! Your grace is sufficient! Your grace is all I need.
Blessings!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Staying or Going?
Recently in conversation in our family, there was talk of greater understanding of walking in each other's shoes, that made me realize some things I want to share.
Over the past 2.5 years, Tyrel has been the one leaving his family, his country & all he knows to be deployeed across the world. He's been exposed to other cultures, foods, holidays & climates. He had to learn new routines, come face to face with the enemy & train friendlies for the future success of countries abroad.
Taylor, on the other hand, was the spouse who stayed back & held down the homefront. She held her job at the hospital while being half a country away from family. She entered a quiet, lonely home each evening after work, ate every meal alone, kept up the maintenance of a home, yard & vehicles. She paid all the bills & kept the day to day routine running.
This routine is what they both knew until last February. When I was in California with them, saw a doctor & realized my cancer was back in full force, they got me on an emergency flight home to Texas & lots of things changed.
It was Taylor who left her home for 6 weeks to come minister to me in Texas. She was the one busy every day with a new baby, a mother who was facing cancer, again & a new routine. She was the one challenged each day with challenging surroundings & anything but routine.
Tyrel stayed behind in California for his work. He's the one with the day to day routine, holding down the homefront & taking care of car repairs. He's the one walking into the home after a full day of work, to a quiet & lonely home that's full of furniture but missing his precious wife & daughter. He misses their laughter & family routine.
So, both have now walked in the shoes of the other. They've both seen what it takes to face the day the way their spouse faces it. Neither way is easy. Neither is desireable because it's faced without the person/people that mean the most to you. Tyrel has said he never realized until this 6 weeks in February just how hard it is to be the one left behind. He thought the leaving for deployement was hard, but realizes staying at home is just as hard- it's just different.
This conversation has prompted me to put myself in the other's shoes on this whole cancer thing. I'm the one with the disease & I'm the one leaving for a while. I'm going to a place I want to go & will be busy praising a God I want to praise. Each moment & new routine with living in the Light will be joyful & there will be no more hurting or tears. My faith will be sight & I'll finally "get it!" So, with all this information that I believe to my core, I'm the one with the easy job!
The loved ones staying behind me here on earth are the ones with the difficult job. The people here who love me & have to maintain the day to day routine without me. The ones who have to get out of bed every day & face the bills, the troubles, the diseases & conflicts of life. The ones who wake to face the joy children bring knowing Sweets isn't here to face it with them. The ones here who still walk by faith every day of life here as we know it. These are the brave ones, the strong one & the faithful ones.
So, sorrow I feel now, will not be felt from me when I leave this place. It's not me that's of concern. It's people I love & who love me in return that Holy Spirit comforts. I have to believe with all my heart He has it all covered! He cares for all of us- not just me through this illness- but all of us! Mike & I know that no matter where we are spiritually, He takes care of us to our core. Our part is simply letting Him do what he does. For, He supplies strength, peace, comfort, joy & understanding. He gives it freely & I pray the people who love me & say good-bye to me, will accept everything He has to give & live life to the fullest IN HIM!
Whether staying or going is the order of the day, Holy Spirit has it covered, & I'm so thankful He does!
Blessings!
Over the past 2.5 years, Tyrel has been the one leaving his family, his country & all he knows to be deployeed across the world. He's been exposed to other cultures, foods, holidays & climates. He had to learn new routines, come face to face with the enemy & train friendlies for the future success of countries abroad.
Taylor, on the other hand, was the spouse who stayed back & held down the homefront. She held her job at the hospital while being half a country away from family. She entered a quiet, lonely home each evening after work, ate every meal alone, kept up the maintenance of a home, yard & vehicles. She paid all the bills & kept the day to day routine running.
This routine is what they both knew until last February. When I was in California with them, saw a doctor & realized my cancer was back in full force, they got me on an emergency flight home to Texas & lots of things changed.
It was Taylor who left her home for 6 weeks to come minister to me in Texas. She was the one busy every day with a new baby, a mother who was facing cancer, again & a new routine. She was the one challenged each day with challenging surroundings & anything but routine.
Tyrel stayed behind in California for his work. He's the one with the day to day routine, holding down the homefront & taking care of car repairs. He's the one walking into the home after a full day of work, to a quiet & lonely home that's full of furniture but missing his precious wife & daughter. He misses their laughter & family routine.
So, both have now walked in the shoes of the other. They've both seen what it takes to face the day the way their spouse faces it. Neither way is easy. Neither is desireable because it's faced without the person/people that mean the most to you. Tyrel has said he never realized until this 6 weeks in February just how hard it is to be the one left behind. He thought the leaving for deployement was hard, but realizes staying at home is just as hard- it's just different.
This conversation has prompted me to put myself in the other's shoes on this whole cancer thing. I'm the one with the disease & I'm the one leaving for a while. I'm going to a place I want to go & will be busy praising a God I want to praise. Each moment & new routine with living in the Light will be joyful & there will be no more hurting or tears. My faith will be sight & I'll finally "get it!" So, with all this information that I believe to my core, I'm the one with the easy job!
The loved ones staying behind me here on earth are the ones with the difficult job. The people here who love me & have to maintain the day to day routine without me. The ones who have to get out of bed every day & face the bills, the troubles, the diseases & conflicts of life. The ones who wake to face the joy children bring knowing Sweets isn't here to face it with them. The ones here who still walk by faith every day of life here as we know it. These are the brave ones, the strong one & the faithful ones.
So, sorrow I feel now, will not be felt from me when I leave this place. It's not me that's of concern. It's people I love & who love me in return that Holy Spirit comforts. I have to believe with all my heart He has it all covered! He cares for all of us- not just me through this illness- but all of us! Mike & I know that no matter where we are spiritually, He takes care of us to our core. Our part is simply letting Him do what he does. For, He supplies strength, peace, comfort, joy & understanding. He gives it freely & I pray the people who love me & say good-bye to me, will accept everything He has to give & live life to the fullest IN HIM!
Whether staying or going is the order of the day, Holy Spirit has it covered, & I'm so thankful He does!
Blessings!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Medical Update
Just a quick medical status update. First, I must always, always, always thank you for praying for my family & me. We're still here, still walking this road & still need your encouragement & prayers.
I'm feeling really well, most of the time. I'm still not sickly like someone is when they have the flu. Nothing like that. No fever, vomiting, hurting... none of that, for which I'm thankful! I get up every day & get ready for the day. I run short errands & live each day like most everyone else does. Mike, Randi & friends are driving me to errands that require distance driving. I've asked them to do this since pain medications restrict some driving & I don't want to take any chances on Loop 820! Oh, wait! Everytime we get on 820, it's taking a chance!!! LOL!!!
I continue living with increased systems of the results of cancer growth like fatigue & restricted motion of my left arm & neuropathy (tingling & numbness of my left hand, especially 3 fingers for now.) I wouldn't say this is painful at all. It's really just annoying, at this point, with all the tingling. It also becomes increasingly difficult to hold an item tight, so I drop things from time to time with my left hand. This will continue to worsen as time goes, but for now, it's really no big deal. Hospice along with my Oncologist, address each side-effect, so my day-to-day living is pretty normal & a complete answer to prayer from God! He's giving me these "normal" days like we've asked, so I consider that a "YES!" from Him, even though there are a lot of "NO's!" mixed in there, too!
There are so many times I wish we could all just "walk away" from this road, but that's not the way this works. To be honest, it's sometimes my biggest struggle emotionally. The struggle I'm talking about is not ever being able to walk away from cancer. Living with the reality of cancer day in & day out can be a bit daunting. At the very same moment, I say that God has been with us every single step. We have not felt lonely or abandoned. We've not felt like victims. We've not carried "cancer" alone. He's done it for us! He doesn't walk away, either! He doesn't take a break from the day to day with us! He doesn't have to leave us to catch His breath or regain His composure.
It's sobering to realize we serve a God who isn't bound by time or a calendar or a watch. He doesn't have a start or stop mentality. He's not pressured by appointments & doesn't count minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. He simply doesn't count. That's so strange, when it seems, that's all I do. My calendar is ever before me with times penciled in to rule my day. I'm so bound by time that it's weird to think one of the very best things I love about God is His freedom from being bound by anything- much less a calendar! When I think of how great this is, my understanding of my life drastically changes & becomes more clear. Since He has no time & is not bound at all by the clock, then the number of my days- that I look so closely at- mean little. For Him, 54 years vs 94 years, is irrelevant. It means nothing, really. That doesn't make me sad, but makes me joyful. He's got my calendar! Got my days! Got my time!
So, when I hit the wall of emotions, I think about Him & it's all clear - again! Thank you, again, for your prayers! It's in this power I am reminded over & over & over of the God I serve. This no-bound-by-anything or anyone God. Praise be to Him!
Blessings!
I'm feeling really well, most of the time. I'm still not sickly like someone is when they have the flu. Nothing like that. No fever, vomiting, hurting... none of that, for which I'm thankful! I get up every day & get ready for the day. I run short errands & live each day like most everyone else does. Mike, Randi & friends are driving me to errands that require distance driving. I've asked them to do this since pain medications restrict some driving & I don't want to take any chances on Loop 820! Oh, wait! Everytime we get on 820, it's taking a chance!!! LOL!!!
I continue living with increased systems of the results of cancer growth like fatigue & restricted motion of my left arm & neuropathy (tingling & numbness of my left hand, especially 3 fingers for now.) I wouldn't say this is painful at all. It's really just annoying, at this point, with all the tingling. It also becomes increasingly difficult to hold an item tight, so I drop things from time to time with my left hand. This will continue to worsen as time goes, but for now, it's really no big deal. Hospice along with my Oncologist, address each side-effect, so my day-to-day living is pretty normal & a complete answer to prayer from God! He's giving me these "normal" days like we've asked, so I consider that a "YES!" from Him, even though there are a lot of "NO's!" mixed in there, too!
There are so many times I wish we could all just "walk away" from this road, but that's not the way this works. To be honest, it's sometimes my biggest struggle emotionally. The struggle I'm talking about is not ever being able to walk away from cancer. Living with the reality of cancer day in & day out can be a bit daunting. At the very same moment, I say that God has been with us every single step. We have not felt lonely or abandoned. We've not felt like victims. We've not carried "cancer" alone. He's done it for us! He doesn't walk away, either! He doesn't take a break from the day to day with us! He doesn't have to leave us to catch His breath or regain His composure.
It's sobering to realize we serve a God who isn't bound by time or a calendar or a watch. He doesn't have a start or stop mentality. He's not pressured by appointments & doesn't count minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. He simply doesn't count. That's so strange, when it seems, that's all I do. My calendar is ever before me with times penciled in to rule my day. I'm so bound by time that it's weird to think one of the very best things I love about God is His freedom from being bound by anything- much less a calendar! When I think of how great this is, my understanding of my life drastically changes & becomes more clear. Since He has no time & is not bound at all by the clock, then the number of my days- that I look so closely at- mean little. For Him, 54 years vs 94 years, is irrelevant. It means nothing, really. That doesn't make me sad, but makes me joyful. He's got my calendar! Got my days! Got my time!
So, when I hit the wall of emotions, I think about Him & it's all clear - again! Thank you, again, for your prayers! It's in this power I am reminded over & over & over of the God I serve. This no-bound-by-anything or anyone God. Praise be to Him!
Blessings!
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