Throwing a Pity Party?

I've been working up to having a Pity Party for the last few weeks. Nothing fancy or ornate, just gather up some close friends & have a time of feeling sorry for myself. Tell them how terrible it is to have cancer that lingers on & let them tell me in return how pitiful my situation is. We'd be done & I could pick up all the trash I've thrown aroun & go right on.

Then, a special came on ABC about Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped & held against her will for 18 years, sexually abused & quite frankly, has one of the worst list of wrongdoings against her that I've ever heard! In fact, I recorded the tv special & have yet to watch it. I just can't watch or hear it but pray for her & her emotional healing. I pray any monies that come her way will benefit she & her two daughters as they work to live even a remotely "normal" life.

After that, another special came on tv about a man who has climbed several mountains & dreams now of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He's gathered his team & what seems like a doable feat & not that big of a story, becomes jaw-dropping as the camera pans wide & we realize he's a paraplegic! Absolutely no use of his legs at all! He's climing this mountain using a four wheel bike-like contraption peddling with his hands! He relies only on his upper arm strength & nerves of steel!

These are only 2 examples from that particular week of tv specials of people who need to step ahead of me on the pity party thing. I need to stand in a very, very long line of people from all walks of life, in all generations, from all time before I throw this party of mine! As I look inward things look bad & then I look outward & wow! I start shaking my head at myself! All the self-pity just peels of like an orange peel & I'm sitting alot prettier than only moments before. God tells me to take every thought captive. To have the mind of Christ & copy His thinking. To think on the good things in life & He knows what He's talking about. The mind is powerful & can direct us to dark & self-absorbing places or take us to higher heights! You & I can think ourselves out of those pity-party times & live abundantly- no matter the circumstances.

I've put the pity-party supplies away for now & want to share a physical update with you since it's been a while that I've talked on my blog about my physical status. So here goes:

Hospice is continuing to manage any pain I face. I'm completely glad I decided on stopping any additional chemo treatment & have received confirmation of that many times over. For me, it was & is the right decision to have made so I continue this course. The cancer remains "active" as it grows & presents itself in lots of physical ways. My left side continues to grow weaker & more restricted. My left arm suffers from both restricted movement & weakness but people can't tell that as I have conversation with them. People are surprised because I look so good & many of my current challenges aren't noticible, at first.

Lymphedema is now present & something I'll deal with from now on. I was so blessed not to struggle with this for the first two years of having cancer. All through chemo & radiation for those two years, I showed no signs of edema (swelling) or lymphodema, but it's here now. Mike & I bought me a compression sleeve two days ago & it's already helped so much! I wear it only during the day as I'm active & it helps to move fluid through my left arm. The swelling is drastically reduced & Hospice is also giving me a diuretic to help, so these actions combined are helping reduce this swelling.

My low appetite has continued to be a problem for many weeks, so current meds are helping increase appetite & I've gained 4 pounds. Not sure I like this much! LOL! What woman likes to report weight gain, right? I'm also now using oxygen most of the hours of the days & nights that help make me feel clearer mentally & help me sleep at night. I have machines at the house as well as portable units I can take with me anywhere I go.

All in all, life has changed & continues to change as cancer continues to grow. The constant growth & changes in my body are also a constant conversation between the Lord & me on life issues & priorities. What is life about? What is important & what is not? What needs to be addressed now & what can wait? It's all good & I'm thankful.

There is a great blessing & opportunity in knowing ahead of time that cancer is taking my life. I can take care of any & all issues & at the very same time, it's a hard place to be when life keeps going. God gives me the days I'm asking Him for & I also know now to ask Him for the grace to manage those days with the knowledge I have. I ask Him for the grace to trust His answer to me every day when I beg Him to remove every bit of the cancer, which He can do, & He does not. He's good & giving me everything, I mean everything, I need & my family needs as each day comes & goes.

Mike & I are making a trip to San Diego that I will blog about this next week. Pray our travel goes well & our visit brings Him glory through the days He blesses us with. Taylor will be 29 years old Monday & I'm thankful to spend this day with her. I'm thankful He's seeing us through to this time.

God keeps giving me people who love, support & pray. People who face opposition I could never dream about & do so with grace He's provided. He says His grace is sufficient. I believe Him.

Blessings!