You'd think receiving the diagnosis of "cancer" would be nothing but negative! Nothing but heartache, fear, pain & hopelessness! But, you'd be wrong. God, in His goodness, provides blessings all over the place! The greatest blessings in having cancer have been my "Cancer Friends". Those people God has put in my path who are walking similar journeys who I wouldn't have met if I hadn't heard those dreaded words! That's specifically who this post is addressed to tonight. It's a must for me to address these particular friends because of this week's happenings, so I appreciate the indulgence.
To my "Cancer Friends" who are especially on my heart,
So many of you have written notes of encouragement & love. The natural thoughts of, "could this happen to me if it's happening to Sharon?" can creep in if you're not careful, causing fear, anxiety or anger. Hear me say, every journey is different. Just because my cancer has returned doesn't mean your's will. God directs each of our lives & has plans for us that differ. He knows each one of us individually & tells us He has plans to prosper us & not to harm, plans to give hope & futures. He says He will listen to us & we can call on Him & He will answer. I pray these promises He makes brings you peace of heart!
Is is a honor to be called to walk a journey with such courageous people! You are a group who are facing adversity & you face it head-on! You give strength & encouragement to others simply by walking your walk over a very rough road.
My heart begs God tonight that no fear or anger will arise in your hearts regarding your own journeys because of what is happening in mine. He says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them & make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do. I will not forsake them." Cancer is definately one of those unfamiliar paths but He'll make the rough places smooth & never forsake the people He loves! What an incredible promise we can claim in our lives!
Cancer friends, I thank those of you who have walked this journey before me, encouraged me & are still praying for me! I admire those who were in chemo chairs next to mine as I witnessed your positive attitudes & sheer courage. To those of you behind me in your journeys, hearing the doctor say, "cancer", I'm cheering you on! You can do this! With God's help, you will do this!
Blessings!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Breath of Life
As the fluid has been filling my left lung, doctors tell me that my right lung has been strong & doing all the work. I'm generally very healthy, except for having cancer, so my other organs have covered nicely in getting me needed oxygen. The annoying, hacking cough has been gradual, too. Mike & I neither one noticed the severity of the situation over the last couple of weeks. Only x-raying the lungs, looking at the true picture of what's inside, determined the truth in the matter. That's why the procedure to drain my lung was on the agenda today. That's why we drove on the icy roads to get this done. There are some things that deserve our immediate attention & breathing is one of those things!
On the way to the hospital, the winter winds blew the snow flurries across the roads making them appear to be dancing right across our path. It was quite beautiful. The roads were not crowded with traffic at all because so many schools & businesses were closed & this allowed Mike & I to enjoy this snow dancing the entirety of the trip. Mike told me these were snow angels God put in our path today. We felt escorted to the hospital this morning. We felt His presence.
As the last few days have progressed & shortness of breath became more severe, I realize how precious breath really is. After you've jogged a bit or taken a flight of stairs, those deep breaths feel so good as they fill up the body with oxygen. They replenishe, restore & rebuild. Breath is life.
The procedure to drain my lung was really something. It keeps amazing me that people dedicate their lives to particular specialties of the human body & really are incredibly gifted at a time of need for another. Today was no different. We learned more about lungs today than we've ever known before. How they work, what's keeping them from working, how they will return to work & what we'll have to do to keep them working.
The procedure went exactly like it was supposed to. I was awake with local anesthetic so they could have me sitting upright & Mike was allowed to be right there, too. It went by the book, with the best possible scenario regarding minimal pain, re-inflation & no complications, even with the removal of 5.5 lbs of fluid! We believe that to be God answering prayers. Also, the attending RN for this procedure is from The Hills. A friend we've known for years! That didn't just happen. God did that! She cares about us & brought us peace just knowing she was there. Then, the attending RN in recovery is from The Hills! You get the point? God went before us- again- preparing our path! Incredible!
As I write, deep breaths are still a bit difficult. It feels like those sharp air bubbles you get sometimes that restrict deep breathing. As my lung re-inflates, that discomfort should deminish. All-in-all, no complaints. Just incredibly thankful I'll be able to breathe again!
Makes Mike & me think of God breathing into man His Breath of Life. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer. Living without Him can be a gradual, unnoticed way to live at first. May not even miss this Breath of Life as we depend on ourselves to get us through our day to day routines. We may not even know how shallow our breathing has become without Breath of Life. But eventually- one of these days- those deep, deep breaths that are vital to good health, the ones that feel so good, the ones that sustain us, will be missed. There is no life without breath. No life without Breath. Today, I'm thankful for both.
Blessings!
On the way to the hospital, the winter winds blew the snow flurries across the roads making them appear to be dancing right across our path. It was quite beautiful. The roads were not crowded with traffic at all because so many schools & businesses were closed & this allowed Mike & I to enjoy this snow dancing the entirety of the trip. Mike told me these were snow angels God put in our path today. We felt escorted to the hospital this morning. We felt His presence.
As the last few days have progressed & shortness of breath became more severe, I realize how precious breath really is. After you've jogged a bit or taken a flight of stairs, those deep breaths feel so good as they fill up the body with oxygen. They replenishe, restore & rebuild. Breath is life.
The procedure to drain my lung was really something. It keeps amazing me that people dedicate their lives to particular specialties of the human body & really are incredibly gifted at a time of need for another. Today was no different. We learned more about lungs today than we've ever known before. How they work, what's keeping them from working, how they will return to work & what we'll have to do to keep them working.
The procedure went exactly like it was supposed to. I was awake with local anesthetic so they could have me sitting upright & Mike was allowed to be right there, too. It went by the book, with the best possible scenario regarding minimal pain, re-inflation & no complications, even with the removal of 5.5 lbs of fluid! We believe that to be God answering prayers. Also, the attending RN for this procedure is from The Hills. A friend we've known for years! That didn't just happen. God did that! She cares about us & brought us peace just knowing she was there. Then, the attending RN in recovery is from The Hills! You get the point? God went before us- again- preparing our path! Incredible!
As I write, deep breaths are still a bit difficult. It feels like those sharp air bubbles you get sometimes that restrict deep breathing. As my lung re-inflates, that discomfort should deminish. All-in-all, no complaints. Just incredibly thankful I'll be able to breathe again!
Makes Mike & me think of God breathing into man His Breath of Life. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer. Living without Him can be a gradual, unnoticed way to live at first. May not even miss this Breath of Life as we depend on ourselves to get us through our day to day routines. We may not even know how shallow our breathing has become without Breath of Life. But eventually- one of these days- those deep, deep breaths that are vital to good health, the ones that feel so good, the ones that sustain us, will be missed. There is no life without breath. No life without Breath. Today, I'm thankful for both.
Blessings!
Events of Tuesday, Feb 8th, 2011
The news of Monday was shocking. My sweet husband was very busy at work & didn't even know I'd gone to a doctor in California because I thought I was going in for a cold & antibiotics, so I didn't mention it! He was shell-shocked when Taylor & I called him! Then, he drove to Randi's & to my parent's to tell them. Called our siblings & the shell-shock continued.
As I said in the previous post, I got a flight to Texas Monday night. Mike met me at the airport & we spent the evening & well into the night just being together & talking. He & I are in a good place with one another. We talked about life, death, family, & being prepared. We shared our hearts, concerns, fears, & anticipation of the unknown. We talked about our dreams of growing old together & the utter joy we have in our grandchildren. We discussed time being cut short for what we want but being secure in God's timing, as it's always perfect. Sometimes these sort of journeys can hurt marriages instead of drawing them close due to the sheer stress & emotion of it all. I'm thankful we are as close now as we have been in nearly 35 years together! (When you know couples going through trils, take a moment to encourage them in their relationships. Husbands have breast cancer along with their wives!) Monday night was a blessing because Mike & I were together.
Tuesday brought an incredibly busy schedule as Mike began the day by sharing this information with the church staff who have been prayers warriors with us all along. Then, right away, a CT scan was first on the agenda. This was needed to confirm the California doctor's x-ray finding & identify any additional cancer, which it did & was followed by a visit with Oncologist. Lots of information followed, then bone scan and finally labs (lots of bood drawn with results coming later in the week.)
So, here's what we know & what we don't know. We DO know there is breast cancer (same one I initially had) in the lining (plurel) of my left lung. This is what was producing all the fluid. We know there's an additional 2cm tumor under my right arm & "thickening" of my chest wall. We know I have metastatic disease (chronic cancer) I will have the rest of my life. We know this will take my physical life at some point. Medically, tumors will now re-appear & we'll face each event as it comes. We DON'T know if the "thickening" on the chest wall is cancer or result of previous radiation treatment. Nor, do we know how long I can live with this. We don't know if the upcoming chemo treatments will work because women with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer like I have have some drugs to try, but none that are proven, yet. (Drugs & research are constantly being tested, so hopefully, breakthroughs will come quickly.) The new PARP Inhibitors are showing great promise for Triple-Negative patients & my name is being submitted for the "lottery" in these testing stages of the drugs. Please pray we win the "lottery" & are chosen for this treatment! LOL!
OK- so, there's some we know, & some we don't. Medical science is not that exact when it comes to some cancers. There are so many variables! So, with the doctors, we will listen, learn & choose the best course of action we know & they'll watch me closely to see what tumors are doing. We'll change course as needed & make decisions as we go. Mike & I ask you to pray for wisdom as we navigate these waters. What may work for us may not work for another's circumstance. We'll do the best we can as we're in constant communication with doctor's we trust.
Draining the left lung has to be done Wednesday morning, so that is scheduled by my Oncologist. That's the medical news of Tuesday. Whew!
I can't end this post without saying that this is the MEDICAL news only. The SPIRITUAL news is that Almighty God ALWAYS has the last word. He is the one dictating my days. He is the One providing a medical path for me. There is a medical path & we can benefit from that earthly knowledge but He may take me home another way through another illness or accident. He may speak me into 90+ years. He's not promised me any day but today. He is sovereign. He's in utter control & I'm good with that!
Blessings!
As I said in the previous post, I got a flight to Texas Monday night. Mike met me at the airport & we spent the evening & well into the night just being together & talking. He & I are in a good place with one another. We talked about life, death, family, & being prepared. We shared our hearts, concerns, fears, & anticipation of the unknown. We talked about our dreams of growing old together & the utter joy we have in our grandchildren. We discussed time being cut short for what we want but being secure in God's timing, as it's always perfect. Sometimes these sort of journeys can hurt marriages instead of drawing them close due to the sheer stress & emotion of it all. I'm thankful we are as close now as we have been in nearly 35 years together! (When you know couples going through trils, take a moment to encourage them in their relationships. Husbands have breast cancer along with their wives!) Monday night was a blessing because Mike & I were together.
Tuesday brought an incredibly busy schedule as Mike began the day by sharing this information with the church staff who have been prayers warriors with us all along. Then, right away, a CT scan was first on the agenda. This was needed to confirm the California doctor's x-ray finding & identify any additional cancer, which it did & was followed by a visit with Oncologist. Lots of information followed, then bone scan and finally labs (lots of bood drawn with results coming later in the week.)
So, here's what we know & what we don't know. We DO know there is breast cancer (same one I initially had) in the lining (plurel) of my left lung. This is what was producing all the fluid. We know there's an additional 2cm tumor under my right arm & "thickening" of my chest wall. We know I have metastatic disease (chronic cancer) I will have the rest of my life. We know this will take my physical life at some point. Medically, tumors will now re-appear & we'll face each event as it comes. We DON'T know if the "thickening" on the chest wall is cancer or result of previous radiation treatment. Nor, do we know how long I can live with this. We don't know if the upcoming chemo treatments will work because women with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer like I have have some drugs to try, but none that are proven, yet. (Drugs & research are constantly being tested, so hopefully, breakthroughs will come quickly.) The new PARP Inhibitors are showing great promise for Triple-Negative patients & my name is being submitted for the "lottery" in these testing stages of the drugs. Please pray we win the "lottery" & are chosen for this treatment! LOL!
OK- so, there's some we know, & some we don't. Medical science is not that exact when it comes to some cancers. There are so many variables! So, with the doctors, we will listen, learn & choose the best course of action we know & they'll watch me closely to see what tumors are doing. We'll change course as needed & make decisions as we go. Mike & I ask you to pray for wisdom as we navigate these waters. What may work for us may not work for another's circumstance. We'll do the best we can as we're in constant communication with doctor's we trust.
Draining the left lung has to be done Wednesday morning, so that is scheduled by my Oncologist. That's the medical news of Tuesday. Whew!
I can't end this post without saying that this is the MEDICAL news only. The SPIRITUAL news is that Almighty God ALWAYS has the last word. He is the one dictating my days. He is the One providing a medical path for me. There is a medical path & we can benefit from that earthly knowledge but He may take me home another way through another illness or accident. He may speak me into 90+ years. He's not promised me any day but today. He is sovereign. He's in utter control & I'm good with that!
Blessings!
Good News, Bad News, GOD News!
Life takes but a moment to change! But a moment to hit hard & but a moment to bless forever! Yesterday, as Mike & I went from one scan & doctor to another, it hit us- we're getting good news & bad news at the same time! Then, with your prayers, texts, inbox messages, fb postings, phones calls & outreaches of love- we're getting GOD News! He's sending us messages of love, strength, hope & peace through you! Through all the news, His news is most important! His news means the most & is really the only news we needed!
A couple of weeks ago, I began getting a little hacking cough, no big deal at all since I'm a grandmother (Sweets) to 2 little boys & am around people eveywhere who are dealing with colds, coughs, etc. Didn't think a thing about it because I feel so good & Mike & I do NOT live our lives in fear of every little thing being cancer, again. We simply chose not to live looking over our shoulders all the time. Neither of us thought a thing about this small cough.
I have planned a trip for a while to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley in San Diego & nothing would interfere with me getting to hold Paisley, so Friday, off I flew to California. I realized after going that I may be taking a cold to sweet Paisley & didn't kiss or breathe on her if at all possible. My shortness of breath was increasing & carrying her around was interrupted because I just couldn't catch a deep breath. Taylor (LVN) wanted to listen to my chest with her stethoscope & was concerned at the shallowness of breath. (Later I learned she cried that night to Tyrel b/c she knew this was not normal.) Upon their encouragement, Taylor took me to a doctor on Monday. I honestly thought I'd get an antibiotic for a cold & my visit could be a good one!
The doctor was willing to give medication per my request to get me through my visit, knowing the situation but wanted to check vitals before prescribing the meds. As he listened to my breathing, he told me my left lung was not working at all & he wanted an x-ray & was insistant. Within minutes I was getting chest x-rays & then he showed Taylor & me the pictures.
Bad news- lung full of fluid, cancer, get back to Texas tonight. Good news- we're an hour from San Diego airport & I have the means to purchase a ticket. GOD news- Taylor was with me! Her strength, faith, & utter love for me was straight from Him & in His plan of protection of me, He gave me Taylor at that moment!
Bad news- I have to leave Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley as we rush to get my bag packed & get on the highways to get to the airport. Good news- internet accessability to check flights, a strong son-in-law to drive us in an emotional trip, traffic moving. GOD news- path prepared & clear at 5pm in the evening on San Diego highways!
Bad news- only minutes to say good-bye. Good news- ticket bought. GOD news- Tyrel praying over us in the middle of a busy airport.
Bad news- doctor said I may need oxygen on the plane. Good news- oxygen available, if needed. Pretty empty flight with row to myself so I can rest. GOD news- 3 women flight attendants, all believers!
Bad news- 3 hours alone on a flight not knowing what is to come. Good news- quiet & rest & tears. GOD news- time alone with Him- I am at peace & am loved!
Bad news- Mike has to walk more journey than I ever wanted him to walk. Good news- no oxygen needed on flight. Mike is waiting to meet me. GOD news- I've been given a mate who loves me with his whole heart!
Monday has finished. Tuesday is coming.
Blessings!
A couple of weeks ago, I began getting a little hacking cough, no big deal at all since I'm a grandmother (Sweets) to 2 little boys & am around people eveywhere who are dealing with colds, coughs, etc. Didn't think a thing about it because I feel so good & Mike & I do NOT live our lives in fear of every little thing being cancer, again. We simply chose not to live looking over our shoulders all the time. Neither of us thought a thing about this small cough.
I have planned a trip for a while to visit Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley in San Diego & nothing would interfere with me getting to hold Paisley, so Friday, off I flew to California. I realized after going that I may be taking a cold to sweet Paisley & didn't kiss or breathe on her if at all possible. My shortness of breath was increasing & carrying her around was interrupted because I just couldn't catch a deep breath. Taylor (LVN) wanted to listen to my chest with her stethoscope & was concerned at the shallowness of breath. (Later I learned she cried that night to Tyrel b/c she knew this was not normal.) Upon their encouragement, Taylor took me to a doctor on Monday. I honestly thought I'd get an antibiotic for a cold & my visit could be a good one!
The doctor was willing to give medication per my request to get me through my visit, knowing the situation but wanted to check vitals before prescribing the meds. As he listened to my breathing, he told me my left lung was not working at all & he wanted an x-ray & was insistant. Within minutes I was getting chest x-rays & then he showed Taylor & me the pictures.
Bad news- lung full of fluid, cancer, get back to Texas tonight. Good news- we're an hour from San Diego airport & I have the means to purchase a ticket. GOD news- Taylor was with me! Her strength, faith, & utter love for me was straight from Him & in His plan of protection of me, He gave me Taylor at that moment!
Bad news- I have to leave Taylor, Tyrel & Paisley as we rush to get my bag packed & get on the highways to get to the airport. Good news- internet accessability to check flights, a strong son-in-law to drive us in an emotional trip, traffic moving. GOD news- path prepared & clear at 5pm in the evening on San Diego highways!
Bad news- only minutes to say good-bye. Good news- ticket bought. GOD news- Tyrel praying over us in the middle of a busy airport.
Bad news- doctor said I may need oxygen on the plane. Good news- oxygen available, if needed. Pretty empty flight with row to myself so I can rest. GOD news- 3 women flight attendants, all believers!
Bad news- 3 hours alone on a flight not knowing what is to come. Good news- quiet & rest & tears. GOD news- time alone with Him- I am at peace & am loved!
Bad news- Mike has to walk more journey than I ever wanted him to walk. Good news- no oxygen needed on flight. Mike is waiting to meet me. GOD news- I've been given a mate who loves me with his whole heart!
Monday has finished. Tuesday is coming.
Blessings!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Anticipation!
Anticipating with joy this new season of life... retirement. After lots of prayer, Mike & I agreed it is time for me to quit working full-time outside our home.
I'm so thankful for the work God has provided for me these many years & pray His direction in this next phase of life.
I have wanted & want now, what God wants me to do. I know that's included the jobs He's given me through the years to help provide for a growing family.
Now, a simpler calendar is what He's calling me to. Can't think of a time- not one season- that God hasn't been good to me! That's why I look to this one with anticipation of His plans for me!
Blessings!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day
Thank-you to ALL who have served and who are serving this country! The true extent of your sacrifice may never be realized or recognized, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping make the USA the greatest country on earth! You are heros to me & I will live in appreciation for you!
I especially remember & thank a very special group of Marines today!
Blessings!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
"Nothing I Desire Compares to You!"
Praises! Praises! Bone scan is clean! Thankful! Humbled! Blessed! Thank you, Sweet Lord!
CT scan this morning was for my liver. Haven't gotten the result, yet, but have confidence in the mercy of Jesus! He gets praises before, during & after answers! Praise doesn't hinge on answers... praise relies soley on I AM! So, praises!
CT & bone scans don't physically hurt at all. They're just huge x-ray machines, but there are steps needed to be taken for these machines & Techs to do their jobs. First step is to drink a container of Barium. Now, not to brag, but I'm a world class Barium chugger. I can get that stuff down like nobody' s business! (Not sure how we can send people to the moon, but not get this process a bit easier, but, oh well!) If you ever need a Barium cheerleader in your corner, just call on me!
OK, Step 1, Barium down. Step 2 IV (easy enough), then, lay still, follow directions on breathing & pictues taken. Step 3 Iodine injection into IV to "light up" for the next pictures. This doesn't hurt but is the weirdest sensation! Within seconds of the injection, an extremely warm sensation starts at the top of your head & imediately heads down your body. It can be felt as it travels through the veins & it's just crazy! This allows a few more pictures to be taken. That's it. CT done.
Before removal of the IV, another Tech injects Contrast in preparation for the bone scan. Doesn't hurt but tastes like metal for a few seconds. This REALLY "lights you up" (enough to actualy set an airport security system off!) Crazy! This must stay in one's system for 3 hours before the scan can be done. Hospital staff sends you to breakfast to eat & drink before returning for bone scan.
The bone scan takes about a half hour of laying very still & relaxed. Doesn't hurt at all & I find is a great time for good conversation with the Lord. I've shared before that I ask the Spirit to give me a praise song in that machine. I know hundreds of praise songs, but want Him to choose it for me, so I go in with an open mind & do my best to listen to what He wants from me.
Today, there were 2 songs coming to mind over & over that I sang to Him.
"Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, & nothing I desire compares with You!" & "You are my strength when I am weak, you are the treasure that I seek, You are my All in All!"
I've sung these songs for years, & can't really say either is a particular favorite over other songs, but that's the word today, so, I sang! As I sang, I began to think of things I desire, things I want in life... to be clean of cancer, live many more years with Mike & my children. Have many more years with my grandchildren & watch them grow. See the church mature & prosper, enjoy friendships, work in ministry, go & see & do, etc, etc. (I actually have a lengthy list of "wants".) Then, repeated the verses again & again. "NOTHING I desire compares to You!" & "You are the Treasure that I seek." I wrestled in my spirit to see if I really meant these words... is there ANYTHING or ANYONE that compares to You? Is being free of cancer even in the same ballpark as knowing & living in You? Can my marriage, children or grandchildren share the same level of comparison as my salvation in You? So many of the things I want are good things... but, I have to say, not one of these desires compares to the love, mercy & saving grace given me by Jesus Christ. Nothing compares to Him. No one is His equal.
So, today, the CT & bone scans served as conduits for praise time to my gracious Father. X-ray machines were quiet respites for prayer & He sent His word to me- that NOTHING compares to Jesus. With the peace that comes from Him, He confirmed - again- that He's got me. That no matter the answers, no matter the circumstance or events, He cannot be compared to anything I know, love or want in this life.
I thank you, Father, for Your answer today in granting me a clean bone scan! You're my strength since I'm weak & I really thank You, because I want this so very, very much! I believe with all my heart, even this desire doesn't compare to Your glory! So, today, I walk away from the bone scan still believing that keeping You as my #1 desire is paramount in my life. All the other blessings & desires of life are incredible, gracious gifts from You. I thank you for those gifts- I cherish them- but I don't compare them.
You are the Tresure that I seek.
Blessings!
CT scan this morning was for my liver. Haven't gotten the result, yet, but have confidence in the mercy of Jesus! He gets praises before, during & after answers! Praise doesn't hinge on answers... praise relies soley on I AM! So, praises!
CT & bone scans don't physically hurt at all. They're just huge x-ray machines, but there are steps needed to be taken for these machines & Techs to do their jobs. First step is to drink a container of Barium. Now, not to brag, but I'm a world class Barium chugger. I can get that stuff down like nobody' s business! (Not sure how we can send people to the moon, but not get this process a bit easier, but, oh well!) If you ever need a Barium cheerleader in your corner, just call on me!
OK, Step 1, Barium down. Step 2 IV (easy enough), then, lay still, follow directions on breathing & pictues taken. Step 3 Iodine injection into IV to "light up" for the next pictures. This doesn't hurt but is the weirdest sensation! Within seconds of the injection, an extremely warm sensation starts at the top of your head & imediately heads down your body. It can be felt as it travels through the veins & it's just crazy! This allows a few more pictures to be taken. That's it. CT done.
Before removal of the IV, another Tech injects Contrast in preparation for the bone scan. Doesn't hurt but tastes like metal for a few seconds. This REALLY "lights you up" (enough to actualy set an airport security system off!) Crazy! This must stay in one's system for 3 hours before the scan can be done. Hospital staff sends you to breakfast to eat & drink before returning for bone scan.
The bone scan takes about a half hour of laying very still & relaxed. Doesn't hurt at all & I find is a great time for good conversation with the Lord. I've shared before that I ask the Spirit to give me a praise song in that machine. I know hundreds of praise songs, but want Him to choose it for me, so I go in with an open mind & do my best to listen to what He wants from me.
Today, there were 2 songs coming to mind over & over that I sang to Him.
"Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, & nothing I desire compares with You!" & "You are my strength when I am weak, you are the treasure that I seek, You are my All in All!"
I've sung these songs for years, & can't really say either is a particular favorite over other songs, but that's the word today, so, I sang! As I sang, I began to think of things I desire, things I want in life... to be clean of cancer, live many more years with Mike & my children. Have many more years with my grandchildren & watch them grow. See the church mature & prosper, enjoy friendships, work in ministry, go & see & do, etc, etc. (I actually have a lengthy list of "wants".) Then, repeated the verses again & again. "NOTHING I desire compares to You!" & "You are the Treasure that I seek." I wrestled in my spirit to see if I really meant these words... is there ANYTHING or ANYONE that compares to You? Is being free of cancer even in the same ballpark as knowing & living in You? Can my marriage, children or grandchildren share the same level of comparison as my salvation in You? So many of the things I want are good things... but, I have to say, not one of these desires compares to the love, mercy & saving grace given me by Jesus Christ. Nothing compares to Him. No one is His equal.
So, today, the CT & bone scans served as conduits for praise time to my gracious Father. X-ray machines were quiet respites for prayer & He sent His word to me- that NOTHING compares to Jesus. With the peace that comes from Him, He confirmed - again- that He's got me. That no matter the answers, no matter the circumstance or events, He cannot be compared to anything I know, love or want in this life.
I thank you, Father, for Your answer today in granting me a clean bone scan! You're my strength since I'm weak & I really thank You, because I want this so very, very much! I believe with all my heart, even this desire doesn't compare to Your glory! So, today, I walk away from the bone scan still believing that keeping You as my #1 desire is paramount in my life. All the other blessings & desires of life are incredible, gracious gifts from You. I thank you for those gifts- I cherish them- but I don't compare them.
You are the Tresure that I seek.
Blessings!
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